Lightning struck across the sky. Like branches of trees painted in the dark, black of night. White, blinding light. Yin, female, darkness, femininity, passivity, and the earth. Then a spot, and Yang, male, light, masculinity, activity, and the heavens. I was in the negative, the antimatter. I saw everything, and nothing at all. I was only in the Yin, and the lightning was the one spot of Yang.

        Have you been shocked before, with electricity? Maybe you've stepped out of a car on a cold winter morning, and touched the car door, or your friend had the box of gum that had a piece waiting for you to grab, and it turns out it is a gag little thing that shocks you. Now think about that shock, traveling up your arm and to your head, your brain alerted of the shock. You get an odd little felling for a little bit afterwards, the shock awakening you. Imagine that pain, but constant, non-stop, and ever-flowing. Your head is alive with electricity, and you see white and smell something, like air being blown directly into your nostrils.

        I do not know how long I was in that room, nor how long I was being shocked. All I remembered was lightning. A day in the rain. An umbrella in delicate hands. Soaked red coconut scented hair. Strawberry lips against my own. Our tongues danced together. My shirt soaked, yet I didn't seem to care. We danced and danced, and kissed when the feeling overcame us. Neither willing to pull away. When we did, we were empty souls, waiting for the warmth of the other. I couldn't see her face. She was always turning away, and I was trapped.

        I woke up back in my room, chained to my bed. I had a pounding and blistering headache. I could feel it at the bottom of my skull, almost a liquid sitting in a basin, moving when I moved my head. I could lay to the side and the pain would follow. I tried to force myself into the bliss of sleep, but the pain kept me barely awake, just enough for me to wish I no longer existed.

        "Good Evening! Nurse Joy is here to tend to your needs!" I heard the nurse say, and she flipped the light-switch on. I screamed and the pain in my head increased.

        "Oh shush shush! Here is a warm wet rag!" she said cheerfully, placing it over my forehead. The pain subsided a bit. I heard a chair drag up to my bedside, and felt a hand pat my head. Each tap felt like a hammer on a nail.

        "I had a son once. Just. Like. You! He was such a sweetie. I nursed him, and took care of his every need. Then he grew old, and didn't need Mommy Joy's care anymore! I never saw him again. Now I have you, and everything is better now!" she said, cooing me and cradling my head. As creepy and weird as the nurse was, I felt bad for her. She only wanted to feel like a mother once more. She was rather soothing though, and alongside the warm rag, I fell back asleep.

        —"Your love is nothing to me. You make me feel empty. At first you were a fire, burning my heart bright, but now you are an ember on a concrete slab, cold and ready to drift in the wind, to crumble into nothing!" a woman yelled at me, and swung her hand to slap me hard in the face.

        "Oh baby, don't leave!" I said slyly, giving her a pat on the rump as she walked away.

        "Jack off!" she screamed.

        "I will be sweetie!" I yelled after her. At least, I think it was me yelling. The man that I was, or that I was seeing, was much older than I was. He looked very similar, for he had the same hair, same face, but different eyes, and a different nose. His eyes were an ocean blue, cold, bottomless, dark, and daunting.

         "Why must you socialize with the trash? You have a fine woman at home," a voice next to me asked.

        "A woman is like a new car, Andrew. At first it is a thrilling experience, and you want to ride it to the ends of the earth. Then, it gets old. It starts to look beat up and sags, always asking for new accessories and upgrades. Why waste money when you can get a new one?" I said.

        "Of course sir. Sorry I asked," Andrew said.

        "The reason you don't understand is because you are a servant, and I am the master. You can't afford another woman, so you are forced to keep maintaining one," I said flippantly.

         —The images faded away, and I awoke once more in my room. Sitting there waiting was the doctor.

        "Good morning Hudson. Feeling better? Remember anything new?" he asked me.

        "Why should I tell you? All you have done is lie to me and hurt me," I stated.

        "Would you prefer to go back to the therapy room?" he asked me.

