Maybe he isn't as excited about adoption as much as I am, but Daniel helps me in the best way he can. Ever since I pulled him into this pit of parentless children, he's been scolding me. That was until I reminded him I was the big brother. Then he's shut up and started to complain about Patty who wants to have a big wedding before giving birth instead. She has only a few more months to go and that is one of the reasons Daniel is raging. The other reason is that he doesn't want to have a big ass wedding like her. He wants to invite her and his family, maybe some family friends and that'd be where it ends, while she'd invite both close and friends with whom she has drifted apart. I have her on suspicion she just wants to rub it all to my face: "Look, Nate, that's Janet, we were in kindergarten together. We didn't know each other, but there was one time when I shoved mud in her face and I thought she'd be happy if we got back in contact. You know whom I didn't invite, though? You."

"I'm really worried about it. Now she's rushing with the wedding like we're going to die after the birth of our child." Danny groans and slams his fist against the steering wheel of my car.

I squirm when he treats my Alfa Romeo so carelessly. We are driving to the adoption agency. Sue called me to come by and she mentioned this was the big day. She said that for every interview I had to drag myself through. I asked Danny to come with me, in case I needed another reference and when I came to pick him up from work with my car, he was tempted to choke me if I didn't let him drive a little.

"If you'll keep slapping my car like it's some cheap whore, you'll die before seeing your newborn, got that?" I warn him and shoot him a sideways glare.

Maybe he's heard, maybe he hasn't, he doesn't let me know which one is it, but as he continues to babble about Patty, wedding, baby and honeymoon, I notice he is treating my car with gentler hands "And how do you imagine being on a honeymoon after getting another kid?" Daniel exclaims and holds himself back when he lifts his hand to hit something with it. "I know her, you know her and we're both aware she'll take the baby to our honeymoon." He sighs like a desperate man that he is "I love expanding my family and being with it on holidays or when I come home from work, but honeymoon us about being with your spouse."

"Honeymoon is about sex."

Daniel looks through the window shield very uncomfortably. Most likely he is searching for a different, more romantic way to describe honeymoon, but he doesn't try that hard. It is easier to just plainly agree with my description, which is the most accurate one "There's definitely no space for a newborn baby."

I snort and lean my elbow on the car's windowsill "I thought Patty was clear on the meaning of honeymoon."

"Honestly?" Daniel quickly glances at me, then fixes his eyes on the road "I thought so too and it looks like we were both wrong." 

I let the window down and wink at a blonde who is conveniently standing at a bus station. She replies with a smile and returns me a wink, then sadly traffic light turns green and Daniel drives further. 

"I mean think about it, when people come from honeymoon friends usually ask them if they had lots of sex and where everywhere did they do. And will I say? Oh yeah, we tried to have sex, but then our baby would start crying and I had to hold her until she went back to sleep. Otherwise, the honeymoon was great!" He sobs a little and stops at another traffic light "That sounds so horrible..."

I smile victoriously at him "You could at least make some money of it by calling Guinness' book of records and register your honeymoon as the worst and most pathetic one." Daniel squeals and murmurs something under his breath, which I can't hear clearly "Or register yourself as the husband who turned into a puppy the fastest You'd definitely win that!"

This time I am the one to get a glare, but he soon recognises my suggestion for the truth "She really has me wrapped around her finger, huh?" 

I nod and grimace "Yep, she does." I stop leaning on the elbow and gently punch his shoulder "You just gotta show her who's the man in the house. Next time she'll be planning a wedding without talking to you about it, just stand up for yourself and tell her she can't just do it her way if you don't agree. Tell her you matter too, I mean it's your wedding day as well!"

I see him shake with his head in response, tightening his lips together "No, that would only hurt our relationship. She's the dominant alpha female, I can't contradict her, not the way you want me to."

