Camila Cabello's Point Of View

The following morning seemed a bit brighter, despite my insomnia throughout the night. I kept going over the entry I read, for hours, in my head, desperately trying to remember something. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I couldn't remember a single memory. No trace of the recent past, nothing. I'm beginning to think that things will remain like this forever.

Two knocks on my bedroom door draw my attention. I don't even need to try and guess who it is, because it can only be one person. I take a deep breath and compose myself before saying:

"Come in!"

"Good morning, copy of mine!"

My eyes almost pop out of their sockets upon hearing that voice. I figured it was Lauren at the door, but nothing could be better than this. I jump out of bed quickly and run towards my sister, pulling her into the room and wrapping her in a tight embrace. Karla chuckles in my ear, but also tightens her arms around me.

"Oh my God! You look..." I finally release her a little, not much, just enough so that I can look at her. We're identical, so she has the same features I do. But her hair, which once was super long, now reaches just above her shoulders. "Just like me."

"Duh, but I'm much prettier." She flips her short hair and makes a smug face. I roll my eyes. This time I fully release her and take a step back.

"It's good to see you. The world seems to be upside down."

"I heard. I'm horrified. We need to talk." I agree quickly. Karla looks bleak, even though she had been joking around before. I know that she's probably feeling my anguish. Our connection has always been strong. "Take a shower and then come downstairs, your niblings want to see you."

"I won't be long." I promise and she nods her head. I'm about to turn around and go to the bathroom, but without being able to contain myself, I go to Karla and hug her again. "I really missed you."

"Me too, sis. I missed you so much."

[...]

I really didn't take long; a few minutes later, I was descending the stairs and could hear voices coming from the living room. My heart pounded when I realized that I was going to meet my sister's kids. I've always imagined what it would be like in future when we both had our own lives, houses and kids. It sucks not being able to remember having gone through all these stages in my life. When I reached the living room, I saw everyone sitting on the big couch

"Auntie!"

The girl with long, straight hair, who I believe is my niece Serena, jumps from the couch as soon as she notices my presence. She quickly heads towards me and I'm amazed at how much she looks like Karla. They practically have the same features, besides the hair and light brown eyes. Simply beautiful.

"Serena..." She hugs my waist tightly, and I reciprocate her embrace. It's so cozy. "You look so tall."

Serena chuckles as she pulls away. I lower myself to kiss her cheek. She smells really good. My senses are becoming more sensitive and I know that I'm going to cry soon, but I try to control myself. I can't simply burst into tears in front of the kids, I'm sure no one has explained what's going on yet.

"She got that from me." I look up and come across Rodrigo walking towards me. He's always been tall, and looked even more so due to being very thin, but now, besides having a toned, defined body and longer hair, he looks even bigger. "Hi, Camila."

When he hugs me, I disappear in his bulky arms. I wonder how my sister handles a man this size. Well, that sounded lowkey dirtier than I expected.

"Always bragging." My sister appears beside him and bumps him with her shoulder. I look down and see a seemingly shy little boy. I smile at him. "Say hello to your aunt, Harry."

He hesitates for a few seconds, but inches closer to me and hugs my hips.

"Hi, aunt Mila."

"Hi, handsome prince."

"You've seen your aunt, now can we go to the field?"

"Yes!" Louis answers as he walks down the stairs. I hadn't even noticed his absence, I was too focused admiring my sister's children. They're beautiful, it's unbelievable to imagine that I'm an aunt. "Bye, Mommy."

"Bye, Lou." I pick him up and kiss him all over his face. Louis laughs, seeming to love that. I put him down again and look up, seeing everyone there watching us. My sister has a huge smile on her lips. "Bye, kids." I lower myself to kiss Harry's cheek and then I go over to Serena. "Come over next weekend, okay?"

"Really?!" I nod my head, and she puts her hands up and celebrates. I smile and hug her. "Bye, auntie."

"You're going to start stealing my daughter again." Rodrigo pouts jokingly.

"Stop being jealous, Rodrigo. And what are you all waiting for? A formal invitation to leave us alone?"

"Well, if my sister-in-law ordered, let's obey." Lauren finally speaks, getting up from the couch.

I raise an eyebrow. This whole obeying my sister thing is curious. I don't have much time to think about it, because soon enough they're all saying goodbye, leaving us alone. With the house all to ourselves, I can finally feel all the emotions that this encounter with my niblings and my sister awoke in me. It feels like the weight of the world was put on my back.

"It's just the two of us now, sis." Karla flashes a small smile. She motions her head towards the couch before sitting down, and I do the same. "Explain this amnesia story to me. You really don't remember anything?"

