Camila Cabello's Point Of View

How many sins must I have committed in my past lives?

I was being punished, only that can explain everything.

The universe is finally making me pay for all my sins from my past lives. The time has come for me to pay for my sins. I knew that this day would come, but I didn't think it would be like this. I was finally beginning to accept that this is all real, and not a sick, horrible joke.

My life went by and I didn't even enjoy it.

Fucking hell! I missed my entire adolescence and part of my adult life. Why did this happen to me? I've never been a bad person, I've always respected my parents. Why am I being punished?

If life's a joke, then I'm in a stand-up comedy.

There are so many things I would like to remember.

In this exact moment, after everything, I'm here, paralyzed and trying to assimilate the latest events. My parents, Dr. Charlie and Lauren were talking a few feet away from me. They are all trying to understand how this happened. In their eyes, I am now a very intriguing case. Well, to be more precise, my mind is.

All I can think about is how in the hell I ended up getting married to stupid Lauren Jauregui. If I had a list of suitors, I would choose anyone but her, because she wouldn't even be on my list. She definitely wouldn't be on it.

We can't stand each other. How did I end up marrying that being?

"My advice is that you let her live her life normally. Who knows, maybe living with her wife and son again will make her memory come back gradually. I honestly have no idea how this happened, in my twenty-eight years of career, I've never come across a case like Camila's. It's a novelty, I have to study all the hypotheses."

Hell no!

He will not study me like I'm some lab rat. Nope! I'm in unknown world with people I know, but at the same time I don't know them. Can you understand the size of this mess?

I'm freaking out.

"Can you stop talking about me as if I'm not here? I'm memoryless, not invisible." I can't help being grumpy.

But I believe that you can understand my stress concerning this messy situation. Although I find it hard for someone to understand what it's like to simply wake up one day and realize that your whole life went by and you don't remember. Can you imagine yourself in this situation?

"It seems that her teenage humor returned." Mom joked, she seemed more tranquil.

I on the other hand felt like I could collapse at any moment. At least someone is amused by all this. Not me, obviously.

"Mi hija." Dad approached me, and I sighed tiredly. I just want to go home, I want my bed... Does it still exist? I want my life back. Why can't I just go back to where I left off? "Do you want to leave?"

"Obviously." I grumbled, crossing my arms. I thought it was obvious that I wanted to go home.

Dr. Charlie whispered something to Lauren, but I didn't even bother to listen. The less involved I am in all this, the better.

I don't have the slightest interest in anything regarding this idiot.

I just want my home.

My boring life.

I just want to sleep and remember everything I forgot... On a second thought, no. I'm married to Lauren Jauregui. I don't want to remember that displeasure. What have I done to deserve this punishment? Did I commit that many sins?

"Dr... What can we do? Is she going to need any treatment?"

I didn't want to pay attention to any of that, but I kind of need to. After all, it's my life they are talking about. Well, in part it's my life. Everything is very confusing.

The life I didn't live. That's a good movie title, and the perfect subtitle would be: Camila, a desperate teenager.

Oh! Wait... I'm an adult, I forgot about that detail. Forgive me.

It would be like this: Camila, the teenager trapped in an adult body and married to a sociopath.

"She's going to have to do some exams. But for now, the only thing I can advise you to do is to let her go back to her normal routine, because we still don't know if her memory loss is temporary or if she will never remember the years she forgot."

Oh great!

Does going back to my normal routine mean living under the same roof as the sociopath? Hell no! I'd rather not remember anything and live with my parents. Because I will not live with her, ever.

[...]

I said that I wouldn't live under the same roof as her, right? Unfortunately, my mother doesn't seem at all happy with this idea. I want to know why she wants to imprison me in this meaningless marriage.

"Camila, we're trying to help you. The doctor said that this might help your memory. What's the problem? Why don't you want to go back home with your wife? You love her so much."

That's it. I can't take it anymore.

