Happiness or wealth, whichever is most important, hold onto it.

~

Stuck on You: Kapitel Achtundzwanzig

"I see you still wear that ring I gave you a long time ago," I felt a poke on my ring finger and I automatically looked down, seeing the alexandrite gem merged into swirls of silver and gold, finished with a circle of diamonds. "Yea," I muttered softly. "How could I not?" I started to play with the ring, loving how beautiful it made my hand look. 

"It looks good on you. I should know. I'm the one who picked it out," Santiago drawled in that nonchalant tone of his and I threw one of my pillows at him. Ivory was running around my bedroom, playing with her dolls as she made a bunch of noise, eliciting laughter from Santiago and me. I liked moments like this: when we could digress in the comfort of each other's arms, relishing in the scents of each other as we talked mindlessly about nothing. He had come over on my day off, wanting to spend every minute with me (he completely disregarded the fact that I was with him all day yesterday and he complained that my constant talking was annoying him.)

"We should move in together one day, you know, the three of us," Santiago whispered as he looked up at the ceiling, soft smile on his face. "Then we could truly be a family." I did like the idea, a lot actually. I could also imagine us together every single day, waking up to a homecooked meal and a kiss on the lips. It would be the domestic life and I had nothing else in mind but that. "Then if we could," He looked at me, blinding hope in his eyes and it made me wonder what he was going to ask me. "We could have another child, a boy maybe?" He sounded so hopeful and it made me question everything. 

The nine months of pregnancy, the endless vomiting, the needless cravings for random shit that didn't go hand in hand together, the stupid weight gain, the waddling like a penguin when my feet would hurt, the ultrasounds and hearing that heartbeat, the decorating the nursery, the kicks of the feet when a hand was placed on my stomach, and the actual birth: all beautiful souvenirs that Santiago would finally get to see for the first time in his life.

He had never got to see those things with Ivory.

It made me feel sad.

"You better hope the odds are in your favor," I muttered playfully, knowing that I was on board with the idea already. This was everything we had wanted. "Daddy, I would like a little brother!" Ivory piped up from the floor with glee in her voice. "Would you now?" I raised my brow. She still had no idea how she was born and I wouldn't tell her until she was older because she would need to have some stable mentality and concise intelligence in order to understand what I was going to tell her. Telling her now would just confuse her and it wasn't as if she didn't already have some preconceived notions about everything.

She was quite sharp.

"Yea, so that I can be his big sissy and watch over him!" She cheered, bashing her two dolls heads together and I grimaced at the violence. "Well, the princess has spoken." There was a kiss on my cheek as thick arms wrapped themselves around my waist, nestling further into me. "So why don't we work on making that a reality, huh, what do ya say, Anthony?" His deep voice vibrated on my shoulder as I looked down into the eager brown eyes. "Not while there are children present," I stated calmly before lowering my voice. "And I'm still sore from yesterday, you goddamn lust bucket!" I hissed and he chuckled and I knew he was going to say something not appropriate enough for the ears of children.

"I did say we had eight years to make up for," Santiago muttered deviously, his eyes narrowed. "Or did you forget?" I paused before shaking my head, unsure of what trap I was walking into. 

"Well, I'll be sure to make you don't forget."

I sighed, rubbing at my back. Ivory had been my only escape but when she left the room, claiming that it was her daily playtime with her best friend and her mother at the park, it was all over for me.

All over.

I wasn't even sure how I made it out of the bed afterward. I wasn't even sure if having such an insatiable and lust-driven beast for a boyfriend would fare well for me in the end. I seemed to be the only one in need of a wheelchair and back massages on the daily. I was the only one screaming my lungs out as he thrust particularly deep inside of me, filling up places that I thought were never possible.

But he made everything possible.

"I hate life," I grumbled to myself as I rubbed my head, staring at my computer. "I really do." It was especially hard for me to walk into the station this morning. It took everything that I had not to shove a pillow over his beautifully sleeping face as he laid there without a care in the world. I promise you, it took everything.

"He's going to drive me insane before I die," I whined as I logged in, wincing at the flare of pain in my back. I couldn't even be mad because he was the man that I loved. He was the man that had done right by me from the time he came into my life to the time he left. He had been so good to me from the moment that he returned with a love-filled vengeance and there was nothing that I had to be mad about. 

He was everything that I needed and more.

And it was great because my friends, whom I pulled back into my life, saw him for the Santi that I saw. 

Life was coming together now and all that was a pressing matter was deciding what to do for Thanksgiving and Santiago's birthday. He was lucky because Christmas was his birthday, but it made it harder for me to figure out what to do and what to get him as a present. 

It was exceedingly difficult.

I wanted time to plan things out so that it went accordingly, but there were so many things that had to be finalized before then. I hadn't thought about the future but I was sure that Santiago would be there every step of the way, pestering and poking at me like always.

I was so sure.

I felt my phone vibrate on my desk and I picked it up, seeing a text from Demetrios in our squad group chat. I hadn't used this thing in a long time, but oh, what a great way to feel young again! I snickered to myself, opening up the chat to respond to him.

Bottoms Up

milkshake: what time is ivory coming?
hey hey asshats: santi's bringing her at 12
cereal killer: I wish I had someone who loved me as fiercely as Santiago loves Brad
General!dickhead: I mean, you do???
cereal killer: father, no.
property_of_rays: you wish you had someone to love you.
hey hey asshats: the life of a loner.
General!dickhead: this is completely random, but you guys do know that we aren't the only ones who have a group chat like this?
hey hey asshats: ...come again?
General!dickhead: Yes, Isaiah won't stop talking about how funny Santiago is. It's becoming the highlight of our conversation.

Eh?