"No." I let out a long sigh. I swallow the saliva in my mouth and feel my throat burning. I know I'm only minutes away from bursting into tears. "My last memory is from sixteen years ago."

"That's surreal."

"I know right! Imagine how it was for me to simply fall asleep hating someone and wake up married to her. These things should only happen in movies and books."

"I don't even know what to say to be honest. I can't imagine how difficult things must be."

"It's really hard. Everyone around me has changed, they have these new lives. You, I've always imagined you married, but nothing compares to the real thing. And I have niblings. My God! I wish I could remember the moment they were born."

"You and our parents cried a lot." Karla tells, and I end up laughing. I'm not surprised. "When I found out I was pregnant with Serena, it was a shock. She wasn't planned. Rodrigo and I were still adjusting to our married life and then... a surprised pregnancy."

"You better have confided in me!"

"Obviously. You always were the first person to know everything about me. And then I told Sofia and the three of us freaked out together."

"I can imagine that. It must have been fun."

"At first it was a shock, but then came the euphoria. Our parents got emotional as soon as Rodrigo and I told them. They always liked a big family, and an expansion of the Cabello clan was always welcome."

"I know. So... Tell me about your pregnancy and everything else."

Karla started telling me about everything she and my brother-in-law went through. About the feeling of carrying a life inside you, the pain of childbirth and the out-of-this-world happiness of looking at your baby's face for the first time. Hearing all that touched me in such a way that I couldn't help it and started crying. I wanted so badly to remember Louis' pregnancy. It destroys me.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this."

"I just... I..."

Karla inches closer to me to comfort me. Not being able to stop crying anymore, I let it all out and hide my face on her shoulder. My sister strokes my back, a comforting and sisterly affection. All I really need right now.

She cries with me, feels my pain, the way it has always been.

[...]

Finally I cried freely and without having to restrain myself. It was comforting, it washed my soul. And having my sister by my side made it all even better. I'll always have a strong and surreal connection with her. Maybe it's the twin bond, like my dad says. She gave me the support and love I needed. Nothing had to be said, her affection and her presence were enough. The way it has always been. I'm very grateful for having a good relationship with both her and my younger sister. I know this love hasn't changed at all over the years.

"You were my maid of honor, obviously." Karla commented as she showed me photos of her wedding. She brought the photo album to show me. My smile won't leave my face, both my sister's and brother-in-law's happiness was clear. They were really meant for each other. "Rodrigo cried the moment he saw me walk into the church. I had to be very strong not to burst into tears along with him. I didn't want to ruin hours of preparation."

"God! You two look so damn beautiful! Your size next to him though... You're so small."

"Haha, you're so funny... You only say that because your wife is practically the same height as you." She grumbles. I become serious. "But I've always liked our height difference. Rodrigo makes me feel safe."

The usual silly smile is present on her lips. Karla always had this huge smile on her face every time she talked about Rodrigo. I knew he was special, I had never seen her so in love with a boy until I saw her with my brother-in-law. It's good to know that at least she is doing well in her marriage.

Karla made a good choice, I didn't.

"It's very strange to see these photos and not remember anything." I comment when I see a photo where I'm arm in arm with Karla and Rodrigo.

The three of us are smiling broadly and the background is their wedding party. Our outfits are also different, lighter, different from the ones we were wearing in the ceremony.

"I don't know how you're handling all this so well. I'd be freaking out every five minutes."

"Believe me, that's what I feel like doing. But my mind is so scrambled that I just feel it all in silence."

"Keeping things bottled up inside is worse. Speaking of which, how are you and Lauren?"

I take a deep breath. This is a delicate and bothersome subject, to be honest. I take a few seconds to answer. Karla doesn't pressure me, she waits patiently. I know my sister understands my discomfort.

"Not good, as might be expected."

"You're treating her like you used to, aren't you?" My silence says it all. I feel Karla's heavy stare on me, but I don't even face her. "Camila-"

"Don't even start with the damn conversation that everything has changed. I get that, but it's not my fault if all my memories are of me hating her."

"I imagine that all this must be a shock to you. Even because it's all very recent. But look at the life you two have built together, the incredible son you have. And most importantly, her love for you. Start a conversation, stop mistreating her."

"I can't."

"Then get a divorce." I lift my head, staring at her, surprised at her advice. Karla remains impassive. She looks back at me with extreme seriousness. "If you think you won't be able to make it work, get a divorce. You two can't keep living like this, either you let her go or you try to face reality the way it is."

"But..." I swallow hard. The mere thought of divorcing her brings me some peace, but also something resembling anguish. "Our son is just a kid, he's so young, I don't know if he would understand."

"Then do things the right way."

"I can't love her. I have no idea how it happened the first time, and honestly, I'd rather not be aware of it. Lauren really hurt me in the past."

