Help

It's started again

The urge

The need

The want.

Nothing can help it

Nothing can numb it

It just is there

It's there, until she does it.

It goes away

But only for a day

Then it starts all over again

She gotten used to it.

Or at least, she thinks so

It's worse than it looks

That's why she covers it up,

So no one will know

What she truly feels.

She knows they won't be able to handle it

That's why she puts on the mask

No one has a clue

Of what goes on beneath

They never will.

Until they see her mask break

Then, they all question her

What's wrong?

It's always the same question

Nothing. I'm fine.

It's always the same lie.

She knows that if she told them what was wrong

They wouldn't understand

They'd just sit there

Blank minded

Not saying a word.

Sometimes, though

She can say a tiny portion of what she's feeling

She knows that no one really listening

But at least, she can explain some stuff.

A lot of the time, though,

it gets overwhelming

That's where her demons come in

Spitting nasty words in her face

In her brain

She wonders why they can't just leave,

but she knows, that's not how it works.

They shut up

When she shuts up forever

She knows that

Yet, she's somehow still here

On this hell, they all call life.

She wonders how they can't see it

How they can't see all the pain

Depression

Numbness

And fear.

There so much of it

It's everywhere

Yet, no one can see it

No one can acknowledge it

No one can sense it lingering on her.

That's what it does

It finds someone who is weak

Broken

Hurt

Depressed.

They find that someone

Then eat on them

They eat all the happiness and joy that they had

All the sunshine is gone

They leave you numb

Depressed, and wanting to die.

She has wanted to die for a while, now

No one can see it

At least, not yet

But, if they haven't seen it yet

In five month

Then, it'll never be seen.

That's the part that makes her grow distant

Silent

Shy

More afraid

You see, people assume she's just a little shy

Because she's so distant.

That's not the case, though

Her demons made her distant

When she was dying for water, they told her not to drink any

When she was starving, they told her that she's fat, and is better off starving.

That's what demons do

Now, not everyone has these demons

Or at least, there's don't bother them as bad as hers' bother her

She goes through the constant battle of whether she should just end it all now

Or wait.

She wants to end it

Yet, there's a tiny voice, telling her not to

It's normally underpowered by the demons, though

So, it just gets pushed around

It gets ignored and neglected

Like she does.

You'd think she'd be the cause of her own pain

But she isn't

It's her illness

Her illness mixed with her demons.

They scream at her

They scream and scream

END IT. END IT. NO ONE WILL MISS YOU IF YOU LEAVE

NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE.

It's a constant battle with them

They're like a punch in the face you don't expect

Except, for her, it's a punch in her emotions.

They get louder everyday

She knows that her attempt to end it, is coming near

She has everything in place for when it comes

She has planned this for far too long

It's time for her to take action

But, action for the worse.

She knows how she'll do it, too

She's going to drag that blade hard against her tan skin

Over and over

Deeper and deeper

Until blood it dripping from her arm

Down to the floor.

Some people say she plans this for attention

But, only she knows why she is doing this

To shut up the demons

For good.

Once she does it, two thing will happen

One, she will shut them up

Or two, she will get stopped

The demons are the ones who tell her to do this, though

They're the ones who tell her that she deserves it

They're the ones wanting to kill themselves.

The thing is, she can just drown herself

But, along with her, her demons can swim

So, she decides to cut

For every time she does, a demon is freed.

She keeps these demons bottled up inside her, like she does her emotions

One day, though, they'll come out

With a terrifying shriek

Only she can handle.

She starts to go completely silent

Not because she wants to

But, because they told her to

You see, they tell her everything

So, if you notice all the scars down her legs

The scars up her arm, and on her upper arm

The scars on her ankle that says NOT ENOUGH

The scars on her feet.

Then just know

Her demons

Her depression

Her body shaking anxiety

Did that to her.

But, why would it matter?

Her body is already ugly

She doesn't have some curves like other girls do

She isn't as skinny as them

So, why would it matter?

All the scars on her skin

Are just reminders to her

They remind her that she's ugly

She's a failure

And they remind her that's how many demons were let out

Yet, there still so many more

That's why she just chooses to end it

For if she goes on for any longer,

She will become a demon.