"Ambe-ambe-ambe!" Devon refuses to give me a break. All the way home he's been yelling that excitedly, and while we were in the garage and riding in the elevator, his cultist chanting only got louder. 

His exclaims are the only things that I actually remember. The entire way home has been weird, unsettling. It's like the conscious part of my brain went to take a nap because I can barely remember which road home did I take. 

If I think about how this day began and how it's going to end, I can feel myself becoming depressed with every moment. In the morning, Annabelle was here, and we were fooling around, and I was basically torturing the hell out of her, and I thought the day could not be ruined. I was excited about seeing Deidre and dad, but once I was there only one thing occupied my mind. 

If Annabelle and I hadn't said a word about it, I would never question my dad. See, this is why I hate talking about what's happened to me, it brings about a whirl of feelings I would rather push aside and out of the door. I love my life. It could've definitely been better, but it could have oh so easily been worse. I have enough confidence myself, I'm completely independent, and I have a job I'm passionate about - sometimes for good and sometimes for bad reasons. In any case, I'm happy with myself. 

Except now. Now, I'm just... questioning everything that happened since dad left. Sure, I considered it before, Annabelle did not lead me to an unfamiliar territory, but I liked that dad was the hero of my memories. When I think about it now... He still is a hero for me. When he came over for visits, or we went to Chicago, I had the best of time there. But, you know... As Annabelle has said it, maybe he was too busy playing newly-weds with Deidre, which is why he didn't try to include us in his fresh marriage. Maybe we were an obstacle to his happiness, to a successful marriage. 

Sitting in the living room and contemplating about this sufficiently darkens my mood to the point that the morning I've spent with Annabelle feels like weeks ago. 

"Ambe-ambe-ambe!" Devon continues with it, jumping and swinging with his woody arms and clenched fists. He gets so loud with this that when he stops for half a minute or less, I hear a ringing sound in my ear. 

"What is it, Devon? Just what is it, so you'll stop..." I whine tiredly and can't even bring myself to avert my eyes towards him. 

He doesn't care but only goes on with what is apparently his favourite word: ambe. What the hell does it even mean? "Ambe! Ambe! Aaaaam-beeeee!" 

After the day I just had, I'm not sure I can take go on with this without being unaffected by it. Maybe he's just happy that he's home with me. After all, there is no better feeling than when you get back to your own lair and restore your energy, especially if you're a baby that's been in unfamiliar surroundings. He probably explored the entire hotel room better than Sherlock Holmes with his mind techniques, or Horatio Caine with his forensics. One time I switched the box of tissues for a cheaper brand, and a different box nearly drove Devon mad - he wanted to get to it and if it meant dying on the journey. 

Well, if I know one thing for sure, is that if you're not happy with yourself, it is upon you to fix that. I just keep coming back to Annabelle. I think about what I did an evening before, and in my mind, I see her on the stage. I think about shutting up Devon, and I recall how calm he is around her. I think about whatever happened with my parents, and I come back to the 3 a.m. thoughts I shared with her.

You could call her.

Nah. She's probably sick of me. She had to spend more than just an hour or two with me.

She could've left any time. You should call her.

I exhausted her anyway. She could be curled in her bed now and asleep since whenever she tried to fall asleep, I had to poke around with either my tongue or the other head.

She cheers you up, and you could really use that right now.

Now, that's true, but just because I'm having a bit of my own crisis, I won't be like a little boy hiding behind momma's legs. I can't run to Annabelle whenever I feel a tingling feeling I do not like.

Where's the harm, though?

I suppose it's a bit nonexistent. And when I talk to her, she smiles and laughs a lot, so she wouldn't exactly be the one cheering me up. It would go both ways. For all I know, the rest of her day could've been as shitty as mine, and could use some of my bullshit to brighten her evening. I know I could use hers...

Devon is still on a roll except that when I scoot to the other side of the couch where my phone is, he holds onto the cushions and stands up on his two feet. "Ambe! Ambeeeeeee!"

Ignoring his screaming and keeping my eyes on him as I reach for my phone, I dial Annabelle's number without trying to consider anything else.

