Camila Cabello's Point Of View

You know when you feel your heart soften and turn to mush? That's how I feel right now watching my parents. They seem to be having fun as they cook dinner. I'm happy to see that nothing has changed between them even after so many years, their mutual love still seems the same. Their relationship has always been my inspiration, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to have a marriage as happy as my parents'.

Is my marriage to Lauren like this? Or does it at least come close to it?

I can't believe I'm thinking about this, but I'm curious. I really doubt that I'd have married this woman and spent so many years by her side because of convenience or just because of the child we have. Our marriage must have been at least happy.

It surprises me that I have spent so much time with her without asking for a divorce.

I return to reality and wake up from my reveries when I feel a tug on my shirt, followed by an adorable voice. My eyes land on that little boy, handsome with his green eyes and broad smile. It's amazing how he has my traits and hers as well, it's kind of scary. And I have no idea how this is possible.

"Hi, little guy." I smile at him, not even caring about his weight when I pick him up. Louis seems to love that, clinging to my neck with a strong, cozy embrace.

"Look, mommy. I smell good." He says as he pulls back, tilting his head to the side so that I can inhale the scent on his neck.

When I inhale that aroma, it's as if I'm experiencing some kind of déjà vu. I remember this scent very well, it smells like the perfume I used to wear when I was younger. It was always my favorite.

"Mmmm... You smell really good."

"I'm wearing your favorite perfume, mama bought it and gave it to me."

I knew I recognized that scent.

I raise my eyebrows in surprise at the fact that Lauren knew that, but it was to be expected. After all, we've been together for a long time, coexistence makes us get to know each other, right? I believe she knows and remembers a lot. I envy her memory, I would like to have mine too. It's sad.

"Your mama is awesome." I say to him; my smile as bright as the sun.

I feel as if someone is staring at me and I look around, coming across Lauren leaning against the wall, watching us. Her hair is damp and tossed back, in a wild way. A freshly-showered scent fills the environment. She has a broad smile on her lips, she seems very happy to see me interacting with our son.

It's very weird to think that I'm married and have a child. I still feel as if I'm still sixteen. All of this is surreal. It will take time for me to adjust.

I look away from her and turn my attention back to Louis. He's so excited and won't stop talking about his day at school. He also said that he's very excited for Christmas. I pay attention to everything he says, with my heart racing in my chest. This feeling of loving him is so good, it hasn't changed at all even with my lack of memory. I'll follow Dr. Charlie's advice and try to live my life as normally as possible.

Who knows, maybe this way my memory will decide to come back?

Lauren decided to join my parents in the kitchen and help them with dinner. When she walked by us, she deposited a kiss on our son's forehead and then moved away. And I just stood there with Louis.

The rest of the night went by so naturally, nothing seemed out of place, and realizing that was as strange as waking up naked next to the idiot in that fateful morning. Whoever looked at our interactions from the outside, would confirm that we are a big and happy family.

But I don't feel connected to them, I mean... connected to her.

Dinner was delicious, my parents didn't spare any compliments to Lauren's seasoning. Mom made a point of praising her the whole time, stressing how good a cook and exemplary mother she is. That made me even more curious to get to know her. My parents seem to really love her a lot. They get along so well, it's pretty clear. I just wanted to remember how everything happened and how we got here. How things fell into place to get to this point.

I just want to know how we got to this point in our life. How it all began between us, when the feelings emerged. Every little detail.

I want to know everything so that I can understand what made me love Lauren Jauregui.

[...]

Unfortunately for me, my parents had to leave, claiming they had to wake up early to go to work. Though it seemed like a big lie so that they could leave and leave us alone. But I couldn't do anything to keep them there. They have their lives, I'm no longer their responsibility. When I followed them to the front door, the two of them turned to me and lectured me as if they had rehearsed it:

"Don't be rude to Lauren. This isn't her fault, a lot has changed between you two. Allow yourself to see that."

Thank you, fam. Could you now explain that to my brain? It's defective. All I remember is hating her.

Of course I only thought that, I didn't want to say it out loud and risk being scolded by them. Besides, I've never disrespected them and wouldn't start now. And they look like huge fans of Lauren Jauregui, I couldn't compete with that. So, thwarting my sarcastic persona, I just nodded my head and said goodbye to them.

I waited for the car to turn the corner and then sighed. Turning towards the house, I let out a huge sigh. I need to get used to all this. This is my life and I have to deal with it. As I walk into the house, I hear the TV in the living room and I head there to see who's watching it.

