Minho X Jisung

---

Minho laid in bed, looking up at his ceiling. A black iPhone laid next to his bed, on the beside table, but the device hadn't been used in days.

If only Minho hadn't been such a dick, maybe everything would have been fine still. If only Minho hadn't said what he said, mabye he'd still have friends.

He didn't at all mean what he said, but right then and there, it seemed like the only logical answer. It wasn't a good answer, only logical to Minho. He wasn't gonna let anyone near his heart, because deep within it laid his most protected secret. Something he never imagined sharing with anyone, yet now it was showing more than ever.

Lee Minho for as long as he could remember been severely depressed, and with thoughts no teenager should have, occupying his mind constantly. Yet no one knew, because Minho was nothing if not a great actor.

Lee Minho was popular and outgoing, not insecure and concealed.

Lee Minho was a ladies man, not scared of comitment.

Lee Minho was the sunshine of the group, not the one suffering the most.

Lee Minho was an actor, and everyone believed his act.

Flashback

"Minho hyung, can i talk to you for a moment?"

Minho looked up, seeing a shy Jisung standing in front of his body on the couch. It was no secret that Han Jisung had the biggest crush on Minho, everyone knew. Minho himself knew this, their shared friends didn't let a day go by without reminding Minho that his younger friend had the biggest crush imaginable on him.

"Sure, Sungie." Minho answered, standing up.

Jisung led Minho out of the living room, ignoring the whistles and cheers coming from their shared friends. Walking past pictures of Minho's family, the two stopped inside of Minho's bedroom.

"I kind of wanna talk to you about something, hyung." Jisung admitted, looking down shyly.

Jisung had gotten enough reassurance from his friends to finally musher up the courage to confess.

"Go ahead Sung." Minho said, nonchalantly.

"Ok, so-... I-I believe you already probably know this, because it's not really a secret, b-but i like you hyung. A-A lot." Jisung said, blushing.

Minho nodded his head, tilting it to the side curiously.

"Yeah, i knew that, Sung. What about it?" Minho asked, looking at the younger.

Jisung looked back at Minho, shocked. He really thought Minho would react differently, or at least catch on to what he was so clearly putting out there.

"I really like you hyung. Like like you." Jisung said, looking into Minho's eyes.

Minho nodded, looking at Jisung with furrowed eyebrows.

"Was that all?"

"I-Im trying to say that i wanna date you hyung." Jisung whispered, looking up at Minho with a small smile.

Minho's heart sped up. He couldn't tell if it was because Jisung just had confessed to him, or if it was because someone was trying to break into his heart. Someone was trying to get in to what was supposed to be locked away, and never be opened up.

"Are you serious?"

Jisung nodded his head cutely with a smile, bouncing excitedly.

"I don't fucking like you, Jisung. I don't wanna date you, how could you ever believe I would want to date someone like you? You're so annoying and just awful to be around, always clinging to me and trying to be cute. Cut it out, it's just disgusting. You're disgusting, you pig, get out of here, I don't wanna see your ugly face-"

"LEE MINHO."

Minho snapped out of his headspace, looking around to see everyone there. In that exact moment, Minho knew he had screwed up more than anything.

"LEE FUCKING MINHO ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING SERIOUS? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TALK TO OUR FRIEND LIKE THAT? WHO THE FUCKING DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HUH?" Chan gripped Minho's collar, pushing him into the nearest wall.

Everyone else hurriedly left the room, leaving to take care of the heartbroken Jisung.

"If you don't like someone, you fucking tell them no politely. How could you, who do you think you are to talk to him like that? You stay the fuck away from every one of us, if you as much as look in Jisung's direction, I'll send you to the E.R with my own hands." Chan growled, pushing Minho one last time before leaving, sending the latter one last disgusted glare.

---

Minho shook the thought out of his mind, rolling over in bed. His sheets were stained red from the blood oozing out of his wounded wrist.

Minho regretted says those words more than anything in his life. But he couldn't let Jisung in, he just couldn't. No one could see what was beneath the surface of Minho's porcelain skin. No one could see Minho as he was right now, because right now he let himself be exposed, knowing no one would be searching for him anywhere.

