Amnesia (noun): a partial or total loss of memory.

Then

Calum

This party was great and so was the booze and so was the music but where the fuck was my girlfriend? Faces are starting to blur together and my nerves are starting to calm. This was never a good sign.

I blink down at my phone screen, trying to find her number in the haze so I can call her and we can get the hell out of here. I wait while it rings, pressing the phone closer to my ear so I can hear over the loud music but there is no answer.

"Where are you Montana." I decide to go back to our hotel room. On my way out, I wish the birthday girl a farewell but she's too drunk to register it and wraps her arms around my neck instead.

"Love you Calum!" She giggles and its so high pitched that I actually hear it over the music.

"Love you too, Happy Birthday." I avoid her lips and she moves on to the guy next to me, grinding her hips into him and I make my escape before someone else decides to stop me.

I walk out of the club and right into the mass of photographers, my bodyguard having a firm hold of my arm so I don't stumble. "Fuck off." I murmur to the paparazzi but I'm sure they don't hear it over their own screaming of my name. I raise my middle finger so that none of their blurry shots of my drunk state can end up in the papers and make my way to the next door hotel where my room is.

I ring Montana again, hoping she picks up this time, she doesn't. I put the phone away, walking and trying not to fall on my face was hard enough already.

The tour was going wonderfully as planned. And so was my love life. For once! I was actually with someone I cared about deeply, and she wasn't a fake who was out to get me for the fame either. I really have hit the jackpot.

I smile to myself like an idiot as I step into the elevator, a middle aged woman with plastic boobs and lips too big for her entire body never mind her face, eyes me up and down. But even she couldn't pause my happiness!

Did I really have weed or was it something else? Nah, I'm sure it was weed. Weed and love. I'm in love.

I think about what an embarrassment I am while I sway on my feet, praying that no one in this building can read minds. My bodyguard leaves me at the door of my room after I hug him to his great shock and tell him how great he is.

It takes a couple of tries to get the keycard in and I think about how much I want to sleep.

The room is dark except for the light from the bathroom but that is dimmed too because the door is closed halfway. I see her figure on the bed, most likely fast asleep so I manage to slip off my shoes and strip down to my underwear without making a sound so I don't wake her up.

I turn off the bathroom light so that it's dark and slip into bed next to her. I didn't know why she left the party without telling me, I know she's still upset with me about the cigarettes and the drugs, but I wanted her to know I that I really am trying. Sigh.

We've been fighting about irrelevant things, but doesn't she know that I love her? I love her so much. I kiss her cheek, and think that it's awfully cold. I cuddle her to me and Montana turns in the circle of my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck in the dark, pulling me down for a kiss.

My head buzzes and I feel a bit odd like I'm about to pass out. I want to ask her if she's okay because her body feels different but the lights in the room turn on and I want to tell her to turn them off because my eyes hurt but my mouth doesn't form the words.

I drop my head onto the pillow with a groan, my eyes closed. There are voices, female voices but I can't seem to decipher them so I ignore it, thinking its most likely Sierra or Adelaide who have come in to disturb our peace.

There's shouting at some point but I drift off to sleep in another world, thinking about how much I love her.

~

Montana

I wipe at my eyes as Calum's groggy voice fills the space of my mind, bringing me back to the present. He's awake.

He mumbles something I don't understand and I stay where I am on the windowsill with my knees pressed to my chest, hiding my face so that he doesn't see it.

"Baby, come back to bed." He says more clearly, groaning the way he does every morning, the way I love.

But right now, I don't know if I love him. I don't want him to see my puffy eyes or my sorrow or the fact that I've been crying all night. I didn't know how to feel or how to act. I've stayed up all night trying to figure out what I saw but it still didn't make sense.

I clear my throat. "What were you on last night?" I knew he was high, I could smell it on him as he slept soundly through my cries.

"Fuck I don't remember a thing." I turn my head slightly to see him running a hand down his face.

"Really? Not a thing?" I ask again, trying to hide the bitterness in my tone and he blinks, getting out of bed slowly. Calum did things, but he never lied to me, at least, I liked to think he never did.

"Did something important happen?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed and I feel the urge to laugh extremely loud like a mad woman. Instead, I wipe at my eyes, stand up and make a beeline for the bathroom.

"No, nothing happened." I mutter and he lays back down from his seated position at the end of the bed, huffing. "My head is killing me, get back in bed." He whines like a child and I almost do. I was ashamed that I wanted nothing more than to take all my clothes off and get under the sheets with him.

But I couldn't, everytime I looked at the bed, I see her there, a strange girl in a dress that covered nothing with a blonde head of hair who kept giggling like a maniac when I asked her why she was in my bed, kissing my boyfriend when he was completely out of it. She said he kissed her, and that he loved her first and most and then stumbled out the door before I could wrap my head around what was happening.

I shut the bathroom door, leaning against it and crumpling to the floor. Does he really not remember? Does he really not remember that he was with someone else while I was out looking for him because someone had stolen my phone last night?

I can't help the tears, or the frustration. I should tell him what I came back to last night. The girl said her name was Cass when I started screaming at her down the corridor and she laughed because she was completely out of it, her mascara streaming down her face while she repeated the same thing. "He doesn't love you!"

I stand up and wipe furiously at my eyes, determined to confront him. But when I catch myself in the mirror, my hopeless, scared eyes reflecting back to me, I freeze.

