°•》
"I love you is a secret so beautiful beside the ugly truth of my past. and as calling it another secret soon grows to sound too horrid and upsetting... I'll be left even more confused till I figure out what it will be."
《•°

June

I realized too late that driving back home is a bad idea, because it takes me much longer than it should when I make multiple stops to clear my head and focus back on the road. I already decided that there is something I must be running away from, but what?

Jooeun from senior year is broken for a reason that I remember, and everyone in my close circle knows too. What could it be? Something she's hiding from everyone? Even myself? I'm finally parked in my drive way when I let out a groan that verges on a scream and slam my forearms against my stirring wheel. With my fingers in my hair, it takes me a moment for the terror to finally drown on me and I realize where this sense of deja vu is coming from.

And my frustration stills so that I can let the tears out and cry over how I may be already broken like that June in my delusions, I'm breaking down the same way she did right here.

Why? Why am I such a coward who chooses to run away everytime?

Who will it backfire on this time?

》》》

"Hey! How did your therapy session go?" Changwook is the first to see me when I'm inside, and I only notice when he talks. My waterproof make up is probably alright and covering any signs of my crying, and I smoothed down my hair into its usual bob before I came in.

Not feeling like speaking about it, I stir away from the subject, "oh you, I miss you so much." I fake-smile into his chest when I hug him and from his hesitant arms around my shoulders I could tell he already had an idea what I'm doing.

"So this is how you're going to avoid everything?" Seungho joins with a cup of tea in his hand, his sips judgemental and testing but the tease and the humor under his voice still makes it through. And I roll my eyes at him with the same underlying smile as Changwook turns to him, away from me. "Your best friend called me, asking why you aren't picking up his calls." Seungho, being the realest supporter, throws out the subject of my therapy out of the room so swiftly.

"Oh right." I participate but remember that my phone was silenced since I started my therapy session, "I forgot to check if I missed any calls, I'll talk to him later."

"You won't call him back now?" Changwook turns back, showing his light disappointed through the furrow of his eyebrows and the mild pout of his mouth. Even when he doesn't like Jin as much, he too manages to make me feel so cold towards him.

"I will text him?" Their blank looks tell me I'm not convincing so I go on, "he's probably so tired, if he doesn't admit it--" the bell rings, successfully ending this conversation and for a split moment I think the gods are on my side when I run to check the intercom.

When Jin's face appears I look back at Seungho and he lifts the cup in his hand as a sign of surrender at my accusing gaze, "he was worried about you, the same way we all are."

I open the door anyway and Jin comes in, without saying hello, he starts, "why aren't you picking up my calls?" He enters and closes the door, his deliberate tone tells me he's testing the sincerity of my apology earlier today.

"My phone was muted. My bad." I turn away from him to an empty reception, both brothers gone as soon as Jin started confronting me. He was just done with a concert, shouldn't he be on a bed by now?

"My bad?? Seriously? Now that is better than any of my jokes." His tone is too bitter and it feels like screeching to my ears.

"Come on. Look at you, you're fatigued and you had a long day. This is me looking out for your time, you don't need to waste it on me." I look back at him.

It comes down to a staring contest when he doesn't say anything, and both of us break a smile at the song's reference, He hums the lyrics of Waste It On Me and I smile a little more, listening to Jin of BTS humming in my house. "I'm finished for the day." I find comfort in the way Jin let this slip, not thinking too much into it, and jump onto the sofa closest to us, then wait for him to do so too. "I'm staying with you tonight, June Lee."

His bandmates spoke to him about me already, I catch on from how this is the first time he uses my artist name to address me. "Why?"

"Your dad's arrival is early tomorrow, I want to be there. Did you forget?!" He feigns a shocked tone for the last question and I roll my eyes.

"No, I did not." I take my boots off and hold his shoulders to make him rest his back on the couch so I can rest against his chest. "Nonetheless I will overlook your snarky comment and thank you for something I don’t understand." I tell him when his arms go around my shoulders too, cradling me closer to him.

And I heard it, I heard Jin's heart pick up. That too, is something else I'll keep running away from.

But out of all the things I'll always avoid remembering, this is the only one I'm proud of.

Jin took us up to my room sometime through the night and pulled me back against him after he shut the lights, his hands were in my hair for the longest time after. Humming, brushing, stroking, he didn't stop till I felt my breathes even out.

Jin might be the only man left I'd let touch me this way, while I lay untaut and peaceful against him without a fear in the world. But...