Our boys had a group chat just like we did? "Hmm," I mused as I put a hand up to my chin, thoughts pondering in my mind. Those five men didn't seem like they had anything decent to talk about together but finding out this information, it made me wonder what each of them found interesting to converse.

hey hey asshats: we definitely need to know what they talk about. It's crucial to our health.

I sat back in my chair, rubbing my stomach. It had been feeling off lately and it wasn't privy to the scents of spicy food. I felt like it was twisting itself every time Alex opened his crisp bag of Taco Bell, silently taunting me from his desk.

I felt like slapping him but I couldn't because he had no idea that his food was making me feel unwell. I also just thought it was a stomach bug that made me sensitive to most things. The only thing that I could was sit there and cringe as he munched on his disgusting lunch. God, the stench was making me want to retch all over my desk. "Ugh," I rubbed my head, wondering why it was pounding so hard in my head. "What's wrong, partner?" I heard Alex's concerned voice and I grimaced as the smell of beef made its way in my nose.

"Nothing," I waved a hand at him, willing myself to stay sane. "Just finish your nasty ass food. It's making me nauseous," I wiggled my nose letting out a sigh as if that would calm my nerves. "Huh?" Alex paused mid-bite, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. Why was he looking at me like that? "Brad, you love Taco Bell." He stated in a hard tone and I blinked at him, wondering if I suddenly had an epiphany. "Oh," I blinked once more. "I do?" I asked in more of a questioningly way.

"Yea."

"Oh."

I slowly turned away from him, trying to focus my attention on the files in front of me, hating that I suspected within myself. "Anyway, I know you've been thinking about it," He disregarded my internal freak session. "I promise not to tell the captain of your secret rendezvous on the town," He winked at me, letting me know that my relationship with Santiago would stay between us. It had to. From the perspective of others, it looked as if we were just acquaintances, a client and his agent, if you will.

But if one were to look through their binoculars, they would see that somewhere along the way, we blurred the lines of profession and romance together, almost to the point where we couldn't tell the two apart. 

"Thorpe!" I heard my voice being called and I turned away from my conversation with Alex to see Xenon standing in the doorway of his office, a grim look on his face. "Yes, sir?" I raised a brow and he motioned swiftly for me to come to him. "Let's have a talk." He turned around and walked back inside, leaving me to look at Alex with a confused expression. "Do you know what that's about?" I questioned and he shook his head. "If he's retiring, maybe he's just grooming you for the job," He shrugged and I sighed, hoping that was what it was as I stood up, making my way past the cheerful officers.

Once upon a time a few years ago, I was in the same position that they were: fresh out of the police academy, wanting to become a detective and investigate motives behind crimes. Sooner or later, I had got the job that I desired, but it didn't stop there. I made my big break arresting the big time mogul of Manhattan, Slade Kellencreed, a man who was responsible for 63 murders of women. He was so hard to find, so hard to capture, so hard to pin down. But I figured out the bits and pieces of clues that he unknowingly left behind and I managed to stop him before he committed his next crime.

That's how I became the lieutenant of the NYPD.

I wouldn't trade it for a thing. It made me who I was, allowed me to pursue my passion and do what I did the best of all: solving crimes. 

"You wanted me, sir?" I put my hand on the frame as I leaned inside the room, seeing the man sat down with his hands clapped over his face. I felt a shot of dread pierce me. "Come in and shut the door." His voice was cold and relentless—nothing like the cheerful and happy-go-lucky usual Xenon Reeves. 

I did as told, his hand motioning for me to sit in front of his desk. I sat down, my stomach churning a ball of nervousness as he stared at me, face void of expression. "Mr. Thorpe," He had never called me by such names and it made me wonder just what the hell he was about to tell me. "I'm fully aware that you are the greatest lieutenant that I have ever come across. You have such an intelligent mind and you are incredibly strong when put out on the field. You made me proud that I put you in this position to serve over Manhattan," He complimented me but his voice seemed empty. I leaned forward to try and see what he was talking about, why he appeared this way. 

"You have worked your ass hard day and night to prove to me that you had what it took to be who you are now. You have given up everything that you had to make sure that this position was secured for you." Indeed I did. "That's why it doesn't make sense," He clipped and my heart thundered as the route he was taking with this conversation.

"It just doesn't make sense to me why you would compromise everything you've earned thus far for a man who's on the most wanted list."

My eyes widened in pure fear and realization as I put together why he called me in here, why he looked so disappointed as if he regretted everything he had done for me. No, not this. Why now—everything was just starting to come together.

I had always known that this day would come.

I just didn't think that it would be this close.

Not when I had everything that I could have ever wanted, not when I had finally got the love of my life back in my arms, not when I finally embraced the true meaning of being Brad Thorpe, being me. Even if I had begged and pleaded for this moment to just be a cruel nightmare, I was only plagued with the reminder of those cold grey eyes boring into my soul. "I-" I had no idea what to say. It wasn't that I didn't expect him to find out, because I knew he would. It was the mere fact that I had no countermeasures to take, should this situation happen. I was once again tormented with fulfilling my integrity and keeping everything that I had busted my ass for, rather than giving in to my innermost desires.

"I know that you're seeing that kingpin, Santiago Luzardi, you know the one whose case you were put on," Xenon folded his arms, his eyes steely and cold, making my stomach lurch as it threatened to heave up everything that I ate. "The way I see it, you got two choices, lieutenant," He spat and all of the memories, all of the things that I did, all of the hardships that I endured—just to become a fucking lieutenant, at that, every single moment that I spent with Santiago flashed through my mind like I was watching a movie of my life as I looked down at the alexandrite ring on my finger, gritting my teeth.

"Give up your position or forfeit all relations with Santiago Luzardi."