My first impression of that space was of admiration, everything well-decorated, spacious and aesthetically pleasing. It seems that we live really well, after all. Louis is the one who's in the living room. Lying in an unusual position: face down with his bottom on his heels and his knees bent, and with his green eyes fixed on the television.

Does he always watch TV like this? This doesn't seem like a good position to watch television.

Even though I had the urge to question him about that position, the noise of the dishes in the kitchen caught my attention. With an extra dose of courage, I head that way. I know I need to talk to her, talk about our life and better understand how all this happened.

"Hey..." My voice didn't come out as loud as I'd like.

I feel awkward and apprehensive. Lauren got an earful earlier today and was mistreated by me, she'd been practically humiliated and snubbed. I'm really ashamed now, having to face her face to face without anyone around.

Lauren stops washing the dish in her hand upon hearing my voice, straightening her posture a little. She looks over her shoulder at me and I expect her gaze to be harsh, but contradicting me, she looks surprised and flashes a small smile. Her slightly chubby cheeks make her look adorable, and her hair tied in a ponytail gives her a more young-looking appearance. Lauren wasn't old, but she was clearly different from what I remembered. After all, I only remember her arrogant, adolescent version.

"Hey you..." She seems shy and withdrawn, and realizing that, I flash a smile to reassure her.

Her eyes follow me as I walk towards the table. I need to sit down if I want to have a conversation with her. Lauren remains in the same position, waiting for me to say something. How should I behave with my 'wife', who in my mind I still can't stand, while everyone around me says that I love her?

"How are you?" Really Camila?!

"Uh... I'm fine... Do you feel better?" I shake my head and she sighs. It's the truth, I don't feel well at all after everything. "I washed some strawberries and put them in that bowl with a bit of chocolate topping them. Do you want some grated coconut on top?"

My countenance is one of complete confusion, in fact, all of me is 100% confused. I don't remember asking her for that, but maybe it's the dessert.

"Dessert?"

She finishes washing the dish that was in her hand, it seems to be the last one. Then she grabs a dishcloth from the sink to dry her hands, turning to face me. I'm staring at her, waiting for an answer.

"It's hard to get used to you like this." Lauren says as if it is a confession, or something that she needs to get off her chest. She sighs, putting the dishcloth in the same place she grabbed it from. "Usually you like to eat some fruit after dinner. I always bring you some to the living room, I thought you'd be there. I was going to bring you some." Lauren clarifies, speaking in a natural way, although the smile on her face reveals her shyness.

I just nod my head in understanding, reaching to grab the green round bowl in front of me. I look inside and the strawberries look very delicious, and that fills my mouth with water.

When I taste one of the strawberries, it's impossible not to moan in satisfaction.

"Mmmmm..." I close my eyes, enjoying that taste. "They're... delicious."

I go back to eating, devouring good part of the strawberries in a matter of seconds. Apparently, my appetite is still the same, I can't eat only a little. I remember that I was taken to the hospital more than once for having crossed the line. My parents always argued with me because of it.

But what can I do? Eating is living.

Lauren doesn't take her eyes off me, watching me as I devour those delicious strawberries. She seems amused, I can swear that I heard her chuckle a few times. But I couldn't care less, my priority was to eat.

"More?" She asks, and I freeze instantly, realizing what I'm doing, licking the bowl where the strawberries were.

My mother would scold me if she saw me doing this. I feel my face heat up in embarrassment, I didn't even realize that I was acting so mannerlessly. I slowly put the empty bowl on the table, refusing to look at her. I'm completely embarrassed.

Nice, Camila... Your parents would love to see you act like an uncivilized teenager.

I need to learn how to behave like an adult woman, but it's so hard.

"I'm good, thank you." I lie, of course. I would very much like to ask for more, maybe eat every strawberry present in this house.

But I had just behaved like a wild animal, and I didn't want to give that woman any more reasons for her to laugh at me. Lauren doesn't say anything, just grabs the bowl along with the spoon, and only then do I notice how pale she is.

God! I know it's winter, but doesn't she know a thing called tanning?

All these years and this woman still looks like a huge human candle.

"This is so funny." She says amid laughter, and that irritates me.

"What's so funny, you idiot?"

Just like the other times, she flinched and didn't clapback like she used to. Time made her a wuss. Why doesn't she rebut what I say like she did before?

"Nothing..." She finishes washing the bowl and the spoon, putting them on the dish drainer. "It's just funny to see you embarrassed. I don't even remember the last time I saw you act like this."

My face twists in confusion. I actually expected her to tell me that I had made a fool of myself because of the way I acted, like a starving child or something like that. But yet again, there she is, surprising me with her mature posture.

"I've always been shy." Lauren shakes her head, leaving me confused. "No?"