"You hurt her too, Camila. Not everything is about you. Lauren beat herself up for a long time because of everything that happened before, how about you cut her some slack?"

I stay silent. I don't have a reply anyways, my sister has always had the gift of making me question everything with her wisdom. I think it's worth trying to recover some things, but how can I do that? I don't feel anything for Lauren beyond dislike. She really awakens the worst in me.

What should I do? For the love of God! I'm feeling hopeless.

Maybe a divorce really was a good solution for the both of us.

[...]

"Dinah texted me. She said she met up with Lauren and Rodrigo at the park and left Toni with the kids."

I look at Karla who has just entered the kitchen. I was hungry and decided to bake something. I've always been a big fan of cooking, and this huge kitchen fills me with ideas. Later, I'll research some recipes, I need to start practicing more.

"Is she coming over?"

"Yes." I'm focused on stirring the cookie dough, but out of the corner of my eye, I see my sneaky sister trying to steal some of the chocolate I'm going to use to make chocolate chips. "Ouch, Camila!" She cries out, startled, after being slapped on the hand by me.

"You'll never lose this damn habit of stealing food, will you?"

"And you will never lose the habit of scolding me for it. It could be a pregnancy craving."

I almost let the bowl fall from my hands. Karla is leaning against one of the kitchen counters, her arms crossed and her eyes fixed on the chocolate.

"You're pregnant?!"

"No, but I could be."

"Ugh! For a second I thought I was going to get another nibling." I let out a long sigh.

I admit I'm a little sad that she's not expecting a baby. It would be cool to follow and experience one of her pregnancies. I love kids and pregnant women, I'd pamper my sister a lot to make up for my lack of memories of her previous pregnancies.

"Rodrigo wishes, but little does he know that I'm still taking my pill."

"That's evil."

"Evil? It's easy for you to say, you only have one kid who's very angellike. I'd love to see you giving in to Lauren's pleas. Her wish is to have at least four children."

"She's crazy. I love kids, but four is an exaggerated number."

"Exactly. If I were to give in every time your dear brother-in-law wants to have a kid, we'd probably have a Cabello soccer team." I end up laughing at that. I remember well that from the three of us, Karla, Sofia and I, my twin sister was always the one who was more terrified of having children. "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Okay."

I finish getting the cookies ready. Two large trays of chocolate chip cookies. My mouth fills with water just by imagining how delicious they'll taste. Turning on the oven isn't difficult, obviously, despite it having a lot of extra buttons. It looks like Lauren and I really love technology. After putting the trays in the oven, I adjusted the temperature a little more as to not burn the cookies.

Karla was still in the bathroom, so I sat down at the table and waited for her. Going over our conversations, I created some of the events in my head. I imagined what my sister's wedding and the birth of her children must have been like, our family's happiness and my own. I'm sure I was proud to see her become a woman. I tried to imagine what it must have been like when it was my turn, but the sound of the doorbell prevented me from continuing to create memories. I got up with a smile on my face.

"Hey, babe." I had a big smile on my face, but I became serious upon coming across a tall man instead of my best friend. Confused and apprehensive, I closed the door but not all the way. He was smiling. "Uh, are you looking for someone?"

"Yes, babe. I checked on your wife to see if she would be gone for a while and she seems very entertained, so we got time." Do you know those cartoons that show the characters' heart jumping out of their chests when they are startled and scared? That would be happening to me right now if it were physically possible. "I brought flowers, my beautiful Latina."

With a gallant smile, he hands me a bouquet of red roses, which only then did I notice was in his hands. I'm shocked, to say the least. I can't believe I have a lover. What kind of person have I become in the last sixteen years?

If I cheat on Lauren then why did I write so many times that I love her in the last few weeks? What kind of sick love was that?

"Who are you? I'm calling the police."

The man stops smiling, looking surprised by my threat. He pulls his arms back, hugging the bouquet against his chest.

"I'm Robert, Camila. Is this some kind of joke?"

"What..."

"Can I come in, babe?"

"Of course not! Get out of here!" I slam the door shut. My heart is pounding in my chest. I can't assimilate the fact that I have no character. I cheat on the woman I married and have a child with. I'm disgusted with myself. "Oh my God..."

My horror didn't lessen, in fact, it increased in the same instant I heard the door open. Wide-eyed, I turn around and come across that man again. He's staring at me as if I was crazy. And I want to punch him. Where is Karla?

"Camila? What's happening, babe? You love flowers."

"Lies! I hate flowers." Stumbling on my own feet, I walk away from him. I look around, no sign of my sister. Is Karla still alive?

"Babe. What happened?" His bulky arm pulls me by the waist against his toned body. I widen my eyes and he smiles. "Kiss me, I miss you."

