The sun shines warm and bright outside when I go to the balcony. I sit by the small table, gripping my cup of coffee a little too tight. It's cold inside, and my fingers have got stiff and icy.

One by one, I remove each ring of my fingers and place them on the table. Red circles mark my skin, as my grip on the cup was too tight.

I sit here for I don't know how long, letting the sun kiss my skin and warm myself up. It's Saturday, and I already spent the morning studying, so I allow myself to have this unbothered time. For the first time in an agonizing long time, I enjoy being alone.

Eventually, I get up and head over to Nina's. She forgot her stolen keychain in my apartment last time she was here, so I decide to be a little petty and invade her place as she did mine.

Nina doesn't wake up with the sound of the door opening, nor the impact of the keys falling on the table where I throw them. She's napping on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, only the head peeking out. I stand behind the sofa, staring at her with a frown.

"Nina," I call, with no remorse for waking her up. "Hey, Nina!"

She moans something unintelligible and I shake her shoulder lightly. That causes her to turn around and pull the blanket higher, covering all of herself.

"I brought cupcakes," I add.

She lowers her cover enough so I can see her piercing blue eyes staring deep into me. Sharp and suspicious.

"Chocolate cupcakes with frosting," I tell her, nodding towards the box I left on her dinner table.

"How did you get in?" she asks.

"You left the landlord's keychain with me."

"It's too early for you to wake me up."

"It's three in the afternoon..."

She rolls on the sofa, yawning as she spreads her arms wide. She's wearing a tank top and gym shorts. It's rare to see her with anything that is not baggy clothes. Although I suppose this is just as comfortable to sleep in as all her other at home outfits.

"Did you see the news?" I ask, going around the sofa to be face to face with her when she finally sits up. Or gets up. Preferentially the latter.

"Mmm?" She rubs her eyes and looks at me as if she's not seeing anything at all. "Oh, yeah... they're vaccinating people. We're going to get out soon."

I smile at her, but I'm not as happy as I look. Weeks and weeks have gone by and all I wished was to get out, but now I am afraid of what I have to lose. Nina and I bonded over having no one else. No matter how I long to be outside, the fear that she won't want to be with me anymore keeps surfacing.

"Aren't you happy?" I ask, noticing how unphased she looks.

"Thrilled," she says, in flattest voice ever. "Where are my cupcakes?"

"Right there." I point at the table. "If you get up-"

"Noooooo! Bring me one."

"If you get up-"

"Come on, 5E!"

I sigh. "Do you mind calling me by my name?"

"I do not. Bring me a cupcake. Pretty please?"

"Get up," I repeat and offer her a hand.

She holds my hand, and I try to pull her up, but she pushes me harder. I'm too slow to realise what's happening, I just fall. Startled, I press my arm on the side of the couch to cushion the fall, the rest of my body on top of her. I roll off almost immediately, landing on the ground and kneeling beside the couch. She laughs, and I gawk at her.

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any cuter," she jokes.

"That's not funny. I could've hurt myself. I could've hurt you."

"Relax, Giada. Do you always have to be so uptight?"

I freeze. "What?"

"So much stress can't be good for your blood pressure. Naps help with that. You should come nap with me." She lifts a bit of her blanket as if inviting me to lie with her.

"Don't call me Giada."

She lowers the blanket. "You literally just told me to call you by your name. I did."

"I meant Jade."

She scoffs. "So when I call you something other than your name, it's an issue, but then you still want me to call you something other than your name. Hypocrite."

"Rude!" I almost yell. "I don't like Giada. My name is Jade."

"No, it's not!"

Silence falls between us as we stare at each other. She's so frustrating and stubborn I cannot reason with her. I know it's this or 5E, but I hate both. It's a cursed name and for whatever reason, she likes it.

"Would you call me Jade? Please."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like Giada."

"Why not?"

"Because it sounds weird." It's not a lie. It sounds awful when it's being yelled at me.

