Camila Cabello's Point Of View

Last night was the best night ever. Not only because I finally got to "meet" my niblings, and had a great time with everyone, but also because my son slept by my side. I could spend an entire night cuddling him and nothing could be better than that, I'm sure. It's incredible how my love intensifies more and more with every passing day. Even though a few days have passed since my amnesia, I can understand the immense and unconditional feeling that all parents talk about. Well, most of them.

It's something that can't be measured. You love that little human being that was and will always be a part of you. You want to take care of them and protect them from everything. You think that in the future, when you fight over something, they won't understand that your concern is just an excessive care. The life cycle is for parents to raise their kids and when it's time, let them go; it's not meant to happen the other way around. Thinking about Louis causes something very good in me, and I want to take care of this little boy with everything I have.

I'd give my life for my son. I'm sure of this. The mere thought of losing him almost suffocates me. I'll do the impossible for him. I want to make up for the forgotten years and have new unforgettable moments. I'll be present and follow every moment of his life.

"Mommy!" The door is suddenly opened and a joyous Louis walks in.

I sit up on the bed to look at him, and with a broad smile on my face, I open my arms so that he can hug me. Last night wasn't enough. I feel his damp hair touching my skin, and his perfume mixed with shower gel tells me that he had showered.

"Hi, little angel." I kiss the top of his head and close my eyes, inhaling his scent. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes!" He exclaims, and then releases my waist and stands next to the bed. My eyes scan him quickly, he's wearing his school uniform. "The only thing missing was Mama."

"Louis!" Lauren walks suddenly into the bedroom and I let out a sigh of relief. We haven't talked to him about what happened, I wouldn't know how to explain to him our current situation. I look at her and see her angry expression. "Didn't I tell you not to run up the stairs? And why did you wake up your mother?"

"Hey! You don't need to scold him." I interrupt her, and Lauren looks at me as if she could murder me with her eyes. "He's just a kid acting like a kid. Besides, I was already awake, I just hadn't gotten up yet."

Lauren continued staring at me for a few seconds. I thought she was going to yell at me, but she just took a deep breath.

"Louis, go downstairs right now and finish eating your breakfast. We'll talk about your disobedience later."

"I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry, Mommy." He murmurs before obeying Lauren's order.

With his head down, my son leaves my bedroom and it breaks my heart. I feel like picking him up and cuddling him, but her presence here makes me feel awkward. It even feels as if she had scolded me as well.

"Seriously, Camila? I know you still haven't gotten used to it, but don't ever berate me in front of him again. He's a kid, true, but he needs to know the limits, and you covering for him gives him the freedom to disobey other times." Her extremely serious voice made me feel like a spoiled kid being scolded. "We don't want to raise a rebellious kid who doesn't respect anyone, do we?"

"No. I'm sorry..."

Lauren runs her hands over her face, which is covered in makeup, but doesn't smudge anything. A quick glance at her whole body and I can see she's dressed casually, but still elegant. Tight jeans, discreet sneakers and a long-sleeved plain white shirt that's folded up to her elbows. Her hair is perfectly brushed. She looked nothing like the Lauren I remember from the past.

"It's okay. I know it takes some getting used to. You should get up to take a shower and get dressed, or we'll be late."

"Where are we going?" I ask as I drag myself out of bed. I put on my slippers as soon as I stand and tie my hair. It must look like a bird's nest.

"You have an appointment with the psychologist, remember? We also have to drop Louis off at school, and later I'll take you to your workplace."

A huge excitement grows inside me. I'll finally know more about my routine. And just knowing that I'm not just a stay-at-home mom makes me very happy.

Welcome to your life, Camila.

[...]

Saying goodbye to Louis wasn't easy. Maybe I'm too attached to him, even though it's been only a few days since I began to love him again, but I think the maternal instinct will always remain inside me regardless of anything. I watched him enter his school, he waved towards the car before turning around and running towards a small group of boys and girls. I was happy to see him with his friends. The drive from my son's school to the building where Dr. Brooke's office was located was done in silence, well, almost entirely, because the radio was the only sound that could be heard. Lauren didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, and I had no idea how to start a conversation with her.

