L I V

Tapos na ang undas at ngayo'y papunta ako sa probinsya nina Adi. Buti na lang, pinayagan ako ni Ate. Ever since my and van's escape to the beach, she became strict to wherever I go to. But this time, she thought that it would be better if I celebrated my 19th birthday with Adi without them. For a change, she said. Madalas raw kasi'y kasama ko sila. 

Ang 'di nila alam ay hindi lang si Adi ang kasama ko sa kaarawan ko. 

After I got Ate's permission, Van suggested that we'd celebrate our birthday together after I did with Adi. Ayaw niya kasing maki-third wheel sa 'ming magkakaibigan. He feared he'd steal the spotlight if he was there, which I didn't think would be the case. Nevertheless, I had no choice but to agree since he insisted.

Matapos i-check kung naroon na lahat ng aking gamit ay lumakad ako palapit ng driver's seat dahil ako lang din ang magmamaneho papunta sa probinsya nina Adi. I got my driver's license a month ago and since then, Ate had been lending me Kuya Miles' car. Since Zambales is just 3 hours away from us, it wouldn't take that long to arrive there.

The ride to Zambales didn't take long, thanks to the little traffic on the way there. I was near Adi's house when I saw a man standing outside the gates of his house, head bowed with his eyes fixated on his phone. Kahit naka-side view lang siya ay alam ko agad na siya 'yon. 

When I noticed he was typing something on his phone, mine dinged. I took a glanced on my screen to see his message, keeping my hand on the steering wheel. 

Where are you, my love? Malapit ka na ba?

I bit my lower lip to fight back a smile but ultimately failed. He can't wait to see me, huh?

As I parked the car just a few steps away from him, he turned his head to face my direction, eyes wide. I was eager to wrap my arms around him to the point that I didn't waste a second jumping out of the car and quickly walking toward him. Or more like run. 

Putting his phone inside the pocket of his hoodie, he flashed me an ear-to-ear smile, arms out and extended, looking like he hadn't seen me for eternity. 

My steps became more haste, as if anytime by now, I would collapse if I wouldn't feel his warmth and hug. Eventually, I reached him, my body caged in his arms. As he lifted me up, I let out a short giggle. My hands that were wrapped around his nape found their way to his cheeks, cupping both sides.

Shortly after, he put me down on the ground, his fingers traveling on the curves of my waist. His forehead rested against mine as he whispered, "God, I missed you." 

Oh, I missed you, too. I was clearly aware that our relationship was better if it remained hidden, but I couldn't help but envy couples who could freely meet each other without being bothered. Though, I know we had no choice but to resort to that. 

Cupping his cheeks, I tip-toed to plant a light kiss on his cheek. "I missed you, too."

Nakarinig ako ng tikhim sa likuran ni Van kaya agad akong humiwalay sa kanya. Naalala kong hindi pa pala alam ng kanyang mga magulang ang tungkol sa 'min. Even if Tita Rosa and Tito Mikael were nice to me every time I visit them, it was still a question whether they'd welcome me as their son's significant other. Kilala nila ako bilang kaibigan ni Adi at hindi potential girlfriend ni Van. And the thought that they may not like me for their son scared me the most. Hindi ko yata kakayanin kung pati ang pamilya niya ay tutol din sa 'min. 

Dumungaw ako sa gilid ni Van at doon ko nakita si Adi. Nakahalukip ang kanyang mga braso habang nakatitig sa 'min, may ngising naglalaro sa kanyang labi. 

"Aba, Kuya. Ikaw pa talaga ang unang sumalubong kay Liv," saad niya nang maglakad siya palapit sa 'min. When she was only at arms reach, she tapped Van's shoulder, pushing him away. "Tabi. Ako naman."

I was about to chuckle when Adi suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck. "I miss you so much, my Liv!" she exclaimed. I hugged her back, shutting my eyes and letting our bodies sway side to side. Just as how it had been weeks since I saw Van, it was the same case for Adi. Nagkikita man kami araw-araw sa school ngunit hindi kami makahanap ng oras para mag-bonding sa labas dahil sa tambak na schoolworks na mayroon kami bago mag break. 

Sa pagmulat ng aking mga mata ay napansin kong papalabas ng bahay sina Tita Rosa at Tito Mikael. Dahan-dahan akong humiwalay kay Adi. I thought they would be away, judging from the time they usually go to work as per Van. Well, maybe because it's undas kaya they're home? 

The sight of their parents made me somehow nervous. Iniisip ko kung nakita ba nila 'yong yakap namin ni Van kanina. O 'yong halik ko sa pisngi niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong excuse ang sasabihin ko kung sakaling magtanong sila. 

