Saturday mornings are always nice. They're just so blissful for me. They always have been. I cancelled the date I had set with my girlfriend as soon as I woke up today. I really need quality time with Jimin. I sat on his bed while he sat on the floor, both of us still wearing the same clothes we slept in. It was pretty quiet.

He had both of his ears plugged as he scrolled through his phone. I can't see what he's looking at, though. I don't care enough to move and look. I'm feeling pretty lazy. I stared at the book I was pretending to read. I couldn't read it even if I wanted to. Jimin talked in his sleep last night for the first time in a long time. I can't get what he said out of my head. I scrunched my eyebrows and turned a page in the book.

"Hyung... Hoseokie hyung..."
Why do you dream about me?

"You fell off your bed, sweetie. Jimin said you hit your head on the bedside table pretty hard."

"I'm sorry."
What are you sorry for?

"Do you like what you see?"
He blushed quietly.
Since when did my teasing make you uncomfortable?

"You've seen me shirtless hundreds of times! I don't understand why it bothers you now. What has gotten into you, Jiminie-ah?"

"Nothing, hyung."
Why are you lying to me?

"Hy-hyung..."
Are you dreaming of me again?

"I really do love you, Jimin."

"I love you, too, hyung... But it's different for me..."
What do you mean by 'different?'

'To: Jimini~
How is it different?'
Why didn't you answer my question?

"I can do you."

He blushed and hid a smile.
Why do you blush so much around me?

"You know, you like men a little too much."

"Nah, just you."

"I like you, too." He hid his smile.
What are you trying to hide from me?

"I was just thinking that you need a girlfriend."

"I'm fine without one."
Why wouldn't you want a girlfriend?

"Harder Hyung..."
Who and what the fuck have you been dreaming about?

Jimin is either flustered or defensive around me. It's like he's trying to protect himself from me. I've never hurt him, though. Ever. I don't understand why he feels the need to block me out so much.

When I talk about Hyuna, his entire demeanour changes. I feel like he doesn't like talking about her. Maybe he just doesn't like Hyuna in general. Sometimes his voice will sound sad, but then it bounces right back to its usually happy sound. When his voice slips, I feel like he's only pretending to be happy about my relationship.

If Hyuna makes me happy, wouldn't that make him happy?  Unless... No. That's absurd! Then again, maybe it's not.

"Hey Chim Chim?"

He took one ear bud out and hummed, not looking away from his device.

"Are you gay?"

Silence.

"Uh, nevermind. I'm so-"

"Yes," he answered bluntly. He is? Since when!? You were supposed to say no! Why didn't he ever fucking tell me!?

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I have another question, but it makes me nervous. I really, really don't want to ask him this one because I'm afraid of his answer. I'm afraid our friendship will falter. I'm afraid of how I'll react.

I took in a deep breath, and then asked, "Are you gay for me?" I held the rest of the air in my lungs. Please say no.

"Yes," his voice cracked as he answered.

I don't know what to feel. This isn't okay. I'm completely dumbfounded. Not only is my best friend gay, but he's gay for me... All of our skinship was probably a lot more than friendly to him. I... don't know how I feel about that...

"Are you surprised," he asked, locking his phone. I stayed quiet, not knowing how to reply. "Yeah, me, too," he chuckled slightly.

Huh? "What do you mean by that," I asked.

"My feelings for you were, well, unexpected." I was confused. How do you unexpectedly have feelings for someone, let alone your best fucking friend?! "I know you well enough to know that silence means you don't get it," he chuckled again, "you're so slow sometimes.

"Let's say that the barrier between friendship love and romantic love is a condom. The penis is me and the vagina is you. Sperm is romantic love and the uterus is friendship love." I bit my tongue in order to resist the urge to laugh at this comparison, because I know he's being dead-serious. "We're just doing our thing as best friends like always, which would be the act of fucking here, I guess. That sounds weirder out loud than it did in my head.
Anyways, one day the barrier, or condom, breaks. Unfortunately, I didn't know it broke, so I carried on as I always would. Naturally, I ejaculate, which allows the sperm, or friendship love, be free or whatever. Just like how my love for you comes out all the fucking time. It's natural behaviour for me.
Usually, you have the barrier to prevent that love from becoming something more, but it broke. So the sperms went swimming their way deeper and deeper until, oh shit, they reached the uterus and one reached the egg at the end of the road. After sex, I pull out and realise that the condom broke. Boom, an unexpected problem occurs. Oops, I just got you pregnant, but I don't want to tell you, so I hide it and pray that it miraculously dies or something.
Unfortunately, this new love for you grows into a fucking baby. You have finally realised the problem; you are pregnant. It was completely unexpected, right?"

I sighed, "I get it now. But what do I do with the damn baby?"

He mumbled something that sounded like 'kill it,' but I wasn't sure, therefore I left it alone.