In a matter of moments, Devon simply lets go of the cushions and nearly topples over, but I immediately let go of my phone that falls who knows where in order to catch him before he falls and splits his skull. My heart beats so fast that it might as well be completely still, the intervals are just too much for it, but Devon is giggling, finding me catching him and protecting him from the coffee table immensely entertaining.

"You're gonna give me a heart attack!" I sigh in relief, my heart eventually slowing down. I guess that could be avoided if I were there prepared for him to fall... Who cares, I caught him and he's fine.

"Hello? Nathan?" I hear it distantly from the couch. I look that way only to see Annabelle picked up.

With Devon climbing wherever he can to make it difficult for me to get to the phone, I finally get it. "Hey! Sorry, Devon... wants attention... "

"Oh, how is he?"

I turn to look at Devon and say: "How are you, Devon? Annabelle wants to know."

He explodes, reaches for the phone with his arms, chanting louder than ever before: "Ambe! Ambe!"

I hear her laugh over the phone and say: "Yes, pumpkin! It's your Ambe!" Her tone changes then and says: "He seems to be doing great."

"Oh, he is. Anyway, I just... wanted to check up on you. How are you doing, and all that."

She sighs very quietly as if she wanted to conceal it, sigh under her breath. "I'm okay. Been staring at the television for the entire day. I haven't watched that much television in the entire year."

"Yeah? What are you watching?"

"Ummm, there was The Bachelor, but I didn't really watch it. It was just background noise while I was cooking, but now the old Two And A Half Men is on."

"With Charlie?"

"Yeah. I don't particularly like Kutcher and the latter episodes."

"Me neither. It can be funny, but it doesn't have the same charm to it."

"Yeah, exactly. Well, how are you? How was it with your dad and your step-mum?"

"It was... I mean, nothing special. They told me if Devon was fussy, and told me to join them for lunch. Just a regular day." Just a regular day that turned awry...

"That's great. I'm happy that you enjoyed it."

I wouldn't put it like that.

"Oh, yeah. So your day was without any excitement?"

"I had plenty of excitement before. I thought you'd remember that. You were kinda there too."

I smile with ease at that. That really was fun... "I think I know what you're hinting at."

"I thought so. Anyway, um, I kinda have to go, but... I really like that you called. It brightened up the mood for sure."

Wait, no... Don't hang up!

"Yeah, uh-uhm, no problem. I wanted to hear your voice too. Put me in a better mood as well."

Oh, for Christ's sake, stop her from hanging up!

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. Give Devon a kiss for me."

"I will if I get one as well."

I expect a laugh, a giggle, but it's neither. It's simply undecisive silence, that she later breaks with the most unreassuring answer possible. "I guess so."

Something is wrong. If it's Dominico, I will find him, tear his throat out and put it up to his ass.

"Annabelle?"

"I gotta go, Nathan. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye..." I don't know why I say it. I could've said anything else. I could've asked her to wait and to tell me what's bothering her. I could've asked her from the start what is wrong. I could've pushed the kiss joke further until she'd break. Literally anything else!

Something is so wrong. In the morning she could barely keep off of me (also because I wouldn't let her go anywhere), and now she wanted to get rid of me. Am I really such a bother? I called her in good faith, and she said it herself that the call cheered her up.

She sure sounded cheerful, at the end especially, huh?

She sounded better when she answered the call than when she ended it.

***

Things in the morning haven't changed. If anything, it was just more apparent. When she came in the morning, she looked drained, distant, as if she were sleepwalking. She wasn't up for any conversation, let alone jokes, and while I was getting ready to leave, she was nowhere to be seen. It's like she was hiding from me.

It will make me sound like a hypocrite because I literally ran to and barricaded the bathroom to hide from her, but... That hurt.

Even now that I'm at work, I keep going back to that. Did I ruin it somehow? Was it because I wanted her to stay for another night? Was I too annoying with it?

I've said more disturbing things and those haven't turned her away, so it can't be that.

Maybe... That's because of my mum and what I told her. It would make sense, but it also wouldn't. She was supportive of me. She was freaked out by it, but not in a way that would send her running for the hills. And it's not like I find pleasure in, I don't know, tearing hair from her head or biting her until she bleeds, it's not that disturbing. The only thing that the situation with my mum did to me is that I don't trust easily with my private life, I was very quickly disillusioned, and that is hardly considered a huge disadvantage today.

