After the burning workout, my brothers and I high-five. "There we go!" Tom yells, amped up on pure testosterone. "Next time we'll do 15!"

"Why not 20? The more the better. Unless you're too chicken." Sam challenges.

"You would love that, wouldn't you? Maybe then Dad would take you fishing." Tom downs mineral water.

"He's taken me fishing."

"Yeah...twice, and stopped because you lack skill."

"You're lying!" The middle child rage surfaces. "Dad's been busy selling estates."

"Yet he still manages to take me to the lake every Sunday." Sam bitterly stares him down. He's offended about this reveal. "Maybe Jace will join the club soon, you'll really be the lesser son."

I stay out of it, I drink water, and catch my breath.

"Fuck you!" Sam shoves Tom's chest. He scoots back a few feet. His cocksure is annoying.

"Control you're emotions, you're acting like a bitch, bro. I'm just telling you the truth. Take the information and adjust yourself."

That's another one of our father's famous quotes.

"25 laps...let's see if you can handle that. I doubt it. You'll throw a tantrum like a big baby."

"We'll see! Jace are you in?"

"Sure." I lie. If I say otherwise, I'll be facing humiliation. Great these two idiots are trying to kill me to win over our old man. It's not like he'll care. He's distant. He never hugs us just congratulates us on achievements or physical accomplishments. It's not like he'll show love if either one of them beat the other. My father can't love. He's a soulless cardboard cut out playing a dominating role.

My mother married him for his status...so she can't love either. Marrying for sustainability and power is why they're together. The two never interact affectionately. Never kiss. Most people wouldn't assume they're together. It's a business marriage. As cold and shallow as a corporation.

Cindy and I have more passion than them.

I don't even think they sleep in the same bed. Dad is either in the study or out showcasing real estate to rich buyers.

History class is a bore. I swear the teacher was blessed with the gift of putting people to sleep. Her nasally, slow voice is better than any nighttime aid. "Aristotle was a Greek philosopher and scientist. He was born in the Macedonian city of Stagira. Little is known about the life of Aristotle, but he studied in Plato's Academy from the time he was 17 years old. He absorbed the teachings of Plato..."

The dull lecture. The fans blowing humid air. The dim room. All of this combined makes me yawn and doze off like a newborn.

Band class is a complete waste of time. I'm not gifted with any musical ability, so I choose the simplest one. The piano. I play horribly. Mismatched notes. Bad hand posture. I don't get how some people can play different melodies with both hands. It's impressive.

I usually pass this class with a C. I give effort it's just not clicking.

I count the seconds until the bell rings. I'm excited to get away from the pressure. All my worries go away when I'm with Cindy. The weight of having guys I want never notice me. The weight of my brothers meaningless competition that I always get dragged into.

The weight of hiding my true self.

I'm able to tell Cindy about most of this. Not all. I'll never reveal that I'm bisexual. Most girlfriends wouldn't stick around. I've learned this from online chatrooms.

I hang my bookbag in a foyer closet and close it. Mom has snacks set out on the dining room table. Hummus and apple slices. My brothers go to the den where our father is. Every day they report to him about our performance.

Tom will let him know I was lazy today. I'm prepared to be called inside.

I go to the newly remodeled kitchen, chocolate wood, and wine-red walls. A retro island in the middle. Patio doors lead to a massive backyard of endless green. Mom uses a juicer to squeeze the fresh oranges into a tall pitcher. "Can I ask you something?"

"How was school?" She answers my question with another question. It kind of hurts that my words are being ignored.

"Good."

"Really?" There's a tone of disapproval.

"Yes."

"But you have a C in band. Do you consider that good?" She looks up at me while continuing the squeezing. This is intimidating because both she and dad drain my soul on a daily basis.

"I'm not musical."

"Neither are your brothers, yet none of them have C's. You need to fix that. This is a warning. Next time I'll involve your father. Are we clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You all will be valedictorians as I and your father were. Maybe a piano tutor will help."

I want to say cut me some slack but that'll lead to a dramatic argument. I just agree. "That would help."

"Great, I'll choose one today." Mom stares back down at the oranges. "Also history class. Your teacher called. Why are you sleeping during lessons? That's an embarrassment. You have to think about your family's legacy. Your father and I are ashamed. Adjust yourself!"

"I will." I give a quick nod. "I'm sorry about the call. I'll do better."

"I'll keep this between us."

"Thank you." I turn to walk away.

"What is it you wanted?"

I twist around. "I was going to ask if I could go out with Cindy. But I'm sure I'm grounded."

"You are...but she can come over for dinner." A slither of a smile marks her lips. That's the most she ever gives us.

