"You expect me to be okay with this?!" Thomas screamed as he paced back and forth in Newt's living room. He was mad, no fuck that he was livid. Thomas rubbed his temples as he let out a breath. "I can't even believe you'd ask me to do that!"

Newt looked like a kicked puppy, he flinched every time Thomas said a word.

"I'm sorry," Newt tried but Thomas just shook his head.

"No don't you dare say you're sorry. Grow a pair of fucking balls Newt and say no! That's fucking insanity! You want me to-" Thomas let out a weird sound that came from the back of his throat. God he couldn't even say it out loud.

"Tommy," Newt said softly.

"Don't 'Tommy' me!" Thomas snapped.

"Hey gu-" Minho started as he walked into the room.

"Get the fuck out!" Thomas shouted as Minho froze and took cautious steps backwards.

"Can you just listen to me? For one second please?" Newt practically begged as he clasped his hands together.

Thomas was fuming, he could barely see but something about the way Newt said it cracked him a bit. "Fine."

"I don't like it either, but I really really want this. It's been my dream since I was eight years old and I want you there because I love you."

"You have to understand why I have a problem with it though right?"

Newt nodded, almost looking embarrassed. "I told you I didn't like it either."

"Fake dating Teresa Newt, I have to fake date Teresa for the entire tour just because fuckin Janson thinks you being straight will be better for marketing."

Newt winced as Thomas said it. "I know how bad it is."

"Can't you just say no?!"

Newt shook his head. "It's fucked up Tommy, I know it is but I want this so bad."

"I don't even wanna go!" Thomas shouted, he was getting worked up again.

Newt looked like Thomas slapped him.

The brunette boy was pacing again. "I'd have to hold Teresa's hand in public, be around her all the time, look at her like I love her and that's whatever Newt, she's great, except I don't love her! I love you and I wanna hold your hand and kiss you and take stupid fucking pictures with you because I like boys and I like you! I shouldn't have to hide my sexuality for some bullshit managing tactic so teenage girls can stare at your posters on their wall and dream that they have a chance with you even though they fucking don't because you're gay and you have a boyfriend!"

"You have every right to be mad Tommy..."

"Yes! Yes I fucking do and let me tell you Newt I'm pissed!"

Newt looked at him helplessly and if Thomas couldn't feel his blood practically boiling maybe he would have felt bad for him.

"I'm not forcing you to do anything," Newt started again.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Yeah you're giving me a choice where my only two options are to pretend I'm straight and go with my boyfriend on his first tour or stay home and miss him for however many fucking months he'll be away for."

"Why don't I get you some water? We can take a break then talk some more."

Thomas had to bite his tongue back so he didn't go off on another insane rant so he just nodded.

Newt disappeared into the kitchen. Thomas took a few calming breaths and sat down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. It was insane really, what Newt was asking from him. Thomas hasn't hid his sexuality since middle school since he told his parents with tears in his eyes and snot dripping down his nose that he liked boys and they hugged him and said that it didn't matter who he liked they loved him all the same. Thomas felt the angry tears build up in his eyes then. He wiped at them hard, he wasn't about to cry.

Newt appeared with two glasses of water, handing one to Thomas as he took a sip of his cup.

"Thanks," Thomas said softly.

Awkward silence hung over them for a while. They drank their water and refused to look at each other.

"I don't wanna lose you over this Tommy," Newt said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"What?" Thomas asked as he finally turned to look at the blonde.

"I like what we have, I like spending time with you, I like texting you, I like us...but this is my dream, I've been imagining this since I was a kid playing guitar hero on the Wii. It might be selfish but you can't expect me to choose between you and this because that's just not fair."

"I'm not breaking up with you."

"What?"

Thomas let out a breath. "I'm pissed Newt, but I'm not breaking up with you."

"You don't have to come on the tour, you don't have to publicly fake date Teresa...you can stay here and you wouldn't have to do all that, besides just keep us a secret."

Thomas scoffed loudly. "Thanks, that makes it all better."

Newt cringed. "I'm sorry, I'm trying here."

"Nothing you say can make it better Newt."

"I love you," Newt said softly. "I really do."

"Just be quiet for a second," Thomas said as dropped his face into his hands. He needed to think, he needed Newt not to talk, he needed everything to just stop.

He felt Newt's hand gently on his back and he flinched which made Newt pull away instantly.

"I don't think I can talk about this anymore right now," Thomas said slowly. "What you're asking me to do Newt is a lot. If I want to date you I have to do it in secret. When I came out in middle school it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because I didn't have to hide anymore. I get what this means to you I really really do and I'm so happy for you, but it's just...a lot and it's fucked up. I can't even begin to explain how fucked up it is, I don't even know how you're okay with it-"

"I'm not okay with it," Newt cut in. "I hate it too, but Tommy...I'm doing it so I can go on tour with my idols."