Unlike before, when I was worried sick about what has gone wrong and what is it with Annabelle, the day passes by incredibly quickly. The faster that I'm nearing the end of my shift, the more hyped I get about going home and trying to clear out things with her. 

I've told her about my own personal so-called tragedy. If she is in a bad mood, or some events came back to haunt her, I want to be there to be her support. After the judgement that she did not give me, it would be only fair I try to provide with the same thing. 

Justine, at one point, as I see through the glass that separates my office from hers, gets up and gathers her things. I spy the clock on the computer and see that she still has an hour to go, and yet, here she is packing her things and ready to go home. She even has the audacity to turn and look me in the eye. At first, I thought she was just checking if I'm busy and not paying any attention to her, but since this is Justine we're talking about, this was certainly about the audacity. 

She gives me a snarky smile, and for a moment I think she's simply going to stroll away as I'll be here following her with my eyes. She presses the button on the telephone on her table and rings mine, which is when she says: "Doctor's appointment. Confirmed with the big guns. No reason to fire me." 

Keeping our eye contact intact, I press the same button to reply with: "Too bad, I was getting excited." 

And after that, she simply leaves. And here I am, excited about getting a middle finger instead of a good-bye. 

With Justine not bothering me with sitting in her office and merely existing, I have plenty of time to go over the plans of the testing and everything, which technically is my job. But only that much can be done in an hour, though what I do check, looks promising, and it's getting me all giddy and excited inside. Some people feel that when they watch YouTube videos of their favourite band, I get like that when I see the drawn-out plans and meticulous arrangement of everything. 

If I haven't succeeded at anything significant, I at least got my hopes up and got all excited about executing the plans. 

I start gathering my things as well, but unlike Justine, at an appropriate time - when my shift actually ends. The things I'm referring to are my jacket, keys and wallet. I don't know why women need an entire damn bag to go out, is there anything else you might need? Even tampons fit in the pockets. 

While I'm turning off my computer and getting all the things back in the drawers where they belong - I have an awful a lot of papers everywhere and if they get mixed up, I might as well just die on the spot - I get a soft knock on the door. 

Naturally, I look up, and I don't know who was I expecting, but it definitely wasn't Flora Jimenez. 

"Surprised to see me?" She asks and clearly points out that I wasn't expecting to hear from her any time soon, especially because she's currently working with Austin at the moment. 

I smile as I slide a stack of papers in one of the drawers and close it, "I gotta say that not really."

"Is it such a coincidence if we meet in a building we both work at?" 

Ooh, we're playful, aren't we! 

"It's a big building, and we're not closely associated like you and Austin Patterson are. Come in already."

She strolls in, wearing killer high heels that appear velvety and go with the outfit of a gray dress that outlines her body, but remains professional. She looks like a lawyer, not like an engineer. "Our association is still to happen, luckily." 

"Yeah, quite looking forward to that, if I'm honest." As far as I know, she works quickly and efficiently. Basically the dreams of every engineer. Testing the prototype could prove to be fun since doing that with Mr Poole from her department for testing has been incredibly dreary. 

Flora comes right to the desk and leans on it, so she looks at me from high up - I'm still sitting, obviously. Otherwise, I'm taller than her. "It could happen sooner if you'd be up for it." 

"Sooner? Are you and Austin nearly done with it?"

She narrows her eyes a bit and the smile on her face shows that she didn't expect the situation to become this awkward. I don't even think that this is awkward, I'm just asking her about how things are going. "No, Mr Price. I wasn't talking about testing."

"Oh?" I ask and glare back at her until the clogs start turning and the lightbulb illuminates my thoughts. "Oh!" I exclaim in a calm manner. How the fuck was this not clear to me?

A smile stretches over her face when I finally get her hint. She is so confident, and it's incredibly attractive. "Yeah, oh. Testing can be fun, but there are other things that can be even more entertaining." 

Damn. 

"Well, I-I agree completely to that, but I was specifically warned not to... pursue this kind of affair until the business is done." Please, don't make this harder for me than it already is. 

"We're two engineers. We can keep personal affairs separated from technology. It's about efficiency." She winks at me when she says that, but it only makes me extremely confused. That is not how it works at all. 

