"Curse you for making me feel."

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason, that's what he was known for, that's why he was whispered about on the haunted streets of Ketterdam with the sound of his cane tapping against the broken cobblestones, that he didn't need a reason to cause destructiom or to take you for everything you had. But once the Stranger was finished with him, all the bastard of the Barrel was going to be known for was how he looked when he'd been torn apart from the inside out, hanging from the rafters with his dirty entrails out and his crows picking at the soft skin that was once his living flesh.

He was going to die tonight, she was going to make sure of it, and once he was gone, Gwen Rietveld could disappear with him and finally allow her the chance to forget and let go of whatever semblance of her humanity that was left and completely begin anew. She could truly become the monster they'd fear, and she could just keep getting stronger and stronger until that fear stretched...and the whole of the world knew her name.

But there was still one order of business she had to get out of the way, something she had to do for her own sanity, a final send off if you would...and that was saying goodbye to the one thing that had made her feel alive in all of her years of survival, the one thing that made her feel like she wasn't just floating above herself and tethered to the earth with a single fraying string that would only end with her damnation, that made her feel again, even when she didn't want to. She had to say goodbye to Jesper Fahey, and wasn't it strange just how that thought alone brought a terrible pain to her chest that made it feel like her heart was about to break.

Gwen had never had the chance to say goodbye before, to have a last moment with someone that felt like the end, and perhaps that's why she was adamant on doing such a thing now while she had the chance. Her mother that she'd never met, her father that had died over night, gone to the heavens without a second thought to the children he'd left behind who'd had nothing but themselves to protect them, which really, didn't work so well after all much to fates amusement. Her brothers who'd died as she tended to them, delirious and confused to the point they didn't even recognize their own sister in front of them...and the only thing that she still had from them was the trauma that she'd gained from them.

She didn't know how she was going to do it, if she was going to do it at all...but she just knew that she had to see him one last time before the guilt of what she was about to do would consume her, had to see him before those grey eyes she adored would become clouded with mourning and hate. Maybe he'd never realise it was her, maybe he'd continue on with his life in blissful ignorance of her deceit, maybe in another life, if she was crueler, if she was kinder, she'd let him believe that he still loved her and she loved him the same, and that his boss's death, his friends death was nothing but a terrible tragedy.

But she wasn't and perhaps that was the problem...which, of course, lead her to where she was now, back at their little bakery where the waffles she'd once adored tasted like ash on her tongue, like she didn't deserve such sweetness, like she was finally beginning to feel like the corpse she should of been all those years ago as she watched her sharpshooter stuff his own in his mouth, miraculously without choking which was a very impressive feat indeed considering.

There was so much she wanted to say and she didn't even know where to start as she watched him, her dark gaze tracing over his every feature greedily, hungry for the sight of him in that moment, trailing over the shape edge of his jaw, his pretty lips that opened and closed as he talked about his day, his grey eyes that made her feel more at home than the four walls of her apartment ever did and his sturdy hand resting upon the table that had left her skin covered in goosebumps with the phantom memory of his touch upon her mortal corpse...keeping her up all night with thoughts of those hands, those lips tracing over her every imperfection and making her run hot.

How do you tell someone you adore them? How do you tell someone that late at night when only the stars bore witness she thought about him, about the life they could of had if she wasn't a monster, a ravenous beast with a taste for stolen breaths and bleeding hearts. How to do tell someone that the moment their fingertips brushed over her flesh, she felt like she was something holy, something blessed...and then how do you tell that same someone goodbye?

"I'm leaving."

Well, whatever the answer was, Gwen was pretty sure what had finally escaped her lips most definitely wasn't that as she winced and resisted the urge to slam her stupid, emotionally repressed self against the table over and over again until she'd pass out. Saints, she'd never even thought this would be so hard, actually, she thought it would be easy, thought it would give her some kind of peace, the likes of which she'd never felt before because she'd never had the chance to say goodbye to those she'd cared about before...and yet here she was, chest torn open and her heart bleeding out for the whole of the world to see.

She watched as his face dropped for half a second, his arm lowering from where it had been waving in the air to add to his dramatic story as he slowly placed in onto the table to join the other, his brows furrowed and lips parted before he smiled once more, like he hadn't been interrupted so abruptly in the first place as he leant back to grab at his coat and throw it over his shoulders, not even sparing her another glance at the strange way her rough voice had shook with something terrible. "Alright then, where did you have in mind? A bar? That cute little cafe near the tables? Market for some fish and chips?"