Thomas tugged on his hair. "I think I need to go."

"Okay." Newt sounded sad, Thomas hated it.

He stood up and grabbed his keys. It was so awkward he didn't know how to say goodbye. He settled on a wave and a simple "see ya" as he left and went to his car. Thomas started the car and backed out. As soon as he was on the road he burst out into tears. It was like dams burst in his eyes. He had to pull over on the side of the road to collect himself. Of course at that very moment Wonderwall started playing on the radio which just made him cry harder.

It wasn't fair that their manager was homophobic. It wasn't fair that he was using Newt as some sexualized object. It wasn't fair that Newt went with it. It wasn't fair that Newt asked him to go along with it as well.

Thomas fished his phone out of his pocket and called his sister. He wiped his nose and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. Rose picked up after a few rings.

"Hey Thomas," She said into the speaker.

"Hey Rosie, can I pick you up?"

She heard his cracked voice and stuffy nose, she could tell how upset he was from just that sentence. "Yeah of course. Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Thomas said before sniffling loudly. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

When Thomas hung up he turned off the radio and wiped his eyes. The only thing he could think about the whole way there was how lucky he was to have his sister.

"Yeah that's bullshit," Rose said as she handed Thomas the carton of ice cream.

"So I'm not just crazy?" Thomas asked as he jammed his spoon into the hard chocolate ice cream.

Rose shook her head. "No he shouldn't ask you to do that. He shouldn't even have agreed to it in the first place."

"I guess I get it though," Thomas said as he shoved the spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. "It is his dream, it's what he's wanted for years. I mean he loves Blink 182, he's always wanted to go on tour."

"Maybe he didn't mean in a way that would hurt you," Rose suggested as she took the ice cream back. "I mean he probably doesn't want you to fake date Teresa either."

Thomas nodded. "It makes me not want to go though."

"Not go on the tour?"

Thomas nodded. "I guess either way I have to keep us a secret. I can't post anything about us, I can't tell anyone besides you of course. I can go on dates with him but I can't hold his hand or touch him or kiss him where people can see." Thomas shook his head. "This is so fucked up, is it even worth it? I just wanna be with him, I don't want to hide it."

Rose thought for a moment. "I think you need to ask yourself if you can see yourself without Newt. I mean yeah you could decide you don't want to go through this which is completely understandable, but you have to think of how you'd feel if Newt dated other people or hooked up with other people and wasn't yours anymore."

Just hearing Rose say that made a pit drop in his stomach. She had a point, he didn't want to think of himself without Newt. He didn't want to think of Newt with someone else that made him feel terrible. He loved Newt, they were good together, he didn't want it to just end.

"I love him," Thomas said as he pulled at his hair. "I really do love him."

Rose pointed her spoon at him. "Is he worth it? Not just if the whole thing is worth it, is Newt worth it?"

Thomas didn't even have to nod because Rose already knew his answer.

Thomas didn't talk to Newt for a week. He focused on school, doing all his homework and getting ahead. He cleaned his entire apartment and even did three loads of laundry. He cooked himself dinners and he missed Newt the entire fucking time. He missed hanging out with him, when Newt would take a nap on the couch when Thomas studied and when he would wake up he would distract Thomas long enough to get him to makeout with him. He missed their soap wars when they did dishes. He missed sleeping with him, how Newt secretly loved to cuddle. He missed his hugs and he missed the way he would scream sing along to songs on the radio. It'd only been a week, but if that was how it was going to be for the months he was on tour Thomas didn't want it.

Thomas pulled out his phone and flopped down onto the couch. He opened his conversation with Newt and texted him a simple "hey".

His heart was pounding for some reason as he waited for a reply. Newt replied almost instantly with a "hey tommy".

Thomas typed back the first thing that came to mind which was "I miss you".

Another almost instant reply of "I miss you too pretty boy".

Thomas sent back, "do you want to come over?"

"I'll be there in ten."

Newt got there in six minutes, not like Thomas was counting. As soon as he knocked on the door Thomas yanked it open and put his arms out for a hug. Newt instantly pulled him into him and wrapped him up in his arms. Thomas hooked his arms around Newt's waist and pushed his face into his neck. Newt smelled like smoke.

Thomas pulled back slowly. "You're smoking again?"

Newt pulled at his hair. "You had me pretty fucked up this week Tommy."

Thomas frowned.