"And you had in mind what exactly?" Is it her plan to jump and ride me here right now or agree for a certain day when we'd meet at her place or somewhere and have a quick and efficient fuck? 

Flora first eyes me from top to bottom, which is arousing as hell. Women have no idea what that does to a man. "It's no point in denying the attraction. And you're the kind of guy that really comes with no strings attached." 

As she says that, she reaches down to me first with her hand, but she as the whole follows quite quickly. She practically sits in my lap, and I, as a gentleman, obviously give her all the space, then she briefly kisses my lips as if to tempt me, to tease me. 

A break follows before she kisses me again. And I think about how sexy she is, how what I say doesn't go through her hollow head, and this right now is the first thing I wanted to do with her when we met in Lenart and Jed's office. 

"You'll need to unzip me," she mutters quietly, moving her skinny curves like she hasn't been this horny in a while. 

I look at her sitting in my lap, and like she did before, I eye her top to bottom. But it's not nearly the same. "I... won't." 

The needy woman she was presenting is suddenly gone, as she glares at me appalled. "What?"

With a light push, I indicate that, in fact, I do not wish to have her in my lap. She gets the hint immediately and gets up, her face unchanging, except that maybe there's more anger to it. And honestly, what the fuck?

"I'll have to turn it down, Flora." 

She lifts both brows, her mouth hanging open. "Are you joking me? You've done it with the entire department." 

But I don't want to do it with you. 

My judgement... needs to be examined because this is definitely not healthy behaviour! 

"It doesn't matter who I've done it with. It's just really for the best if things are kept professional." It could as well be a professional fuck. 

But the thing is that I legitimately do not wish to have sex with her. It's not that anything is wrong with her, she practically has everything I like about a woman, which is that she is a woman! I'm really not demanding!

"Look, uh..." I sigh as I realise that this definitely was not what she expected of me. Clearly I didn't expect this of me either. I don't know if I've ever turned down sex before! "Keeping this division between sex and job doesn't... always work for me. It rarely does, and I'd rather spare both of us from a situation worse than this." 

And you're very skinny. 

And I'm really not horny.

Flora's gaze doesn't drop nor does it soften. For a moment I think that she's gonna spit at me. 

"Flora?" I ask, concerned about this because I don't want to get slapped for politely declining to have sex with her. I will slap myself later, that's for goddamn sure, but I don't want her to be that insulted by it, which again, she has all the right to be because... well, it's sex with me that we're talking about. 

"It's Miss Jimenez for you!" She barks and slams the door shut when she leaves, which shakes the entirety of my office, and I'm ready to say my final prayers. 

Oh, boy... 

Well... Huh... I am speechless at this point. I keep staring at the door, contemplating that she offered to have sex, that I turned it down, that I was determined to do that, and that she nearly collapsed the entire building. I don't know what to marvel at first. 

***

As I drive home, I still don't fully comprehend what just happened. Not what happened, but what I did. I wanted her bad, so bad that Lenart felt obligated to interfere and tell me to cool it down for a bit. I guess I cooled it down for more than just a bit. 

The thing is that even as she was there in my lap, as sexy as it was, it's not that I didn't feel like continuing, but I didn't want to do it. How are you turned on by something, but you refuse to go all the way through it? 

I even went as far as to tell her that sex with a coworker has resulted in catastrophe. That must be the biggest lie I've ever told. I've been getting dirty with Marie for a while now, and Jennifer doesn't have any hard feelings for me either. The same goes for all other five women in this building I have slept with. 

If something ruined a working relationship, it was me turning down Flora. I can't imagine working with her now because frankly, I'm embarrassed that this happened, but then again... I really simply didn't want to have sex with her. I still find her attractive, and as she said, the attraction was impossible to deny. BUT. But... I didn't feel like it, and if I think back on it, I would still probably say no. 

"Hey," I call out when I get home, and I see neither Devon nor Annabelle. 

My greeting lures them both out. They come from Devon's room, and Annabelle is holding him for his hands while he is practising how to walk. When he smiles me he speeds up but slips on the floor - luckily, Annabelle is there holding him tightly. 

"Hi," she says as she usually does, but just like yesterday, there is no colour in it. 