I know we have to work on our communication, but it's complicated. I noticed that her personality has changed to a mature and responsible woman, and besides being a great mom, Lauren seems to be a good friend and, dare I say, must have been a good partner during all these years. It sucks that I can't remember this, because I can't imagine a world where the two of us have shared a life together. Can you put yourself in my shoes? Imagine that you get together with someone who's always been an enemy to you, and one day you wake up without remembering how it all happened and you two are married and have a son. It's scary, isn't it? I want to remember, but at the same time I don't want to.

I'm afraid to find out that I really loved her with all my heart, but I'm also curious to know how we got to this point in our lives and what Lauren Jauregui did to sweep me off my feet. I believe it's an unbelievable story and a little funny. Two people who didn't like each other suddenly find themselves in love and start a relationship. How surreal is all this? It even sounds like a movie script. A beautiful and cliché romantic/dramatic comedy.

We could earn a fortune with our story.

"We're here. Your appointment starts in a few minutes."

"Do you know her?" I ask when the car finally stops in a parking space.

I look at Lauren as I remove my seatbelt, she's doing the same, but she looks at me before answering.

"Yes, I met her when I scheduled your appointment. I had to make sure that she'd be a good psychologist for you, and I liked her. Sinu was the one who recommended her." She shrugs, and I nod my head.

Well, if it was my mother who recommended her then she must be good at what she does. We got out of the car in silence and, exactly like that, we entered the building. Side by side, but without any physical contact. We looked like two strangers who are acquaintances.

"Good Morning, how may I help you?" A friendly and smiley attendant greets us as soon as we approach the counter. She alternates her gaze between her computer and our faces; she seems energetic.

"Good Morning. My wife has an appointment with Dr. Brooke."

I freeze up when I hear her call me that. Alright, I'm not stupid, I know we're married, but it's very strange to hear her call me that while sounding so natural and intimate. When will I get used to this sort of thing?

"It's on the third floor, number 302. She's waiting."

"Thank you." Lauren smiles at the attendant who reciprocates the gesture in an exaggerated way. Does she really have to smile like that at everyone who comes here? "Let's go."

I follow her into the elevator; Lauren presses the third-floor button and the doors close. I let out the breath that only then I noticed I was holding. I feel nervous, I never went to a psychologist before and I have no idea how to act with her. Especially now that we're going to talk about things I don't remember. Will this help me with my memories? It would be good in a way if it did.

When we reached door number 302, it was possible to read on the large nameplate: Dr. Allyson Brooke. Lauren knocked twice and took a step back, waiting for someone to greet us. Which didn't take long to happen, because soon enough the door was opened, revealing a short blonde with a big smile on her lips. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, she had little makeup on her face, and she smelled nice. She was pretty, and she seemed nice.

"You must be the much talked about Camila, right?"

"Uh, I think so..." Confused, I reply; my tongue itching to ask who was talking so much about me, but it wasn't necessary to be Sherlock Holmes to know who that person had been.

But I guess it was expected that Lauren spoke of me, after all, I was the patient. Dr. Brooke stepped to the side so that I could enter her office, and so I did. My first impression of the environment is that the air is very chilly, and the light and cheerful colors of the furniture make you feel comfortable. That's good. After taking a brief look around, the office didn't look so scary. It looked quite ordinary actually.

"We'll talk later, Lauren. I'm going to steal your wife for a moment now." I hear her joke and grimace, it's automatic. I'm sure that as long as I don't remember anything, that term will continue to be weird and uncomfortable. "Have a seat, Camila. Make yourself at home."

"Thanks." I thank her, sitting down on one of the two chairs facing her desk.

Dr. Brooke takes her place in the large chair, accommodating herself in a comfortable and casual way. Leaning forward, she props her elbows up on her desk and looks at me. I'm confused, not knowing exactly what I should say now. How do these sessions work? I was used to having my mother always speaking on my behalf.

"Camila Cabello-Jauregui..." I can't help but grimace again. Dr. Brooke looks at me and lets out a chuckle, leaning back and picking up a small notebook. She shakes her head as she flips through the pages. "You still haven't gotten used to your new name?"