"No, it doesn't. I like it."

I grit my teeth. "You're impossible."

"You're adorable," she adds with a smile. "Now get me a cupcake."

Out of spite, I sit at her table and eat a cupcake under her annoyed eyes. I hold her gaze, taking a huge bite. The way she is staring makes my lips twist, but I keep the laughter in.

"Did you come here to be rude?" she asks.

"Do you need to rewind the conversation we just had? You're the one being rude," I tell her. "I deserve an apology."

"You want me to apologise for liking your name?"

Does she truly like my name? I thought she was vexing me on purpose. Why on earth would she like it? It's not an All American name. It makes no sense.

"You're weird, you know?" she says. "Why would you not like your own name?"

"You're weird too," I mutter, looking at my hands. "You broke into my apartment. Creep."

I hear her giggle to herself and fall back onto the sofa. "And what did you do today? Creep."

"Stalker," I throw at her. "You're a creepy stalker."

"We're both creepy stalkers," she says. "Are you seriously not bringing me a cupcake?"

I shake my head. I can't take my eyes off my hands. The urge to twist my rings, but having none in my fingers is eating me inside. I rub the beginning of my fingers, where they used to be, but it's not the same.

"What are you doing?" Nina reaches me, pulling my right hand away. "Your fingers are all red."

"Nothing," I say, keeping my eyes on the table. "I was itchy."

Nina lets go of my hand and pulls my chin up. She frowns at me and I swallow.

"What's up with you?"

She sits down, no longer holding me, and grabs a cupcake. I can't tell if she actually cares or not. After so long, I'd assume I could understand her, but I don't.

"Nothing is up with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Shut up and eat your cupcake."

She smiles at me but does as told. I get up, pacing around the room to get away from her. My eyes dart at everything expect her. There's not much to look at. I've seen it all already. The white walls, the brown furniture, and the few portraits on top.

"Should I get the mayo jar?" she asks.

"No, leave it."

"What do you want to do, then?"

I don't answer right away. I'm looking at a picture of her and a dark-haired girl. They have the same blue eyes, the same nose and the same smile. Yet, they seemed different to me. It must've been a big event because they were both in long dresses.

"Is this Rosie?" I ask.

She turns to me with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah. That's an old picture."

"You guys are almost twins."

"Absolutely not!" she exclaims. "I'm much prettier, don't you think?"

"Of course you are." I laugh. "We should have a proper dinner."

"A what?"

"A dinner, but you're going to actually get dressed," I say, pointing at the picture. "A dinner as if we're going out, although we can't. We dress pretty, and we eat at a table with an actual table cloth and all of that."

"Sure. Why don't you add some candles while you're at it?"

"Have I ever told you how much I love your sarcasm?"

"No..."

"That's because I don't. But sure, we can get come candles if you're so invested in this."

She rolls her eyes. "That's such a waste of time. And clothes."

"Please?" I sit by her again.

"Sure. Didn't know you wanted to have a romantic dinner with me so bad."

"It's not romantic."

She looked at me from the corner of her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. "Sure it isn't."

"It's not!" I repeat, my cheeks red. "It's just a dinner. We've had plenty dinners already."

She nods and doesn't reply, but I see the amused glint in her eyes. I press my lips together, looking at her. I repress the urge to whine that it's not a romantic dinner until she gets it, but I know she'll just find it fun.

"And today?" she asks after a moment of silence. I look at her, puzzled, and she rolls her eyes. "What are we doing today?"

I shrug. I don't feel like doing much, to be honest, but my fear that she'll get that damned mayo jar is growing stronger by the second. They're not all terrible games, some I've found quite entertaining. Yet, the possibility that I'll get an awful game haunts me. So, I need to come up with something before she gets it.

"Card games?" I suggest.

She gets a deck of cards from a shelf and throws it at me. It comes straight my way and I barely catch it in time. I peek at her to see if she's laughing, but she looks as bored as ever.

