Daydream (noun): a series of pleasant thoughts that distract one's attention from the present.

NOW

Montana

Do you ever think of yourself as one of the waves in the ocean? A wave that begins somewhere miles and miles away from where you want to be. One that fights to keep itself calm towards the end but the rush of it all is just thrilling so you wash over things, dangerously close enough to lose all the parts of you. 

You lap against the feet of dreamers and collect their desires, only to flow back and start a tempest in the middle of your own belly. A wave that once knew what home was but now, couldn't remember when or where it all started, to begin with. 

I have a longing in my heart for the way I loved the ocean when I was a child. I loved the sun, the way my little feet sank into the warm grains of sand and my mother's voice as she sang to us. I've discovered that you start to forget about the things you really used to love as a child when you grow up. 

You begin to feel the weight of expectation and it's all downhill from there. But you never really stop loving the things you truly love, you are meant to be the person you were when you were a child, I think. It made more sense when it was in my head. 

"Montana? it's time for your interviews." My assistant lets me know softly from the doorway, bringing me back to the present and away from my daydreaming. I seem to be doing it a whole lot these days, fueling fantasies and giving myself reasons to hope.

With a shrug of resignation, I turn my forehead away from the cold glass of the window that overlooks the serene ocean. "Okay." I turn to face Gia, a petite Caucasian with brown hair cut into a bob. Sparkly green eyes and healing crystals around her neck. She was the best assistant I could ever ask for. I wouldn't make it to anything on time if it wasn't for her impeccable planning and understanding.

"You look awful." she murmurs with a huff and I don't say anything. She was one of the few people who could see me beneath all the makeup, bright smiles, and the fluff of the modelling world. I have given her permission to call me out whenever, for my own good. 

I shrug off the silky pink robe and roll my stiff shoulders. The bikini I had to model half an hour ago is bright red so I pull on a sheer black top that ends just above my mid thigh. No one cares if I wear pants or not. 

I follow Gia out of the room like a child being dragged to school. My contempt, however, is short lived as a camera goes off behind me when I turn left into the corridor and I'm forced to perk up and smile bright.

"Montana! There's our star!" the agencies publicist gushes and I want to punch him in the face. I kiss him on the cheek instead because I need to pay my rent. 

I desperately needed to get over this mood swing. Get it together. 

"Come on, Cosmo is your first interview for the day." They rush me away in a flurry of activity like the president's in town and my internal pep talk is hastily wrapped up for later. 

The number of interviews I've done in the past year was frankly a pain in my ass. It's always the same questions; always the same beauty tips, always the same annoying glazed over eyes of the people who think I lack a brain because my skin shines and there isn't any unnecessary fat over any of my bones. Pathetic, the lot of them. 

I'm shuffled into the camera room for the hundredth time that day. The cameras are focused on a new set with the signature pink and white stripes of the company for a backdrop. "Montana Cases will be joining us for an all-access exclusive in just a couple of minutes!" 

A woman with blonde hair and bright red lipstick is speaking to the camera. They go into the commercial break and the lights overhead dim momentarily. She walks up to me as someone starts to fuss with my hair and makeup even though it's already perfectly set. The interviewer extends her hand to me, smiling brightly. "It's so lovely to see you, Montana. I'm Lauren." 

"It's lovely to meet you too, Lauren. I love your hair." I compliment and she giggles like a school girl, her cheeks turning pink.

"It means a lot, coming from you." Lauren nods her head enthusiastically and a man signals that the cameras are about to roll again.

I'm led to a stool covered in feathers with a small table of props nearby. I reach over to pick up some bunny years and place them over my head. Might as well have fun.

"I will be asking you a couple of questions, nothing much." Lauren smiles, sitting across from me and crossing her legs. I've learned that when they say 'a couple', I'm really going to be asked about my life since birth.

"Going live in three..two..one!"

"Welcome to Cosmo's all access show! Tonight, we go behind the scenes of the two-thousand-seventeen Victoria's Secret show held here in the beautiful city of Sydney, Australia. We have Australia's very own, Montana Cases here with us today!"

"Hi!" I grin cheekily at the camera, blowing it a kiss. I catch Gia giving me a thumbs up from my peripheral.

"So Montana, tell us, what was it like being given the chance to walk the show for the very first time?"

"If you bring the camera closer you will see the goose bumps that are still on my skin. It really was a surreal experience." She makes a sound along the lines of laughing and screeching and I hide my cringe with a giggle.

"What would you say was your favourite part of it all?"

I think about this for a second even though I have been asked this question more than I have my own name. I had a lot of favourite parts. "It has to be actually walking down the catwalk. It was pure elation. I felt invincible."

"You looked absolutely invincible, too." 

"Thank you." 

"So let's go a bit into the past, tell us how you landed the job."

My stomach tightens for a moment before I answer. "I was once a designer and a makeup artist. The company I worked for, Bradford's, always had me model some of their lines and had me do photo shoots and stuff," Lauren keeps nodding her head like an enthusiastic puppy. "—then one day my boss came up to me and said look, this agency wants you, you've worked for this, they want you to walk the VS show. So no matter how overwhelmed I was, I wasn't going to say no to that kind of luck and opportunity."