"You were during your teenage years." She leans against the edge of the counter where the sink is. Her look is one of nostalgia, she seems to be remembering something. "It only lasted until you finished high school. After that, in college, you became someone else. More confident."

I put my elbows on the table, leaning slightly forward. I'm curious to know a little more about the woman I've become. I know I've changed completely, and so has she. Lauren is completely different from what she used to be, she's no longer arrogant but is instead kind of shy. At the moment, she's staring at the table, with one of her hands on the back of her neck.

Lauren has always been overbearing and full of herself. It's weird to see her this way, so calm and quiet.

"Can you tell me how-"

"Mama!"

I was going to ask her about how the two of us started getting along, but Louis' voice interrupted me. I could have gotten upset, of course, but I remembered the uncomfortable way he was lying and something awoke inside me: concern.

Had he hurt himself? I knew he shouldn't lie down like that.

I get up quickly, reaching the living room before Lauren. He remains in the same position and he's rubbing one of his eyes sleepily.

"Are you okay?" I ask worriedly as I crouch down beside him.

In the same instant, a smile is born on his face. Looking more closely, I can see that he has adorable freckles on his cheeks, and his smile reminds me a lot of Lauren's smile. Back when her front teeth were a little bigger than normal.

How can they look so much alike?

"Where's Mama?"

"I'm right here." She replies before I can, sitting down next to him. Louis yawns briefly, pointing to the tv.

"Adventure Time just started. And you said you'd watch with me, remember?"

I'm intrigued. He is clearly sleepy, but he's struggling with it to stay awake and watch tv with her. This surprises me. They love each other, she must be a really good mother. Louis is clearly in love with her, and I didn't need to hang out with them for long to be sure of that.

At least as a mother Lauren seems to be doing a great job.

"I do remember." She replied before bringing him into her lap. "And do you remember how many times Mommy told you not to lie down like that, because it's bad for your back?"

He grimaces in her arms instantly, showing that he knew he had done something wrong. I'm Mommy, right? I knew that something in that position didn't please me.

"I'm sorry, Mommy."

How could I not forgive him? I wonder if there's a way to stay mad at this cute little thing.

Am I the mother who bosses around and Lauren the cool one who's game for anything?

I can't believe I'm the bossy one.

"It's okay, Lou." I call him by a nickname, I don't feel comfortable enough to call him anything else.

I have no idea if I have the habit of calling him by his name. As a reflex, I look at Lauren and notice that neither of the two were surprised. Maybe I always call him that way. His eyes are fixed on the television, just like hers, they both seem entertained.

I could have left them there and gone to my bedroom, I'd try to sleep or maybe I'd spend the night remembering everything that happened today. But I didn't do it, I remained there, keeping them company, and that seemed to make them happy. Lauren tried to disguise it, but time or another, I saw her with a broad smile on her lips.

She seems to really like me, but I can't stand her. I can't imagine how I could fall in love with her. I really want to understand our relationship and know everything that has happened between us.

How did she manage to woo me to the point of us getting married and having a child together?!

It's no easy feat, a child, marriage... a life together.

And a child that I, ME, MY PERSON carried. It's too surreal to imagine this, I had never before thought about the possibility of getting pregnant. I remember very well that when I discovered I was a lesbian, when I imagined myself married, in my fantasies the one getting pregnant was my wife.

Honestly, a lot has changed in these last sixteen years.

[...]

Louis ended up falling asleep on the couch and Lauren decided to take him up to the bedroom. I took advantage of this moment to go to my room. I wasn't sure which one was my toothbrush, but I took a chance on the blue one. I know that that has always been my favorite color, so it's probably mine. I took a quick shower before going back to the room. I was a little sleepy and I couldn't wait to just sleep.

Speaking of sleeping, one thing worried me a lot. Where is Lauren going to sleep? I know we are married, and we must sleep together every night, but I don't want to share a bed with her. Just thinking about that possibility makes me want to die. Trying not to think about that too much, I lay down on the bed. It's a very comfortable bed, and now being able to analyze the whole room, I realize how beautiful and well decorated it is.

Very tasteful.

"Can I take a shower now or do you want to go first?"

I get frightened by Lauren's sudden question. I hadn't even realized that she was in the room with me. Jesus, she's already as white as a ghost and now she sneaks up on me like this. She wants to scare me to death.

"I already showered actually."

"Alright, then I'm going to shower now." She lets me know and doesn't even wait for a response, she crosses the room and enters the bathroom.

