Authors note

I know the boys don't all live in England together. So I've changed somethings.

Also, I'm from Canada and I don't know much about England, so when I say stuff that you don't say, please don't get upset.

Oh and also

The boys are the same age as Julie because it makes life easier.

I'm Julie Taylor. I'm sixteen and I live in England, Doncaster.

I'm pretty much a nobody at school. No one talks to me and I talk to no one.

I get straight A's and spend a lot of my time studying.

Yes

Yes, I am what people called a "dork"

6:00 AM

Seven AM

Waking up in the morning

Gotta get-

I got up and shut it off quickly

I didn't like Rebecca Black but she got me up in the morning so why not?

Why did summer have to end?

I dragged myself into the bathroom and almost screamed at what I saw.

"Why, hello gorgeous." I muttered sarcastically to myself.

My hair looked like a birds nest.

Hot stuff. I know.

I hopped into the steaming hot shower. The water woke me up half-way.

I used my favourite mango/anti frizz shampoo and conditioner.

And then my lilac body wash.

After I finished rinsing my hair

I turned the water to freezing cold.

It's super good for skin and hair.

And it gets my lazy ass up in the morning.

I climbed out shivering and quickly grabbed a towel for my body and then wrapped up my hair in another.

I walked out and decided what I should wear on the first day of school.

I'm 16 so I'm In grade 10

Just two more years of pure torture. WHOOP WHOOP

I finally decided on a floral loose fitting tank top, a light denim vest, and a pair of dark denim shorts along with black high tops.

I threw on my friendship bracelet. I wear it pretty much everyday.

Flash back

"So, what do you wanna do?" I asked Louis with my five year old voice.

"Um. Eat CARROTS!" He shouted in my ear.

I laughed.

"Wanna make friendship bracelets?" I asked hoping he'd say yes.

He rolled his eyes, "Fine" He mumbled.

I jumped up and hugged him, "YAY"

I pulled out my friendship making kit I got for my birthday last year.

"You take the string and cut it!" I said pushing over string and scissors to Louis.

Louis ended up cutting the bracelet much too big for our little wrists but we finished the bracelet anyways.

"Wear it everyday, promise?" He asked as he slipped his on which I made.

"Promise" I smiled slipping mine on, which he made

End of flash back

Louis and I were best friends since we were babies.

Our moms were very good friends, since we lived right beside each other, until she passed away three years ago.

It was tough.

I remember everything, from the moment she left us.

"I'm sorry Mr. Taylor. She's passed away in the accident" I heard through the door my ear was pressed onto.

I heard my dad crying and the nurse telling him she was peaceful before slipping away.

My dad came out with puffy eyes a few minutes later.

He hugged me and told me the news I already knew.

"Y-you have to be- very stro-strong" He stuttered.

I nodded and didn't cry

She was on her way to the supermarket just to buy some food.

It was storming but we literally didn't have any food.

She couldn't see very well in the weather and a drunk driver hit her in the side of the car, breaking her neck and spine, causing her to bleed to death on the spot.

When we got home from the hospital. We told Louis and his family the news.

"I'll be here for you" Louis said holding me in his young but strong arms.

"Thank you so much" I smiled

Well he lied.

When we moved from Elementary to Middle school that year and I thought I would be with Louis

But he made friends with four other lads

Liam

Zayn

Harry

And Niall

He pretty much forgot about me and since my dad never invited him and his family over and when they invited us, he declined and would tell me to not go anywhere because he didn't want to loose me, we never saw each other

My dad became very ill from depression and I had to move with my aunt in America for about two years

I came back to England last year and my dad was much better

Still a bit ill

But well enough to care for me

When I started high school, I tried talking to Louis but he was in the "popular" crowd and wouldn't even turn a head to me

He constantly made out with girls or so I was told

I didn't believe he would do such a thing until I saw it for myself

Flashback

I miss him

A lot

I need to talk to him

I walked over to his house and knocked on the door

"Julie!!" his mother shouted holding me in a tight hug

I hugged her back

She was like my mom

Sweet and kind

"Louis is up stairs, come right on in" she said walking me

I went up stairs and heard moans

Not just guys moans

But girl moans too

I knocked on the door

"Mom, erm just watching a film" he said

I opened the door

"Lou-" I said before shock over took me

He was sitting on the bed we shared many times before, with a girl who was half naked, sitting on his lap sucking his face off and touching his.. Pee pee through his pants.

