"You're drunk, Jesper."

The taste of alcohol had never really settled well in Gwen's stomach, she'd always found it to be too sharp on her tastebuds, found the smell too strong, and found that its effects could leave her nothing short of inhibited which in her profession, was never really good. However, that being said, hanging around with the likes of Jesper for the past month and a half had left her drinking far more than the occasional whiskey before bed that would settle her nerves, because now she was forcing down the shots like a pro...usually in an effort to block out his drunken ramblings but the effort was there all the same.

That wasn't to say that Jesper was a drunk, no, although she somewhat wished he was because perhaps then she'd be having a easier time at prying some information out of him that wasn't completely useless and that didn't leave her wanting to tear her hair out. He just seemed to like frequenting the bars for...well, that she hadn't truthfully found out yet, though she was getting curious enough to ask, but she was assuming that the sharpshooter was far more lonely than he let on, because that would explain his constant want of her company, and his escapades in gambling and bar-hopping.

In another life, Gwen thought that she would of quite liked him, would of liked his zest for life, his confidence, his smile that made the gloom of Ketterdam nothing more than an after thought. She would of thought that his skills with his pistol were impressive and his stories incredible, and maybe she would of done more than liked him.

But in that life, she would of still had her brothers, Jordie would probably be some big time merchant, Kaz would be a university and she would...well, she supposed that was the tragedy, she'd never had time to think of what she'd wanted to be until the world told her what she had to be. A monster, an assassin, all of those things and far, far worse.

But yes, she really did think that she could of liked Jesper, and perhaps that was why she was always quick to accept his offers of dates, or what she'd known as surprising ideas thrown at her when they'd bump into each other as they walked the Barell's crooked cobblestones...and she was starting to suspect that some of them weren't mere happenings, because while she knew that she, sometimes, most of the time really, arranged such fated meetings with precise stalking...it was beginning to look like he was doing the exact same through less extreme methods.

She'd actually watched him one day, hiding in the shadows with her eyes narrowed in concentration, curious on how they'd always seemed to inevitably fall together even without her meddling...and found Jesper constantly pacing around the Stalls that she occasionally frequented through out various point in the day, always looking but never buying or stealing as he glanced around anxiously, waiting fot something...or someone while trying to look inconspicuous as possible, unknowingly causing Gwen to laugh in the quiet of her isolation before she'd eventually put him out of his misery to pretend to be suprised to see him.

And of course, that lead to where she was currently, sitting on a very uncomfortable chair and watching as he drank himself into oblivion.

There was something that almost felt like worry winding deep in the pit of her gut the more she watched him as the night went on, dark eyes tracing over the base of his neck, his long fingers curled over shot glass after shot glass, his pretty eyelashes forming shadows across his cheeks in the warm glow of the club. Leaning her head against her palm and staring at him with a quirked brow as he drank more and more until she was pretty sure that there was no longer blood pumping through his veins and instead it was whatever form of alcohol he had decided to consume.

But she didn't do anything, didn't say anything even as he continued to ramble on about everything and anything as he usually did, and she only finally stepped in when he'd started to slur his words, her pale hand dancing atop of the table and sliding the shot out of view, and thankfully, it seemed that Jesper was too drunk to notice, waving his arms around as he lost himself in the rather dramatic story of some heist gone wrong, a heist in which he almost hadn't made it out of with a rather large scar on his shoulder to show for it.

"And Kaz, well, Kaz is Kaz...obviously he had a plan behind a plan behind another plan. Don't get me wrong, he's brilliant but it'd be nice if the bastard actually shared said plans. You know how many times I thought we were dead meat only to find out it was all part of the plan? Too many times!" He raved, leaning against the sticky table with his sleeves drawn up to the crook of his elbow and showing off his rather impressive forearms, sturdy looking with a rather stunning decoration of veins and scars, alongside his usual assortment of jewelry...and for some odd reason, Gwen found herself struggling to listen to what he was saying as her gaze hungrily lingered upon the visible skin.

