It had been an entire thirty minutes we had been waiting to take off and I was already becoming impatient. I wanted to leave, mostly because I wanted to get off of this plane as soon as possible. Not only because I hated flying, but now I had a bad omen sitting next to me. 

I could feel her getting situated as the intercom came on, announcing, “We will be departing shortly, please  turn off all electronic devices.”

I hadn’t talked to this girl in months and honestly, I wasn’t planning on it anytime soon. I know, you’re probably wondering why, I was a senior, and I would most likely never see her again after this, so why not mend old wounds?

I’ll tell you why, because that was her job, she was the one who fucked me over, and I wasn’t repairing something I didn’t break.

Finally we were off, and as I felt my heart rate speed up I tried to keep myself cool and collected. I didn’t want to look like a pussy in front of Claire, I didn’t want her to think I was going to weak and talk to her either. 

Me and Claire had a rough history, we met at the end of Junior year and became really close over the summer. We were good friends, and since I had a crush on her I made it obvious that I liked her. Thing was, she never came out and said, “I’m a lesbian, Alex,” but on the other hand, she never came out and said, “I’m not a lesbian.”

It was confusing relationship, one day she would hold my hand in the hallway the next she would blow me off for some random guy. It took a big toll on my heart, and as hard as I tried to make her decide what she wanted, she never did. 

So I stopped talking to her, completely cut her out of my life in hopes to repair myself. 

Truth was, I never fully did. 

And now I was sitting next to her, stuck here for 10 straight hours, but I wasn’t talking first, I wasn’t breaking now. 

I remembered one significant day, the day I met her actually, it was a couple months before junior year ended actually.

~ ~ ~ FB ~ ~ ~ (flashback)

I walked into my first hour like I usually did, immediately walking to my seat next to Mallory. I couldn’t tell you how fed up with school I was this year, and it was passing by to slow for my liking. I took my binder out of my booksack, opening it and remembering I hadn’t done my homework the night before, and I cursed, “Shit.”

Mallory laughed silently, “Forgot to do your homework?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes.”

She handed me hers, “Here, just copy mine.”

I took it from her, silently thanking her and jotting down the answers to the worksheet as quickly as I could. I heard my teachers voice speak, “Hi, you must be Claire.”

I didn’t recognize the name, or the country accent, that filled the room, “Yes ma’am.”

The accent wasn’t strong, but it was noticeable, and it actually made me smile. What was a girl like her doing in Manhattan?

I heard papers rustling but I was to consumed in copying the homework to care and look up. She probably was some country hick with red hair and freckles all over her face, dull brown eyes and to skinny for my liking.

But her voice surely didn’t match the visual I had created. 

“Well you can take the last empty seat right over there Miss Gardner.”

I knew the empty seat was next to me but I was hurrying to jot down the last answer, and finally I finished. I looked up, turning around and handing Mallory back her paper, and finally glancing to my side only to reveal a petite, and cute, long haired blonde girl sitting next to me. 

She actually took me by surprise, so I played it cool, “Hey, I’m Alex.”

She smiled, showing me a perfect set of white teeth, her light green eyes looking at me as if she knew I was immediately being lured in by her. Her clothes didn’t match the urban lifestyle, but it worked, and it made her look slightly innocent.

Then her voice caught my attention again, “I’m Claire.”

~ ~ ~ ~

As I remembered that moment it was a bitter sweet feeling, she was a good friend to me, but at the same time she knew what she was doing to my heart. She played with it, she crushed it, and she acted as if she didn’t care about it. 

That’s probably what hurt the most. 

She moved again in the seat next to me, our legs slightly touching for about a minute, and then she moved it away from me. Was she trying to make me look at her? Was she trying to get my attention?

I wasn’t talking to her though, and I checked my watch, we had only been flying for about an hour… jeez this really sucked. 

Then out of no where, she spoke, “What time is it?”

I rolled my eyes, I knew deep down she didn’t actually care, she just wanted me to talk, so I lifted my hoodie sleeve and showed her the watch, not saying a single word to her. I’m not gonna lie though, I had missed her voice, and the slight country accent was hard to ignore.

