AN: Talk of scarring from previous self-harm. I personally have never done it but I know many people who did and understand how hard it is to stop. If you need help, please reach out.

Later that night, I was standing in the washroom with everyone else while the nightly game of cards went on. For some reason Billy wasn't allowed to play and by extension I wasn't either. We stood watching the game. Billy was leaning against the wall, half hidden, and I stood next to him, watching the floor. Harding, Chadwick, Martini, and Taber were playing. Taber kept looking over at me, checking on me.

"So is what Ratched said true (Y/N)?" Harding spoke. I slowly looked up at him. "About the depression. Is it true?" I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt Billy take my hand. Everyone was looking at me now. I slowly nodded.

"Yeah. What's it to you Hardon?" I shot back, using the nickname that the others had bestowed on him. A chuckle rose up in the room. Harding shot me a dirty look from the card table. "Not like it actually matters to you. No more than you not being able to pleasure your wife actually matters to me." Harding stood up from the table, hitting the edge and sending it into Taber's stomach. He stood up as well.

"Watch it Harding." Taber threatened. Harding sent a glare at Taber before focusing on me again.

"Why didn't you disclose it?" Harding pushed. I squeezed Billy's hand, my temper flaring more than my anxiety. "What made you honestly think they wouldn't find out?" I took a step towards Harding.

"You better watch it Hardon." I ground out. "If I take this far enough, I can turn your voluntary stay into a permanent one." Harding recoiled. Whether it was in fear of my threat or the wild look in my eyes, I'll never know. "You have no clue who you are messing with Harding. I'd watch your step around me." Billy tugged on my hand to pull me back. I used it to ground me.

"And who exactly am I messing with?" Harding seemed amused by Billy's actions and my easy submission to them.

"Your worst nightmare." I barked. Harding took a step back before taking his winnings from the table and exiting the room. "Anyone else?" The room went back to what they were doing before Harding decided to pick a fight with me. Taber came over and patted my back.

"Never knew you had it in ya (Y/N)." He laughed before going back and taking up the dealer's position in the card game. Billy came out from his spot behind the wall.

"That that w-w-was p-p-pretty b-brave of y-you." He said. I shrugged as the wild look left my eyes and my temper cooled off.

"I was tired of him thinking that he ran the place." I turned to look at him. In the distance, I could hear Harding complaining to someone. I made my way to the door with Billy right behind me.

"(Y/N) is related to who?!" I heard Harding exclaim. I chuckled as I leaned against the door. "How the hell did a senator's cousin get put in this place?!" I waved as he turned around.

"I told you. You have no clue who you are messing with, Harding." I called out. "I'd watch my step around me if I were you." Harding shot a glare at me before running off into the living quarters. I laughed as I turned around and nearly ran into Billy. "Sorry." Billy smiled at me but cocked his head.

"Y-you're the the s-s-senator's c-c-cousin?" He asked. I nodded. "Th-the one who who n-nearly b-b-broke d-d-down at h-his c-c-campaign r-rally?" I nodded again and rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

"Yeah. That was me." I chuckled. "To be completely honest, the news ran with that story far too much. And it was actually a whole lot worse than they made it out to be." I walked back into the day room.

"H-how m-much w-w-worse?" Billy asked. I turned back towards him and played with the sleeves of my shirt. Finally I decided that if I didn't trust Billy now after all he had done for me, I never would.

"This much worse." I pulled up my sleeves to my elbows and held down my arms. "It wasn't wanting to die per say." I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat. "It was more wanting to stop the anxiety and feel something else." Billy grabbed my hands and turned my arms to see the scars better. I chewed my lip as Billy inspected the scars.

"B-But..." Billy was at a total loss for words. He looked up at me, shock and worry evident on his face. I caught a little bit of sadness and anger there too. "(Y-Y/N)." He whispered out. I gripped his arms as he stared at me.

"I've stopped." I informed him. "But the anxiety got worse. So I checked in here." Billy looked back at my arms and traced one of the scars by my elbow.

"I n-n-never th-th-thought..." Billy trailed off. He let go of my arms and pulled down my sleeves. "D-do y-you k-know know w-why I p-play w-with th-th-this n-neckl-lace all the t-t-time?" Billy pulled the pendant out from under his shirt. I shook my head. "Be-be-because it dis-distracts p-p-people f-from the s-s-scar on m-m-my n-n-neck." He tilted his head to the side and traced the underside of his jaw with the tip of his finger. I stepped closer to look.

