Tossing the duffle bag that had already been packed for me, I climbed into the back seat of the limo as my Aunt Sue ushered me to get inside. She said she would go help me pack and get ready to leave the country and then take the train back. I told her she didn't need to but she insisted and part of me is glad she's here with me. Aside from my Pa, Aunt Sue is my closest family and the only one left from my Ma's side. She's like my mother now. I looked out the back window at Oon's figure standing in front of the barn getting smaller and smaller until he was completely out of view. I really wasn't ready to say goodbye, especially not like this.

There was so much going through my mind that I didn't even know what to process first. I had just returned after spending one of the happiest days of my life and I'm not exaggerating. I have never felt so free in my life. My time at the farm had taught me to appreciate the simpler things in life and I had all I needed to be happy right here. So I had made up my mind last night to stay and tell Oon that we can find our own paths together, and we're not lost if we have each other.

But here I was being swooshed away to another country. My choice was being made for me and I couldn't refuse because this was my Pa after all. As much as I wanted to hate him, he is my Pa. I know I said I wanted to get away from him but the thought of actually losing him scares me to my core. I couldn't even stop my hands from shaking and Aunt Sue knew because she held my hand.

"Mr. Suthiluck, I want you to know that they will perform the surgery on your father today as it can't wait." Tim looked at me through the rear mirror.

"Kong. Just call me Kong. Can you tell me what happened?"

Tim hesitated a moment before speaking. "I'm not sure if you are aware of the London project. It's the project Mr. Suthiluck is using to launch into the European market. He has been planning for over two years now. Everything was going fine until the market crashed recently and now banks are tightening their lending. So Mr. Suthiluck has been having trouble securing a loan for the second half of the project, and when the last bank rejected him too, he didn't take the news too well. He suddenly fell to the ground and said he was dizzy. Fortunately, he wasn't alone so he was taken to the hospital immediately."

"Work. It's always about work," Aunt Sue muttered under her breath while her grip on my hand tightened.

"The thing is, the London project is already in progress, so without the necessary funds, the company is going to take a big financial loss. His reaction is quite understandable."

I really didn't know what to say about all this. I knew Pa was trying to expand into Europe but I never paid much attention to his work. I never knew he was struggling with anything since he never let any of it show. We were quiet for a while until Aunt Sue broke the silence.

"You know, I regret saying some harsh words to your Pa when your Ma left. I really shouldn't have said them."

I turned to look at Aunt Sue who was looking out the other window. "It's okay. You were upset. It was a hard time for everyone."

"I just couldn't understand him. After Mimi passed, he came to the farmhouse and locked himself in her room for over a month. He didn't talk to anyone and he barely ate, crying day and night like he cared."

"I didn't know he went to the farm. So then what happened?" This was really surprising news to me. I thought Pa just went back to work after Ma's funeral.

"I kicked him out! That's what happened. I got so fed up with his behavior at the time. I said he never loved Mimi and he didn't deserve a family. So I told him to leave and go be his selfish self again."

I squeezed Aunt Sue's hand. I could understand why she said those things and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't feel the same. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Aunt Sue."

"I mean, why couldn't he have spent that time being there for Mimi's last days? She was so sad and lonely. I know he has avoidance and anxiety issues, but couldn't he have tried harder?" Aunt Sue started crying and I quickly grabbed a few tissues for her.

"Your Ma was always so understanding and she suffered so much because of his avoidance issues. And he made you suffer too."

"What issues? I don't know anything about it. Ma never said anything to me."

"Because she always wanted you to think of your Pa as perfect. She didn't want you to know his way of coping with issues was by avoiding them, running away like a coward. But I don't want anything bad to happen to him either. He's your father, your family."

"You're my family too." Aunt Sue gave a little smile and leaned her head on my shoulder.

The rest of the ride was quiet. I can tell that my Aunt Sue was still mad at the way Pa handled things but she still wanted me to know all this. And as strange as it sounded, it started to all make sense now. That's why every time Ma's condition got worse he would leave and didn't come back until she was better again. It even explains why he avoided addressing me when I started acting up on purpose and I even remember he looked clearly upset when he saw my first tattoo but he still didn't say anything and just left.