Adi took a step to the side as if giving an entrance to their parents as they slowly walk towards us with Tita Rosa clinging to the arm of her husband. To my surprise, Van took my hand, intertwining it with his. I tried to take my hand back but his hold was strong. I shot him an uneasy look, giving him a clue that his parents were there. Gosh! What was he thinking? Makikita nila!

Van lightly pulled me forward, still holding my hand. He glanced down, giving me a small grin. It was weird how one smile from him was enough to reassure me nothing will happen. Was I being overly anxious? 

"Liv, anak!" Tita Rosa greeted me with her arms extended, ready to hug me. Van loosened his hold on my hand, allowing me to reciprocate her mother's hug. Tita kissed me on one cheek, then on the other cheek after cupping both of them to take a look at me. "When was the last time I saw you, ha? Dalaga ka na!"

Anak.

I couldn't help but smile when Tita called me that. It was such a relief to hear the word 'anak' come out of her very own mouth. I felt welcomed. It made me hope that maybe telling them about my relationship with her son was okay. That they accept me despite my background.

"I was actually here last summer vacation, Tita, but I couldn't visit you po noon. We were too busy with the house na ipapatayo po namin here, e" sagot ko. Saglit akong humakbang palikod para magmano kay Tito na siyang tinaggap nito. 

It was Tito's turn to speak. "Oh, Van, anak. Nandito na si Liv. Ang sabi mo may sasabihin ka pagdating ni Liv, ah?" What is he planning now? Bakit ngayon ko lang 'to alam?

I turned my head to look at him, expecting him to explain what his dad meant by that. Although I was he only looked back at me, then down my hand, before taking it again. 

Muli niyang tiningnan ang kanyang magulang, hawak-hawak ang aking kamay. Huminga siya nang malalim bago nagsalita. "Ma, Pa. You may have known Liv as Adi's friend, but today I want to introduce her as someone else." He took another glance at me as he continued. 

"I want you to meet Liv. My girlfriend."

What.

I lightly pulled Van's hand that has been holding mine to catch his attention, but he wouldn't look at me. He was waiting for his parents to react to his sudden confession. I looked over at Adi to see if she knew what her brother had been planning, only to see her smirking as she watched us. Oh, she's definitely in this.

I shifted my eyes toward their parents. The silence after the confession was deafening. Sa bawat paglipas ng mga segundo, palagay ko'y bibigay na ang aking tuhod sa kaba. Galit ba sila? Masaya? Neutral? Sa sandaling iyon, hindi ko maintindihan ang ekspresyong na sa mukha nila. 

"Ay, akala ko naman bagong balita," puna ni Tito. 

"Hay, Van! About time na maging kayo! Ship kaya namin kayong tatlo dito nina Papa mo at Adi!" saad naman ni Tita.

So the expression they had earlier was because they already expected this. 

I felt my heart beat return to its normal rhythm as a stream of relief flowed throughout my body. Parang isang malaking batong nakadag-an sa akin ang nawala. O kaya'y para akong kalapating nakalaya sa matagal na pagkakulong sa kanyang hawla. 

Their parents skipped asking questions about our relationship when they noticed I wasn't ready yet in answering what they had in mind. It was too sudden. Ni hindi ko nga alam na ipapakilala na ako ni Van bilang kasintahan niya. I didn't know how to act since I was too used to being 'Adi's friend.' But I wasn't complaining. I had been meaning to tell them as well, and it was a good thing Van did it. Perhaps he knew that his parents would react that way. 

Tito and Van helped me carry my things from my car to Adi's room. Doon kasi ako makikitulog habang narito ako.

"Alam kong gusto mong makitulog sa kwarto ni Van, pero rito ka muna kay Adi. Hindi pa ako ready maging lola, Liv," ani ni Tita Rosa nang ayusin ko ang aking maleta sa pwestong hindi sagabal sa daan. Sa pagsabi niya no'n ay agad kong naramdaman ang init sa 'king mukha. We haven't even kissed yet! Yet alone have sex. It's too early for that. 

Adi and I spent the night talking with Lexi and Stacy until I wasn't aware that it was already my birthday. 

The morning of November 5th came, and Adi and I planned to go to El Kabayo Stable in Subic. It was a peculiar place for her to choose where we should celebrate it since she wasn't that fond of animals besides cats. But remembering the time I said I wanted to try horseback riding for once, Adi went for it. It warmed my heart that she kept it in mind despite saying that a year ago. 

"Gago. Ang laki ba nung kabayo o sadyang maliit lang ako?" tanong ni Adi na hindi ko alam kung nakadirekta ba sa 'kin, kay Van, o sa sarili niya. 

"Maliit ka lang," sambit naman ni Van, na siyang nakakuha ng palo mula kay Adi. To be fair, Adi was quite short compared to the both us, which made the situation even funnier. 