I immediately forget about Flora and that she wanted to do the nitty gritty with me, which I extremely politely declined and even lied to get myself out of that, and I get concerned with what happened with Annabelle. Was it me? Was it someone else? 

Please, let it be Caitlin.

"You look tired. Is everything okay?" I ask her when Devon waddles over to me, stretches his arms far out and plants them onto my legs and knees, which is how he stays up.

Annabelle is nonetheless careful, and loosely holds her hands around him just in case he might have another slip like before. "It's just been a long night. And a long day." 

With the last utterance, I freeze in my entire body. My knees get shaky and it's like someone is sweeping the floor from underneath me. Could... Annabelle have heard about... Flora? Would Flora go so far as to contact her somehow? Oh no... What if she called to the phone to scream at me or something and Annabelle heard it? 

Nah, she said it's also been a long night. She was under the weather yesterday already, this can't be Flora. 

But still... The emphasis on a long day. 

I swear to God, she kissed me. I didn't kiss her back... 

"Oh..." I say because when you don't know what to say, this is what you say. 

She looks at me strangely, but emptily. Is this like a trial? To see if I will tell her the truth of what happened? It would be only right, wouldn't it? 

"Is everything okay with you?" 

I chuckle nervously. Not nervously, I'm fucking breaking a sweat here. If it is what I think it is, then it was me who ruined everything. The one thing I do something right is the time I get severely punished. I don't want Annabelle to feel like she's, strictly speaking, the other woman. She's not that, obviously, because this is not some exclusive partnership. But then again, Annabelle isn't... in my perspective, at least, like Flora or Marie or fucking Becca. 

Jesus Christ, I'm having feelings for her, don't I... 

Okay, no, being worried about someone's well-being and being concerned you may have caused that is humane! This just proves I'm not a sociopath. Of course, Annabelle is different, she is here with me every day, I see her every day, we talk every day, and we are more like really good friends that are insanely good together in bed. I can't compare it to Flora - this was, what, the fourth time I've seen her altogether? Maybe less? I can't even compare it to Marie because what Marie and I have is literally having sex to relieve the tension. 

So, yes, Annabelle is not like the rest of the women I've been with. And what I'm concerned about right now is that she might think that she is. It's not romantic feelings that are involved, it's simply that Annabelle is becoming like... unrelated family. 

"It was just this weird thing that happened," I start because I need to tell her. I already feel bad now, and in case Flora did go loco on me, I need to clear the air with Annabelle. Flora and I might not work together any time soon, and might not work together at all, but who cares about that. I know Annabelle well and do I fucking know that she knows me well just as well. 

"Oh?" She says and gets Devon from the floor because he started to hang onto my trousers and drooling all over the place. 

"Yeah, uh... I was visited by an engineer that should test the prototype for the cell." All I see is Annabelle's confused face, and I don't know if that's because of the prototypes, because she has no idea where this is going to go, or because this sounds like a completely different story than what she is familiar with. She's not stupid, she must know what a prototype means. "And it's a she." 

Okay, this sounds like I can't control my dick. 

Annabelle instinctively looks down away from me, then at Devon that is a keen listener of my story, and then back at me. I can see what she's thinking about. It's all there in her eyes, and I can simply say that she thinks about something bad, something that I don't want her to believe. 

"Anyway, I thought she came to update me on the plan and the progress because she's quite busy with other projects as well, but she kind of... She kind of offered me a... you know..." 

I can't even say sex because it's in relation to another woman. It's as if that will automatically imply I jumped her like a lion and went on with it for three fucking hours. 

"To have sex with her." Annabelle finishes my sentence, and as she does, she gives me a hard stare right in the eye. 

Oh no... 

No, no, I didn't... 

"That." I smile, hoping to relieve the impact of this, but I guess it somehow just makes it worse. Annabelle looks downright uncomfortable, and not to say - hurt as well. Well, no fucking shit if I'm talking about it like it was the fuck of my life. 

She cuts me short, sighing, looking and feeling uncomfortable. "Why are you telling me this, Nathan?" She desperately wants me to stop, and I desperately want to make things right between us. 

"No, no, listen! I-" I take a deep breath as I look at her being disappointed and hurt. You're not just some woman there, Annabelle... "I didn't do it." 