"Oh god, Daniel, if Patty is such a feminist, recite her a definition of it. Feminism is gender equality and what she's doing, doesn't sound like equality much." I tell him, nearly doing the action I forbade him earlier in the car. Whenever Daniel tells me about Patty and her sick ways of treating him, it angers me. And then she wonders why we broke up. 

"It doesn't work like that with us. We have a kid, we can't just start screaming like we want to throw our lungs out." Daniel tries to defend her. I can't understand why, but he is looking an excuse for her. 

I snort loudly, it is something nearly everyone I knew hated and they've told me it makes me look like an ultimate douchebag, but in the end, it clearly expressed how much I despised something "Oh and teaching your kid first-handedly how to be a little bitch is so much better!"

He keeps quiet and silently drives, getting us closer to the adoption agency. I've completely forgotten about the adoption when he started talking about Patty. 

He probably hopes for my silence as well, but I want to clear something with him "Danny, just why? Just tell me why are you so humble when with her? I know this isn't about Aidan, you were like this with her before you knocked her up. I remember when you wanted to have a simple sandwich pack when you took her out for a picnic, but when she said she'd like something fancier and A-class, you completely changed your way. Need I remind you, you two have been dating for a while when that happened?" I see him clench his jaw and even though it is terrifying to see Daniel get angry, I think it would be better if he'd let it out. Better me than in front of Aidan, as he has said before. He's always been piling things inside, then one day - BOOM! "Just compromise, right? It's how men and women can live together, with compromises." 

"Like you know what you're talking about. You have never lived with another woman ever since you moved out of Mom's place." Daniel snaps back at me and I see how his cheeks heat up. He takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes when he parks the car at our destination. I haven't even noticed we're already here. "Look, can we just stop? I know Patty and I can handle it." 

"Yeah, handling Patty, huh? Sometimes she likes to be handled." I joke and chuckle.

I think it is a pretty neat joke, but Danny doesn't seem to like it much. "Can we just get it over with this social worker and all?" He doesn't expect an answer to that. If he has, he'd wait in the car with me. Instead, he leaves, closes the door and leaves for an entrance without me. 

I run after him and when I catch him before he enters, I stop him "Danny-" My voice gets caught in my throat at first because I see how angry he is. I know this isn't all about Patty taking over, but about that joke which I believed was to damn neat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about handling her, I... I don't know." 

Daniel doesn't give my apology a second thought, but that is because we were brothers and very close at that "It's fine." 

"You sure?" I ask him carefully, just in case he's maybe changed his mind about telling me. 

"Yeah, I already told you." The way he becomes so snappy so suddenly terrified me. Did I really cross the line with it?  

"Danny, I don't think you really are okay. I used to tell others I was fine after Mom and Dad divorced, but guess what, I wasn't." I glare at him, while he looks everywhere, but at me. "I won't make Patty references anymore, I promise. I know they bother you."

Danny sighsand nervously starts tapping with his foot "No, you won't, but I already told you, it's all cool. Now, can we please just go and deal with the interviewer, I gotta pick Aidan up in an hour."

"Pick him up? I thought you two decided to switch kindergartens. You didn't tell me you already found one!"

"We... didn't." He sighs again and a feeling of guilt crosses his eyes.

He doesn't have to say it. It stings me horribly, but I try to pretend like it is not a big deal. I am adopting, I can't get so emotional about a kid who hasn't seen me in forever.

"Believe me, I tried talking to her, I did, but when I mentioned your name, she just started to rage and..." He takes a slight pause to read my expression. He is deciding whether he should continue or stop. "And the next morning she just took him and gave him to May for an afternoon."

I nod, smiling so fakely and bitterly it most likely mames Danny feel even worse "I'm really getting sick of hearing her name." 

"Don't even start." He rolls his eyes, but he stops himself when it cones to chuckling. "You're not the only one who feels about May that way. Why do you think I'm the one picking Aidan up and not Patty?"

I widen my eyes in disbelief, hoping I got his hint right. Patty's always been too proud to face what was before her and now finally that's biting her back in the ass! "That's so fucked up."