"Hey," Newt said softly. "It's okay, you had every right to be pissed."

"Can we pretend like nothing's wrong? Just for a little while. We can talk about it later but...I'm just sick of being mad."

"If that's what you want."

Newt kissed Thomas' head softly before going into the kitchen. "You got any food in here?"

Thomas felt himself smiling. "Yeah, leftover pasta in the fridge."

Newt grabbed the tupperware and a fork before hopping up onto the counter and digging it.

"You're not gonna heat it up?" Thomas asked as he walked over to him.

"You know I like cold pasta."

"And you know I think it's weird."

Newt stuck his tongue out at him. Today he had on his favorite black jeans and a white shirt that had black sleeves, it looked nice on him but hell everything looked nice on Newt.

Newt patted the counter next to him. Thomas hopped up and sat where Newt indicated. The blonde boy turned to him as he put the pasta in his lap.

"I missed you Tommy, like a lot. I talked to Teresa a lot about it. She's kinda on your side with it. I guess I didn't realize how fucked up the whole thing would be. The other two are okay with denying the tour offer because Janson is a homophobic bag of dicks. I don't want to make you do something you're uncomfortable with."

"I talked to Rosie a lot," Thomas said. "She talked some sense into me. I don't want you to turn down the tour Newt, this is so big for you. I know how much you want to do this even if you tell me you don't."

Newt smiled softly. "I knew she was my favorite Edison for a reason."

Thomas rolled his eyes but he was smiling.

Newt covered the pasta and hopped down from the counter, putting it back in the fridge.

"Do you wanna watch more game of thrones?" Newt asked as he stood in front of Thomas.

Thomas didn't answer, but he pulled Newt to stand in between his legs and pulled him into a hug. Newt slid his arms around Thomas' waist, pulling him forward on the counter a bit.

"Now I'm taller," Thomas said softly which made Newt laugh. He pulled back enough so he could look at Thomas' face.

"Can I kiss you?"

Thomas nodded.

Newt put one of his hands on the side of his face and pressed their lips together. That was another thing Thomas missed, kissing Newt. He could tell that Newt didn't want to overdo it so he pecked his lips a few times before pressing another kiss to his forehead.

"I'm sorry I'm a shit boyfriend," Newt said as he ran his hand down Thomas' leg and rested it on his thigh.

"I would have dumped you if you were a shit boyfriend."

Newt smirked. "No, you didn't dump me because I'm too good at sex."

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"I love you, a lot Tommy. The only reason I went through with the whole idea was because Janson said you couldn't come otherwise and I selfishly want you with me all the time. I want the whole world to know I managed to seduce you and got you to fall in love with me. I mean bloody hell, I posted that picture of us on our instagram the day we first met because I wanted to bone you from the start."

"Interesting choice of words," Thomas cut in.

"You know what I mean Tommy. I'm proud that you're my boyfriend. You're way too good for me. I don't want to hide you, so just don't think that this has anything to do with you."

"Can we watch game of thrones now?" Thomas asked. He wanted to stop talking about it. He wanted to lay with Newt and forget the whole fucking thing.

Newt nodded and helped him down from the counter. When they got onto the couch Newt pulled Thomas in between his legs and wrapped his arms around him. Thomas got the remote and started the show as Newt rested his chin on his shoulder.

Thomas grabbed the blanket from the side and pulled it over them before settling back into Newt's chest.

"Are you busy tomorrow?" Thomas asked as the show started.

"Not really. How come?"

"Do you want to sleepover tonight?"

"I always want to sleepover," Newt said as he wrapped his arms tighter around Thomas.

Thomas phone buzzed so he pulled it out and saw it was a snapchat from Minho. He hadn't spoken to the drummer since he yelled at him during the fight. He opened it and snorted out a laugh when he saw it was a picture of Minho grinning saying "newts missing please tell me you guys are making up."

Thomas showed Newt who just shook his head. "Tell him not to be so concerned with my life."

Thomas opened the camera. "Smile for your best friend."

Newt just pressed his lips to Thomas cheek as Thomas took the picture. He sent it back with the caption saying "who's newt?".

Minho sent him back a picture of him and Teresa holding thumbs up and smiling.

"They're so stupid," Newt said as he shook his head again.

"They love you though." Thomas put his phone back in his pocket. "It's cute how much they care about you."

They watched the rest of the episode in silence. Newt just held him and occasionally pressed kisses to the side of his face. It was nice, it felt normal.

"Newt?" Thomas asked suddenly, breaking their silence.

"Yeah?"

Thomas craned his neck so he could look at the blonde. "I'll go on the tour with you."

_____