When I was with him, I was falling.

Boundless, finally losing the pavement my feet were always pounding, I was free.

When I was with him, I was flying.

Soaring, I was in control and yet I wasn't thinking.

My limbs moving on a whim, my voice singing without music, I was untethered to worry.

His head was laying itself in my lap, his eyes lifting to meet mine, mouth grinning a little more.

"No homo," he giggled, getting me to chuckle, but it hurt because if felt like I was agreeing.

There was nothing platonic about the way my heart fluttered as I watched his hands strip apart the flower stem that lay laced in his fingers.

Long grass outlined his figure, flowers blew low in the wind to kiss every part of him.

The sun seemed to shine just to make him look more radiant. High in the midday sky, the star sent a bright glow to rest on the boy before me.

The sky was his favorite, blue. He said it reminded him of me.

Blue, and then gold. Purple, and then the stars exploded upon the empty canvas, unable to be hidden by a single cloud.

Honey kissed eyes flickered up to meet mine, and I held my breath until they melted away.

Hours later, I still hummed his favorite song for him, I still talked to him as long as he told me he wanted to hear my voice.

Hours melted into dwindling minutes as those pretty eyes slipped shut and conversation fizzled to a hushed stop.

I knew we would have to leave soon. I cared too much, sometimes, to be selfish and keep him with me as long as I desperately wanted. Even when I wasn't aloud to hold him I didn't want to let go.

And so I savored the time I had in his presence, even as I counted the seconds until we were apart.

The push and pull of my mind and heart.

To be away, I was consumed by the memory of time spent with someone I couldn't even believe was real. I was happy, but I was longing until the next time I could meet him. See him. Touch him. Be with him.

But to bend to the will of my heart was to die, to suffocate under a stare, to freeze in a hold, to be drawn into insanity by a sweet laugh. I saw colors that hadn't been created yet when he told me I was his...

He meant that I was his friend.

'No homo'

I ghosted my hand over thick curls as I braced myself to be met with his striking eyes once more.

I leaned as close to him as I dared as I sent him a gentle whisper that was softer than the wind that had long since calmed.

"Hey, now, you can't sleep here. Soon, but not now. Come on, I'm driving."

As expected, at barely the sound of my voice, he was awake, looking at me as though he was being gifted with the sight of something precious.

I didnt know why, but his eyes always lit up when he looked at me.

We were standing now, and I could tell that he was still half- sleeping, still somewhat peering at whatever dream lulled him into bliss.

I took his hand, then, as I had so many times before, and was expectedly met with the vibrant buzz that always filled my body when he was near.

Crickets erupted in a private symphony as we arrived at his car, a beat down pickup truck with too much history to get rid of.

Seatbelts clicked into place, doors closed with a muffled thud, and the key was in the ignition.

We were ready to go.

And then it happened again, like it did every day.

Soon I was going to be alone, left with only the giddy memory of today. My eyes trailed over to the boy who sat across the car, slumped tiredly in his seat, eyes already closed in a gentle sleep.

My gaze wandered all over him, taking this all in.

Don't forget this.

He stirred, and let out a small snore. A quiet laugh slipped from my lips.

Please dont forget this.

These were the best moments.

He would never know it, but I loved these moments; my favorite memories.