"This face is far too pretty to be stuck in a coffin at twenty." Jesper snapped, slamming his open palm atop his thigh with a laugh, forcing her out of her entranced state as she jumped at the abrupt noise, clearing her throat awkwardly and taking a sip of her own drink in an effort to calm the rising beat of her heart as it pounded against her chest. However, just as she was about to answer him, the chair tipped back and he almost fell from it, grey eyes blown wide as he cursed and grabbed the table for balance, still giggling under his breath.

"I think that it's time to call it a night, sharpshooter."

"And why'd that, love? That desperate to get me alone?" He winked, smiling up at her cheekily with his cheeks flushed and dark as she stood up, muscles aching and legs feeling just slightly unsteady, having her own fair share of drinks that were currently rocking her system like storming seas before she was rolling her eyes almost fondly at his flirtations as she slapped some kruge on the table.

"Oh of course, it definitely has nothing to do with that fact that that was the third time in five minutes you've almost fell off your chair." Gwen chuckled, trailing her fingers against the wood, moving towards him as the noises of the club seemed to dull around her, gaze far too focused on the dazed look in the sharpshooters eyes as he looked up at her, still grinning even as she peeled his jacket off from the back of the chair and began helping him into it with surprisingly patient hands.

"Is there a reason you're drinking so much in the first place? You keep going like that and I'm afraid you'll get alcohol poisoning."

"Kaz is angry at me, again. Got distracted on a job, almost lost him his precious kruge." The words were stumbled through, nothing more than a quiet grumble that she probably wouldn't of even been able to hear if she wasn't standing so close to him, quick fingers lacing up the buttons of his coat with ease as she slipped his lanky arm over her shoulder, grabbing the half-empty bottle of vodka on the table and then began leading him through the masses of other drunk individuals, humming absentmindnessly as she focused on not stepping in any suspicious puddles.

"And just what had you so distracted? Anything of interest?"

"I was thinking about you, love. Always you lately." Jesper whispered, his pretty lips touching the shell of her ear as he bent down to do so, and Gwen almost fell over herself in shock as she choked on her own spit, blinking rapidly as she focused on keeping on foot in front of the other, shouldering past everyone and everything until the door was in sight, and then she was practically running towards it, needing to feel the comfort of the wind against her face, needing to get out from the loud and strange atmosphere that they'd leave behind.

And the truth was she didn't think she'd ever enjoyed the fresh air as much as she did in that moment, breathing in deeply as the sharpshooter pressed more of his weight upon her as they stumbled along outside in the darkness of the Barell, and it was almost a peaceful walk, almost fun with the Zemeni boy strangely quiet as they strolled around on the uneven cobblestones, with her being the one on guard for any suspicious activity while it seemed that Jesper was just far too busy playing with the collar of her shirt happily.

But then she heard the tell-tale signs of someone about to vomit as he started to gag, still leaning heavily across her shoulders and she felt her heart drop down to the pit of her stomach. Gwen actually doubted she'd ever moved so fast in her life as she twisted him around and shoved him into an alleyway, tearing herself away from him until she was firmly pressed against the rough wall, watching with wide-eyed horror as the sharpshooter began throwing up the contents of his stomach in disgusting lurches that made her whole body tremble, skin itching and feeling like it was rotting from her corpse in mottled flesh.

She wanted to run away, she wanted to avoid the ghosts of her past that had come rushing to haunt her heart at the familar scene, clawing desperately at her ankles, pulling themselves further and further up her body until she felt like she was drowning in them, her dark eyes unable to stray from the Zemeni boy as he continued to be sick, her mind flashing back to Jordie and Kaz, their mouths constantly filled with bile, spewing out from the corner of their lips and splashing against her bloodied feet as she'd desperately try and wipe it away, feeling it stick to the contours of her hand and making it feel like she was never clean.