"No, Jesper. I mean I'm leaving Ketterdam." She said solemnly, wanting to look away from him, wanting to reach out and grab his hand to whisper apologises and declarations into his skin that this isn't what she wanted, that she just wanted him completely. But instead she dug her nails into her legs, until she could feel her blood swelling, trying to swallow her nerve lest she ruin everything. She was the Stranger, she made the impossible possible, she made men rethink their decisions to harm, she was the horror story mothers told their children about...and nothing would change that. "There's some problems with my extended family in Ravka, and I've got to leave."

There was a sudden silence, think, brimming with something and Gwen thought that the sharpshooter had finally got the picture that this was it, that whatever it was that was between them was over...but then, like he'd done since the day he'd met her, he suprised her by taking her hands in his and pressing the most gentlest of kisses upon the back of it, so warm and sweet that it had her breath catching in her throat as she swallowed tightly. "Well love, when do we leave?"

"What?-"

"I mean, I've always wanted to see Ravka again, maybe not on some death-defying heist which really give me some horrifying nightmares. So a little calm break would probably do me some good really." Jesper shrugged, swiping his thumb back and forth across her knuckles oh so carefully, like she was fragile, like she was something worth wasting softness on...but there was nothing inside her but an empty casting, full of rot, of dirt, always unclean and nothing short of a monster, and somehow, her emptiness felt heavy as she shook her head and pulled herself away from him reluctantly, for his sake or her own, she'd probably never know.

"I'm sorry sharpshooter...but I'm not coming back."

He knew that, of course he knew that, so why was he trying to delay the inevitable? Gwen thought to herself, but she already knew the answer to that, because it was the same reason she was making up this lie in the first place, because she cared about him more than she ever thought possible, because he cared about her, because she wanted to ease the pain that would come from her leaving him lonely again. Don't put your happiness into other people's hands Jesper, they'll only drop it, she once said to him all those weeks ago, and now he knew it wasn't advice, it was a warning, the best she could give him.

But of course, the Zemeni boy would never be discouraged so easily, not with what was at stake, not when she still looked at him like he was the sun, as if he was worth something, like he wasn't just another victim to the Barrel, like he wasn't a gambling addict who was constantly raring for a fight as he began to flounder desperately. "Then tell me where you're going and I'll write, I'll visit, hell, I'll send messages through carrier pigeons if I need to."

She wanted to laugh, she honestly wanted to laugh into some kind of hysteria because what the hell was she meant to say to that other than stay with me dearest, stay with me as you are. If she could go back in time, go back to when she'd met him to manipulate him in that seedy bar, hoping that he'd spill all of Brekker's secrets with his loose lips, she'd tell her past self that it wasn't worth it, that the strange pain in her chest wasn't worth it. How ironic...the Stranger that most assumed wasn't even human in the slightest, felt like her heart was breaking all over a bastard lie. "You'd do that for me?"

"Love, I'd do anything for you. Just say the word and I'm yours." Jesper said honestly as he stared at her gently, and she could hear his heart beat, could hear the way it remained steady as he spoke those damning words like it was nothing, like it was everything, his hand resting upon the table again, palm facing upwards so she could take it if she wanted, leaving the choice inexplicably down to her if she would take that step. And saints, she wanted to, she really wanted to as her eyes ached with unurshed tears rather pathetically, before she cleared her throat...and put on a metathorial mask as she finally looked at him.

"You don't understand...I don't want you to come."

And then there was a silence so loud that you could hear a pin drop from miles away as his pretty face crumbled in on itself as he blinked at her, waiting for some kind of punchline that she so desperately wanted to give him but couldn't. She was so stupid, so stupid to think any of this would work, and she should of just killed Brekker the moment the whisper came so she wouldn't be reduced to this shell of a mess as Jesper leaned forward, his shining in disbelief, in hurt. "What are you saying?"

The wind outside was howling, blowing against the windows like they were going to start breaking as a hint of thunder rolled across the skies, and in an effort to look away from that devastating expression on his face, Gwen looked out towards it with her blue eyes cloudier than the storm coming up ahead, watching as people ran past their safe little bakery for shelter as she continued with her voice like ice. "That I don't want you to come. That I don't want you, Jesper. I mean come on, what were you expecting to happen? This was just a fling and you know it-"

"No, no don't you dare say it like this meant nothing to you-"

"It did mean nothing to me. You mean nothing to me." I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The words were choked, getting stuck in her throat as she continued to look away from him, stealing glances at him through the reflection of the window glass because she was, and simply always would be greedy for the sight of him, even if he hated her, even if he despised her.