Even though Patty is Daniel's love and bride, he is enjoying watching her struggling with families to find a suitable babysitter, only because she blew me off. Daniel always knew I could give Aidan the best care as the uncle who loved him and kept spoiling him. Patty used to believe that as well, then when we faced a disagreement and she was, for some weird reason, so hurt by it, she desperately tried to change her ways.

With these thoughts in my head and my absent-minded and handsome walk down the hallway, I nearly walk in Sue's office just like that, if it wasn't for Daniel. He pulls me back and tries to scold me "Nate!" When he sees how carelessly I have suddenly felt, he is tempted to give me a slap, but he doesn't  'cause I'm the older brother and would smack him right back. He glances at Sue who's been working something on her computer. Her expression is puzzled and now she reminds me a little of the Sue she used to be. "Did she say anything about this interview? Is it a regular or something else?" 

"She just said it's supposed to be a big thing." I shrug it off, "But about adoption, everything is a big thing."

He looks like a nervous wreck, constantly checking the time on his watch "Well, we gotta hurry." 

"Ya, I know," I say, exasperated because my brother has turned into a puppet, which isn't only in Patty's possession anymore, but also in May's. And May's a fucking dragon. "You gotta get Aidan. We'll handle this quickly, no worries, but please, try to make me look good, okay? Sue can be extremely strict."

Daniel nods quickly and nervously, like he wants to speed up the next few minutes, so he can go and get his son from our sister's claws "I've met her before, I know." 

I put on my sassy smirk and if I had sunglasses, I'd put them right on my nose "Let's do this!"

I try to put the cock-block news of May taking care of Aidan behind me and prepare myself for what Sue has planned for me. I like to imagine, I walk in like a Superman, cape fully blowing behind me, my teeth glistening and a choir singing hallelujah, but in reality... I walk in like muscles in my legs were dying, fading away and I crumble on the chair like a mashed potato. 

"Hi," I say to Sue and try to bring up a happy smile, but all I can do was a direct copy of :D emoji, which is well... Pathetic. No other word. 

Sue doesn't know how to react, but in the end, she goes with her usual, fixing her hair, putting strands behind her ear and so on. Danny gets in and sits on a chair next to me, which confuses Sue and I have just managed to convince her Danny and I weren't lovers. God, how crushed she looked when she thought of that. 

"You brought your... brother?" she asks me carefully, walking around her desk like a dangerous feline. 

I shrugs casually, while Daniel is tapping with his foot, taking thirty seconds break between his glances to the watch "Yeah?"

When she takes a deep breath and gets this disgusting image of Danny and me kissing naked in some heart shaped bed (Ugh, I'm gonna throw up...), a smile appears. A big fucking ass smile, that reaches half of the building where her office is. It makes me wonder what has put her in such a good mood and I am sure I'm going to like the answer. She clenches her hands into two fists in a shape of a ball excitedly and bit her lip like she wants to separate it from her mouth. "I'll be right back!" Sue exclaims and runs out of the office. 

Daniel and I exchange glances and let me tell you, they aren't pretty. He even leans closer to me and whispers: "Was it just me or did she squeal?" 

I barely look at him, because my eyes are fixed on the door through which she has just left "I was about to ask the same thing." 

"She wasn't so enthusiastic about other interviews as far as I remember, right?" He asks.

"No, no, she wasn't, which is exactly what worries me," I reply and our eyes meet. We are both concerned what is going to happen. 

"What do you think she meant by this thing being so 'big'?" Danny continues to question every molecule of air in this room, while Sue is still nowhere to be seen. 

"Danny, I have no idea, Sue's a weird gal anyway, especially when I'm concerned in the matter." As I speak about her falling for me, I grinn like a Cheshire cat. Danny is almost horrified at my reaction and me, how proceeded I to see things and just to amuse myself some more, I give him a content wink. 