When I raise my hand to slap him in the face and run away, I hear laughter. Loud, deafening laughter. Still frightened, I look around, and not only do I see my stupid sister, but also Dinah by her side. They are both laughing, almost rolling around on the floor. The tall man finally releases me. I remain paralyzed.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" I shout, completely angry and still confused.

"Did you see her face? It looked like her eyes were going to pop out."

"I thought she was going to die. It has never been so hard not to laugh."

"You-" I press my lips together, and then I look at the idiot standing in front of me, he's still smiling, which angers me even more. I grab the damn flowers from his hands and toss them on the floor, causing several petals to detach themselves from the roses. "Go fuck yourselves!"

"Camila! It was just a prank." I hear Dinah call me amid her laughter, but I ignore her and stomp out of there towards my bedroom.

"You're very faithful to my sister-in-law."

"Karla, go fuck yourself! You too, Dinah!" I shout before I slam my bedroom door shut.

I can't believe these two had the courage to do that to me. I can't even express how terrified, angry and disgusted I was when I thought I could be unfaithful.

I may not love her now, but one day that happened for some reason.

I just can't imagine how irrational I was to let myself fall in love with this woman.

[...]

"You got to admit that it was funny." I roll my eyes at my sister's repetitive speech.

Dinah and she managed to get me out of my room after long minutes locked in there, ignoring both of them. I'm still lowkey angry at them for pulling that stupid prank, but I can't be angry forever. They'll never lose this habit of picking up on me.

"This grumpy Camila looks just like the old Camila."

"Yeah? It must be because I only remember being that Camila. Ring a bell, Dinah?"

"Ops!" She pretends to be sorry and holds her hands up in surrender. I roll my eyes yet again. It's hopeless, Dinah doesn't take anything seriously. It has always been this way, and even now, that we're both adults and have our families, she remains the same. That means she will never change, right?

"But seriously now, before the loves of our lives come back." I open my mouth to counter this, but my sister covers my mouth with her hands. "She's the love of your life, so shut up."

"It's all so confusing. I feel like I'm in a crazy dream that didn't end for some reason."

"Have you started your sessions with the psychologist?"

"Only tomorrow." I reply to Dinah and she nods her head. I let out a long sigh before leaning forward to grab one of the cookies. They taste really good. "I hope the sessions help me remember some things."

"You and Lauren love to showcase your personal and family history. Especially her. Have you noticed how there's thousands of photos scattered around this house?"

"It's true." Karla agrees with Dinah. It's really true, we have a lot of photos in this house. "Not to mention the videos you two are always recording."

"You've seen them?!" My eyes almost pop out. I couldn't help shouting. I'm horrified at the simple thought of them having seen those pornographic videos.

"Uh, yes? I think we all have watched many of them. Why are you making that face?"

"Oh, Karla... She thinks we're talking about THOSE videos."

My sister looks at Dinah with a confused expression, but soon enough her facial expression softens and she seems to understand what it's about. Karla flashes a mischievous smile that makes my cheeks blush.

"Unfortunately, we've never watched those videos, but we've always been curious. You always have really good things to say about Lauren and the way she fucks, she must be magical."

"I... Stop that."

"I really wish you could remember your naughtiness and indecent comments. I've lost count of how many times I've heard about the wonderful tongue your wife has."

"Oh my God! Shut up, Dinah!"

"Look who went back to being shy again. When you'd go on and on about your sex life, your face wouldn't even blush."

Lucky for me, or not, we heard voices coming from outside and then the door was opened. In a matter of seconds, the awkward silence caused by those two was filled with laughter and footsteps. I could finally breathe in relief for not having to listen to those absurdities, but the two of them were still staring at me with smirks.

I can't fathom this Camila they spoke of. There's no way I've become someone without any shame to the point of speaking openly about my sex life in such an explicit way.

"Kids, do not make a mess in your aunt Mila's house, you know how she hates that." Hunter joked as he walked into the living room.

I glared at him angrily, but he just ignored it and headed for Dinah. I can't believe there's a male version and one just as mocking as my stupid best friend. What did I do to deserve this?!

"Mommy, let's play dancing in the rain." Louis approaches me all excited, but I'm confused by his request. I have no idea what that is, and instinctively, I look for Lauren. I know she'll help me.

"Haven't you played enough today, buddy?" I breathe in relief when she picks him up by the waist and lifts him to her lap. Louis laughs, clinging to her neck. "Who wants to play video games?"

Everyone shouted, no exceptions, even the adults. That made me smile. Even though I don't remember past moments with all of them, it's noticeable that we are very close. And I've always wanted to have a big, close-knit family.

I think I can get used to all this.