"You're lying, Gwen. Don't you dare-" He paused to take a breath, looking away from her as if trying to collect himself and then sending a dangerous glare to the other patrons watching then that soon had then turning their heads, and such a look sent an unfortunate thrill down her spine that made her sick, made her burning self-hatred only get stronger because how dare she still look at him like he was everything while her words told him he was nothing. "Don't do this, okay? We can sort this out you don't need to push me away-"

"There's nothing to sort out. I mean, what life were we going to have? Hm? Personally, I don't think there was that much of a future let's be honest, you'd spend your life gambling away ours, and I'd be sat at our broken down home wondering when you were finally going to kick the bucket-"

"Why the hell are you saying all this? If you knew you were just going to leave why even bother with me in the first place." The Zemeni boy snapped, interrupting her so he wouldn't hear his own fearful fate told to him, the kind he'd been terrified of ever since his addiction started and wishing he could hate her for using it against him like that, ring-clad fingers gripping the corner of the table until his bruised knuckles grew pale, looking heartbroken and angry all rolled into one as his chest began to pound, blood pumping in his ears and drowning out all rational thoughts as he glared down at her. How could he of been so stupid?

"I told you, sharpshooter...I was lonely."

Whenever Jesper looked at her, truly looked at her with that sparkle in his grey eyes like the very stars that resided in the sky were crushed to match his image, Gwen truly believed that magic, that saints and all those things and more were real...but there was no sign of that Jesper anymore, his face had soured and his gaze was as hard as steel as he nodded and leant back against his chair, suddenly looking like he'd aged five years...and it wasn't a look she liked on him in the slightest, to the point where she missed that enraged one that had twisted his features mere moments ago.

"Well then. Guess we're done here, huh love?" He said quietly, tongue dripping with spite, with venom that almost had her flinching away even though she deserved it as she dug her tongue into the inside of her cheek only to bite down on it, refusing to say something, refusing to open her mouth lest she say the things she really wanted to say as he scoffed, getting up from the table and storming away to leave her watching his back with her jaw so tightly clenched she was afraid it was going to snap in two.

She was wrong before...saying goodbye was one of the hardest things she'd ever done in her pathetic life. And now she was suddenly grateful for the fact that she'd never had the chance to do it before, because now? Now she felt more like Gwen Rietveld than she ever had before. Heartbroken, mournful, filled with awful and terrible longing that clawed at her chest until she was completely breathless...and ever so lonely as the ghosts of all she lost had begun to swarm her once more.

Curse you for making me feel Jesper Fahey.
_________________________________________________

The Stranger had been following Brekker for a while now, eyes of ice staring at the back of his head as she moved through the shadows, simultaneously trying to avoid the Wraith that leapt from roof to roof like she was unbound by the same laws of gravity the rest of the world had succumbed too, while tailing her target and trying her best to ignore the stirring in her chest every time her gaze happened upon the tall figure dressed in ridiculous colours of orange and blues by his side lest she allow her dwindling humanity to swallow her whole.

It was a perfect opportunity, the murder of crows were obviously on some kind of job, travelling through the streets of Ketterdam like they owned it, the ominous sound of Dirtyhands cane tapping against the uneven cobblestones matching his every step. All she had to do was wait until he was alone, wait until the others were off doing saints knows what for the boy and then she'd take his breath and crush his lungs until he'd lying in his own pool of morality, glassy eyes almost as cold as her own staring up at the night sky like many of her victims did before him.

However...there was a slight problem. And that was the fact that they were heading towards an unfortunately familar place that was the cause of such a mess if the first place. Eddard Nobles mansion didn't look any different than it usually did, but now there was a certain feeling to it, a certain tension that had her freezing in place as she watched the wraith disappear off into one of the windows, while the Brekker boy went through the doors...and Jesper stayed outside, hidden in the corner with his hands resting upon his revolvers, obviously some kind of look out as she watched him with wide, unblinking eyes.

No, no, they weren't supposed to be there, they shouldn't of been. Eddard had told the Stranger that the bastard of the Barrel was taking him for everything he'd had but in all honesty she'd thought it was an exaggeration...and yet here he was, doing exactly that as she cursed quietly.

She told herself she had a job to do, crushing that feeling of humanity in her chest like fine dust until it was bleeding out into the night sky, telling herself that now was the chance to move, and to finish the job like she always did because this time shouldn't be any different...but she couldn't tear her gaze away from her sharpshooter no matter how hard she tried, trembling gloved hands clutching tight around the tile of the roof beneath her feet so her unsteady legs wouldn't give way and plunge her to her deserving death below.