"Nevermind." He says and starts twiddling his thumbs, which soon starts to irritate me. I know he is holding back from reminding me he has to go and get Aidan later, but it isn't like this was all my fault. It is Sue who takes forever for granted. 

After waiting for Sue for such a long time, I sink into my chair and bend my head down, like I were a Mexican. The only thing missing is a giant ass sombrero. I am tired. I finally begin working like a proper head engineer, while I can't stop thinking about Annabelle and how... dazzled she's looked. Besides, that cologne she gave me, I bought it and it did magic to women. Even Justine complimented me, which was, indeed, very surprising. 

Maybe both, Danny and I, take a quick nap, 'cause none of us see Sue coming until she closes the door. The sound wakes me from my trance of thoughts and it sure does feel like I were asleep. Both Danny and I raise our eyes and that is when silence is intensified by our hearts that stopped beating. Especially mine.

"What... is that?" I ask, like a complete unobservant idiot, but truthfully, I can't say anything else. 

Sue walks closer to me and smiles the same way as before when we have just arrived "This is your son!" She says excitedly, but carefully not to upset the kid she is holding. I hear a big thump and the next thing I am aware of is the kid leaning his drooly mouth on my shirt, sitting in my lap. "His name's Devon." 

I look at the kid from all angles and place my hands on his hips, so he wouldn't fall on the ground and smash his head. Devon wasn't May. "Sue, I-" 

"You two are such a cute couple. Let me take a picture!" She is on a roll, running around the office, jumping of excitement, she is all over the place! And really, from god knows where she fishedls out a Polaroid camera and takes a quick picture of me holding the kid. I don't want to see what I looked like, but it definitely isn't an expression of a happy father. 

"Listen, uh, wasn't I supposed to get a kid... Later?" I ask and give Devon back to Sue. She holds him like she is his mother and presses the boy against her breasts. Lucky bastard. 

She laughs and hands Devon back to me "I told you I could speed things up for you and you were a perfect candidate for this little treasure." She pinches Devon's cheek as he is once again resting in my arms. 

"But-" 

"I know, it's very confusing at first, but I know that the moment you'll get this little boy home, you two will both be the happiest people alive." Sue grins. "Oh, there's one more thing we need to handle!" 

She rushes to get something from the drawers as I glance at Danny, who doesn't move his eyes from the kid. Oh, god, what have I done?! 

"There!" She exclaims, 'cause apparently it is an international day of exclaiming and pushes papers in my hands "Just sign here, Daddy." 

Normally, I don't mind women calling me Daddy, but now, I just return a forced smile that reflects my fear. I don't want to be called Daddy. 

I don't know why I did what I did, but I am aware of anything! When I see the papers, I just sign them. I don't even know where I get the pen from! And the kid is pulling on my sleeve, so my signature looks like I have just learnt how to write. I want to cuss loudly and make a rugby ball out of the kid, but I manage to keep myself in control.

"Oh, you two are already getting along!" Another exclaim by Sue cones and I am really getting sick of it. She gathers the papers and eyes Danny like he is her mortal enemy. It looks like in her eyes, we still are lovers. 

I sit in my chair, with this kid playing with my tie, putting it in his mouth and what-not, until Sue reminds me our meeting's over and Devon and I can go our merry way. Daniel is the first one to leave the place, but I am sure whether it's the absurd of this situation or is he worried about Aidan. 

I follow him out like a zombie, kid's head caught between my neck and shoulder. He is looking at everything with big dark blue eyes and mouth shaped in a giant O. He is adorable, but I am a Dad, now. I am a freaking Dad! 

Thankfully, Daniel has keys to my Alfa Romeo and to my luck, he is up for driving. If I sat behind the wheel, I'd probably kill all of us before we took the next turn from the parking lot. 

When the car starts and Daniel begind driving, Devon is curiously glaring at the shiny and pressable buttons. He is happily sitting in my lap and I wonder if that is even legal, him sitting here like that. 