It's winter and inside that room it's starting to get a little chilly. Looking around, I see a fireplace embedded in the wall right below the television. I'm too lazy to get up to turn it on, so I just cover myself with the two thick comforters that are on the bed, hoping it will warm my body. Lauren doesn't take long in the bathroom, and when she comes out, all that covers her nakedness is a dark blue towel.

Where are this creature's clothes? I'm under no obligation to see this thing almost naked. Nobody pays me to endure this.

Lauren opens a sliding door, which I've only now noticed. It seems to be the closet. She goes in and closes the door behind her, and I feel a little better because I'm no longer seeing her almost naked. It doesn't take long for her to come out of there again, this time she's wearing only a Real Madrid shirt that doesn't cover almost anything. Her beautiful legs are exposed, and she doesn't seem too concerned about the fact that I can see the fabric of her panties. Her perfume took over the whole room, not giving me the chance to breathe anything else.

Is she using grape lotion? It has always been my favorite.

Lauren walks towards the fireplace and presses a button, and after a few seconds it turns on. Everything in this room seems very expensive and sophisticated. The environment begins to warm up gradually, and I'm so thankful. At least she's good for something.

"Goodnight, baby." She wishes me goodnight after lying down next to me. And I can't believe it.

Why does she keep calling me 'baby'? Did she forget I have a name?

And why the hell didn't she go to sleep elsewhere?

"Are you going to sleep here?" I ask, trying not to look too terrified.

Lauren has her back turned to me, but when she hears my voice, she turns around and looks at me confused.

I want to sleep alone, do you understand that, you disgusting creature?

"Yes?"

"Aren't there other rooms in this house? I think the couch is soft."

Lauren looks incredulous, really, I had never seen her with that expression. I, on the other hand, was restless, desperate for her to leave already. I wanted some privacy and peace to be able to try to assimilate everything.

"Are you kicking me out of our bedroom?" I nod my head. "Why? This room is just as mine as it is yours, Camila."

"And?"

"You know we're married-"

"I don't care, you stupid!" I cut off the start of her speech. I was tired of hearing that, I wanted some peace. To forget, even if only for that night, that I had married the most annoying and stupid being on earth. "I don't want to sleep next to you. Can you respect that?"

I'm trying not to be so rude, but her expression tells me I'm failing. Lauren got up from the bed in a matter of seconds, slipped on a pair of slippers and, with heavy strides, exited the room. The sound of the door slamming shut was loud, I worried the noise might have woken our son. This time she looked really angry, but it's not my fault, I don't want to sleep with her. It's just like she said; this room is also mine and I have my rights.

Can I at least get a good night's sleep without her presence?

[...]

When I woke up the next day, the first thing I noticed was that I was feeling a million times better than the day before. Upon opening my eyes, I realized that there was no one there but me, and that made me very happy. Peace and quiet, all that I want. I sit up on the bed to stretch my arms, stretching my muscles. This bed is wonderful, more comfortable than the bed I slept on when I was younger. The room is dark, but I know that outside the sun is shining.

Where is the crazy one? I hope very far away from here.

One more look around and I notice that the closet door is open. A growing curiosity nags at me, I really want to know how things are in there. I hope Lauren doesn't mind that I'm about to go through her stuff. Or were they mine too?

After all, we are... you know...

I get out of bed and head towards the closet. The floor is cold, I notice that the fireplace is no longer on and this makes me realize that the room temperature has settled in. When I open the door, I'm shocked at the size and organization of that place. Everything very neat in shelves and drawers, two sides with different clothes and shoes.

I feel like I'm in a movie. It's surreal to think that part of all this is mine. My family never splurged, we had a good life and we didn't lack anything, but my sisters and I never lived surrounded by very expensive things.

Curiously, I walk around that space, looking at everything around me. I can recognize some clothes as being hers, because they are so Lauren and in the style she always liked to dress. That doesn't seem to have changed over the years, she still loved dressing informally. And she has good taste in clothes.

Carefully, I begin to analyze a few things.

Armani.

Prada.

Lanvin.

Chanel.

"Damn..."

I'm shocked by the countless brands present in that closet. What did we do for a living? We must earn very well, it's impossible to afford such a life if we don't get paid handsomely every month. I remember that Lauren was destined to become a judge or a district attorney, maybe that's why we have such a good life.

Lauren's parents always pushed her and Hunter to follow in the family's footsteps in a career in law. I know this because Dinah knew everything about them. She knew they came from England and opened an office in Miami, and back then their business was expanding a lot, and that their whole family is composed of lawyers, district attorneys, judges, etc. She must have really followed in her parents' footsteps, that explains the car she drives, this house and the expensive clothes.