        "No," I quickly responded, recoiling at the thought.

        "Good. Tell me what you remember," he said.

        "I remember a servant named Andrew. I was committing infidelity. I made an inference between a woman and a car. That was not me though, I don't know whose memories those were," I said.

        "Oh, but those are your memories," he said.

        "No! I don't remember being so rude, so... heartless. Besides, the man in my vision didn't look like me at all!" I screamed.

        "So it seems... looks like some more therapy is needed. Get some rest. We have hours and hours of therapy coming up," he said, heading for the door.

        "No! Please no! I'll try harder to remember, please! Just let me go!" I screamed at him as he left, tears starting to stream down my eyes.

        "Sorry. Pain is progress," he said, and the door shut with the familiar locking sound.

        "Why can't I remember!" I screamed aloud. I sensed foul play. I sensed a need to leave. I sensed the world around me spinning. I sensed that I may never reach an understanding with this doctor. Lastly, I sensed that I would lose my mind.

        I waited in that room, doubting myself, for another hour. Then a group of men came in, and dragged me to the therapy room. Then they dragged me onto the bed, and held me down. Each arm was strapped, alongside each leg. Then the strap was forced into my mouth, and I was trapped once more.

        "Modern day ECT does not hurt anymore Hudson. Most people come, get anesthetic, go to sleep, and ironically, when they are awake, they forget everything for a few days. It's like a brief and temporary mind wipe. Your mind is already wiped though, isn't it? So all we are doing is increasing the voltage to different parts of the brain, and seeing how it affects you. When your brain is wiped, perhaps your real memory will surface after a day or two," the doctor said to me. He then went over to the machine, and turned it on.

        I felt the lightning over again. And over again. And over again. I would have a strange dream, wake up, get interrogated by the doctor, and then placed in the machine once more. I never seemed to remember the necessary information, and the doctor got more and more agitated, and more and more sick. Months passed, and he looked like a skeleton. The treatments became less frequent, until they stopped. I was told the stop was temporary, and that it was normal to allow time for my brain to rest from the constant stimulation.

        Nurse Joy came into my room frequently, and comforted me. She would tell me interesting television channels to watch, things about the outside world, and so forth. Then one day, she stopped showing up too. One day I had woken up, and there was a slot at the bottom of my door. Meals came three times a day, and my door was never opened.

        Sometimes, I would hear voices outside. They were always muffled, and they would fade as the person moved away. Every now and then I would catch a glimpse of a shoe or ankle when the food slot opened. Seeing people gave me a sense of serenity, even if no one talked to me. I felt important, for why else were they feeding me? Things in my room became less and less, as my television was removed in my sleep, alongside my mattress, and the waiting chairs.

        My thoughts would often return to Janice. Who was she to me? Why did I make her happy? Why did she laugh so much? Why did she make me happy? Why did I want to make her laugh? I felt so empty without her presence. I had not dreamt of her in a while, and I missed her warmth, even if I was dreaming. I wonder why she stayed with me while I was asleep. I meant nothing to her. I was just her father's patient.

        I flopped down on the bed, and shut my eyes. I sent a silent prayer to whoever watched over me to allow me to leave this place. I just wanted to go home. Even if I didn't know where that was. I sat in the darkness, waiting to fall asleep. Hours went by, and I heard the door open. I decided not to move, and just sat, with my eyes closed, wondering who could have visited me. I felt the person sit on the bed beside my legs. I figured it was probably Nurse Joy, or perhaps the doctor, but then I caught a whiff of something. Something wonderful, amazing, fragrant! I smelled coconut shampoo! Could it be...?

        "Hey Hudson. It's been awhile. I know everything seems hopeless. I wish they would let me see you during the day. They say that I'm too traumatic, that I'll send you into a catatonic state. I miss you so much. I watch you on the camera whenever I can, and I know it's weird, but I miss you," the girl said, and I felt my bed tremble with her sobs. At that moment, I decided to do something, anything, just so she would stop crying.

        "J-Janice?" I asked.