She stayed silent after that, and I didn’t expect her to talk to me again, at least until she gave herself a silent pep talk because I know she had at least expected me to say something. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to her, our last conversation consisted of heated words and making out… then another heated argument.

That’s the last time we talked.

“Can I ask you something?”

I rolled my eyes, “Just did.”

She sighed from frustration, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy to talk to me, “Alex seriously.”

I didn’t respond, it’s not like I had anything to say to that anyway. I continued looking out the window, not even bothering to look in her direction, because I knew once I met those green hazel eyes I wouldn’t be as strong as I was now. 

“What do you want from me?”

Her voice held a tiny bit of desperation, and she probably figured I didn’t catch it but I did. Either she was a good actor or she actually missed talking to me, which was an odd revelation for me, but I had doubt it was that.

I sighed, “I wanna know why you’re actually talking to me.”

She hesitated, and maybe it was because she was trying to figure that out herself, because not even she knew. Maybe it was because she was afraid to tell me the truth, making her look even more confused then she left me knowing.

“Because… we’re sitting next to each other for 9 more hours.”

I rolled my eyes, nodding at her bitchy and conceited comment. I rested my head against the cool window and closed my eyes, forcing the pain deep inside my chest to where it would disappear. She wasn’t even worth talking to, she was a selfish bitch, she didn’t care about me anymore.

Or maybe she never did.

I was used to that feeling with my parents so the sting of being neglected was nothing new with Claire, I knew how to cover up the pain. It was almost a talent, a bad habit, whatever you wanted to call it. 

“Alex, I didn’t mean it that way,” her hand touched mine and I yanked it away, finally looking at her, taking in her startled face.

“Don’t bother apologizing because I know it’s all bullshit, Claire.”

She fell silent again, sure it was a little harsh, but it was hard controlling the pain in my heart. I tended to channel it into anger, and since it was her fault, I would take it out on her. 

I knew my response had hurt her though, and I instantly started to feel bad, but I shouldn’t have to apologize to her… it was her fault! But the look on her face looked genuine, and maybe she cared somewhere deep down and just wasn’t telling me… 

I closed my eyes, trying to understand what it was about this girl that had me on the weak side. I wasn’t used to being weak, and when I was around her I was… but why? Why did she have this grip on me? Why did she use it against my will?

 I mean I know I had made it obvious I liked her, and I flirted with her constantly, but it was only cause she never told me to stop. She never gave me hints that she didn’t like me like that, and she never denied when I went in for a kiss.

She led me on.

All I had to do was last this plane ride, then I would be free. We would go our separate ways on the trip and not have to worry about each other.

But until then I was stuck here next to her in this awkward, painful silence.   

~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up to a intercom ringing through my ears at an announcement, and it wasn’t until then that I realized I had been sleeping. 

“We are taking a slight detour due to an oncoming storm, please fasten your seat belts.”

I mumbled to myself, feeling my anxiety kick in. I hated planes, I hated thinking about every single horrible thing that could happen to us. I tried to calm myself down but I couldn’t, the bumps were rising and I was praying it was just turbulence. 

The plane jumped hard once, and I gripped the arm of my chair tight, my knuckles turning pale. My heart was beating hard against my chest it felt as if it was going to come out. I closed my eyes tightly, then we hit another wave making the plane jump and rattle. 

I felt as if I wanted to throw up from the fear that was welling up inside of me, but I couldn’t get up, and I wasn’t risking anything. I looked out the window, realizing it was dark from clouds and I saw lighting flashing in the near distance. 

Is this what they considered a detour?

Then everything was calm, and I sighed from relief, “You ok?”

I looked at Claire, she was staring at me, probably laughing at me on the inside, I nodded weakly, “You know how I am.”

“Scared of planes, I know.”

It was silent for awhile, my heart was still slowing and returning to a normal beat, praying the turbulence was over. I couldn’t take that anymore, the fear…

Then oxygen masks were released from the ceiling, and the intercom came on once more before I blacked out, “Prepare for a crash landing.”

Then my head flew forward, hitting the window and instantly blacking out.