"Not even a little. It's all so surreal. It feels like I'm stuck inside a nightmare in an endless loop."

"I know. I've had some patients who've suffered from the consequences of amnesia, but it's the first time I come across a case like yours."

"I didn't even know it was possible for such a thing to happen. I feel as if I've traveled through time, that's how I feel."

"It will take some time for you to get used to it. Are your medical exams ready?"

"No. Lauren said she'd let me know as soon as they were ready. The doctor wants to talk to us when we go there."

"You look nervous."

"I am, very much so. I don't want to be memoryless forever."

"How was your week?"

"Pretty scary." I confess. She nods her head and writes something down on her notebook. I let out a long sigh, trying to relax enough to be comfortable so as not to feel suffocated inside that office. "It was like jumping off a plane without a parachute. That's how I'm feeling after everything that's happened, it feels like I'm going to keep on falling until I crash to the floor."

"Like living trapped in someone else's body?"

"Yes! That's exactly it. I don't know this Camila, I have no idea how things happened. It's complicated, you know? I still feel like I can wake up at any moment and realize that all this was nothing but a damned dream."

"And if it was a dream, would you like to wake up?"

"Without a shadow of a doubt. I just want my life back."

[...]

The rest of the session was pretty tranquil. To be honest, she made me feel like I was having a normal conversation with somebody else, and not that I was being analyzed by her. If the other sessions are like this, I won't feel weird in her presence. I actually liked her. I have to remember to thank my mother for recommending her.

"How was the session?" Lauren asks as soon as we get into her car.

I put on my seatbelt and accommodate myself on the comfortable seat. I don't look at her, I keep my eyes fixed on the parking lot ahead. She starts the car, revving up the engine and slowly driving off.

"It was good. She didn't pressure me in any way, it was like talking to someone who only likes to listen."

"So you're going to continue seeing her?" I make a sound in agreement. "Alright, we can schedule your sessions for every Monday then. It's one of your days off."

"Do I have many?"

I'm curious to know more about my routine, and right now finally seems like the right time to ask her about some things.

"Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Not to mention the weekend, of course."

"What do I usually do on Tuesdays and Fridays?"

"You teach."

"I'm a teacher?!"

"Yes."

"What subject?"

I look at Lauren, she's focused on the road ahead and doesn't look back at me. I'm eager to know about my life and a little more about this unknown Camila. I confess that my ambitions were different, but I must love what I do. Well, at least I'd rather believe so.

"It's not really a subject..." I frown, confused and curious. What isn't she telling me? "You've always been passionate about dancing."

"I'm a dance teacher?!" She nods her head, and a smile is born on my face upon learning that. I've always loved dancing and it was one of my passions in my adolescence. I'm happy I kept this love to the point of living off it. "That's amazing!"

"You love your dance studio."

My eyes almost pop out of their sockets upon hearing that.

"I own a dance studio?!" Lauren lets out a laugh and nods her head. I must look like a kid on Christmas morning, but I couldn't care less. I'm really happy. It seems my current life isn't bad at all. "Fuck. That's really amazing."

"If I knew that knowing about your dance studio would make you this happy, I'd have told you sooner." I don't say anything, I don't know how to answer that to be honest. Lauren keeps her eyes fixed on the road, and I look forward too. An awkward silence settles in the car. "We have to improve our communication."

I clear my throat, feeling uncomfortable. Is it just me or does it seem that the world is shrinking?

"Hm, I guess so..."

Lauren lets out a long sigh. She doesn't say anything, she remains in silence for the duration of the trip. I wonder how we can make this work. I have no intention of keeping her in my life, well, maybe keep in touch because of the son we have, but that's all. I'm considering accepting Karla's advice and get a divorce. I believe it will be the best for both of us.

She turns on the radio and music fills the silence of before. It calms me, I can finally relax. It's weird to be close to her like this, knowing that now we're married and have a son. It sounds like a bad joke. Never in all my life would I imagine that one day I'd feel something for Lauren Jauregui. All that connected us was my hatred for her.

Life can really be surprising, huh?