I'm proud of my sacrifice, because broken glass can only ever make you bleed and I would die before I see myself harming you again.

》

Next day, my brothers and Jin and I took Seungho's car to the airport because his vehicle was the biggest to fit all of us and dad's luggage. I miss my dad more than I used to after months of not seeing him in America and I didn't know if it was because Changwook was there to remind me of him all the time, or if it's because I am in Korea where all the memories I have here are with him like all the memories I have in America are with my mom.

"What are you wearing?" Seungho rolls his eyes in the driver's seat, judgemental towards Changwook's expensive suit as he sat in the passenger's seat while Jin and I watched from the back. Changwook will probably be driving us back with dad in the passenger seat as Seungho gets cramped with us here.

"What?" Changwook fixes his collar, "We're about to pick up an important man." He looks in the side mirror as he fixes his hair that he styled out of his face. Seungho looks down at his casual button up that he tugged into his black jeans and topped the look with a designer belt that made the pants look even more well fit.

I could tell he picked out Jin's outfit too because of the matching style, but different colors of their button ups. They look so stunning side by side, it angers me. "Can we move now?" I complain impatiently, making Jin laugh from beside me.

With a final mumble of, "daddy's boy," from Seungho and a, "he's my uncle, step-freak," retort from Changwook the car starts moving. Before I could notice how my fingers are drumming against my thigh, Jin's fingers slip between mine and he holds my hands still reassuringly.

》》

Seungho parked and checked his phone for the gate number, blindly leaning over Changwook's side to grab a mask and a cap from the storage compartment, "here, Seokjin." He stretches his hand to the back, holding them closer to me than Jin with his eyes still fixated on his phone. I reach for them and hand them to Jin before we get out of the car, leaving him to fix himself and realize that just sunglasses won't do.

Jin and my dad are well acquainted, a big part of the reason is that my dad supports Jin's career and even invests in their campaigns sometimes. And if my dad turns out to be one of their secret sponsors at some point I won't be shocked. "I'm done." Jin stands beside me, ready to enter the airport.

And we head in, Jin and Changwook on my sides and Seungho one step ahead at Changwook's side- leading us. After a few minutes of walking in the uncharacteristically quiet airport, the early morning being a clue, Seungho stops and looks back at his phone, "he should be here."

Shortly, my dad walks out in the distance, workers pulling his luggage behind him and the first thing I notice is his suit that was a gray that contrasted with Changwook's black but the cut and design were the same. Seungho beat me to a reaction, snorting at Changwook and shaking his head, "of course."

Jin and I stifle laughs and I walk ahead of the three boys towards my dad, "Dad!" I giggle. His wide smile makes me even happier when I jump into his outstretched arms.

"Jooeun ah," he starts, his voice gruff against my shoulder, "I missed you so much, my baby."

"I miss you too." I tear up a little when he rubs my back.

"Uncle!" Changwook smiles at my dad,  "nice suit, I wonder who sent it." And their booming laughter follows, making Seungho sandwich himself between them in time to stop their hug and hug dad instead.

"Welcome back!" They clap each other's back and Changwook shakes his head and hugs dad too.

"Welcome back, Mr Lee." Jin finally says from my side and my dad steps forward to hug him.

"Thank you for being here, it means a lot." My dad whispers in Jin's ear, making it sound like there is so much more into it.

By the time we are leaving, with the same seat arrangement I expected, Jin tells Seungho that he needs to head to practice and Changwook nods when Seungho delivers the request.

"See you later," Jin's hands pats my hair before he leaves the car and shakes my dad's hand through the window, "it's very nice to have you back, please rest well!" And he bows.

I look back at him as the car leaves, and the thought that I'll be seeing him again in a few hours relaxes me again, but the worry that I may be getting too used to Jin being around stays.

"Jooeun, did you hear what did just said?" Seungho touches my arm, letting me know that I just zoned out.

I might be getting used to letting my guard down because he's around.

《《《

Yeah I'll let the romance start, I'm sure y'all can tell
Sorry I couldn't update earlier too 💔 I got a little busy with family, and days get so much shorter and I don't get enough time to check social media cififirj

I hope you're all fine! Let me know how you've been and how was this chapter! I think I can't hold back the steam and feelings I want to add so watch out hehehe.

That's it for today!
Wear your masks and upgrade your hygiene, nothing's over
Stay safe💜💜

the 23rd of the 8th, we are lost, but we think we are lost alone