"No, mom! Don't say that, not even joking. I'm not married to her and I don't love her. I hate Lauren Jauregui with all my strength! This is some sick joke from some parallel universe." I completely lost my temper again, I was tired of hearing all those things.

I can't bear the idea of living with Lauren, much less think that I married her. And everyone around me keeps saying that I love her.

It's simply impossible.

My chest rose and fell, and mom looked at me, surprised at my outburst, and shook her head. She's surely disappointed, but I wanted her to understand my side. I heard someone clear their throat and I looked back. I felt like a little kid caught red-handed. Dad was standing next to Lauren, one arm over her shoulders. Lauren was looking at me as if I was some kind of monster, I don't know, she looked scared. I don't know her enough to read her expressions, but the expression on her face definitely wasn't a happy one, but it was also far away from being an angry one.

Was it hurt?

Ugh! I hate to admit that that look of hers was making me feel bad, but it really was. Apparently seeing her like this affects me directly?

I know I don't have any feelings for her besides hate, but I've never been the type of person that's so insensitive to the point of not being empathetic. Maybe that has always been my problem: worrying too much about everyone.

Dad said something in her ear, he seemed to encourage her or calm her down. Well, I didn't really care. Lauren listened to him and nodded her head, turning to leave the room, but not before looking at me one last time. She simply couldn't stop staring at me. That was disconcerting to be honest.

I felt bad, I confess. And it got worse when my dad glared at me, his expression frightened me. I cringed, feeling tiny. When I was younger, my father almost never argued with me and my sisters, but his glare was enough to frighten us.

"Did you really have to say all those things, Camila?" He scolded me in a way that he had never done before. Like I said before, dad never argued. "Lauren already signed your hospital discharge, you're going home with her. End of story. Don't even bother to whine." I crossed my arms, sulking, but stayed silent. I don't want to go to that house. "Let's go!" He ordered in a firm voice tone, making it clear that there was no alternative but to obey him.

Mom wasn't looking at me angrily, but it was noticeable in her face that none of that had made her happy. To be honest, she looked very disappointed. And it killed me inside, I hate to disappoint her. With my arms crossed and my head lowered, I walked past the two of them and left the room without looking back.

I wish I could remember everything, at least things would be easier.

[...]

My parents still took a while, they wanted to talk to Dr. Charlie and know more about my condition. They seemed committed to help me recover, I also wanted to recover as quickly as possible. The doctor gave us the contact information of a psychologist, he said she could help me.

Well, all the help is welcome in this case, right?

"Mom?" I called when they said goodbye to me, taking advantage of the fact that they hadn't yet gotten into their car. She stopped and looked at me, and I walked towards her. "Do I really have to go to Lauren's house? I don't know her well enough, I will feel weird. I don't want to go..."

"Camila, don't even dare start with that again."

"But mom-"

"I'm serious, Camila!" She scolded, and I huffed. Were my parents now going to argue with me all the time because of her? "You may have lost your memory and not remember her, but that woman over there..." She pointed across the parking lot, where Lauren was fumbling with something in the trunk of her car. "She loves you more than anything and she moves mountains if need be just to see you happy. She never abandoned you and she always fought for you. Can you at least try to be friendly? Don't take the hurts of the past out on her, a lot has changed."

My eyes were fixed on Lauren as I was paying attention to what my mother was saying. I was trying to somehow find this good Lauren that everyone seems to love. I don't know her, all I remember is that she can be the most disgusting and stupid person on earth, and that I'd like to kill her. My mind creates a blockage when I try to see her as a nice woman. When she closed the trunk of her car, she stood straight and her hair flew freely down her back.

I sighed, looking away.

"Give her a chance, sweetie. Lauren isn't a bad person." My dad said, but I didn't say anything, just sighed again.

"Can I at least drive back with you? I'd feel more comfortable this way."