"Do you want something to drink? I got water, orange juice, water... oh, and wine."

"It's three in the afternoon," I tell her once more.

"Time is an illusion. A social construction, if you will."

"Orange juice. Also, can you raise the temperature on the AC?"

"I wish. It's broken and the landlord still hasn't come to fix it," she explains. "But you can go get a jacket from my room."

I'm about to argue, but she's already in the kitchen. My apartment is just across the hall, I could just as easily go get my own jacket. Yet, she gave me permission to go into her room and sudden curiosity settled in my brain. What would it look like? Would she have more pictures in there? Would it be as messy as the living room?

As her apartment is an inverted version of mine, I have no issue finding her bedroom. It's the same as my own but has a lot less personality. The same standard white walls and furniture, but while I have pictures and decorations, she has nothing.

It's as messy as I expected. The bed's sheets are all over the place and there are scattered things on top of a chest of drawers. I stop staring at the open box on the chest. She's an enormous collection of jewellery I've never seen her use. Some seem expensive, but all are in perfect condition.

I take a leaf shaped golden ring and try to put it on my finger, but it's too small. All of them are different sizes, which makes no sense. Nina's hands are slimmer and more slender than mine. All the rings should be too small for me, and yet some are too big.

"Are you still here?" Her voice makes me drop the rings and snap my head towards the door. She peeks through it with a frown.

"I- Yeah. I was going to get the jacket now."

She walks up to me. "Do you like them?"

I'm startled at first, but I realise she means the jewellery. "They're pretty. I didn't know you liked this stuff."

"I don't." She shrugs. She's almost pressed against my back, looking at the rings I was trying. I feel my breathing become unsteady. "They're just gifts I got through the years. You can have them if you want."

I shake my head, feeling uneasy about how close she was. "No. They're yours. Besides, most of the rings don't even fit."

"Most isn't all," she says and slips one right through my finger easily. She holds my hand up so both of us can see how it looks. "See? Perfect fit."

Perfect fit. I love jewellery; she doesn't. She has plenty too. But my mind is on how warm her hand feels in contrast to how cold I am. Is it me, or did she get closer?

"Do you like it?"

"Yes. So I can keep it?"

I see her nod through the mirror, her eyes on mine, but she doesn't linger. My throat is dry. Before I can protest, she moves away from me, getting a hoodie from her wardrobe. I feel the warmth leave my hand as soon as she let go.

"This one is pretty warm." She hands it to me. "And you're freezing." She nods at my hands.

Well, then hold me, I feel like saying. She's warm, I'm not.

"Come on," she says, leaving the room. I don't follow right away, so she comes back as I stare at her, dumbfounded. "What? Do you need help to get dressed? I must warn you, my expertise is the opposite."

"Don't be dirty," I mutter. I put her hoodie on and go back to the living room under her frowning gaze.

"Don't be a prude. It's a joke. It's supposed to be funny."

"It's not a good joke. I'm not laughing."

Nina rolls her eyes but sits at the table with me. She shuffles the deck easily, although we haven't decided what to play. Her eyes are on me, looking frustrated, and I try not to say anything about it.

"I can't make a simple dirty joke. You get all pressed. And it wasn't even that bad."

"I don't like the implications of it."

"What implications?" she asks, raising a brow.

"The implication that you sleep with everyone."

She sighs. "You're exasperating, you know? Cute, but exasperating. You make up shit in your head with the smallest information."

I chew the inside of my cheek, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Annoyed too. Oh, the way she annoys me.

"Maybe it was an invitation." She shrugs. "Maybe I was hitting on you."

I blink. "What?"

"I could've meant a million things and it could've meant nothing at all. It's not my fault you chose that narrative."

"You weren't hitting on me..." I say, unsure.

She shrugs. "I could've been. I like girls, don't I? And you think I sleep with everyone, don't you? Maybe I was hitting on you. I guess you'll never know."