I continue looking at everything, I'm really shocked by everything we have. In the same way that Lauren has good taste, I seem to have even more. My style has completely changed, I no longer wear as many colorful things and the dresses are much more formal and sophisticated. A real lady. And that makes me smile.

When I'm about to leave that closet, I end up bumping into a wooden box. I look down with a frown, my curiosity is instantly piqued. I kneel in front of the box, trying to guess what might be in there. I thought I was going to find shoes, but I ended up coming across tons of VHS tapes and CDs.

Why do we have these things in here?

I know that I must be home alone, so I don't worry about rummaging through everything in there. There are a lot of things and I'm curious to know what's on those tapes and CDs. Probably music and movies. Maybe we did old movie marathons. It's a possibility, I know I've always loved watching classic movies. One of the CDs draws my attention because Lauren's name is written on the cover.

Something ringing catches my attention, the sound seems to be coming from the bedroom. I grab the CD with Lauren's name on it and close the box, getting up to leave that closet. The sound continues, and I use it as a guide to discover where it's coming from. It doesn't take me long to find a large, thin device on the nightstand. The screen is lit, and there are things written on it.

When I finally grab the device, one name is highlighted on the screen: Mi suerte. And right below it, a text message. I sit on the edge of the bed, putting the CD next to me.

Mi suerte: Your password is 2706.

"Password for what?"

My question is answered when I read "press home to unlock" right at the bottom of the screen. I press the little button there and a numeric keyboard appears. I write the password from the text message and the keyboard disappears, now giving way to a bunch of apps. I know the phone is mine, because the wallpaper is a photo of me and Louis, he's kissing my cheek. There's a small icon with a speech bubble and on top of it the number seven. I click on it and I'm directed to what looks like text messages. I find these new keyboard-less phones very curious and practical. Things have really changed in the last few years.

Three messages from Mi suerte.

One from Chee.

And lastly, there's also one from Low quality copy.

"Low quality copy? It can only be Karla."

I'm sure it's her, I remember that I always said that when we introduced ourselves to someone. I was born a few minutes before her, so she's the low quality copy. I decide to open first the ones from Mi suerte. I was curious.

Mi suerte: Camz, I'm in the studio. I won't be back late, I just came to check on some things.

Mi suerte: I made you breakfast, it's not hard to find the things in the kitchen.

Mi suerte: Uh... see you later... Good morning! xx

I know it's Lauren, not only because of the content of the messages, but also because no one in this world besides her calls me Camz. It seems like things haven't changed that much. I've always hated this nickname because she used it in mockery. But if she still calls me that, could be that I've learned to like it.

Or maybe she's just teasing me.

She said something about a studio. Is Lauren a singer or works with music? That would explain all the luxury in this house. And of course, it would also explain all those CDs. I leave the phone in the same place I found it and grab the CD with her name. I walk towards the television, I'm not very familiar with all this new technology, but it shouldn't be too difficult. It took me a while, and I confess that it was complicated to find out that I had to run my finger over the television's button to turn it on. The apparatus that was below was less complicated, I put on the CD and went back to bed. Curiously and eagerly, I waited for the content to load.

I was expecting a song to start playing, but when the screen darkened and then the image brightened up, I was confused. What am I doing there?

"Camz?"

I look around, startled, I thought she had returned home early. It takes me a few seconds to realize that Lauren's voice, in fact, comes from that video. I feel more relaxed that she's not home yet.

"I'm here."

In the video I'm sitting on this same bed and the only thing different was the color of the wall behind me. I crack a few jokes, waving at the camera and sticking my tongue out.

"What are you doing?"

I hear the sound of the door opening and then Lauren appears on the screen. In the video she's wearing a big white hoodie that reaches the middle of her thighs, with nothing underneath. When she approaches, I notice the Real Madrid crest. She's always been fascinated by that team, she was always wearing their uniforms in school. Her face is completely free of any makeup, her hair loose and damp.

Time seems to have been very good to her, I can't deny that. Lauren is beautiful.

"I was testing the camera, I thought it broke last week." I reply before turning the camera to me again.

Lauren inches closer, letting out a little laugh and sitting next to me, facing the same direction as me. Suddenly the camera was no longer focused on the two of us and all that could be heard were smooching sounds. I grimace.

We were kissing? Ew! Thank god this wasn't filmed.

A few seconds later the camera was focused on us again. My lips were red, just like hers. This time it was her who was holding the camera. I was clinging to her neck, with my head on her shoulder. There was no way of missing the intense glow in my eyes, it was undeniable that I really looked happy.

I really seem to be in love with her.

"Are we going to continue filming ourselves or can I turn it off?" She asked that without looking at me.