What if he really was with her? What if he still remembers? Why didn't he say anything then? Why did he pass out the second I walked in last night? Was he pretending? No. He was my Calum.

The one who in a few short months, became the one who guarded my heart and my dreams. He loved me, and only me. If he doesn't remember it, I shouldn't remind him of it.

I'm sure there is an explanation to this. My Calum would never cheat on me, he wouldn't.

I pull at my hair, delirious with fear at losing him slowly. We are always fighting because of his habits. I want him safe and steady on his feet, but he keeps choosing to dream in a place where his ghosts cannot reach him.

I don't blame him but I want to protect him, I want to shield him from the world and his childhood. He screams in his sleep sometimes, begging his mother to wake up and in turn his screams paint my nightmares. I stay up at night, my eyes wide open so I can watch him sleep and chase away the evil.

My heart pounds in my chest with how much I love him and hate him for what he has done, for what he has made me into. A hopeless and scared girl who once headstrong and swore she would never let anyone in. I hated that I needed his love, his touch, his pain and his fucking nicotine addiction too. No matter how much I tried to fight him, he reached inside me and there was no going back.

I swing open the bathroom door with anger to find him asleep again, his bare chest moving up and down slightly as he breathes. His hair is an absolute mess, the blonde streaks disappearing into the dark brown.

My step falters, my heart whirrs like a broken machine overdosed on love for the person in front of me. He was such a fucking mess, and I loved him so much for it. I wish he didn't hurt me this much, and I wish I wasn't so forgiving or so angry for letting him in.

I walk towards him and instead of melting into him like I would have at the sight of him, I gather all my energy and bend, kissing his forehead and blinking away the tears furiously when his eyes open a sliver. "Monti..."

"I have work to do, I'll see you later." I manage to say and pull away. I grab my jeans from the floor where its discarded along with my bag and walk out of the room before the weight of my love for him can crush me completely.

~

Calum

I wake up for the third time, looking around the dark room disoriented. "Montana?" I say to the empty room but I can feel that she isn't here, the sky outside the curtains is dark.

My phone lights up from the nightstand and I check to see that it's a text from Michael and that it's almost midnight.

My head is foggy, a headache fresh in my skull despite all the sleeping. My mouth is extremely dry and my stomach is making noises of complaint, telling me to feed it something other than liquor.

I stand up slowly, making sure I have my footing. Whatever they were passing around the club last night was so not just weed.

I make my way into the bathroom and pee. Washing my hands, I decide to brush my teeth after finding a new toothbrush in one of the hotels drawers, attempting to get the fowl taste out of my mouth.

While I brush my teeth, I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to remember the events of last night. Everything is blurry and I discover that I only remember getting to the party and Montana being angry at me.

Oh shit.

She is angry at me. What did I say or do this time? I try to prod at my mind to remember this morning before she left. Was she angry at me? No, I can still feel her kiss on my forehead.

I quickly rinse out my mouth and wash my face to try and wake up. I locate my phone and call her a couple of times but there is no answer. I leave her a message on her voicemail but there is no reply.

I pull on my clothes from last night and walk out of the room. Where the hell am I going to find her in Germany if she doesn't want to be found? I don't find her in the hotel lobby so I walk out onto the street, looking both ways.

This turns out to be the worst idea I've ever had because as usual there are more than a hundred fans right outside and I immediately rush back inside as their deafening screams fill my ears. I look around the lobby a little lost and then remember that of course, she would be in one of her friends rooms.

I decide to threaten the guy at reception to give me a keycard to Sierra's room and he does so without any hesitation whatsoever.

I take the elevator up to Sierra's room, furiously clicking on the floor button hoping it would move faster even though I know it won't.

What if she wasn't there? What if she has gone back home and left me for good? But I can't have made her that angry, not in one night. Did I tell her I loved her? I hope I did.

I all but run down the corridor and burst into the room, causing Sierra to leap out of her chair with surprise, dropping the jacket on her lap onto the floor with a yelp.

"Is she here?" I question loudly but then my breath hitches in my throat when I see her fast asleep on the bed.

"Can you keep it down!" Sierra hisses at me, picking up the jacket from the floor again.

I stare at Montana, her head resting on the big pillows and her body swallowed up by the large comforter, she looked so peaceful. She was here, safe and sound. "What do you want?" Sierra whisper shouts and I remember to unclench my fists.

"Are you alright?" She tries again, coming closer so that the sound of our talking doesn't wake her up.

"I-I called her phone about fifty times." I turn to Sierra, trying to get my racing mind to calm down.

"She has been asleep for the past two hours, she was very tired." This statement oddly makes me happy and I want to slide in next to her but decide against it.

"I thought she le-um, tell her to call me, when she wakes up. Please.." I let Sierra know hastily and turn on my heel before I change my mind.

Maybe I should ask Sierra why she had come here, best-friends know everything right? I can feel that something is wrong but I just don't know what.

I turn around to ask Sierra but she has already closed the door. I lean against the wall, resting my head on my hand. The amount of times I have sung about wishing I had Amnesia, but now that I actually didn't remember, it felt like hell.

I still don't remember if we fought last night and I silently curse myself, making my way to the exit staircase to light a cigarette I find in one of the pockets.

I really do love her.