And then everything after the ride happened like a blur. I was rushed home to pack and grab my passport and then Tim and I headed to the airport right away taking the very next available flight to London. Then we went directly to the hospital upon landing in Heathrow. I can only recall how dreary I thought of London when I looked out the window of the taxi.

The moment I entered Pa's hospital room, I almost fell to my knees. For the first time, I saw my Pa laying there helpless and weak. Tears started swelling up in my eyes as I took in all the tubes and machines being hooked up to him. Flashes of my worst memories of my Ma also laying there surrounded by machines came to my mind. I choked back a sob looking at him. He was barely recognizable with his head bandaged and his face swollen from his craniotomy surgery.

All my life, my Pa was this invincible man that never broke down in front of anyone. When he was disowned for marrying my Ma, he never looked back to his family. He never asked for help or any handout from them. Even when Ma was at her worst, I didn't see my Pa shed a tear, making me think this whole time he was just heartless and cold. But after what Aunt Sue told me, I don't even know if I knew anything about my Pa.

I can't say I can forgive him just by having this knowledge now but I still didn't want to see him lying there so helpless. For the next few days, Pa remained in intensive care drifting in and out of sleep. After the doctor's evaluation, it was confirmed that Pa's left arm was paralyzed and the muscles on the left side of his face were weakened to the point that chewing was going to be a problem. However, he said that Pa was likely to regain most if not all his mobility after proper rehabilitation but it would be a long process and it would take dedication.

While Pa was going through recovery, the company was in turmoil. Business associates kept calling to ask how Pa was doing but in reality, all they wanted to know was how safe their investments were. I don't think I ever grew up faster than those few weeks. Tim tried to walk me through everything but in all honesty, I was nervous as hell. I had no idea what was going on and I was scared that I would fuck up whatever my Pa has built. I even had nightmares of lifting up a pen weighing a ton, heavy enough to crush me to death. Every signature I scribbled felt like I was signing my life away.

And at the end of all this, I had to deliver the news to my Pa that the project had to be terminated. We had to cut our losses before it got worse. Every day the project was left hanging meant losing more money so I really had no choice. I didn't know how to break it to him and I was afraid the news would make his recovery worse.

I suddenly felt like I was eight years old again and I was afraid to disappoint him with a 'B' on my report card, except this felt worse than an 'F' and it wasn't on my damn report card.

I entered his room and sat in the chair next to him. He silently turned to look at me expectantly. "Pa, it's over. I've terminated the project to cut our losses. The lawyers are figuring out the penalty fees now. I'm sorry I don't have a better solution."

Pa wordlessly nodded. He looked sad but he didn't say anything. Maybe he had already expected this outcome or maybe he was exhibiting his avoidance behavior again. I couldn't tell but I still felt bad.

"There's always next time. Pa, you're still young. Once you recover, you can try again. What's important right now is for you to get better. I'll be there to help you."

It was only then he attempted to smile which was very difficult for him given the fact that his facial muscles on his left side weren't working. He reached his hand out to me and I grabbed it.

And for the first time, he said to me in his raspy voice, "I'm sorry."

And maybe that's what I've been waiting to hear all these years. Because after those two words, the flood gates opened and I cried into the crook of my arm resting on his bed while he patted my head gently. I don't know where we stand as father and son. Only time can tell what we'll become, closer or more distant. But for now, this is us.

Throughout this whole time, I had called Aunt Sue three times. The first call was to inform her of my safe arrival and my Pa's condition. My second call was to inform her how things were going with the company and my Pa's recovery after surgery. I knew she would relay all this information to Uncle Dan's family and ultimately Oon.

I didn't ask to speak with Oon because I was too afraid I would crumble to pieces and cry over the phone like a baby. And worse, I knew if I did I would make him cry too. But I almost caved one night. I missed him too much. I even called Uncle Dan's phone instead of Aunt Sue's because I really wanted to hear his voice. It was the day I had officially terminated the project and I just wanted to hear him say that everything would be okay. But at last, I didn't do it. I ended the call after one ring. I just couldn't put him through all this.

My third call was after the good news that my Pa was good enough for discharge and safe to fly home. I told Aunt Sue that Tim had helped Pa find a rehab center back home and we were finally leaving.

I was homebound.

~~~~~~
AN: Sweets, I'm bringing Kong back. Don't worry. No LDR this time. 😉

Curtsy,
Lana ❤️