Danny keeps glancing my way, whenever he gets a chance, while I keep staring straight forward. "I can't believe you're a Dad. Jesus fucking Christ, I can't fucking believe it." 

"Neither can I," I say and barely prevent Devon from opening the door and killing all of us. 

"I don't want to be rude, but... I didn't expect you to go through with it." He says and even though I say I understand where he is coming from, it kind of stings me, like nobody believes in me. 

What then dawns on me, is an awful realisation, this kid is dependent on me. If I screw up one thing, I screw up a baby and scar him for a lifetime and that's not something that could be overlooked. "Yeah, like everyone else, probably." 

Red traffic light stops us on our way and Daniel glances at me "Nate," He starts and sighs "I just... I know the kid will be okay, but where the hell did you get an idea to adopt a baby. If you're so keen on one night stands, you could just impregnate some girl." 

"Woah, wait a minute. Impregnating someone just like that would mean ruining lives. And look at him," I say and lift Devon, so his feet are dangling until I put him back down "There's nothing wrong with him." 

"Yeah, alright, he's cute, but still..." When the green light shinrs and lets us continue our drive, he says "I suppose it's just hard to believe you had such a big change of heart in the last six months, that's all. Where do I drop you off?" 

I think about Aidan and if I should go see him, even if just for a minute and even if that meant I'd have to talk to May, but with Devon in my arms, I decide to change my plan and go home "I think I've had enough excitement for today." 

Daniel nods and since then we drive in silence, which Devon seems to appreciate. He falls asleep and is breathing evenly, which I confess is a very cute sight. 

***

Devon wakes up just when we reach the apartment. He is sleepy and still unaware of things around him, so I take him to his room. The last time I've stood there, was when Brandon Ritchie stopped jerking off at the sight of my couch. The room is so damn unfamiliar it is making me feel uneasy, so I quickly put Devon in the crib, leave him there to sleep and open up a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen with an intention to empty it.

Seriously, what the hell was I thinking when I signed up for this? That shit with Patty and then Annabelle, what's up with women in my life, all shiting around the place. The door to Devon's room is open and I glance at the kid peacefully sleeping in his little bed. He looks so innocent and he hasn't cried not even for a second today, which can be promising.

My Dad has tried to convince this was a bad idea, that it was probably for the best when I thought Ritchie was going to cost me a baby but did I listen? Nooo. What's more, I was offended!

If Daniel thinjs it was such a horrible idea, why did he go with me for a reference? Or was it all a conspiracy and Patty sent him? No, he wouldn't do it and neither would she. Right? Right?

I am panicking, losing my shit every second I spend standing behind the counter in the kitchen. Should I even get drunk, or would Mr Ritchie knock on the door next second and take Devon away from me? At this point of desperation and revelation, I was tempted to do it.

It isn't that I hated the kid, but I think it is only now that I got aware of my situation. All the poop and crying... And I'll have to face it all on my own. Now, that doesn't mean I was thinking about finding myself a girlfriend, but that I recognise how much I goofed it this time.

My stubbornness will be the death of me one day, I can feel it. If I want an honourable escape from this that didn't include beating up the boy or any other type of abuse, that would be death. I can just start living even more recklessly, eat hamburgers all the time, add extra fat to my food, so heart attack would come 30 years sooner than anticipated.

My first thought is: That's what I'm gonna do. 

I am already holding a pan in my right hand and open the fridge with my left one, so I can find the greasiest piece of meat I own (which is nearly impossible, 'cause I take care of myself. I don't want these sweet abs to disappear!).

Then I look at the faraway place, where a small chubby body is resting in a crib and I think: But he is my son.

And I put the pan back in the cupboard underneath the counter.

Join the Community Discord: https://discord.gg/W4CeMpYdkR (clickable link on my profile)

If you liked this chapter, don't forget to colour the vote star and leave a comment ^o^

~ Blackie