"Neknek mo. E ikaw na matangkad," palarong sabi ni Adi habang umiirap. 

Pinatong ni Van ang kanyang kamay sa ulo ni Adi at ginulo ang buhok niya. "Anyway, I'll wait for you sa parking lot. Enjoy yourselves." Matapos siyang magpaalam sa 'min ay humarap siya sa 'kin, kinapa ang aking pisngi, at hinalikan ang aking noo. 

"Can't wait to celebrate our birthday later," he whispered softly. 

Nang makaalis si Van ay nakita kong nakatitig sa 'kin si Adi, nakataas ang gilid ng kanyang labi. Ayan na naman ang mapang-asar niyang ngisi. 

"What?" I asked, playing dumb and finding myself smiling back at her. She responded with a shake of the head, her playful smirk remaining. 

"I know forehead kisses are sweet and all, but have you tried on the lips? Magli-limang buwan na kayo o!" aniya. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ako kabilis mamula dahil ramdam kong nag-iinit muli ang aking mukha, maski ang aking tainga. 

"We haven't pa..." mahina kong sagot. "Basta! We'll get there," I dismissed.

Kisses like that are kind of a big deal for me. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I don't know if I can. I have never been kissed, after all.

Our day went by in a flash. The ride was over before I knew it. At first, hinintay muna namin ang aming guide, kasama ang mga kabayong sasakyan namin. Nakuha ni Adi si Rocky at akin nama'y si Thunder. Both of them were friendly that even Adi wasn't that scared of getting near him. Puwera na lang no'ng sinakyan niya ito. 

Our ride around the place was filled with laughter and shouts. Laughter mostly came from me and our guides and shouts from Adi on every step her horse made. Muntikan pa nga siyang mahulog.

It was a refreshing sight, to be honest. It was expected for Adi to be loud since she never gets tired of talking, but I'd known her to be someone who's fearless. To see her acting that way while horseriding was definitely a memory I would remember any time. 

Then came the second half of my birthday celebration with Van.

It was six o'clock in the evening by the time I finished getting ready for our dinner date. Well, that was what he said. The only thing I didn't know about his plan was where would we spend our night. He even packed me clothes good for one night. Plano yata niyang hindi umuwi. 

"I hate it when you're being secretive," I blurted, unconsciously pulling the hem of my dress. "My curiosity is killing me, Van," I whined as I turned around to face him. He was dressed in a black polo that left the first two buttons unbuttoned, partnered with black trousers. 

Sa totoo lang, pinipigilan kong hindi kiligin habang nasa loob ng kanyang kotse. Gosh, he looked good, head to toe. His beauty was too unreal for this world.

With his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering wheel, he chuckled. Gosh, even his laugh is handsome. "We'll be there in a few minutes, love. Just wait," he answered, putting his hand on mine. He pulled it towards him, placing a kiss on the back of my hand. 

Indeed, it was only a few minutes till we reached the venue. Napaawang ang bibig ko nang makita ko kung nasaan kami. Kumikislap na mga ilaw ang lumibot sa lugar kung saan napupuno ang dagat ng iba't ibang yacht. Ng dahil siguro sa bakayson ay naparami ang mga taong dumadalo rito. 

"Are we going to have dinner on the yacht?" tanong kong nakangiti.

"I know it's not as fancy as the ones you ride, but yes, love. The vibe's quite romantic, don't you think?"

I reached for his right cheek and caressed it with my palm. "Love, no. Don't say that. You know I don't care where you take me and how expensive it is. As long as I'm with you, that's more than enough," I reassured him. It made me think, naiisip niya pa rin kaya ang pagkakaiba namin? 

Dumeretso kami sa hotel, na katabi nito, para ilagay ang aming mga gamit. Paliwanag niya'y dito muna kami matutulog at kinabukasa'y uuwi na. It wasn't him who chose to spend the night here, he revealed. Kinumbinsi siya ni Tita Rosa na mag-stay na lang kami sa hotel ngayong araw para magkaroon kami ng privacy. 

"It was just funny how Tita refused to let me sleep in your room yesterday yet I'm about to sleep on the same bed with you tonight," I randomly shared as we entered our room, chuckling with the bizarre thought I had. But that chuckle suddenly halted.

Pause. I did not just think that something will happen tonight.

Get your mind out of the gutter, Liv! Walang mangyayari, okay? We'll just have dinner and sleep. That's it.

I turned to look at his reaction, only to see his lips twitching upward. "May iba ka bang iniisip?" he teased.

"Assuming ka," I retorted back, rolling my eyes. 

Letting out a short giggle, he added, "Anyway, I can take the sofa if you're not comfortable with sleeping beside me." He dropped our bags near the queen size bed and glance over me.