"Billy." I said once I saw it clearly. "You didn't." I shook my head as Billy looked behind him to make sure that no one had entered the room.

"I d-d-did." Billy nodded as he turned back to me. "I t-t-took a kn-knife to m-m-my jug-jugular. M-m-my m-m-m-mother f-f-freaked." He chuckled as he shook his head. "Once once I w-w-was h-healed en-enough sh-she p-put me in h-here. H-hasn't v-v-visted me once." I shook my head as I pulled him in for a hug.

"That's a shitty mom right there Billy." I whispered as I buried my head in Billy's neck. I could clearly see his scar now and bit a whimper at how white and jagged it was against the rest of his skin. "I'm so sorry Billy."

"W-wasn't y-your f-fault." He said right away. "Th-there's a r-r-reason I'm in th-this p-place and n-not an-another." Billy said as he tightened his grip on me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"N-n-nurse R-r-ratched." Billy chuckled. "She's f-f-friends w-with my m-m-mom." I shook my head as much as I could.

"That's just cruel." I said. "It's so she can keep an eye on you isn't it?" Billy nodded.

"Yeah. B-but I k-k-keep out of t-t-trouble so it's f-f-fine." He said. I shook my head again and leaned up. I gently kissed Billy's scar before pulling away, a blush spreading across my cheeks.

"It still isn't right." I said, keeping my face down out of embarrassment. Billy touched the scar before taking my hands again. When I wouldn't look up, he crouched down a little so he could look me in the eye.

"It's f-f-fine." He repeated. "Y-y-you k-know w-why?" I shook my head as I met his eye. "B-because if sh-she hadn't hadn't I w-w-would n-never h-have m-m-met you." Billy smiled at me as I finally raised my head.

"Yeah?" I asked, a smile making its way onto my face.

"S-s-scout's h-honor." Billy laughed as he pulled me close again and kissed my forehead. "And th-that's the b-b-best th-thing th-that c-c-could h-have h-happened to me." 

AN: Talk of scarring from previous self-harm. I personally have never done it but I know many people who did and understand how hard it is to stop. If you need help, please reach out.

Later that night, I was standing in the washroom with everyone else while the nightly game of cards went on. For some reason Billy wasn't allowed to play and by extension I wasn't either. We stood watching the game. Billy was leaning against the wall, half hidden, and I stood next to him, watching the floor. Harding, Chadwick, Martini, and Taber were playing. Taber kept looking over at me, checking on me.

"So is what Ratched said true (Y/N)?" Harding spoke. I slowly looked up at him. "About the depression. Is it true?" I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt Billy take my hand. Everyone was looking at me now. I slowly nodded.

"Yeah. What's it to you Hardon?" I shot back, using the nickname that the others had bestowed on him. A chuckle rose up in the room. Harding shot me a dirty look from the card table. "Not like it actually matters to you. No more than you not being able to pleasure your wife actually matters to me." Harding stood up from the table, hitting the edge and sending it into Taber's stomach. He stood up as well.

"Watch it Harding." Taber threatened. Harding sent a glare at Taber before focusing on me again.

"Why didn't you disclose it?" Harding pushed. I squeezed Billy's hand, my temper flaring more than my anxiety. "What made you honestly think they wouldn't find out?" I took a step towards Harding.

"You better watch it Hardon." I ground out. "If I take this far enough, I can turn your voluntary stay into a permanent one." Harding recoiled. Whether it was in fear of my threat or the wild look in my eyes, I'll never know. "You have no clue who you are messing with Harding. I'd watch your step around me." Billy tugged on my hand to pull me back. I used it to ground me.

"And who exactly am I messing with?" Harding seemed amused by Billy's actions and my easy submission to them.

"Your worst nightmare." I barked. Harding took a step back before taking his winnings from the table and exiting the room. "Anyone else?" The room went back to what they were doing before Harding decided to pick a fight with me. Taber came over and patted my back.

"Never knew you had it in ya (Y/N)." He laughed before going back and taking up the dealer's position in the card game. Billy came out from his spot behind the wall.