"Julie?" He asked

"Bye" I said starting to walk out

"Wait" he said

I turned around hoping it was a dream

And I would wake up in his arms

And my mom would be alive and my dad healthy

But instead, reality shook me harder than ever

"Don't tell my mom, Stacy is here. She doesn't know" He begged

"Trust me. I won't be back. Ever" I said shoving him hard and running out

End of flashback

I never tried talking to him after that. He looks at me sometimes but when I make eye contact, he quickly turns his head

I started cutting when I realised I lost my only friend

I would slit my wrist every time I thought of him

Which is a lot

I love thinking about the good times

But then I think of when they stopped

And then it causes me pain and I go to my only friend

The knife

My dad tried to stop me from self harm but then I remind him about Louis and what he did and then he drops the subject

One time at school, I caught Louis staring at my wrists and I pulled my sleeves down

He wouldn't care about my problems anyways

I started my walk to school and when I looked up a few metres ahead, I saw him. I walked a little faster, hoping I could just get him out of my head but then someone shoved me

"MOVE YOU LITTLE WHORE" Stacy said making sure I fell flat on my face

I looked up and saw Louis staring at me and then grabbing Stacy by the waist and then walking away like that didn't just happen to his old best friend

I stood up and dusted myself off

Good thing it wasn't rainy or anything

Once I got to the school, I grabbed my schedule

First class is English

My favourite

I get straight As

Well I get them in all my classes but I just enjoy English class

I walked in and flopped my bag onto my desk

I doodled in my notebook until people started to fill the room

The seat beside me was empty and a seat in the back was too

I sighed happily

I wouldn't get bothered by someone trying to look on to my answers or constantly tapping their pencil during a test

"Morning cl-" the teacher started but in came

You guessed it

Louis and his b**** came in kissing, excuse me, sucking each others face off

"Louis Tomlinson! Take a seat beside Ms. Taylor. Stacy Jones. The back. Now" the teacher said sternly

Stacy whined "But I'll miss my Lou Baby Bear!" She shouted with a stupid pout

"Take your seat here or the office will have one for you." He almost yelled

Stacy groaned and dragged herself to the back while Louis awkwardly sat beside me.

He wouldn't even look in my direction

Every time someone called him from my side he would tell them to come over instead

I got pretty mad

I mean

Wouldn't you if your childhood best friend wouldn't even turn a head towards you?

Well if you don't

Let me tell you

It burns

"You do know, that you won't die if you just look at me" I muttered

I sort of wanted him to hear that but sort of didn't

"Excuse me?" he said still not making eye contact

"Oh god! It speaks!" I said sarcastically

"I never stopped speaking" he mumbled

"Yeah. You did. To me." I growled

"Whatever" He said sending a sharp pain through my body

"Well have fun sucking faces and fucking hoes." I said

He finally looked at me

"Thanks. I will. Wanna join?" He forced laughed

"Be right back class" the teacher said as he left

"I'd rather lick a cactus than ever be anything near friends with you again." I said in one breath and the words slipped off my tongue with no problem

I looked into his eyes

I saw pain

Regret

Hurt

And something I wasn't really sure of.. Love? Noo can't be

"Well I'm glad I ended the friendship" he sighed

"Oh, you didn't end it. You let it fade out. You let sluts and whores and drugs and alcohol enter you life while I slipped out. You don't care about anyone but yourself! You wanna know how I know that? Because you promised you would be there but you weren't! Take your stupid bracelet back!" I shouted throwing the friendship bracelet at him

He caught it in his hand and looked up at me

"You- kept it?" He asked shocked

"I don't break my promises like you." I said in his face

Everyone was staring but I could care less

I got up and ran out of the class and into the bathroom

I sat there and took a deep breath

It felt good to get it off my chest

But now I know I'm going to have rumours and all that swirling around the whole school

Perfect..