I could hardly believe when I saw myself flashing a very mischievous smile. It was clear that I was about to do something crazy.

"Hmm... I thought maybe we could do a homemade activity."

The suggestive tone in my voice made my stomach turn. I can't believe I was suggesting we do something inappropriate. Worse, in front of a damn camera.

And even worse, with Lauren Jauregui.

"What kind of homemade activity do you suggest?"

Her voice was pure sensuality and teasing. Yeah... it really looked like we were going to start some kind of game. A damn game of seduction. I don't want to continue watching this, I refuse to see raunchy things starring me and this woman. I close my eyes so that I don't have to keep watching it. I'm too shocked to get up and turn off the tv. Then I hear the sound of my laughter and I open my eyes.

I regret it instantly.

I have a big smile on my face and my lips are touching hers. Lauren leans forward and tries to kiss me, but I pull back. I laugh again, and then touch my lips to hers once again. It seemed like I was having so much fun teasing her. I continued this game for a while until I gave in when she made puppy eyes at me, begging for a kiss with them.

Ew!

"I want you to do something." I said as I got off the bed, taking advantage of this to grab the camera from her.

Lauren remained in the same place, the camera now focused on her. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she watched me curiously. As if waiting for my commands. My gaze momentarily wandered down to her thighs and I regretted it immediately, because her panties were lacy and white and I could see everything.

She smirked before saying: "What do you want me to do?"

She was about to crawl towards me, but my hand appeared on the screen as a sign for her to stop. Lauren complied, remaining in the same position.

"You'll do anything?"

"Always." She replies quickly in a sensual way.

The glow in her eyes makes it clear that she's totally at my mercy, completely at my disposal. I approach her with the camera, getting really close.

"Masturbate for me. I want to see you cum and moan my name. Then I'll eat you out. Every bit of that delightful pussy."

My ears couldn't believe what they had just heard. I don't know if I was more shocked to know that she would really do that, or by the confirmation that I had become a damn pervert. Lauren smiled, spreading her legs.

I threw myself back on the bed, shook as fuck. I didn't want to watch that anymore, I wish I could erase that from my memory too. The video continued playing, but I wasn't paying attention.

Who was this Camila?

I don't recognize myself.

What kind of person did I become? Speaking in a crude way. Recording indecent videos.

Marrying Lauren Jauregui.

"You're going to eat me out real good? And then I'll be able to reciprocate?"

That made me look at the screen again. Lauren was lying on the bed, propped up on her elbows and staring at me lustfully. The detail that shocked me the most was the fact that she was no longer wearing her hoodie, her breasts were fully exposed. I couldn't help noticing how beautiful her nipples are, a light pink shade. It contrasted perfectly with the tone of her skin.

I'm paralyzed.

"I'm going to eat you out like you deserve and I want you to eat me out the same way. I know you can. I love the things that that amazing tongue of yours does to me."

"I love your dirty mouth..."

"I'm going to fuck you hard with it."

I'm shocked.

Lauren didn't say anything, just smiled even more and lay flat on the bed. I thought the video was going to end there, like that, but no. She brought her hands down to the hem of her panties, lifting her hips a little and then her legs to fully remove them. It seemed like everything was in slow motion as I watched her undress. When she was finally naked, she tossed her panties at me and lowered her legs, spreading them so that I could have a clear view of her...

"NO! I REFUSE!"

I was almost dying. I couldn't believe that I was seeing Lauren completely naked again, but this time in more detail and much more clearly. My heart was pounding in my chest, the image of her on the screen with her legs spread open, touching herself in a sensual way, is... disturbing. Completely disturbing.

When she puts a finger in her mouth and then lowers it towards the middle of her legs, I finally react and turn off the television. This whole time the remote control was next to me and I hadn't picked it up to turn the tv off, but I finally did it. It seemed like my mind was going to burst, I can't believe what saw.

"Camila?"

I hear Lauren's voice and I know it's not because of the video this time. That makes me widen my eyes. I get off the bed in a jolt and run to the DVD player. With shaky hands, I remove the CD, turning off the device as fast as possible. Lauren's footsteps echo through the house, soon enough she'll be here and I need to hide everything. I jump back on the bed to grab the CD case and, with super speed, I manage to put the CD inside just as she reaches the bedroom. When I hear the door open, I plaster my best expression of boredom.

I hope she doesn't notice anything strange.

"I'm here..."

My heart is racing in my chest and I hold my breath because I don't want her to notice how breathless I am. All the adrenaline rush caused by this moment is making me a bit desperate. She watches me for a few seconds, she seems suspicious.

"Are you okay? You still haven't eaten your breakfast? You couldn't find your phone? I left it on the nightstand."