"That that w-w-was p-p-pretty b-brave of y-you." He said. I shrugged as the wild look left my eyes and my temper cooled off.

"I was tired of him thinking that he ran the place." I turned to look at him. In the distance, I could hear Harding complaining to someone. I made my way to the door with Billy right behind me.

"(Y/N) is related to who?!" I heard Harding exclaim. I chuckled as I leaned against the door. "How the hell did a senator's cousin get put in this place?!" I waved as he turned around.

"I told you. You have no clue who you are messing with, Harding." I called out. "I'd watch my step around me if I were you." Harding shot a glare at me before running off into the living quarters. I laughed as I turned around and nearly ran into Billy. "Sorry." Billy smiled at me but cocked his head.

"Y-you're the the s-s-senator's c-c-cousin?" He asked. I nodded. "Th-the one who who n-nearly b-b-broke d-d-down at h-his c-c-campaign r-rally?" I nodded again and rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

"Yeah. That was me." I chuckled. "To be completely honest, the news ran with that story far too much. And it was actually a whole lot worse than they made it out to be." I walked back into the day room.

"H-how m-much w-w-worse?" Billy asked. I turned back towards him and played with the sleeves of my shirt. Finally I decided that if I didn't trust Billy now after all he had done for me, I never would.

"This much worse." I pulled up my sleeves to my elbows and held down my arms. "It wasn't wanting to die per say." I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat. "It was more wanting to stop the anxiety and feel something else." Billy grabbed my hands and turned my arms to see the scars better. I chewed my lip as Billy inspected the scars.

"B-But..." Billy was at a total loss for words. He looked up at me, shock and worry evident on his face. I caught a little bit of sadness and anger there too. "(Y-Y/N)." He whispered out. I gripped his arms as he stared at me.

"I've stopped." I informed him. "But the anxiety got worse. So I checked in here." Billy looked back at my arms and traced one of the scars by my elbow.

"I n-n-never th-th-thought..." Billy trailed off. He let go of my arms and pulled down my sleeves. "D-do y-you k-know know w-why I p-play w-with th-th-this n-neckl-lace all the t-t-time?" Billy pulled the pendant out from under his shirt. I shook my head. "Be-be-because it dis-distracts p-p-people f-from the s-s-scar on m-m-my n-n-neck." He tilted his head to the side and traced the underside of his jaw with the tip of his finger. I stepped closer to look.

"Billy." I said once I saw it clearly. "You didn't." I shook my head as Billy looked behind him to make sure that no one had entered the room.

"I d-d-did." Billy nodded as he turned back to me. "I t-t-took a kn-knife to m-m-my jug-jugular. M-m-my m-m-m-mother f-f-freaked." He chuckled as he shook his head. "Once once I w-w-was h-healed en-enough sh-she p-put me in h-here. H-hasn't v-v-visted me once." I shook my head as I pulled him in for a hug.

"That's a shitty mom right there Billy." I whispered as I buried my head in Billy's neck. I could clearly see his scar now and bit a whimper at how white and jagged it was against the rest of his skin. "I'm so sorry Billy."

"W-wasn't y-your f-fault." He said right away. "Th-there's a r-r-reason I'm in th-this p-place and n-not an-another." Billy said as he tightened his grip on me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"N-n-nurse R-r-ratched." Billy chuckled. "She's f-f-friends w-with my m-m-mom." I shook my head as much as I could.

"That's just cruel." I said. "It's so she can keep an eye on you isn't it?" Billy nodded.

"Yeah. B-but I k-k-keep out of t-t-trouble so it's f-f-fine." He said. I shook my head again and leaned up. I gently kissed Billy's scar before pulling away, a blush spreading across my cheeks.

"It still isn't right." I said, keeping my face down out of embarrassment. Billy touched the scar before taking my hands again. When I wouldn't look up, he crouched down a little so he could look me in the eye.

"It's f-f-fine." He repeated. "Y-y-you k-know w-why?" I shook my head as I met his eye. "B-because if sh-she hadn't hadn't I w-w-would n-never h-have m-m-met you." Billy smiled at me as I finally raised my head.

"Yeah?" I asked, a smile making its way onto my face.

"S-s-scout's h-honor." Billy laughed as he pulled me close again and kissed my forehead. "And th-that's the b-b-best th-thing th-that c-c-could h-have h-happened to me."