Hunter and Tyler had cook us a mean breakfast, consisting of our fruit and their meat they had brought along. We had figured we could stay at our separate camps since we all couldn’t fit in one big one, which I was totally ok with. 

I liked Hunter and Tyler, but sleeping with them could suck.

Claire on the other hand was freaking me out, she hadn’t said maybe five words to me since Tyler and Hunter showed up, and it was eating at my heart. 

Had I done something wrong?

Just seconds before they had showed up she had told me how “perfect” last night was. Was it all just a bunch of bullshit?

Was she still lying to me? Did she even still like me? 

I knew it was stupid the ask these questions but I couldn’t help it, the way she had given em the cold shoulder earlier had hurt my ego. It hurt me, period. I didn’t know how to explain it and it was worrying me because now her attention was all focused on Tyler and Hunter. 

Which was something else that was eating at my heart. 

She knew what she did to me had hurt me, I could see it in her eyes when she glanced at me, but she ignored it. 

I mean we had just had sex last night.

I couldn’t believe the way she had treated me, just flew off of me like I was a disease. I felt all the pain and loss flooding back into me, drowning me silently as I basked in my sorrow. Mallory wasn’t alive, Claire was slowly leaving me, and we had no hope of being rescued. 

Hunter nudged me, nodding his head, “You ok?”

I nodded weakly, it was a shitty attempt but it was all I could muster up, “Yea, just feeling low.”

“We’ve all been feeling that, some can hide it more than others, but it’s a pain deep in your heart, huh?”

I felt the tears threaten my eyes but I refused to let them spill, “Yea, like there was nothing I could do. I was useless… all of  them died.”

He shrugged, “Maybe not all of them, maybe some were rescued… be positive.”

I couldn’t, not knowing that I might not ever see my best friend again. I sighed heavily, pain filling up my heart, “Mallory… I hope she’s alive.”

He rubbed my back, “Be positive, Alex.”

“It’s hard in these conditions.”

~ ~ ~ ~

The sun had eventually started to set and Tyler and Hunter stood from the fire we had built and stretched out, “We’re heading back, see you guys tomorrow?”

I nodded, “Tomorrow.”

It had been nice talking to Hunter and Tyler, knowing we weren’t alone felt good, but now it was going to get tricky. 

Because it would soon be just me and Claire, but to be honest, I didn’t want to talk. 

I crawled into the camp, barely waiting for Claire to join me, but I could tell she knew something was up, and I knew something was up with her to. She crawled in, not even zipping the door before speaking, “Alex… don’t you think it’s safer if we go with them?”

I rolled my eyes, she was so predictable it was just ridiculous. 

“We’ve been fine on our own for over 20 days, without them, have you realized that?”

She leaned back into the wall of the tent, knowing I was right she had nothing else to say, and I knew what was coming next. 

But I was going to beat her to it. 

I pointed out the door, “Go, if that’s what you want.”

She shook her head, “Alex… it’s not that…”

I rolled my eyes more, I couldn’t believe her, “Yes, it is, you always did this to me, what made me think it would stop? Even on this fucking island. Leave.”

She didn’t move, and she defended herself, “It’s not that I want to leave, Alex… I just think-”

“Just go.”

The look on her face let me know she was hurt, but so was I, and I couldn’t help the way I was acting. She was leaving me again, for them, for anyone else besides me, and it really hurt. Why was I never good enough? I wasn’t good enough for college, I wasn’t good enough for my parents, and I wasn’t even good enough for Claire. 

I got straight A’s, mostly, I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink, I didn’t get into trouble. I saved Claire’s ass multiple times, took care of her, loved her when no one else wanted to. 

And I still wasn’t good enough. 

She spoke, “Alex, I’m sorry.”

She left, leaving me alone in the tent as the dark surrounded me. I zipped up the door of the tent, wondering what I had ever seen in Claire. I couldn’t believe her, how she had just left without even blinking. Sure I didn’t beg her to stay, why would I? 

She didn’t want to stay, and that’s what hurt me. 

She didn’t care about anything I had done for her this entire time we were here, and I wondered if she was even worth it. 

All she did was hurt me, lie to me, abandon me, make me love her again, and then do it all over again. 

I wasn’t a bad person, I was an amazing person, I was so selfless and she just chewed me up and spit me out. She used me, for survival and other means, and then she just abandons me when she thinks she’s found something better. 

But I can promise her, Hunter and Tyler aren’t better. 

I wondered what they would possibly be doing, sleeping outside while she raided their home. Sleeping with both of them…

The thought of it angered me, even though I knew it was absurd. 

I felt the tears finally spill out of my eyes, there was no holding back this time. I had lost maybe the only person that actually cared about me, Mallory, and I still got played by people when I was stuck on a fucking island. 

I couldn’t stop crying, letting the pain seep from ever vein in my body. I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t want to breathe. 

I just wanted to die. 

But I couldn’t, because I still wanted to live, for me, for Mallory, to prove every goddamn person wrong in this world that ever doubted and used me. 

Because I was something more than disposable. 

I ended up falling asleep blinded by my own tears, I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I was sorry and sad, and tired and fed up with everything.

I just wanted off this island, as soon as possible.