A/N: Translations can be found as inline comments. Self-explanatory or translations indicated within the text will not be provided.

Stupid Samuel, standing stark naked in his cuarto alone, understood that his days were numbered. The room's dank mood did not help a bit. It was only Febrero, and he had already offended the community at least twice this year. How could he expect to make it till Diciembre? How could he receive Christmas regalos when it was possible that he had to give them away?

He caught the kids chanting about his imminent fatherhood before he could even reach his teenage years. Stupid Samuel sighed and shook his curly head. There was no use moping. Swigging a bottle of San Miguel might be good medication at the moment, but nothing could beat a dose of optimism. Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be.

It was a waste of time to argue with logic. Thinking thus, he hoped and looked forward to a better tomorrow. He almost wanted to break into a song, believing that the sun will come out tomorrow, that tomorrow there will be sun, come what may.

"Mañana! Mañana!" he said to himself instead, glancing out the ventana, "It would be good."

No sooner were these words uttered did Mona pass by Stupid Samuel's periphery. ¡Ay, caramba! He thought. What was supposed to happen might as well take place now, for what's supposed to happen, would eventually occur. At least this time, although irritated, he was prepared.

"Que quieres?" Stupid Samuel shouted from the window, asking what Mona wanted.

"You want to skin me alive? That it?" Stupid Samuel yelled as Mona continued walking towards his house.

"You bring mucho problema! Not enough?" Stupid Samuel screamed at the top of his lungs, rousing the townsfolk from their siesta.

"No, but some sugar would be good, if you please," Mona replied as she looked at the boy teetering over the window.

Stupid Samuel hesitated, sighed loudly and relented.

"Door open. Go get yourself. I not come down."

Stupid Samuel prided himself this time for being clever. Nobody could fool him, not even Mona. Although he heard banging noises and girlish screaming coming from downstairs, he would stay where he was. No one can say shit if he was up here and Mona was down there.

He chuckled and cackled and rolled on the floor. Then he thought about the logic of it again: he would not be Stupid Samuel anymore if he became smart. His name would be Smarty-Pants Samuel and he did not like the sound of that one bit.

Stupid Samuel decided to check if everything was all right with Mona. She had not yet exited his house after quite some time. Maybe she was stealing. Maybe she was hiding. Perhaps she's waiting again to take advantage of the situation. Or possibly, he was paranoid. Nevertheless, he went down a short flight of escalera, and yelled, "Mona! Mona de Puta! Where you are?"

A reply came from the kitchen and Stupid Samuel followed it.

It was a big mistake. There was Mona, sobbing and scratching and rolling on the floor. She was also naked, and it was not a pretty sight.

Stupid Samuel had had enough.

"You too much! Demonio in you! Dress, woman!" the boy shrieked as he threw a hand toalla in her direction, the nearest thing he could grab in the kitchen, although the towel was too small for Mona to use as a cover-up.

"Azucar..." Mona said, stating the obvious.

"What about sugar?"

"Bolsa... bolsa de papel...." Mona gestured towards the paper bag containing the sweetener.

"Zzzzip!" he interrupted. This woman should be silenced.

"Pero....."

"Zzzzzup!" This woman needed to be handled.

"Tiene...."

"Ocho ochenta blah blah blah," he taunted.

"Ants!!!" she pointed.

"Que tipo?" asked the curious boy who's trying not to fall into her trap.

"Does it matter what kind they are?" yelled the itching girl whose fingers were furiously scratching her breasts.

"If I help... you go away?" Stupid Samuel kindly offered.

"Ayudame!" Mona's scream was the last thing Stupid Samuel remembered.

And so that explained her frilly thingies on the floor. And so that revealed her glittering red skin. And so that justified the placement of his hands when his parents walked in.

"No! No! Not again!" cried the father, cursing his luck.

"Si! Si! That's my Stupid Samuel," sobbed the mother, mourning her fate.

Gossip, as the saying went, overflowed like the river, leaving people stranded in its wake. This time, people didn't even bother to whisper.

"No! Stupid Samuel standing."

"No! He scratching."

"Himself?"

"No! Mona."

"Oh, naked half, I see."

"No, Remember, whole."

"What Stupid Samuel say?"

"Nada."

"He said, Nada?"

"No! He said nada."

"What Mona say?"

"She say nothin' too."

"Then, how far he go?"

"Todo."

Stupid Samuel soon felt he was special enough to merit exceptional attention. He might as well accept the fact that he was a big kahuna, so big despite his pygmy size, that the barrio hastily found a government for his sake. While they had not yet decided on what kind of political institution it would be, they called it Gobierno ni Cristo.

Inside a tent, near the large oak tree, many arrived to get a sense of the present political atmosphere. The villagers swung left if matters told them to swing left. They leaned to the right if righteousness was the way to go. They'd be at the center if centeredness was in. They also would like to hear these words summed up from the meeting:

Gobernador (self-elected): Because of the gravity of the situation, we, the people of this barrio, convene to reflect upon the actions of a certain ten-year-old pygmy. We call upon one whose name is Stupid Samuel.

Gobernador (continued): We feel that he has gone too far. He has gone all the way ------ to shame this barrio. He makes us question ourselves: What has this world come to? Although we might not know the answer to this, and may never will, we need to know what to do with him. Shall we crucify him?

The Massa: Crucify him! Crucify him!

Gobernador: Louder! Louder!

The Massa: Crucify him! Crucify him!

Gobernador: To preserve the innocence of this barrio, this is what we must do. All in favour, raise your hand!

The Massa: Raise your hand!

Gobernador: People against, raise your hand!

The Massa: Raise your hand!

Gobernador: Stupid Samuel, what do you say to this?

Stupid Samuel: Raise my hand!

Gobernador: So we've decided that you shall be crucified. But, since I am very religious as I am also the Priest, and I am afraid of you visiting me when you are dead, and Dios striking me when I am asleep, I, the honourable Gobernador, will just banish you, Stupid Samuel, from the barrio indefinitely. Do you agree?

Stupid Samuel: No se.

Gobernador: Since you don't know, you can only return to this village if we feel like calling you back. You get my meaning?

Stupid Samuel: Si! I get.

Gobernador: Do you need anything else before you leave?

Stupid Samuel: No! I go as I come.

Outside, the kids sang:

     Fly, birdie, fly

     Up, up to the sky. 

Ahoy mate! Glad you decided to persevere with the adventures of Stupid Samuel. Do you feel sorry for him that he's being banished or do you think Samuel is better off outside of his village?

Moral of the story: Don't trust a girl named Mona.