She seems worried, but at the same time afraid to come closer. That's good. I look away from her, I won't be able to face her without remembering that I was seeing her completely naked in a very intimate moment a few seconds ago.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just... Hm, I'm going downstairs to eat now." I answer quickly, getting off the bed.

I need to stay away from her, I don't want to look at her and remember how she looked in that video. I leave the bedroom with my head down, but I feel her gaze on me. I don't look at her though, I want to get out of there as fast as possible.

I need to steer clear of this woman.

When I reach the kitchen, I feel a bit more tranquil, and I release the air that was trapped in my lungs. The table was set, there were a lot of things there and it was all properly covered. She really knows how to prepare a feast. I know that my appetite remains the same, because when I smell the scent of fresh coffee, my stomach wakes up and rumbles.

I really need to eat, that video made me hungry.

I begin to remove the covers that protected the food. I wanted to know at once what was there. My eyes came across stuffed waffles, you could see the chocolate dripping down the edges even though they weren't as fresh as when they were made. Lauren really seems to know me, I can confirm this just by looking at everything she has prepared.

I'm so busy eating and drinking that I don't even feel the presence of another person in the kitchen, only when I see the fridge door being open do I notice that I'm no longer alone. Still with my head down, I look surreptitiously towards Lauren and regret it instantly.

Did she really have to have such a distracting ass?

Lauren is leaning down, she's looking for something in the lower part of the fridge and her ass looks so round and perky in that chalk-colored pencil skirt. Her outfit is skintight, highlighting her curves. Needless to say, those curves are mind-blowing.

Lauren looks like a sexy businesswoman.

That ass...

I get distracted when images of that video take over my mind without permission. Suddenly, I visualize her naked in bed again; moaning my name as I encouraged her. Guiding her to orgasm. It seems my thoughts won't ever end, but they do. I'm startled when something flashes in front of my eyes. It's Lauren and she's standing next to me, staring at me.

"Is everything alright? You seemed spaced out and your face is red."

She looks really worried, but the tone of her voice is one of teasing. I quickly compose myself, I need to learn how to control myself when I'm around her. I look back at my food because only then will I be able to focus on something else.

"Yeah, I just got distracted by some meaningless things."

"Okay..." She leans over the table in search of something. It's a strawberry. Lauren brings it to her mouth and bites the fruit with want, letting out a long moan. Yes, she did that. "It's delicious. You should try them."

Not satisfied with all that previous eroticism, she brings her fingers to her mouth and sucks them. Savoring them with want. Right there, in front of me, shamelessly. Her green eyes stare at me fixedly and her full lips catch my attention with those movements. Maybe it could be something normal to do, but in that moment I didn't want to see these things. Could she ease up?

Without being able to control it, my mind is once again invaded by images. This time I see Lauren on one of our kitchen counters. She's sitting on it with her legs apart and a bowl of strawberries in her hands. When she takes a bite of a strawberry and guides another to the middle of her legs, I just feel like leaning in and...

"STOP!" My sudden scream startles Lauren. She jumps up and looks at me without understanding anything.

"Camila, are you-"

"I'm fine, Lauren!"

I get up from the chair, dragging it across the floor. I don't even look at her and just leave the kitchen, I need to go as far away as possible to restore my sanity.

I'm having erotic daydreams about the psychopath. Just what I needed to make my life better.

Thank you, life, I hate you too.

[...]

Now I'm in the living room watching some movie, or at least trying to watch it. I hear noises coming from upstairs, but I try not to care. What is that woman up to? Imagine if she's a sinister sadist and wants to torture me until my memory comes back. I need to stop with these thoughts.

I turn my attention back to the movie, or at least I try to. But the noise of something being dragged upstairs piques my curiosity.

To go there or not to go there?

Better not, imagine if I end up seeing unnecessary things?

Like Lauren masturbating and cumming... Stop that, Camila!

The noises stop. I was going to breathe in relief, but the sound of hasty steps coming down the stairs drew my attention. No peace for me today, I guess.

"Camz? Your phone was ringing." Lauren warns me, and I make a move to get up to go get it, but she holds out her hand with the thin device on it. "And... Was it you who went through our video box?"

Our video box...

Our.

Oh... Are there videos of me too?!

And fucking hell! She noticed that I rummaged through the box.

Does she know which video I watched?

"I'm not scolding you, Camila. The videos are ours, just like everything in that bedroom and in this house is ours." Lauren says upon noticing my possible expression of apprehension and guilt. I look away from her, I don't want to give anything away. She sits beside me, but I don't even bother to face her. "Baby, you need to start feeling comfortable in your house, it's yours. You're not a stranger here."