Umiling ako at sumagot, "I won't be able to sleep if that would be the case."

His brows raised, still wearing the same smirk he gave me. He took my hand to pull me toward him. As we were inches near, I felt his hands cupping my waist. As if it was natural for me to do, I rested my arms on his shoulders.

"Are you subtly saying you can't sleep without me?" he breathed, lightly touching his nose against mine.

I nodded. "There's actually one more thing that keeps me awake besides your absence, though."

"Hmm?"

"I can't sleep in the dark," I confessed. I noticed him leaning his head back as if startled by my remark.

"Hmm...We're quite opposite, huh? I can't sleep with the lights on. But I'll adjust for you, my love.

Minutes had passed, our bicker on whether to keep the lights on or not was done. After settling down, we decided to go back outside and head to our destination. As we reached the place, our yacht was there. Tables were arranged at the cockpit of the yacht and from the window, I could see they were present there, too.

Hindi na kami nagtagal sa baba. Van assisted me in going up the yacht, then he followed. The waiter guided us to the table Van has reserved, and luckily we were in the cockpit. Mas worth it sa labas dahil matatanaw mo rin ang bangkilas ng buwan sa dagat. 

At that moment, everything was perfect: the dinner that was served, the cake that was offered to us which they even sang us a song, the matching necklace he gave me as a gift, and the small talks we had no matter how irrelevant our topic was. I enjoyed them. I cherished every second I shared with him, every chuckle, every subtle grab of my hand, and every flutter my heart made. It was joyous and full of love that it scared me. 

It scared me how much happiness I can feel because of one person. 

It would be pointless to say if what I'm feeling for Van isn't love. I knew I wasn't just in love with him anymore. It was more than that. My feelings turn into a flame, with him fueling it. As days passed by, it grew bigger and bigger. And I'm not even sure if this is a good thing. 

The greatest love always comes with the greatest pain, and I wasn't ready to experience that pain. Alam kong hindi ako magda-dalawang-isip ipaglaban si Van kung sakaling dumating man ang araw na kinakatakutan ko. Alam ko ring ganoon din ang gagawin niya, ngunit hindi mawala sa isip ko kung anong mangyayari sa 'min kapag hindi namin pala kaya? Kapag mapatunayan ng panahon na puro salita lang pala kami at lahat ng pangako nami'y napako lang? 

"You've been staring at the sea for a while now, love. Anong nasa isip mo?" mahinang tanong ni Van habang itinatabi ang mga buhok na tumatama sa 'king mukha. Nasa itaas kami ng yacht kaya'y mahangin. 

Umiling ako't binigyan siya ng ngiti. "Ikaw," sagot ko. 

"Bolero," pabirong sabi naman niya.

He took a step to meet my back, and there I felt his hands slowly circling around my waist. He nestled his face on the side of my neck, making me ticklish from the touch of his nose. 

"I wish every day is like this," he softly whispered against my neck. He retrieved his head, resting his chin on the crown of my head. "Quiet. Peaceful. Just you and me."

I broke the hug to face him. My eyes bore into his, attempting to communicate my feelings through my gaze, in which he understood. He slowly placed his palms on my cheeks and lightly lowered his face toward mine. I took that as a hint to close the distance between us and drag my face closer to his, so close that our lips were almost brushing against each other.

He sent me one last look as if asking permission if he can continue. Not wanting to drag this moment any longer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and crashed my lips on him. 

His hands dropped down to my waist as he kissed me back, trying to deepen the kiss. I was unsure as to why I found it easy to match his rhythm when I hadn't done this before. Everything came out naturally. 

He tasted like grapes. Like wine. Sweet and intoxicating at the same time. And even addicting that I couldn't help but continue to move my lips, alternatingly kissing his upper lip, then the lower one next. My mind and heart were clouded that I couldn't think of anything else but him. 

I broke the kiss as I gasped for air, keeping my eyes closed. I felt his breath brush against my lips while he rested his forehead on mine. Slowly, our eyes meet each other. 

I knew this was the moment I needed to say the three words I had longed to say. 

"I love you," I muttered at the same time as him when he also said, "I love you, Liv."

It surprised me how it didn't shock me that much to hear those words come out of him. Just like the kiss we had, it felt natural. Like I had already heard them but only through his actions. 

"I love you. I love you. God, I love you so much," he repeatedly whispered as he planted kisses all over my face. 

We laughed in unison, realizing we both thought of the same thing during that time. Now that those three words are out, our relationship had become different in a way I couldn't describe. I wasn't sure which word to associate it with but I was sure of one thing. 

As short as it may sound, those three words made my 19th birthday the best I ever had.

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