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Dear Diary,

It has been a month since Stefan and Damon were killed. I can't help but feel like it is my fault. They were putting their lives in danger to save mine...as usual. My grades are slipping and Caroline can only "persuade" my professors for extensions for so long before people start to become suspicious. I need to find a way to move on with my life...to be happy again. But every time I close my eyes, I see them.

I'm with Stefan and he has his arms wrapped around me from behind and I'm happy. He whispers in my ear that he wishes we could stay in this moment forever and I know it's because he wants to stay away from the drama of the supernatural. I turn my head to look at him and smile, noticing that he is doing the same and leaning forward to kiss me. He stops right at my lips, saying "I love you" before gently pressing them to mine, and my heart flutters. We pull away from the kiss, but it is Damon in his place. He holds my face in his hands, his own filled with agony and fear. I hear his voice tell me he will always love me. That he is sorry that he could never give me the life I truly deserve, but that this is him making up for it.

And then I jump awake. And I can barely breathe because I feel like my chest is caving in.

My eyes feel puffy, and my cheeks are wet with tears before I wipe them away. I wish I could pretend I only loved one, but the undeniable truth is that I loved both of them. And losing them is something I don't think I can survive.

The dreams are interchangeable with specific memories, but they have the same premise. Always about the damn Salvatore brothers and how much they loved Elena. How they sacrificed their lives to make sure she could have the human life that she always wanted.

"Ugh, Elena," She shuts her diary, turning toward Caroline as she closes the door. "I thought you were doing your schoolwork. You know, all the assignments you have to catch up on."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just had to take a moment..." Elena trails off and taps her diary slightly, not really wanting to explore the details of her gut-wrenching dreams with her best friend. As much as it hurts...it's the only way she can see them again.

Caroline sighs, sitting on Elena's bed and staring at her in the bay window. It has become her permanent spot. She barely goes out anymore, including for classes. Caroline only knows of one way to help her even if it may be the most painful to think about. "My offer still stands. I really think you should consider it."

Elena gave a small smile, nodding once, but decided not to give a response. She knew Caroline would not want to listen to how Bonnie doesn't believe that it is the only solution. That she just needs time. Elena agrees because compelling her memories of the Salvatore brothers away is not a solution. It is simply a halt to the grief process.

"I could always bring the memories back, Elena. But you and I both know that this type of grief might be more than you can handle on your own. If you can think of another way, I will gladly help you."

"What 'type of grief', Caroline?" Elena nearly snapped back, which Caroline took as a small victory toward the end of this process. Elena knew what she meant, but she wanted her to say it. Everyone has been tip-toeing around the fact that she loved both of them.

Caroline's eyes fell for a second, the sound of the door opening saving her from having to answer. "Oh," Bonnie holds out the word, her eyes on Elena, "writing in your diary again?" Elena nods and Bonnie speaks before she has the chance, her eyes then shifting over to Caroline as she sits on her own bed, "And I guess Caroline is trying to convince you to compel away your memories again?"

"Come on, Bonnie," Caroline nearly spits out, tired of having this argument, "Elena has lost far too many people. She needs to get through college and start her life... as they wanted." She says 'they' as if it is a forbidden word, almost trying to say it low enough for Elena to not hear.

"We all have lost people, Caroline. There is a way to get through it without cheating yourself during the grief process. She needs time to heal. Compelling the memories takes that away from her." Caroline glared at her, but Bonnie wasn't backing down. "It is ultimately Elena's decision, but you can't force her to forget about two people that she was in love with. You would be taking away the good memories with the bad. And those good memories? They are what help you get through the hard part."

Caroline turns to Elena, feeling defeated, "I can't keep compelling your professors to give you extensions. Or to correct your attendance. I wanted all of us to graduate college together, but that can't happen if you don't start taking your classes seriously,"

Bonnie scoffs, "Caroline!" She was exasperated, not believing she could be so insensitive to their friend.

"No, she's right. I can't keep asking her to cover for me." Elena stares at Bonnie even though she is talking about Caroline.

"Thank you!" Caroline nearly smirks at Bonnie, giving her an 'I-told-you-so' look.

Bonnie rolls her eyes as Elena says, "So, maybe I should just drop out,"

Both of her best friends look in her direction, "What?!"

"Caroline's right. I am not taking school seriously." She shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"Elena, you lost two people you loved. It's understandable that you aren't taking things seriously. What isn't understandable is that some people want you to forget it all." Bonnie spits the last sentence over at Caroline, annoyed that her consistent offer has driven Elena to want to quit school.

Elena rolls her eyes at the distinction. They have been at each other for two weeks over this. She stands and starts to walk toward the door, but Caroline moves quicker, standing between Elena and the door. "You can't drop out!"

"Watch me," Caroline feels her anger building up and reaches for her necklace. She ignores the burning as she rips it from her neck. "Caroline!" Elena shouts and Bonnie stands to stop her, but it is too late.

"You are not going to drop out of school." Caroline compels her, ignoring protests from Bonnie. "Tell me what you really think about taking away your memories of the Salvatore brothers."