Her face nearly remains the same for the first few moments, but gradually it begins to change as she processes what I've told her just now. "What?" 

I smile again, but in relief this time because I see that I can fix this. I don't want her to be in doubts about herself because she's unique in every aspect. "I didn't do it. I-I don't know, but I sincerely didn't want to do it. She is pretty and, you know, hot, but when she came to my office I didn't even think about her and myself having sex, and when she proposed that idea, I was... not intrigued, and I told her that it's not happening." 

I wouldn't deliberately hurt you. 

Annabelle's eyes soften, some of the glow comes back, but not all of it. However, the disappointment that was around her has disappeared. She goes that far as to give me her bubbly smile, which really makes me feel like a hero that saved the day. 

"But why?"

"I don't know. I just..." I look at Devon in her arms and how he's peering up at me like I'm god, which I practically am. I smile at the kid that is sitting and having the time of his life in her arms, and I can say with certainty that being pressed against Annabelle like that is an out-worldly experience. I look back at her, and she's still waiting for me to finish what I started. 

I think about why in fact did I turn down Flora, and that is because I didn't feel like doing it with her, but now, that I'm here if Annabelle were to give me a wink or would flash me (though I don't know in what context), I wouldn't think twice about going for it. Turning down Annabelle would account for a sin in my Bible. I should mention that my Bible is quite different than the real Bible. 

"I guess, it's because it wasn't you. This sounds cheesy as f-" I look at Devon again and his eyes hungry for knowledge, and I change how I wanted to word my sentence. "-hell." 

Annabelle giggles lightly at it and reassures her grip on Devon. 

"What I'm trying to say is that..." Well, I don't fucking know, where am I going with this? "That-uh... It's a different experience with you, and it keeps my libido at bay, apparently." 

She rolls her eyes prominently, slowly grinning. "I thought you were gonna say something really sweet, but then you just had to mention libido." 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Brontë!" It was... the Brontë sisters that wrote some lovey-dovey books for dreamers, right? Where guys are romantic and pure and don't even think about having sex if I recall?

"It was sweet. To some extent." Giving me another reassuring smile, then she looks at me from the side as she tilts her head. "Why did you tell me that?" 

Ah, a million-dollar question. 

"If I'm completely honest, I have no idea. I wanted everything to be clear, I suppose." Because I'm a paranoid idiot, Annabelle. 

Nodding slowly, she decides that this answer is enough for her. If I can't word it, how would she expect I could answer any further questions about this. Still, even though I told her about it, explained myself, and tried to cheer her up somehow, she is still in a way closed off. 

"Are you gonna tell me what's bothering you? You sounded distant yesterday over the phone. It got me kind of worried." 

She looks down and nods, and for a moment I think she's not going to tell me what is bothering her. If she opts for that, that's fine, but I would really like to know if I can help in any way. She's been there for me multiple times. I want to be there for her as well. 

"It's nothing, really. If I tell you, it won't solve anything," she says and it sounds like she's trying to dodge this topic. I know that for a fact because I've done it I don't know how many times. 

"Maybe, but if you tell me, it could make you feel better. I won't pressure you." I reach forward with my hand and put it on her hip. 

Devon follows the movement of my hand religiously, probably looking at it thinking: 'Why the fuck you touching my babysitter?' 

I guess I do that because I know that I can try and cheer her up with that. It doesn't have to turn out into anything, though I'd very much appreciate it. She can also simply take it as a sweet gesture. I just want to reassure her about whatever is bothering her. 

But then... 

Annabelle looks at my hand on her hip, but she does not look pleased about it. It's fine, I mean, I can live with that. But what I cannot stomach is when she locks her eyes with me and moves out of my reach, avoiding my touch. 

I'd like to say that I took it lightly, that it didn't matter because she was in a bad mood, but that thing stung me, and it stung me bad. I try to swallow saliva, but even that is an impossible task when she decides that me touching her is not really desired in her department anymore. 

"Nathan..." 

Oh no... I screwed it up somehow, didn't I? It wasn't Flora, it wasn't anyone else but me. 

"Nathan, Mason called."

A/N: How are guys holding up in quarantine? I hope that your mental health isn't declining and that you get along with your families or whoever you're stuck in the house/apartment with. We'll all get through this! Stay safe :*

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~Blackie