"You weren't," I repeat.

"Sure, I wasn't. Whatever you say."

"You're mean."

"Whatever you say."

I sunk into my chair, arms crossed over my chest. The arms of Nina's oversized hoodie are too long, so I keep my hands inside of them to keep them warm. I hope she isn't looking at me and thinking how ridiculous I look in the sea of fabric.

"How'd you know?" I mumble.

"How did I know what?"

"That you like girls."

She frowns. "Why? Are you having doubts?"

"No. I'm just wondering."

She's amused. I see it in the way her lips quirk up and the way she looks at me. She's having fun. She's mocking me again.

"It's not funny," I tell her.

"It's funny. You're adorable." How condescending. This is exactly why I got mad at her last time. "But to answer your question, when you don't enjoy kissing boys and you fantasise a little too much about girls, it's a pretty powerful indicator."

"So, it's sexual? Again."

"Not really. I can want to take someone to bed just as much as I want to cuddle with them and watch a movie. Or hear them talk about something they like. There are innumerous possibilities. I assume it's the same you feel with men."

I nod slowly. Do I feel that with men? I haven't had that many experiences with men throughout my teenage hood. I've liked some guys, but never had long and meaningful relationships. Besides, there's my parents' arrangement. It's not worth dating anyone when there's that.

"Yeah..." I say. "Same thing."

"You don't sound sure."

I shrug. "I don't partake much in the whole dating thing. Technically, I'm engaged."

"Wait what?"

I stare at her, realising I just said that out loud. That's not something I tell people. It's not something I think about either. And I just said it as if it was no big deal.

"Well, it's not something out of this world." I shrug. "It's a childhood friend of mine. My parents never told me directly, but I heard them talk about us marrying each other. I don't really mind, he's always been nice to me. Although I haven't seen him in years."

"Maybe you misheard," she suggests. "You can't possibly... Well, just don't do it. Your parents aren't the bosses of you."

"It's okay. It's not happening until a few years from now, anyway."

She leans back in the chair, holding her head between her hands. "You can't be okay with this."

"I have to be. So I am."

She shakes her head. "That's really stupid. You don't date because of that? You should be enjoying it while you can."

"Enjoying what? Dating someone for the sake of dating?"

"Dating someone for the rush of liking someone."

"And then I fall in love and getting married to someone else will be awful."

"If you fall in love, tell your parents to fuck off."

She really doesn't know my parents. I wish it were that simple. There's nothing simple about the situation, and her attempts to solve it are not helping at all.

"Nina, leave it be."

"You should enjoy life properly."

"I'm locked inside an apartment. How do you suggest I do that?" She doesn't reply. "Your definition of living life properly is going to bed with random girls."

"Not random."

"Do you suggest I go to bed with people for the sake of sex?"

"Well, it's fun." She smiles.

"Fun," I repeat. "Comedians are fun, too. Should I search for a comedian on YouTube?"

She rolls her eyes. "Fine, it's not fun. But you can't live restricted by something like that. It shouldn't even happen."

"Leave it be."

"I don't want to leave it be."

"It doesn't affect you. I didn't have the same love experiences you did, so what? Maybe I don't want to have them."

"How could you not? Have you never liked someone so much it put all of that at stake?"

"No, I... I've had crushes. But I've never been in love and that's okay."

"Did you really not?" she said, sounding sad. "You're missing out on a great feeling."

I hate this. I hate how awful she's making me feel. It's been a long time since I accepted what my parents had decided for me. Now she's making me question all of it.

"I think I'm going home." She stares at me, eyes wide open, as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"Is this what we're doing now? I say something that upsets you and you leave? Again?"

I shake my head. "No. That's not it. I'm just going home."

She says nothing. Doesn't even try to stop me. I wish she did.

Extra long one but next one is extra short

Who do you like the most, Nina or Jade?

Thank you for reading!