"Jimin, I-"

"Look," he interrupted, "I know you don't love me that way. I know you don't even really like homosexuality, even though you're nice about it. I already fucking know and I really, really don't want to hear it from you, so please, don't say it. Please." His pleading voice quivered at the last word.

"I don't want your baby."

Again, he mumbled something about killing it. Then, he slowly stood up, stretched, and then made his way to the exit.

"Where are you going," I asked as I stared down at my book, not even daring to look up at him. I can't look at him, not after this.

"Don't know," he answered quietly. Before I could reply, he was gone.

Should I go after him? Nah, he's a big boy, after all. Then again, he's younger than me, so I'm technically responsible for him. But he can still take care of himself. I'm sure he'll be fine. I frowned. But it's my duty as his best friend to make sure he's fucking okay!

I aggressively chucked the book at the door and grunted. I irritate myself. I quickly slid some shoes on my feet and grabbed a jacket because it's cold out there. At least Jimin was wearing a hoodie. Wait, he only has on gym shorts. God damn it!

I ran out of his room in a hurry, but was stopped by his mom. Ah, fuck. I don't have time for this.

"Is everything alright," the woman asked, clearly concerned.

"Yes, of course," I replied politely, "He just forgot his jacket is all."

"Okay, better hurry before he catches a cold!" She practically shoved me out the door. I feel guilty for lying to her now. He didn't forget his jacket, and nothing is alright. I'm sorry, Park-eomma, forgive me.

I looked at the street to my left, and then my right. Both were empty. There is literally no trace of that boy. I sighed. Where the Hell could he have gone?

"Jimin," I yelled. My voice echoed through the streets. No reply. I didn't know which way to go. I can't believe I'm about to do this. It's so childish. I started pointing my finger to the left, then the right. My finger pointed back and forth as I mumbled, "eoneu jjog-eulo galkkayo? Al-a majchwo boseyo. Dingdongdaeng!*" My finger landed right, so I ran in the 'right' direction. Hopefully the right direction is the right direction.

I ran past many houses, yelling his name over and over. I never stopped running. I ran all around where he lives... Nothing ...and where I live... Nothing. Not a single trace of him could be found. I yelled his name over and over and over again. I even ran to the school and hopped the fence, looking all over the campus.

Winding up empty handed, I started panicking. I dropped to my knees and looked up at the sky, then screamed, "Where the fuck are you!?"

Then a lightbulb appeared above my head. Hoseok, you are a dumbass. This is the twenty-first century. We have fucking phones! I immediately took mine out of my pocket. An unread message from Hyuna popped up on the screen. You're unimportant right now, damn it. I hit the home button, exiting out of it, crossed my fingers, and then called Jimin.

Ring... I held the phone between my head and my shoulder so that I could cross my hands' fingers. I crossed my toes, too. Ring... Ring... After exactly 20 seconds, it went to voicemail. I threw my phone at the brick school wall. Then, I slammed my back against it.

My eyes swelled up with tears that would fall as soon as I blink, and an uncomfortable lump formed in my throat. I hit the back of my head against the hard bricks, ignoring the sudden ache I felt. Tears began streaming down my face. I allowed my legs to give in, and immediately my butt hit the ground. I winced at the pain, but it was nothing compared to the many negative thoughts racing through my mind. Just the thought of anything bad happening to that ball of sunshine makes my heart ache.

Well, he's not much of a ball of sunshine now, thanks to me...

Drip drop! Rain fell from the sky. I looked up at it and watched as the light drizzle turned into pouring rain, squinting so that it wouldn't get any raindrops in my eyes. This sucks so much.

I gripped my hair harshly and clenched my jaw. Through my gritted teeth, I religiously repeated, "Jimin, I'm sorry." I sobbed harder than the rainfall. The pain in my heart grew faster than weight gain.

I can't stop searching for him yet. I can't give up, not yet. Get the fuck up Hoseok. I picked up my shattered, soaked phone and put it in my pocket. Despite the harsh rain, the horrible headache, the sharp, shooting pain in my coccyx, and the fact that my vision is blurry as Hell, I stood up and continued searching.

I screamed his name at the top of my lungs repeatedly, though I doubt anyone could hear it over the rain. That panicky feeling came over me and I felt an anxiety attack coming on. Nope. Nope. Nope. I started running again; running from the pain and the anxiety, running to Jimin.

People were walking the city streets with umbrellas, so I must look pretty crazy running frantically without one, especially since I keep screaming. I slipped and fell multiple times, but that's not gonna bring me down. I checked roads, the alleyways, the park, the cafés, the library, the tourist attractions, the restaurants, the small shops and even the big stores by having his name called over the intercom. I still reeled in an empty hook.

How the Hell am I supposed tell his mom? 'Hey, I lost your son. Oops???' I burst into tears again and made my way back to his house.

ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ 저자의님 노트 ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ ㅡ

*Korean version of eenie meenie miney mo

So a shit ton went down in this chapter, eh?

I just want to say that even though this story is really, really unpopular, I really appreciate those of you who read this... yeah.