It's easy for you to say, you idiot!

"Lauren, can you do me a favor?" I turn to look right into her eyes, and she nods, flashing a smile. "Could you stop calling me 'baby'?!" Her mouth opens and closes a few times, she seems to be searching for something to say, but then she lowers her head and sighs in defeat. She just nods her head, she looks crestfallen. I roll my eyes. Why does she keep acting like this? Argh! Camila, you two are married. And my father told me not to be so rude to her, but I just can't. Lauren gets up from the couch and turns to leave, but I'm fast and I grab her by the wrist. "It's just that... It's really hard, you know? I don't know how to handle all this. It's not easy for me."

Lauren lets out a humorless laugh. Confused, I frown because I thought she was hurt. I let go of her wrist instantly.

"I'm trying to understand you, Camila. I swear I am!" She almost spat out the words. Her voice was pure irony, just like I remembered. This is the Lauren I know. "It's hard for you not to remember anything? But I'm sure it's not worse than seeing the love of your life treating you so coldly. As if I'm nothing when I used to be your everything."

"You need to understand me, dammit!" I shout suddenly. I'm feeling exhausted, about to explode – and not just figuratively speaking. Lauren, just like me, is raging. Her face red, with a vein popping out on her forehead. "It's not easy for me, at all. I've lost years of my life, it's hard."

"It's hard for you?" She took a step towards me. Instinctively, I took a step back. It was rare to see her lose her cool, and that made me really worried. "Can't you see that it's hard for all of us?"

"Lauren..."

"No! You're going to listen to me!" I fell silent with her stern tone. I swallowed a big ball of saliva. It felt as if I hadn't drunk water for days, that's how dry my throat felt. "Do you think it's easy to see the love of my life acting the way you've been acting? Do you really think it's easy to see everything we've built during all these years simply fall apart while I'm not able to do anything about it?"

"I-"

"You..." She moves back. She runs her hands over her face and lets out a long sigh. "I love you, Camila. Probably more than one day I thought I'd love someone in all my life. And I promised at the altar that I'd be by your side at all times. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health. Do you think it's hard just for you?"

My eyes start to burn with tears. Seeing her like this, so vulnerable despite her previous anger, causes me an unknown anguish. Ever since it all happened, I've never stopped to think about how she's feeling. It must be really hard for her.

"I don't know what to say. All this is really very hard for me."

Lauren approaches me a little more, stopping inches away from my body. This time, though she still looks angry, her countenance doesn't scare me. I don't back away, I know she won't do anything to me. With a long sigh, she raises one hand until she's touching my face with her fingertips. They're cold, and they trace the line of my chin. Her eyes follow the path of her fingers, and a sigh escapes her lips.

"You've lost your memory, but everyone else hasn't, Camila." That made me widen my eyes and hold my breath. Her eyes meet mine. So intense. "You've never been selfish, don't start now."

And after saying that last sentence, she simply turns around and walks towards the stairs. Hasty, heavy steps echo through the empty house, followed by the loud thud of a door being slammed shut. My skin is still tingling in the place she touched. But even with her affectionate touch, I know that Lauren is still angry, and this time she has every reason to be. Not being able to hold back the tears anymore, I start crying again.

What should I do to try and fix everything?

How could I love someone I used to hate?

I sit back on the couch, feeling lost. My eyes wander aimlessly around the room, I don't know what to do. I hear the front door being open and then slammed shut. She must really need her space, I'll respect her this time. My phone starts ringing nonstop. I look for the device on the couch and I see Chee written on the screen. I didn't even need to see the contact picture to know who it was. It could only be one person.

"Camila?" My heart races upon hearing that voice. Not in a thousand years would I forget Dinah's voice. She's always been my safe haven. "It's me. Dinah."

"Cheechee!"

"Miss me? I'm heading to your house in a few minutes. Toni is not home and Hunter just left. He said he was going to meet Normani and her husband."

She just goes on and on.

I wonder if she knows about my memory. Well, if she doesn't know, I'll have to tell her.

I was really surprised to hear her mention Hunter.

So the wife Hunter mentioned yesterday was Dinah?

Oh my god! I can't believe that my best friend married her high school crush.

And who would Toni be? Their son?

"I'll be there in a few, Chancho. I'm bringing cupcakes. Muah."

She hung up, she simply talked nonstop and hung up.

Well, Dinah remains the same as always.

At least I'll have someone to talk to, I really need someone who understands me.

Today was very intense. And nothing like the presence of my best friend to relax me. I need someone that can help me better understand this whole situation.