"Of course, hija." Dad pulled me into his arms, hugging me briefly. I felt better with that hug, at least he wasn't angry anymore. "We'll drive you to your house, it's actually a great idea, I miss Louis."

"Who's Louis?"

"Your son." Mom said with a broad smile. "You're going to love him."

Son?

Oh God, I had completely forgotten about that.

[...]

During the drive from the hospital to that house, which I didn't know, but apparently love very much, my parents said that I'm completely in love with that house. And now I can see why. When we parked in front of it, I could only sigh and admire it. It seems that the idiot and I did well in life. I noticed that in front of the house there was a big black car, it was beautiful. I immediately searched my memory and remembered that it's the same car that Lauren was driving earlier.

She has good taste.

Well, of course she does. After all, she married me.

I can't say the same thing about me. After all, I married her.

"Don't be rude to your son, can you do that? None of this is his fault and he's completely in love with you." Dad said as soon as we got out of the car, his expression was completely serious and he looked rather annoyed at the thought that I could treat his grandson badly.

I didn't even have time to answer because it only took a few seconds to hear the voice of a child, and soon enough the boy was jumping into my father's lap and hugging him.

I smiled, it was adorable to see.

I won't be a hypocrite and say that I don't feel my heart racing at the sight of this scene, it's clear that these two love each other very much. Louis seems to love his grandfather; it makes me sad for a few seconds because I realize that I don't remember giving birth to him. I don't know how it felt to hold him for the first time, nor how joyful I felt for finally having a baby.

I wish I could remember that so badly.

"Grandma!" He exclaimed when my father released him, running towards my mother and hugging her legs. "I missed you!"

My heart felt like it was going to rip my chest and jump out. Louis seems to really love my parents and it's a mutual feeling. That affects me, in a good way.

"I missed you too, little prince." My mother bent down to kiss him on the cheek, and then she whispered something in his ear.

Only then did he look at me, and when his light eyes met mine, I felt as if everything around me had disappeared. A whirlwind of good feelings took over me, I felt like crying. My heart felt like a drum.

"Mommy!" He ran towards me with his arms open, a clear sign for me to pick him up.

I didn't hesitate, didn't even care that he might not be as light as he seemed to be. Because he wasn't that little. When his arms clung to my neck, I had to be very strong as to not cry right there. It was the most sincere hug I've received in my life. I glanced at my parents and saw them admiring the scene, they seem happy to see me hugging my son.

I've never felt better.

He wouldn't stop talking and gesturing, just like I saw Lauren doing earlier. It was clear that the two of them were alike, not just in appearance – and that scared me a lot, they were really alike. I listened to everything, and always hugged him when I had the chance. It felt too good.

Do mothers feel like this when they hug their children? Is it normal to feel our heart inflate only with this contact?

"Was it fun?" I asked, showing a lot of interest in his story. He was telling me that Lauren had taken him to a fast food restaurant after she picked him up from school.

"Yes! Mama let me choose two snacks and I won Finn and Jake."

I must have the silliest expression on my face. Completely mesmerized by that little human being, who keeps talking nonstop in the cutest way ever. Mom always says that I was just like this when I was little. There are no doubts that he's like me in this aspect.

"How about you go inside and shower? I promise we'll play with your new toys afterwards." I say as I put him down.

"Yaas!" He celebrates and runs off, entering the house.

The smile doesn't disappear from my face, I'm sure I will love him again easily. It's impossible to look at him and not feel an immediate affection.

"Shall we go inside? I'll make us some coffee." Lauren invited my parents, and I believe me too. She had a broad smile on her face.

I was surprised that she seemed to be someone polite.

Lauren looks like a completely different person.

Well, Camila, you two aren't in high school anymore. She has changed.

I just hope she has changed for the better, because otherwise, our coexistence will be terrible.

I still can't believe that I married her.

"Yeah, Camila... Welcome to your new life." I whisper to myself as I follow my parents and Lauren into the house.