Gwen couldn't get sick, she wouldn't get sick or else she'd be carted off with the rest of them, she had to be clean, she had to be alright, she had to look after her brothers, look after them until they were all old and gray...but death stopped for no one, no sinner or saint, and the one thing it knew how to do was take. She'd never be clean enough, she would always be dirty and stained with the past, with her sin, with her ever haunting ghosts.

Her soul was simply a wall full of thorns, and when torment asked what it could do for her, she'd reply nothing, that this was a memory that she'd wake up from. That she'd already re-lived thousands of times over, and yet the pain still hurt her like her chest stung open anew.

A gasp tore itself from her throat as she came back to the present, vision clearing like a slap to the face and her shaking palm clutched tight over her heart that felt like it was being ripped out of her chest at it broke, beating horribly in its caged prison until she wondered if it would physically break out if her skin, dark eyes stinging and filled with aching tears as she tried desperately to steady her breathing with the bottle of vodka miraculously still in her other hand, somehow unbroken from how hard she'd clutched it in her terrified grip and unlost in her own chaos.

Her gaze instantly shooting down towards where Jesper had last stood to find him exactly where she'd left him, still bent over the wall with his elbow all that was there to support him, ugly groans wrenching through his body as more and more bile joined the masses on the floor, not even noticing her state in which she was glad for.

There was still a part of her that wanted to run for the Hills, leave him to the monsters of the Barell that lurked in the night, starving and hungry with hands that would steal, that would harm, that would kill...but her feet refused to move, refused to even attempt to take a step as she looked upon him, finally seemingly stopping his attempt to puke his own guts up, and was now instead leaning miserably against the wall, breathing heavily as he sucked in the fresh air greedily...well, as fresh as the air could get in Ketterdam anyway.

She sighed quietly, scratching the skin of her inner wrist in an effort to keep her hands busy before she was burying her free hand into her pocket, pulling out a clean looking rag that she always carried with her and pouring a rather generous amount of the vodka on it, making sure it was completely soaked through as she moved towards him slowly like one would approach a rabid dog, trying not to glance down at the puddle on the floor lest she wanted to start crying, and the moment she was within touching distance, she felt like lightning struck her body as his hands absentmindnessly reached out to touch her, long fingers curling around her hips and pulling her closer.

He hummed softly, smiling at her with that stupid smile that always made something in her gut clench, his palm tracing a unseen path up her forearm that left goosebumps in its wake, taking advantage of her frozen state as he reached his destination which had been to cup her cheek in his warm grip, idly playing with a stray curl that had slipped out from behind her ear, but his eyes stayed firmly on her lips, unable to stop himself from looking, from staring as his thumb traced the bottom one delicately, not hearing the way her breath caught, not hearing the way her heart skipped a beat as she cleared her throat and got to work.

It was rare that Gwen was distracted, rarer still that she had something to distract her as she cleaned around his mouth gently, making sure there was no sign of spit or sick and trying not to shiver at the thought of how dirty she now felt...and trying not to look to much into the fact that Jesper seemed unable to stop staring at her, gaze trailing over her greedily as if he could never get enough of her, get enough of the oceanic blue of her eyes that threatned to drown him in a worthy death. "You know, you were right about me, love."

She grunted at his words to show she was listening, still rubbing around the corners of his mouth, losing herself in her quest to be clean and only stopping when the sharpshooter finally took initiative to wrap his hands around her wrists, pulling her arms downward and allowing the rag to fall to the floor as the wind whistled around them, a gentle breeze dancing over their skin, through their hair, across their clothes as if embracing them, pushing them closer together as Gwen almost lost herself once more in his smile.

"And just what was I right about, sweetheart?"

"That I'm lonely. I miss my da, I miss Kaz and Inej, I know they're right there beside me but it feels like I'm a thousand miles away, even more than before. Sometimes I think they wouldn't even notice if I disappeared." He laughed, leaning his head back until it knocked against the wall behind him, the words escaping him through nothing more than drunken thoughts, slurring together just slightly but that didn't take away the honesty as he looked up at the night sky, counting the stars the shone brighter than any diamond, just like they had back home.