Minho's mind wandered off to a unknown place, one he never had allowed himself to go to before. It scared him, the mere thought of hurting himself in such a way, letting himself slip away from life. But it was scary in a good way. Scary like the first time diving from a cliff with your friends. Scary like going into a haunted house at the fair. Scary like the first day of a new high school.

This was the scary thing Minho had longed to do for years, but never allowed because he was supposed to be perfect. He had the perfect friends, the perfect family and the perfect life. Lee Minho was supposed to be perfect.

But now, that all was gone.

---

"Has anyone heard from him yet?" Jisung asked his friends, interrupting the movie.

"Not since the day at his house. He hasn't answered any of my calls or texts." Felix answered with a sad sigh.

Everyone nodded along to Felix's words.

"I'm worried. He hasn't shown up for school or talked to anyone in 3 weeks. What if something happened." Jisung muttered, fiddling with his fingers.

"You really shouldn't worry about him, Ji. He's a dick, he doesn't deserve you." Chan said, his voice monotone.

Jisung sighed and nodded, melting back into the couch. He shook the thought of Minho out of his head, focusing on the actors on screen.

"Jisung, honey. There was a packet for you at the doorstep." Jisung's mom said, walking into the living room where all the boys were watching the movie.

Jisung accepted it, and a kiss on the forehead from his mother.

"Thanks mom, how was work?"

"Good as always, darling." Mrs. Han said, moving towards the kitchen.

Jisung looked down at the packet, starting to open it up carefully.

"What's that sung?" Seungmin asked, peeking over his shoulder carefully.

"I don't know, i don't think i ordered anything." Jisung said with a shrug, unfolding the cardboard flaps.

Jisung's eyes widened, looking down into the box. Jeongin immediately crawled over to Jisung, looking over his shoulder.

"Minho's hoodie?" The youngest asked in confusion.

Jisung sniffed and carefully picked the hoodie up, admiring it like a newborn child. It was a soft blue color with a print of an ice cream cone on the chest. Minho's cologne lingered in the air.

Jisung hugged the piece of clothing, burying his nose in it. The boy's mind was full of questions. Why would Minho send Jisung his favorite hoodie? Was this an apology?

Looking back down into the box, Jisung carefully pulled out two more things, a small handbook and a large binder.

"Hyung, what's that?" Jeongin asked, trying to grab the book from Jisung's hands.

Jisung pulled it away, holding everything close. Something felt off.

"There's a piece of paper in the box." Felix pointed out.

Jisung immediately grabbed it as well, unfolding it messily. Everyone was by now gathered around the squirrel, reading the note from their own angle.

"WHAT?"

"MINHO!"

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

"FUCKING HELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

Rushing out of the house, Jisung left the binder, book and hoodie messily shoved into the box once again, running down the street together with his friends.

---

I'm sorry

I couldn't be perfect anymore

I promise to watch over you forever

~Minho

---

Falling to his knees, Jisung sobbed. He didn't know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't to see Minho's house surrounded by police cars, police officers and an ambulance. Minho's parents stood outside, Mr. Lee with an arm wrapped around his wife as they spoke to a police officer - both looking distressed.

"Make way."

Out of the house came two police officers, followed by a paramedic. The paramedic was pulling on a trolley. On top of the trolley laid a white sheet, covering the body of a deceased teenage boy. One who had so much to live for, but so little will to live.

---

[Patient medical record - Seoul YPCS]

Patient: Lee Minho
Birthday: Oct.25.1998
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Location: Seoul, Korea

Patient description: The patient expresses a fear of committing to another person, and feels a need to act like a picture perfect verson of himself. Patient is diagnosed with severe depression and suicidal thoughts.

---

Dear diary

Please tell Jisung I'm sorry. I can't be with him evern though i love him more than anything else.

I'm gonna miss him

I wish i could open up to him

No one can see the real me

Signing off for the very last time~
~Lee Minho