Sodapop rushed through the lush green fields of Vietnam, trying his best to dodge bullets and marshes in his heavy armor. It was a shame, really, that such beautiful land was being destroyed. Soda made a mental note that if he survived this, he'd take Darry and Ponyboy somewhere green and lush like this on vacation. The happiness of that thought brought him a little farther.
But suddenly, out of nowhere, an explosion of fire attacked Soda's entire body, flooding him with such pain that he passed out.
When he woke up, he was in the army infirmary. But something was wrong; he couldn't feel anything below his neck.
A passing-by nurse looked at him sadly. He recognized her.
"Shirley!" He called. Her eyes widened. "Help me! Why can't I feel anything below my neck?"
She let out a blood curdling scream, dropped the clipboard she was holding, and sped off, still yelling.
The same thing happened with the mailman, and all the doctors that walked by too.
Finally one of Soda's friends, Joe, walked up to him, talking to another friend of Soda's, Franklin. They both stopped talking and stared when they passed Soda's bed, as everyone else had before.
"Guys!" Soda greeted them. "Hey!"
"Soda?" Joe asked in a small voice, almost a whisper. "You're...alive?"
"Uh, I think so," Soda said, jokingly. "But seriously guys, why can't I feel anything below my neck?"
"Dear Lord..." Franklin whispered.
"Well gee, Soda," Joe tried to grin sheepishly, but it looked more like a grimace. "I don't really know how to say this.......but you're...just a head."
"What?" Sodapop asked, trying to look down at his body before finding that it was non-existent. His worst nightmare had come true: he was just a head. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Wow, and I thought I was dramatic." said a legless man in the bed next to Soda.
"Shut up, Lieutenant Dan!" Joe yelled. "You've had your time in the spotlight. Give us a turn."
Lieutenant Dan frowned before continuing the argument. "You're just jealous that you weren't in a movie!"
Frank showed the man a very rude gesture with his fingers. Lieutenant Dan scowled and rolled to face the other way, where he started talking with another man, who tried to offer him an ice cream cone.
"Hey," Franklin said, trying to lighten the mood. "At least you're alive! Honestly, that's impossible in several different ways. You shouldn't even be able to breath right now, since you've lost both lungs. And your esophagus, which you breath through, is severed."
"Don't be such a downer, Frank!" Joe scolded. Then, turning to Sodapop, "Don't worry, Soda. You'll make it work, somehow."
"Will I ever play football with my brothers again?" Sodapop asked.
"No!" Frank chided. "Of course not! God Soda, use your head! Oh...sorry." He apologized after seeing Joe repeatedly move his finger over his throat in a cutting motion.
"It's okay," Sodapop said sadly. "I'll have to get used to it eventually."
"But hey!" Joe said. "Maybe you will be able to play football. In fact, I can think of a certain neutral position you'd be perfect for."
"Referee?" Soda asked hopefully.
"Eh...not exactly."
Soda didn't consider himself the smartest, but he knew where his friends were going. He sighed. "Guys...you want me to be the ball don't you?"
"Pretty much." Joe agreed. Frank made a 'bing' noise, which was followed by a "You are correct!"
"If you guys are trying to make me feel better, it's not working." Sodapop said.
"Sorry. Let's talk about something else." Joe suggested. "You got any family back home? I know you mentioned brothers."
"Yeah," Soda said, smiling at the thought of his siblings. "Two, to be exact. Darry and Ponyboy. Thinking about them reminds me about how much Darry, the oldest, will kill me for this. He'll probably complain about how stupid I was. He's always telling me to use my head."
Joe whacked Franklin as her snickered. Franklin gave a mumbled 'Sorry' and rubbed where he'd been hit.
Sodapop frowned. "Thanks, Frank." He said sarcastically.
"Sorry Soda. I guess I'm just too headstrong for my own good."
Joe smacked Franklin on the back of his head.
"Hey!" Frank protested. "What'd I-oh. Sorry again, Soda. That time was really an accident."
"Let's talk about something else!" Joe exclaimed as he noticed Soda's frown. "You know Soda, General George was talking about how brave you were."
"Yeah!" Frank cut in. "He said that if you survived this injury, he'd make you head of the Cohort!" He broke out laughing. "Okay, that one was on purpose."
Joe flicked him this time.
"Thanks again Frank," Sodapop said sarcastically. "I really needed that to lighten up my day."
"Hey!" Joe protested. "That bad attitude isn't gonna help you get ahead in life!"
Now it was Frank's turn to slap Joe.
"Hey!" Joe said. "What was that-ooh. Sorry Soda. My bad."
"You know what's the worst part about this?" Soda asked.
What?" Joe asked. Frank scratched his head.
Soda gave them both a small, crooked smile before saying, "That I'll never be the head of a big business."
Joe and Franklin looked confused for a second. When realization finally came over them, they both broke out laughing.
"Well played, Sodapop Curtis." Frank said while waving a finger back and fourth. "Well played indeed."

A/N: So yeah, another insane idea from me and my Dad. The soccer bit was his, but I came up with the whole Lieutenant Dan thingy. And please note: NO OFFENSE FROM THIS CHAPTER!!!!! If any of your family has been in the military, I'm not making fun of them. In fact, I salute them for fighting for our country. This story is sheerly for humor. Thanks.
-SCR