A drop of sweat rolls down my back as I prepare myself for the next question. It was suddenly way too hot in here. I adjust on my stool, the interviewer's compliments not registering. I smile.

"You were on tour with Five Seconds of Summer as one of their makeup artists? How was that experience? Must have been exciting."

I'm media trained to handle these types of situations so much like a robot, I offer, "Yeah, it was all a great learning experience. Visited a whole lot of countries."

Lauren doesn't ask me to elaborate which just worries me further. A screen in front of us turns on and a moving Twitter feed pops up. 

"We have a couple of questions for you from your amazing fans on Twitter who are currently watching live." The feed moves way too fast for me to catch a glimpse of any of the tweets and I wonder how she can read them.

"Tony asks, Do you hope to work with Five Seconds of Summer in the future?" I know she definitely didn't read that from a tweet on the screen. I blink at the bright lights, searching my head for an answer out of this trap. 

"They were good lads, but I don't think my help is any longer required."

Smile. Don't! forget! to! smile!

"Liana asks, do you love your Romanian fans?"

"Course! Love you guys with all my heart, Romania. Can't wait to see you guys soon." I blow a kiss at the camera, feeling a tiny bit better for the first time this interview. It helped to know that there were people out there who rooted for you.

The interviewers face changes from excited to exhilarated in the matter of a few seconds as she stares at the screen and my stomach fills with wasps. 

"Oh! This question just came through, and I'm sure a lot of us want to know the answer to this. Are Calum and Montana still a thing or is the modelling industries leading lady single?" It comes out of her mouth like it's the most scandalous question she has ever been allowed to ask someone in her life. 

You know that feeling when you're swimming amongst the waves and your legs tire so you go to place your feet on the ocean floor but it's far deeper than you really thought it was and all that your legs feel is more water? and then your stomach drops at that moment and your arms fight to propel you forward, your heart beating mercilessly in your chest? It felt like that.

"Montana?" I hear Lauren say my name distantly.

"We...are–um–not together," I mutter and stand up, looking around the room at all the blurry faces. I didn't want to be here. This was not where I wanted to be. I rush out of the room, pushing at my feet to move faster than they ever have.

_______

Calum

My skull vibrates with every single pluck of the guitar strings, weeping on my lap like a distraught lover. The vibration was calming, like an earthquake overriding another earthquake. The disasters cancelled each other out. 

My eyes see nothing as I sit in the dark studio, no other sound except for the guitar and the clink of ice against the glass every time I take a swig. I was supposed to be somewhere, doing something. But I don't remember where and I don't really care.

I just hope it wasn't a concert. Someone would have come and gotten me, I think. The studio door opens and the sound of footsteps thudding against the carpet ruins my silence. I spoke too soon. 

"Calum." A voice too loud for my head disturbs my peace. I keep my eyes closed, plucking at the guitar strings and pretending I can't hear whoever it is so they will go away. 

"Calum." The voice says again and my treacherous eyes open a sliver. I wish I could glue them shut so they wouldn't refuse the commands of my mind. "You missed the morning rehearsals," Luke states, his tone accusatory. 

"Go away," I mumble and I can't tell if it was only in my head or if I actually said it out loud.

"You're high again, aren't you?" Luke asks, exasperated. I can feel him standing close. My best friend, and lead singer of our band who I couldn't stand for reasons I didn't have. 

"Go away." I manage to mutter but the couch dips as he sits, not planning on going anywhere. I wish someone would ship him back to New York where he lives now.

I take another swig. "I drove all this way to find you, you can at least open your damn eyes." 

"And when did you last have a bath? You fucking stink." He complains and I open my eyes to discover that even the dim lights of the studio are too bright for me.

"Get out of my fucking house, Hemmings." I will at my eyes to focus on my best friend even though I'm pissed at him and they fight me for a few seconds but then become clearer.

"Calum?" Luke shakes my arm and I think I murmur something incoherent.

"No man. She's not." Luke replies and the glass in my hand is taken away along with the guitar.

"If this keeps happening, I'm going to have to make you move in with Sierra and I so I don't come here to see that you have slit your own throat or drunk yourself into the void."

I want to laugh in his face. I would rather slit my throat and drink myself into the void than move in with him and his fiancée. They were too fucking happy for everyone.

"Just get out." I sigh and take the glass back from him, reaching for the bottle at my feet.

"We're in the middle of a tour, Calum. You can't drink yourself into oblivion during the only few days we have off. We have things to do man, come on." Luke tries to reason but it sounds like complaining. All anyone ever does is complain. They are always so damn disappointed about poor old Calum.

"I never miss a concert, or an interview, or an orgy. So shut the fuck up and leave me alone. We have a week till the next show." I try to dismiss him and lay back on the couch.

He rubs his forehead, cooking up a plan in that blonde head of his. "I thought I won't tell you about this but if it means getting some sun on your skin, I think you should know, Montana is back in Sydney."