"Who's coming over for dinner?" My red-haired, little sister model walks into the kitchen.

"Cindy," I answer.

"Ugh, her of all girls, Jace?" She says with pure disgust.

"What's the matter with her?" Our mother drys her hands.

"She has tasteless rumors going around school. Very degrading and scandalous."

I evil eye Kim. "Rumors aren't always true."

"I think she's nice and determined. Her parents have her on track for the Olympics. Jace is right, high school rumors are usually nonsense." Mom places cups along the countertop, adding ice cubes for orange juice.

I'm glad I have someone in my corner. Cindy is feisty, there's nothing wrong with that. My sister is trying to deem her a slut. I know about the rumors. Those are butt hurt guys who were rejected by her. They're trying to even the field. I trust my baby.

Kim shrugs and shakes her head. "I still don't like her."

"You don't have to, I'm the one dating her."

"It won't last long."

"Kim!" Mother scowls. "Hush! That's enough!"

What does she mean by it won't last long? Cindy and I are compatible. We've been dating longer than most kids at school. Our year anniversary is in 2 weeks. If it wasn't meant to be we wouldn't be together. Kim is a spoiled brat. She says whatever she wants and doesn't care.

Her words irritate me. "It won't last long." She said it with such certainty. Has she seen me checking out guys? Is that why Kim said that?

"Jace, Dad wants you," Tom announces from the doorway. "Hey, strawberry."

"Stop calling me that!" Kim takes her glass and stomps out of the kitchen.

"Hey, it's your fault you have a twin!" He shouts after her.

"Stop being mean." Mother scolds.

I leave the kitchen with my glass. I don't want to keep Dad waiting. His den is dark and full of bookcases. The desk is ten feet long and full of organized bins. A huge Mac laptop is set up before the chair he sits in. "Sit down." I feel like I'm in the principal's office. His severe tone. His power dynamic behind the desk. His evaluating eyes. I sit in a tiny armchair. Dad has a throne chair and is able to look down on his visitors. "Seems like you had a rough day. Tom informed me of your lack of energy. Why is that?"

Because I don't want to mold myself into a machine guy. It's too straining and rigorous. I keep this as a thought, I know my place. "I didn't get enough sleep."

"Why is that?" A normal parent would be concerned, not judgmental.

"Essays...I have a few that are demanding." I continue the lie.

"Arriving early to school to work on the papers is an option. Adjust yourself."

"I will, father."

"Good, that is all." He waves a hand towards the door.

His blank expression always scares me. The only true emotion he shows is anger. Most of the time his face is a clean slate. I look like my father. Most sons would take that as a compliment. I don't. I never want to be like this man. Why live life if you can't express yourself? That's a depressing world.

I'm free once I'm in my bedroom. The red and dark wood theme is throughout the entire house. If I was a normal guy I'd have posters of girls up instead there's nothing on my walls. I wouldn't be comfortable showing only one side of my sexuality, so I avoid posters.

I lay back on the bed and put my iPhone to my ear to call Cindy. Her voice mimics a whisper. "Hey boo."

"Hey, I miss you."

"Aww, you're so cute when you do this."

"Do what?"

"Tell me you miss me."

"It's true. My parents are being...stressful."

"What happened?"

"Just their expectations...they're ashamed of everything I do."

"You really don't get a break, do you? They need to let you go down your own path. I wish they were like my folks. Why are they so pushy?"

"Because they're perfectionists. Harvard West Lake is their alma mater. Both have a reputation of superstardom there."

"So they're placing it on you to do the same?"

I huff. "Exactly."

"I know this sound corny...but maybe you should rebel."

I laugh. "Wow...your solution is to be a rebellious teen?"

"Yes, standing up to them and expressing all the pressure would be healthy. Trust me. My mom was dead set on me being a pageant queen. Makeup, dresses, modeling classes. The whole deal. But I spoke up and changed that route."

"It's not that easy."

"Maybe it is."

"I know my parents...if I go off course I'll be shipped off to boarding school," I admit sadly. "They act different when you're around. All of them do. It annoys me. The perfect facade around strangers and the true colors behind closed doors. No matter what I say or do, I will always get corrected." My melancholy is clear in my tone.

"Come over, cuddling usually helps."

"I can't...turns out I'm grounded for a C in band."

"Seriously?! It's band! No one takes it to heart."

"Especially colleges, but I have to be a valedictorian. So it's mandatory to bring it up to a A."

"That's ridiculous..."

"Very." I rub my forehead. "You're allowed to come over for dinner. My mom isn't being too impossible."

"I'll be there."

#Gay
#MxM
#BxB
#LGBTQ
#Wattpride