A/N: Hey turts! 🐢 I just wanted to let you know that the lyrics which are in brackets are sung in the background. I have decided to leave it like that in the story too, but they are just as important for the plot. Basically just ignore the brackets, lol.
I am excited for you to read the LAST CHAPTER! I am thankful you are here <3

P.S.: listen to the song ;)
PPS.: i can't repeat myself often enough: please report n.ovelhd.com. It is a piracy website stealing stories from w.attpad (ignore the periods after the first letters, they are just here so their computers won't just automatically switch out the words) read more in my book "report n0velhd".

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This morning I woke up in a strange bed. And there was no one next to me. Damnit! I wanted to leave before the man I had spent the night with woke up!

Quickly I slipped into my pants and T-shirt and tried to sneak out without being seen. An attractive man with greying hair was standing in the kitchen, only wearing lose pajama pants, while brewing coffee. It smelled good, I was almost tempted to stay. But I couldn't – I didn't even remember the man's name. Was it George? Geoffrey? Graham? Definitely something with G...

"Do you want some coffee, John?", he asked, not even facing me. How had he seen me? I quickly stood up taller and tried to look less suspicious. Why did he remember my name? Oh my god, hopefully he didn't think this has been the start of something serious.

"Uh, no thanks. I actually gotta go." I picked up my coat from the floor where it was thrown to last night, soon forgotten.

It has been a great night with amazing sex. But that was it. Sex. No love, or affection, just... sex. I have always thought I wouldn't be able to do one-night stands because I would get too attached, but in the end the opposite was the case. I would sleep with a person but the next morning I would feel completely emtpy inside.

Geez! Look at me! I am standing in a strange man's living room, whose name I can't even remember, trying to sneak out without being seen. I have turned into a macho cliché! Well, the gay version of the macho cliché... but where was the difference anyways?

"Last night was great,...", Gilbert? What the fuck was his name? I had no idea. "Thank you, for everything.", I quickly added, without looking at him. I felt incredibly uncomfortable, I needed to get out of here. I didn't wait for him to say anything... I rushed out and quickly walked away.

On my way home, I felt my heart ache. For you. Not for him, not for anyone else... for you. When I stood in the living room, keys still in the hand, feeling unattached to everything in this little holiday flat I had rented, a rush of emotions swept over me. I missed you. I missed you so fucking much.

That's when it hit me: I needed to go home. I needed to see you. Not because I thought I could get back to you, but to tell you what you have done to me. I needed to see you so I could finally find some closure and move on with my life. Away from you.

I called a cab and got onto a last-minute plane to London.

Headlights, on me (and even if I run away)

I have been in Asia for months, and now I was back in London and driving faster than I should, faster than it was allowed. Why? I don't know, but things with you have never made sense to me.

There – I was making another insane overtake maneuver. I was either gonna end up dead or in jail. If I died would I end up in heaven or hell?

For a second I wondered where the innocent boy was, that I used to be before we met. He had been careful, sweet, happy. I was reckless, inconsiderate and depressed. I cut off another car and hoped I could somewhat be the old me again, after I have talked to you.

Racing to 60,

-rushing home. Let's face it, I thought: In reality I am still that boy, a pathetic little lovesick puppy returning home. Maybe I was Holmesick... Infected by the Sherlock-syndrome.

I've been a fool

-to have thought I would outgrow you. And I was a fool to run back to you. Why was I doing this? Why was I heading back into the arms of you? Why was I gonna hand you my heart, so you could tear it apart again?

I had thought, if I run away-

(and give my heart a holiday)

-I would forget you. I would go on one-night stands and drink until meaningless nights and alcohol were gonna stitch my heart back together. Well, I was wrong. I still thought of you too much, still loved you too much. Still my heart was a mess.

Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

-our kisses, like our memories. They taste like your love on my tongue, they taste like your hands on me. They taste like you.

And now I was standing in front of your house and knocked and waited. And then you stood there with your-

Blue eyes, black jeans

-and beautiful face. You looked older, more grown up. You looked annoyingly perfect. And I was once again speechless and I was mad, because damn, I have missed that face and fuck, how could you have turned even more handsome? I have half expected you to have no idea who the hell I was but at least your face showed recognition.

Then I yelled out of pure frustration, "I can't believe I am here! I can't believe I fell for such an asshole like you so fucking hard! I can't stop thinking of you – even in fucking Asia! After two damn years! Still I come back here like a psychotic stalker and yell at you like a crazy person! Do you wanna know why?! Because-

(you)

-Sherlock fucking Holmes, -

(always leave me wanting more)

-and you always have. Your words, your actions, your goddamn games and your kisses that send me right to hell!" The words spilled out of my mouth, without me wasting any more thoughts on them. But my eyes have fixed on your lips now and I slowly felt my guard crumble, because I remembered the night, our night, a mix of-

Lighters and candy,

-and I remembered what you did to me right before that. God,-

I've been a fool

-to let you steal my virginity that night. I regretted it. I have had enough time to learn that regret was one of the worst feelings. And then I said it out loud, "I have been a fool to fall in love with you. It was my biggest mistake. Because, Sherlock, I have fallen for you, but you watched me crash to the ground, smiling at the mess it made me."