"We're here." She lets me know, which makes me wake up from my reveries.

I lean a bit forward and examine the facade of my dance studio. The fact that this is real is wonderful, it really seems like a dream. I can't believe I own this place. A huge sign highlights the acronym: CCJDS.

"CCJDS?"

"Camila Cabello-Jauregui Dance Studio."

"Oh..."

I'd be lying if I said I'm surprised. From the little I've seen of this unknown version of mine, I really like my last name and its complement. I've lost count of how many times I've seen things in our house with 'Cabello-Jauregui' featured in them. It seems we liked to remind ourselves that we were married.

Was our marriage really this fairytale that it seems to have been?

When I got out of the car, my first impression upon looking at that place was of fascination. It's simply even better than I could have ever imagined. I've always wanted to live off dancing, and I'm so happy to know that I'm doing that in a way. I wonder if I ever participated in anything important; theater related, of course. I hope so.

"Shall we go in?" I nod my head. My heart races in my chest, the sensation is great. There are no words to describe how happy I am to know that this place belongs to me. I own all this. It's wonderful, right? "Here are the keys, you should do the honors. I'm sure you're dying to see what your studio looks like inside."

She hands me a bunch of keys, where the letter of my name is the keychain. I smile at that, taking the keys from her hand. I feel nervous and eager, it was one of my dreams when I was younger. To own something that made me happy, where I'd work smiling every day. And even without remembering the moments I spent in this place, something inside me is sure that I've always been happy here.

When I open the door, I'm surprised by the beauty of it all. It was possible to see very well in there thanks to the huge windows that covered the place. Simply amazing, that was my definition. My eyes explore every inch of that place, and I can't contain the broad smile that appears on my lips. A huge sign with the name of the dance studio is very well located right at the entrance, and not even the addition of Lauren's last name bothers me. I'm proud to know that everything in there is mine.

"It feels like a dream."

Lauren lets out a chuckle and stands next to me.

"You reacted exactly like this when you saw the studio ready for the first time, and a few years after the renovation, you reacted the exact same way. This is one of your favorite places."

"It was one of my biggest dreams. To have something of my own that made me happy." A sadness grows gradually in my chest for not remembering the things I have achieved in these sixteen years lost somewhere in my memory. I feel like crying, but I control myself. "I wish I could remember having achieved all this." I end up thinking out loud, swallowing my saliva.

Lauren beside me takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh, she seems to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders because of my words. I really think that she feels things the same way I do, because only she remembers everything that happened. I don't know if it is as horrible as it is for me, but now I can lowkey put myself in her shoes.

I think I'm starting to have a little empathy for her.

"Do you want a tour of the place?"

"Yes!" I exclaim excitedly, and that makes her laugh. I end up laughing too. After all, I'm very happy at the moment, everything seems more lively.

She guides me through the place and tells me a little of every thing; what happened and how everything was meticulously planned by me, and with her help. The days that have passed have shown me that in life I've shared many things with Lauren besides a house, a marriage and a son. It looks like we were really great partners together. I'd like to know a bit more about our involvement, and I believe that if we continue getting along well, I'll be able to ask her about everything; and who knows, maybe this way I'll recover part of my memory.

I really hope I can remember things.

[...]

The little tour of the studio was simply wonderful. I was super proud of that place, mainly because I learned that we didn't give only private lessons. Lauren told me that I have a space for kids where nothing is charged, and it has helped some of them who can't afford it. It's good to know that we do something good for society in some way. She also told me that I had plans to open up another space and help more people, including young people.

"Do you think I can go back to work without a hitch?"

We are back in her car, driving back home now. Lauren is focused on the road, but she glances at me and flashes a smile.

"Yes, I truly believe in your potential. It's just a matter of readjusting. The talent is inside you, Camila, you just need to use it."

"I'm looking forward to going back."

"I know you are, you always loved being here. Your students worship you, for real."

"That makes me happy, it means I'm a good teacher."

"You're great. Especially in flexibility." She comments in such a natural way that it startles me. I feel my face heat up at that. Did she really say what I think I heard?

"Did you-"

"We're here." She cuts me off before I can question her.

