I'm so fucking sick and tired

Of pretending 

Just 

So people will leave me alone.

Alone

 To sit

In my depression

To mentally abuse myself

To let the demons take over.

To let them tear me to shreds

Eat me up

Kill me 

From the inside out.

I'm tired of putting a fake smile

On my ugly face

Everyday

Twenty four - seven.

It sucks

That I can't talk to anyone

Because I'll just push them away

And lose them

Forever.

Once I lose someone

They never come back

But for once.

People are going to lose me

Because I'm tired of pretending like I'm fine

I'm tired of putting on a fake smile

I'm tired of all this fucking shit.

So

I'm done

I'm done pretending

I'm done being fake.

I'm really in pain

I'm really screaming for help

Just in subtle ways

I'm really asking for someone to hug me

And tell me it's okay

Even though 

It's not

And it never will be.

So

I say to you now

That I am sick of hiding

My pain

My regret

My true feelings.

And now you know

So

I guess you've all lost me.