Straight And Narrow

Song [>]: Follow Your Arrow
- Kacey Musgraves

Sunday and family day - I woke up by the smell of burnt toast and I trudged through the kitchen, barefoot. My parents and my 'little brother' Jason were all dressed as I sluggishly sit on the chair, swapping my plate with his dark brown scorched bread and smiled - his eyes beamed and didn't complain.

"Can I skipped church today?" I asked, mom averted her unpersuasive looks wiping her perfectly manicured nails on the napkin. "No, you'd already missed two Sundays," she warned, I saw dad sipped from his cup meeting my uncooperative eyes - I forked my toast and the jam overspread, I soughed and ran back upstairs.

It's not that I hate going to church but since Summer, most kids preferred to be awake at night and sleep during the day - I doomed myself watching movies online and talking to friends till dawn and I haven't got a real sleep - only catnap. I projected once again and with my casual attire but I didn't take a bath. I drank my untouched milk and we're all off to church.

And also I believe if you don't go to church you'll go to hell.

We're always sitting on the front row and on the other side was always - Andrew and his family. He was like my closest friend, we went to the same academy, we're classmates and the same birthday but there is one thing he didn't know about me - that I have a feeling towards him, type of eccentric chemistry every time I see him. He waved and my lips moved.

While the priest's sharing the gospel - I keep peeking at him while his attention is focused on the main purpose of this day. I've noticed that his dad wasn't with them and his demeanor is not vibrantly favorable. Andrew lively altered his visions to me and my head stupidly moved - avoiding his good looking face and that was fairly adverse.

Psychologists say that people tend to feel if there's someone looking at them secretly as they glimpse unattended on that wherever direction.

The service was done and he hurriedly strides outside, I excused myself from my family while they are busy talking with the other church members. The sole of my shoes clapping the floor till I reached the door frame, watching Andrew sitting on one of the benches under a cotton fruit tree and was thinking deeply - something might wrong.

"What's bothering you?" I approached him and walking closer, he looked up his gaze while both hands rested on his lap - he released a melancholy smile. "I bet you've heard about the marriage of my parents - they are going through a lengthy divorce process, now." the life on his face sunk and so is mine.

"Sorry, about that." I sympathized. That's why his dad wasn't here today but I haven't really heard that news, though we live only in a small town and even we were friends, I didn't know about it. I understand - it must hard for him to live presently with this such issue and how would a thirteen-year-old kid handle this kind of situation.

"And mom decided to vacate this town and we'll stay with my grandma on the city for the meantime." his lips curled and face submerged into sadness - this is painful and unfortunate and I couldn't accept that he'll leave me soon, without confessing these emotions I'm weighing. "When?" I asked.

"Today." he wets his lip. That's not soon but soonest - my heart shattered into embers together with the heated atmosphere of May. I am hopelessly romantic and I'll be watching this guy I admired departing shortly. "Don't you worry, I'll keep in touch with you," Andrew told with a reassuring smile.

I'm looking forward to that - but how about my enthusiasm and admiration? Should I confide this already?

"The city was way sophisticated and I'm pretty sure you'll kiss lots of girls there." I joked. I want to cheer him up at least - but deep inside, I think it was me who is dying of his sudden and unexpected - evacuating.

"Or maybe it was you who will make lots of noise," he laughed, his cheeks started blushing from the sunny Sunday morning and I shook my head sideways. "And kiss lots of boys since I won't be watching you anymore," Andrew added. Yes, he knew I am gay and accepted me for who I am - loved me as a friend but I think I'm falling for more than friends. I chuckled.

"I should feed Raffy for the last time." he appointed and started striding through the church's back. 'Raffy' was the two-year-old adopted white rabbit and every kid loves him - he's cute and fluffy. "I'm thinking if are you transferring school too?" I questioned dolefully while he picked a long-stemmed grass from the cage's hood.

"For sure - " and Andrew slipped the food through the metal bars and Raffy carelessly grinding it, he breathed out a short laugh and continued, "It would be a hustle for mom if I'll resume my education here this school year - driving me two hours every day and vice versa." I nod simply.

The energy inside of me beginning to drain - not the idea that I haven't got a good sleep but the fact that Andrew really moving out from my life - I could see his face no more just like the normal days, the school wouldn't be more exciting knowing we won't be sharing in the same class anymore. But this crazy and strong attraction I am feeling continually urging.

We heard her mom calling his name and my hands were shaking. This is it - is this goodbye? I am standing a few steps from him, clapping his hands in a manner to dust off some dirt, then he bid a farewell to Raffy. "Goodbye - John." he proceeded, nailing his enticingly eyes with thousands of emotions swirling through - I froze.

"Wait - " I yelled, halting his motion after jogging a few, Andrew looked back with a raised brows. My heart pacing abnormally and my lungs puffing for more air and I gave him a stern look, "There is something I want you to know." I added as my voice sounds cracked, he raised his shoulders as a response of 'go on'.

I walked cautiously towards him, pulling him closer by the collar of his checkered shirt and my eyes begin to shuts - my body produces some sweaty aroma but Andrew's baby cologne and natural smell making a perfect symphony on the background - and one more thing 'action speaks louder than words'.

I know what I did was some kind of 'straight and narrow' but I couldn't watch him walk away from me without freeing all these butterflies inside my belly and I ain't planning to keep this a secret and at the same time I wasn't expecting for Andrew to weigh exact sentiment I'm feeling for him - or I must say he was 'straight' and I am 'narrow' - all I wanted is to be autonomous and be me, nothing more.

I don't care about what people could tell and say - how would they react and it's not my business anymore - as long as I'm happy being myself maybe that's enough, and lastly you should be openly proud that once in your life you've had tried to - 'Follow Your Arrow'.