I look forward and try to forget the somewhat embarrassing moment. She doesn't even seem to notice what she said, or if she did, she changed the subject just so as not to create a strange mood. A little stunned by the double entendre, I get out of the car without even waiting for her.

I thought I had other big problems, but I realize that the biggest of them all is her, Lauren Jauregui.

[...]

The rest of the day was tranquil compared to recent events. And now, lying on my bed, remembering how busy my day was, I can finally be alone with myself and my thoughts. My life wasn't bad, and I feel like I can get used to some things. Except the fact that I'm married to Lauren. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get used to that. However, all the other stuff, I don't see as many difficulties of adaptation. My son, my job and my routine; too easy for someone in my situation. I smile, about to close my eyes and rest, but I get up again upon remembering something very important. Curious and feeling a mixture of eagerness and nervousness, I grab my old journals. She brought them up for me and left them in my room.

"Let me see... Summer of 2000..." I mumble to myself as I flip through the pages of my journal in search of the desired time. Something inside me was telling me that this was a good start to try to better understand my whole story during these sixteen years. "Found it!"

*** Lauren Jauregui kissed me!

Yes, you're not reading it wrong. She really did that.

All it took was a month of coexistence for this surreal and historical fact to occur. I'm in shock, I still haven't assimilated that. It feels like I'm having some bizarre dream.

It's a fact that she wasn't my first kiss, and it's scary to say that I felt as if she had been. Is it normal to wish that that stupid idiot had been the first?

I can't sleep. I still remember how she smiled through the long kiss we exchanged, the soft strokes on my face and the whispered compliments. It was just a long kiss, and only one, but I can't forget it.

If I close my eyes and touch my mouth, I feel her lips on mine. And it feels amazing.

I wish I had kissed her more times, I must confess. But we both knew we couldn't, because my parents could show up at any time. Or maybe one of my sisters.

I feel this fluttery sensation, like butterflies in my stomach. I'm anxious just by thinking that tomorrow I'll see her again and I have no idea how things will be.

Yup, Cabello, it looks like you fell for the damn charms of that stupid Lauren Jauregui.

Good luck.

From: me, stunned Camila Cabello. To: myself, Camila Lucky Cabello. ***

So it's just as I thought; things between us started precisely on that damn summer of 2000.

-----

Special Scene – Past – Camila Cabello

"I've always been in love with you, Camila. Ever since the first time we bumped into each other in the hallway." My eyes almost pop out of their sockets upon hearing that. When Dinah joked about Jauregui's feelings for me, I didn't take her seriously, but here she is, in the flesh, declaring herself to me. "I remember that I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful your face is and your voice, even annoyed, is lovely. And I just..."

A big smile is born on her lips. I'm horrified, staring at her with my eyes so wide that they almost jump out of my face. Last month was very confusing and full of twists, but I never imagined anything like this. Not even in my wildest dreams.

"No... You... No..."

"Yes." Lauren flashes another small smile. The environment seems to be heating up, but not in a sexual way, it's suffocating. My heart feels like a machine gun, it's beating so fast. "You're the girl of my dreams. I've never had the chance to get close to you in the right way, and I apologize. For everything, all these years."

"Oh my God..."

"If I could go back in time, I'd never be such an asshole to you. I'd annoy you sometimes, I confess. But only because you look even more beautiful when you're angry. I-"

I cover her mouth before she can continue declaring herself. We're very close and that makes me nervous. Her green eyes are fixed on my face. Intense like a dense forest. I swallow the saliva in my mouth and hesitantly take a step back, removing my hands from her face. She doesn't look away, waiting for another reaction.

However, like the confused coward I am, I don't say anything and just turn around to get out of that greenhouse, leaving her alone. The world seems to be closing in on me, nothing seems the same anymore.

What just happened?

Lauren Jauregui is in love with me? The day just got bizarre.

This is all this damn summer's fault.

-----

NOTE: The special scene in the end is not exactly a flashback since Camila doesn't remember what happened, it's more like a treat from the Brazilian author so that we can all see what happened and what was said besides what we know from Camila's journals.