All these feelings have been buried inside of me for two years now. I was a mess and I had tears in my eyes, somehow swallowing my sobs, almost choking on them. I looked into your eyes and I let you see all my pain, all my heart ache, all my regrets. Then I opened my mouth to say, "But the worst of all, Sherlock, is that-

(I can't shake my hunger for)

-you. I crave you every day. I loved you from the first moment I saw you. I knew you were my soulmate. I loved you with all my heart, mind, soul, body. I loved you with all of me. And all you ever did was break me. Break my heart, my mind, my soul, my body."

It felt good to say it out loud. To finally have some closure from this horror trip of emotions. I would finally be able to go home, sit down, cry my heart out, until I had no more breath left. I would be able to stand up afterwards and I would be able to be done with you. I would be able to move on.

But then you looked at me and everything changed. There was sadness in your eyes, even remorse. I shook my head, confused. I wiped my tears with my sleeve.

Then you said my name, "John.", and I heard your voice has changed. It had gotten deeper. But at the same time softer. I liked the way my name sounded in that baritone.

You stepped closer, and I stumbled back. You immediately stopped, respected my boundaries. Then you slowly spread your arms – an invitation to a hug.

And I couldn't help myself – I fell right into it. My hands were on your chest and I grabbed your shirt, made fists. I smelled you and I remembered the night in our park. I felt you and I was a mess. I started crying. Ugly sobs escaping my throat. Your shirt got all wet and gross. But you let it happen. You held me, you laid one hand on my back and pulled me closer even. The other hand went into my hair. It was the sweetest thing you have ever done.

Your deep voice sounded earnest when you said, "I am so sorry about what I did to you. It was a horrible thing. I was a horrible person. I don't know if you will believe me, but I have changed, grown up. I even quit smoking."

My chest still hurt, my face was still swollen from crying. I was still broken, but when I heard these words – your apology and you quitting smoking – I finally saw a chance to heal.

"And I don't expect you to forgive me now. Or ever, really. I would understand completely if you hate me and are done with me. But-"

I looked up. I didn't know if I could ever forgive you for what you did. I just knew that my feelings for you were too big to ignore.

"-I hope, that... maybe... one day... you could give me a second chance."

Through a curtain of tears, I smiled up at you. There was some hope. Then I leaned my forehead against your chest.

"Wanna know something?", I whispered into your shirt.

"Hm?"

"Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you",

I said, looking back up at you. You returned the smile. It was so different from the smirks I was used to. Maybe this truly was a different man in front of me. You pulled me back in and as if to confirm my thoughts you whispered into my hair: "Hopefully I'll only taste like strawberries from now on."

Hopefully. And maybe, one day, I would be brave enough to taste your sweetness once again.

THE END
... but is it?

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A/N: As you could probably tell I am thinking of writing a SEQUEL. Would you be interested in that? It would, again, be based on a song. I am kinda busy and Idk if I could write on it at all not to mention regularly but... maybe? If I get a few more views, votes and comments... who knows! Lmk what you think of that idea!

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading! Please leave a vote if you liked it and some feedback 💚 I am so proud of me that i finished another fanfic?! I feel pretty cool. Thank you for all your support!
And maybe follow me? 🥺👉👈 I have a two other Johnlock books and about 13 ideas for new fanfics :P
Btw I am not a native speaker in English. I am sorry if I made any mistakes - please tell me if you found any. I have spent a long time in America however, so if my writing is more American than British... that's why.

Wait! Please stay for a bit longer... I have a question. Did you like this format of writing a fanfiction - based entirely on song lyrics? I gotta be honest... writing songfics is way harder than just writing fanfics... bcs the lines repeat themselves and it is tough to not just write the same things all the time. I tried really hard to bring in some variety, to make it easy to read, and that it makes sense. I hope that worked out alright...
I also hope it worked okay with building the lyrics INTO the utterances sometimes... seriously i am lost, please tell me what you think.

And I just wanted to let you know that on "genius lyrics" I read that this song plays a lot with the sweet, innocent child vs. the bitter, sinful adult (or an adolescent growing up) as you can see in the lyrics "strawberries and cigarettes", "lighters and candy", "sugar and smoke rings", etc. I tried to build that into the story as well. (This is where you should have an aha-moment haha ;))

Okay that's it now. Sorry not sorry for the long A/N xD *throws badly cut-out paper hearts at you*