I looked in the mirror

My makeup was running

I wiped it up and looked a bit better

I put foundation on and I looked normal again

I walked out as the bell rung

Is she pregant with Louis' baby?

Why does she care so much about him?

Isn't she a dork?

What a loser..

Why would Louis ever talk to her?

Is she popular enough to even know his name?

Stacy is gonna be mad!

Were just some of the things I heard

I continued my classes without looking at anyone and by the time the last bell rang, I sprinted out and ran home.

I flopped onto the bed, ignoring my dad's question

"How was scho- Oh my god. Are you okay?"

I laid there and cried

I walked to the bathroom and pulled out my razor

I made deep cuts along my wrist and stopped when I started feeling light headed.

I looked and saw I made fourteen cuts. I got up from the bathroom floor, which was covered in blood, and walked to my bed. I sat and cried.

I miss Louis

I wish he was here holding me

Telling me it's okay

I wish my mom could come back and stroke my hair and kiss meI wish my life was normal

I laid down and cried

"Julia?" My dad called

I haven't been called Julia since my mom was alive

"What" I said as tears rolled down my face

My dad came in and saw my wrists

"Baby.." He trailed off

"Stop. I know it's a lot. Just had a really bad day." I mumbled

He wrapped an arm around me

"Louis?" He asked and I cringed at the name and nodded

"Forget him!" My dad said jumping up and being happy for the first time in a while

"Let's go out for dinner, my treat" He said smiling

I nodded and forced a smile

"Just let me get ready" I said and he walked out

I wrapped my arm in gaze to stop the bleeding and put on a long sleeved shirt and some jeans

We went to my favourite diner, "Clicks"

I sat down and so many memories came flooding back

Louis kissed me here for the first time when we were 13

Flash back

"I'm leaving to America in two days Lou!" I shouted almost crying

"Let's go to Clicks and spend the day together" He suggested

I smiled "Okay, meet you in five"

"Hey" He said wrapping his arm around me

We got a booth and just talked

I told him about dad being ill and he tried to comfort me

"What if he ends up like mom?" I asked

"Then you can live with me" He smiled

"Thanks Lou" I grinned

I turned my head to the menu and he pulled it back gently

I was looking into his beautiful blue eyes, it felt like being dragged into the ocean.

He leaned and I leaned

He crashed his lips against mine and it felt amazing. It felt, dare I say it, perfect. I felt perfect in his arms.

The sparks flew until he pulled away

I smiled like a fool and he gave me one more quick kiss before the waitress came to us

"What can I get for ya?"

End of flashback

I ordered and talked with my dad

Until I saw him

What was he doing here?

No "popular" people come to this diner.

I overheard him talking.

"Table for one" He mumbled

"Oh Lou! I remember you! You came with Julie all the time" Flo the waitress said

"Yeah. I remember, trust me" He said bluntly

"Need time to think hun?"

"You have no idea, Flo." He sighed

"Okay well right here"

I looked up

She seated him right beside our booth

Wonderful

Louis saw me and he turned so his back was facing me

"D-dad. I don't think I can stay here. Too many memories of him." I said and Louis perked up, obviously listening

"Good or bad?" My dad asked

"The good ones bring the bad ones back" I said on the verge of tears and Louis slumped down

"Bye forever Louis Tomlinson" I said shoving his chair slightly and walked out with my dad

I got home that night and opened my bedroom window for the first time in months, maybe even years.

Louis lives beside me and our windows face eachother. We use to get huge sketch pads and right messages to each other. When we were friends, I was so happy.

I opened it slowly and looked out

He had his open

And he saw me

He was sitting in front staring back at me