He looked sad, his grey eyes almost lifeless as he rested his back against the wall behind him, shoulders dropped down and looking small. There was an air around him that felt suffocating, that felt devastating, and she so desperately wanted to ease it, wanted to climb down and apologise and tell him that she was a monster who didn't deserve him, not the other way around. Her rot was hungry in her, scratching at her insides, clawing at her throat as blood spilled out from her open lips...and when the saints asked her about love, she always responded with cruelty...it was the only way she could survive, but now-

Now there was a chaos brewing under her skin, a desire that was stronger than all of that, tectonic plates grinding and crashing in an effort to rattle her hollow bones that constantly ached with trying to carry the weight of her sins and grief upon her shoulders. This was what it felt like, she thought, to care about someone to the point of ruin, to be a self-contained hurricane, trying to hold in a storm that wouldn't take mercy as it overwhelmed her completely and bring her nothing but pain and strife as she sighed quietly, slumping back against the large chimney behind her roughly.

And then she felt her heart completely seize inside her chest when she looked back over to Jesper only to find that he was being surrounded from all sides. They were well hidden, the guards, creeping closer with their weapons held steady, moving closer to the Zemeni boy who was too distracted by his own misery to notice...she tried to scream, to shout, to call out his name to finally break him from that kind of spell, but all that left her mouth was a horrified croak as her insides froze over with gut-wrenching fear as they got closer and closer, fingers on triggers in an ambush he wouldn't survive.

The Stranger jumped down from the roof, feeling the air as it danced over her skin like a haunting promise, ready to wield her talents of death...but it was Gwen who landed on the ground and forced it to her will as she showed the men what hell looked like when it wore the skin of something human.

But of course, she didn't even give them a chance to awe at her as the bullets flew and she twisted her stained hands to breeze them by herself and the sharpshooter behind her who let out a startled yelp at her ominous appearance that seemingly appeared from nowhere. Her hands, ruined and nothing short of dangerous spinning through the space to crush windpipes and suck the very air she controlled out of their lungs like it was easy, thunder and bright flashes of haunting lightning rolling across the sky as rain began to pour around them, just as loud and unapologetic as she was about staining the earth with death.

Water drenched her, soaking through her black clothing as the bodies finally stopped piling up, dead and unmoving by her feet as she panted for the very breath she'd taken...and it was only when she felt the breeze upon her face did she realise that somewhere through the chaos, her mask had slipped, and when she looked down to the uneven ground, the grinning face of the Stranger glared back at her, taunting her with its lifeless eyes and dangerous grin that curled at either side and threatned to split it apart, the stuff of nightmares that came to life because of her, always her, the monster who made it a killer.

"...Gwen?"

She turned her head slowly and was afraid of what she'd find as Jesper stared at her, his lips breathlessly forming her name, again and again like he wasn't even sure she was real in the first place...and sometimes she truly did wonder the same as she swallowed tightly and held his gaze, before giving him a barely there ghost of a smile that felt broken on her face. Wasn't it harrowing just how easy an empire could fall? And wasn't it heartbreaking that love had been her salvation, and now, no doubt it would be her destruction too...because the Stranger was no longer a myth or a legend...she was just a human.

And then she heard footsteps, uneven things that tapped against the ground that reminded her of why she was here in the first place as she looked up sharply with eyes that were no longer her own, no longer warm or filled with longing like when she'd looked at the sharpshooter, just some empty void of darkness like she was already dead as Kaz Brekker came round the corner with the rest of his crows in tow.

The Stranger didn't leave a job unfinished, even if it was the last one she'd ever do, and so, with that thought in mind she lashed out, wind howling as it wrapped around her hands in some kind of devastating will that had the boy suddenly choking as nothing crawled at his throat and he fell to his knees, scrambling for air as she pressed down hard...dodging the knife his wraith threw at her with a horrified rage-filled cry, not even caring about the large Fjeran as he stormed towards her ready to tear her off her feet, and not even sparing a glance towards the corpse witch who was beginning to pull her rot forward and make her body ache.

Because the truth was by the time they'd all reach her, Brekker would already be dead and they all knew it...but she was so focused on ending it, one last job with the man who stole her brothers name...that she forgot about Jesper who'd been standing behind her...but she remembered him all the same as she felt the cold handle of his beloved revolver bashing into the side of her head with an awful crunch...and then everything went completely and utterly black.