And then it seemed that Jesper remembered who he was with as he glanced back down at her, smiling prettily and using the grip he still hand on her cold hands to pull her just a step closer, humming under his breath as he tried to find the right words, his brain full of fuzz and blurs that made it difficult to do as much as blink as he stared down at her dreamily. "But you love, you're like- you're like a light at the end of a tunnel. This is the most fun I've had in a while, and I'm glad I lost my winnings to you."

However, Gwen merely chuckled sadly as if she knew something that he didn't, untangling their fingers to brush the dark curls from out of his eyes softly, sweetly before she met his gaze with a sudden seriousness that struck him like lightning in a storm, making his heart race and palms sweat. "You shouldn't put your happiness in other people's hands Jesper. They'll only drop it, and they'll do it every single time."

There was a tension in the air at her words, her expression grave as she stared at him, wondering just why she'd laid that advice down to him, why she'd even said anything at all and especially something that could ruin her. She needed him happy, complacent, enamoured by her to get the information...but now it didn't seem like it was merely a task that the Stanger would use in her vile talents of death. But it was almost like she hadn't said anything at all as the sharpshooter giggled, winking down at her flirtatiously. "You sound like Kaz. Though personally I think you're prettier by far."

"You're an idiot."

"And you're beautiful." His touch returned, tracing over her mouth once more as she froze, watching as he leaned towards her, the feel of his body pressing against hers as he moved closer into her space, goosebumps and shivers striking across her skin in quick succession as his hands moved to cup her features like she was made of some delicate glass, tracing over the contours of her face as he sighed quietly, breathlessly. "Saints, I've wanted to kiss you since I first saw you, Gwen."

But before his lips could brush against hers, she forced herself to take a step back, her palms against his chest and her eyes gentle as she shook her head at him slowly, taking in his flushed cheeks, his unfocused eyes and the smell of alcohol still heavy on his breath and cursed herself for even thinking about it for a second. "You're drunk, Jesper...And I'm not that type of monster. Let's get you home."

And yes, the journey to the Slat wasn't terrible per say, but all Gwen could think about was his breath curling against her neck as he rested his head against her shoulder in his drowsy state, stumbling over his own two feet and leaning heavily against her, the words he'd spoken seemingly forgetting as he delved into another story...but for her, they were all she could focus on, her mind constantly flashing back to it. That he thought she was beautiful, that he was glad he'd met her...and most importantly the way he'd said her name, like it was a prayer to some forgotten saint, slipping through his lips wistfully.

She tried to pretend that he hadn't gotten to her, that none of it had gotten to her...but she knew her heart didn't lie as it skipped a beat everytime he simply smiled at her...and the sight of the slanted building that was his home had never been such a welcome sight as she continued to drag him towards it, grunting just slightly under her breath in her effort. Practically carrying him over towards it...and when they were close, she plopped him down, leaving him there as he grabbed the door for balance, still looking rather dazed and confused as he blinked at her tiredly.

"I'm assuming you know how to open a door, sharpshooter." Gwen said with a quirked brow, reaching out to steady him as he hummed and nodded, his hands once more naturally gravitating across the space between them, desperate to touch her but she quickly moved away, not wanting to get caught in his magnetic pull that draped her in like a moth to a flame, craving the light, craving the burn of something wondrous, something beautiful like icarus to the sun.

Jesper mumbled something quietly, his head slightly tilted and his smile ever so pretty, but she didn't hear him as the wind howled around her, forcing her to take another step back, and another and another as she gave him one last smile that felt so fake against her face, having no choice but to trust in his own capabilities, but unable to find it in herself to stay beside him any longer, not trusting herself, not trusting the strange butterflies swarming in her stomach, the heat at the tips of her ears, around the apples of her cheeks that continued to mount and mount and mount.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I'll see you soon." She lied, as she turned around and disappeared off into the darkness and secretly hoping that she could find some excuse, some plan on how to make Brekker fall so she would never have to see him again somehow...that she'd never feel this weakness again...but when had Gwen Rietveld ever been that lucky.