Description:

For @idfkcalvin three am uploads how rebel am I?

Tyler is ftm and is nervous about his masterpiece of a plan to come out to his semi-long-term-boyfriend Josh.

Disclaimer: I am not transgender nor am I a professional so I am sincerely sorry for any misrepresentations made and ask you to correct me if any are noticed. This is my first try writing a trans* character and would like to improve in any way I can.

A/N This is technically a fanfiction even if the characters are very OOC but I'll give a disclaimer anyway- I  do not own Tyler Joseph or Josh Dun of twenty one pilots. Also this story is for @idfkcalvin who is amazing and I really hope you like it cause I'm totally proud for finishing this but I'm not sure if I like it so onward.

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A sparkling afternoon filled with rainbows and light rain, in a place I should most definitely belong, in a world that would mean so much more, with the person who couldn't mean any more to me, and I was a jittering wreck. Josh was catching on to my nerves- the least I'd expect from three years of cuddles and pillow fights and stormy nights disguising tears. Little would I know, well, more occasionally I would guess that I was disguising myself everyday.

Gradually over these few years Dog Breath (don't mind the paired nickname he's acquired from a certain... incident) has taught me that I'm not completely useless and that it's really not worth denying who I am when I'm stuck like this for what he hopes is a long time coming I have come to listen to his advice. Except the part about being stuck like this, because when time comes to show I'd like to represent myself without lying. I'd like to not avoid mirrors and the disaster they hold, to not want to rip my chest off in frustration, to not wake up distraught and have to make up a nightmare about some crazy encounter with a mutant dragon- cause honey, that's not the least nightmarish thing compared to what I'm seeing at night behind closed eyelids.

Anyways, I'm trying to be more optimistic today. I woke up at least a little terrified because today was the day- the day I would tell him. The day I would tell Josh that I was a guy, a boy, a man, not a girl, as I'd let him believe for as long as I'd known him. Planning this day has gone on for weeks; so many scrapped ideas and stuttered excuses had led to my masterpiece of a plan.

It had started with hints laid out: the abundance of shapeless clothes, the odd question posed and opinion scoped. Then, oh then I'd shake at night dreading and longing for this day to come as I'd ask Josh to come with me to a LGBTQ+ rally in the next town over. I have wondered why I thought it was a good idea to reveal myself in all my glory at a pride parade- was it for confidence, or was I being selfish in subconsciously pressuring him to not make a scene? Though if he's disgusted I doubt he'd care what all the other "freaks" think. Not that he's shown any discriminative behaviours, he's at a LGBTQ+ rally I might repeat, although it seems a common trend in haters to fuel their own stupidity. Except Josh isn't stupid, not in the least, no matter what he might believe, no matter the fact he's with me of all people.

Oh gosh I hope he doesn't hate me. Not that I'm really expecting any remotely positive reaction, but I honestly would not be where I am without him. He's my literal everything. I wouldn't even have a house to sleep in and food to eat if it weren't for him. I don't want to be kicked out, to be homeless. I could go back to my parents, but how would they react? I haven't seen them in two years- I can't just turn up and be like "hey it's your son who was your daughter but actually no". Haha, it seems to whimsical and stupid put like that; random tangents of crazed teenaged thought, but I can't deny it, the thoughts, the simple knowledge, will just come back with more force than ever, bringing tears to my eyes just imagining actually being stuck like this forever.

No. Optimism, remember? I will tell him, I will tell Josh who I am today, in front of all these people who can relate and support me no matter the outcome. I have to tell him, there is no choice. If I don't I'll regret it forever and it'll just eat me alive, all the dysphoria.

We're walking at the back of the rally- which might not have been planned but is really quite fine with me- and the blindingly eager smiles, rainbows and general mix of ease and passion definitely contrasts my steadily increasing nerves to a point I know I'll have to say something or Josh will. We're almost at the end of the parade: a park of much grandeur with a fancy-pants fountain and eighteenth century lampposts, and the most elegantly distraught tree I've ever seen. I yank at Josh's hand that I've been sweating into the whole time and beeline it to the tree. The rest of the parade continue to their picnic or whatever- I'm not really too bothered with that anymore. Josh isn't surprised by my sudden change in direction since he knows my weird fascination with aesthetically pleasing trees and runs ahead of me almost slamming me into it because he's such a great boyfriend. Luckily he proves himself by swinging me round at the last moment and engulfing me in a hug, back to chest.

"So Baby Boy, you've got something to tell me?"

He had that glimmer in his eye- the one that told you he knew something was up- and paired with his endearingly concerned smile and adorable eye-crinkles I knew I was ready.

"Ahh, yes actually, yes I do."

"So... Go on."

"Okay, so all today was all a ploy and yeah I enjoyed it but actually I've been planning this for weeks, months even, and I just really hate hiding and disguising myself and lying to you when all you've been in awesome and adorable and I really don't want to lose you but, well, you might not be as heterosexual as you have been led to believe."

And he laughed. Not a sneering, malicious laugh like I might have expected, but a light and bubbly almost giggle. I was shocked at for a second until I realised I'd started laughing to, and we'd both ended up lying practically on top of each other on the slightly damp grass underneath this majestic leafless tree. At least he didn't hate me.

"Did you think I'd hate you?"

Huh? Did I speak out loud?

"No, you didn't speak aloud, I'm just psychic. No, Tay, I've known you for like a billion years, I know you better than I probably know myself. But there is something I know about myself, and that is that I am most definitely not very heterosexual. I've considered the term pansexual because I mean, what does gender have to do with how aesthetically pleasing someone is?"

"Wait, so- wait, what?"

"Ahh my most aesthetically pleasing young padawan, this means I don't care the gender of my significant other."

"So you've guessed that I'm trans- that I identify as male, as a dude?"

"Well no, but okay. That's cool, would you like to borrow all my clothes now- not that you don't do that already- until we can afford to get you a new wardrobe? Also, are you sticking with the name Taylor, or you gonna stay Baby Boy?"

He rolled over and flashed his sunshiney smile at me as he touched my nose gingerly in jest, the glimmer in his eyes visible as he noted the tears of relief springing from my own, doomed by gravity to never reach the grin also plastered to my face.

"Definitely- all your oversized jumpers and skinny jeans are mine. And would it be too much hassle if you called me Tyler?"

"It's one letter difference Baby Boy Tyler, there is no trouble at all."

At this point I'd propped myself up on my elbow, and now I tackled him into a bone-crippling hug. And we just lay there as I repeatedly thanked him for not leaving, and him saying he didn't think he could ever leave me if he tried.

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So there it is. What do you think?