The day I met Jaiden, the sky was grey. The clouds were dark with misery, floating with the whispering wind. The rain was falling heavily, I was soaking wet. 

We were playing football. "Autumn, pass the ball" Diego, my elder brother shouted. Me, being the unruly child I was, I ignored him. 

I was confident as the rain fell against my clothes, the thunder growled in conformation. 

I was almost there, there were many other kids from the park surrounding me, trying to get the ball. I ducked and saved the football from them countless times. 

And then, the inevitable happened. I slid across the wet, muddy ground and fell down. I gave a cry of pain as my whole body weight fell on my left leg. I wasn't sure but I think I heard a crack. 

Seconds later, everyone was crowded around me. Everyone except Diego. My selfish brother had taken the opportunity to kick the ball into the empty net and was celebrating his "goal".  I sighed, he would never change. 

The pain was overwhelming and tears started welling in my eyes. The other kids tried to get me to stand up but my leg wouldn't budge. 

Being the eleven year old girl I was, I started howling and wailing in pain and that definitely got Diego's attention. 

"What happened?" He asked, making his way through the crowd, towards me. I glared at him and then realization dawned on him.

"Oh yeah, you fell" He said, sheepishly. Concern took over his face and I wanted to kick his so bad that I was willing to sacrifice my already injured leg. 

"I can't get up. My leg!" I said, pointing at my leg which was bent at a weird angle. My fourteen year old brother tried to be the Knight in shining armor like he had seen in the movies. 

He placed a hand on my waist and I looked at him with horror. Was he about to do what I thought he was going to do? NOOO!

But it was too late, he tried to pick me up bridal style but we both tumbled to the ground, me on top of him. 

"Holy Grandma's pancakes" I said as my face crashed across his stomach. "Owwww" he howled in pain. 

"That's what you get for being an idiot. You are a skinny kid, how could you pick up someone who is ten kilograms heavier than you?" I said, using all the strength I had to get away from him. My leg was throbbing. 

He sighed, holding his stomach and then stood up. 

"Okay, I'm calling Mom" he said and pulled out his phone. Idiot. That is what he should have done in the first place. 

The hospital smelled nasty. I mean pure nasty. It smelled of odd chemicals which were messing with my brain. Plus, the sheets on the bed the doctor made me lie on smelled like ketchup. 

After hours of winding around a cast, plaster and pain killers, the doctor handed a slip with medicine prescriptions on it to my mother and then he started discussing the dosage. I was obviously bored and looked at the child on the bed next to me. 

She looked to be about my age. Her brown hair was longish at the front and short at the back, her green eyes were focused on the cast around her hand. To my eleven year old eyes, she looked as cute as a puppy. 

"Hello" I said, waving at her. She looked up at me as if surprised. "Hi" she whispered, I could barely hear her. 

She was obviously sad. I tried again, "Is there something wrong?". She looked at me for a minute and bit her lip as if wondering whether she should tell me or not. 

"Yes, my friends were supposed to visit me today and sign my cast but they didn't turn up. I understand that they are far away but they said they'd visit today" She said, looking glum. Now, I did notice a marker on the little table beside her bed. 

I took the marker and moved towards her, my leg protested but I moved myself as close as I could get without falling off the bed. 

"May I?" I asked, looking at her face. Her face brightened in a smile bright enough to blind the Sun. 

"Yay!" She said, happily as I opened the marker and began my masterpiece. 

I doodled a knight with a broken arm on her cast. "What is your name?" I asked. 

She took the marker from me and with some difficulty as she was using her left hand, wrote in on my plastered leg: Get well soon. Love, Jaiden. She had drawn a princess next to the drawing which looked a lot like me, she was really good at drawing. 

She handed the marker back to me and I smiled. 

I scribbled in my messy handwriting 'Lady Jaiden, Knight of the First order saved Princess Autumn from the dragon but her arm wasn't as lucky as her'. I drew a heart next to it and wrote 'Get well soon, Puppy love (it's more valuable than regular love), Autumn'. 

She laughed as I showed her my masterpiece.

"I love it!" She said, with a giggle. "So you are Autumn?" She asked. 
"Yes" I replied. 
"Nice to meet you, Jaiden" I said and shook her good hand. 

********************************
It turned out Jaiden was new in town and had broken her arm when she saved a dog from getting run over by a moving car. She was a knight alright. 

Jaiden lived two houses away from me and started going to my school. 

"I'll write down your notes for you" I offered once we had settled down in our class and Jaiden was looking helplessly at her notebook, willing it to fill itself. She gave me that same smile, bright enough to blind the sun. Something in my chest fluttered, was it a heart? Or maybe just the milk I drank today?

It took one month for us to become best friends. One month for me to get to know Jaiden as who she was. Jaiden loved drawing people and I loved making stories about people so it worked out in the end. 

We used to sit on the fresh, green grass in the nearby park.  She had a notebook and a pencil in her hand and sat cross-legged. I used to lay on my stomach, my hands tucked under my chin, looking at the people as they passed by.  

"I'm going to draw that red-haired woman but with Madonna's nose" Jaiden said and I racked my hand for an image of Madonna's nose but nothing came to mind. Another thing about Jaiden was that she had an uncanny ability to remember people's facial features while I on the other hand forgot my own and was appalled and surprised whenever I looked at myself in the mirror.  

Jaiden never drew the people exactly like they looked because: a) We didn't have the permission to draw these people so we needed to change them a bit b) She liked mixing and matching people's faces to see what she could make. 

"Okay, so the red-haired lady" I said and focused on the lady with red flaming hair, sitting on a bench, biting her lips with a notebook in her hand. Her head was marked with creases of worry. 

"I've got it!" I exclaimed, making a few nearby pigeons fly away in fright. The sound of Jaiden's pencil scratching against the paper was the background music to my story. 

"Katelyn is a children's book writer. A month ago she signed a contract for a children's book which she hasn't written yet but because last month the Game of Thrones finale was up, she couldn't get around to writing anything and forgot all about the book. She was still recovering from the blues when she gets a letter asking for her manuscript. So, Katelyn in a moment of desperation hurries to the local park where she can sit and jot down story ideas while observing children. So far, she's having a hard time getting any ideas" I said, looking pensively at the woman. 

Jaiden chuckled next to me. "Game of Thrones? That was a good one, Aut. Scratch that, every of your stories is good" She said, making butterflies dance in my stomach.  Since I had quit milk, it definitely wasn't it. 

"I'm done" Jaiden said after a few minutes. I utilised this time in searching for prospective subjects. 

She presented the sketch to me and now I remembered what Madonna's nose looked like. It was a perfect replica of the red-haired woman except the nose. It looked stunning and I could imagine this version of the woman as the protagonist of the story I just made. I smiled. 

"It's great, like it always is. You will definitely get into art school" I said and her cheeks turned pink, like they always did when someone complimented her.

 "Thank you, now let's get you that ice cream you've been craving" She said.  

It was our ritual, ice cream after sketching.  We always shared ours, a mixture of both our favourite flavors: strawberry and blackcurrant.  

****************************************************
Being a sixteen year old changes you a lot. You stop creepily staring at people for an hour just to formulate an idea of what their life is like and start sitting on a bench and stealing glances at them to do that exact thing. In other words, you get a rough idea of privacy. You feel that you're invincible and with your best friend by your side, you can conquer the world.  Shakespeare haunts your dreams and last but not the least: you discover that you're gay. 

It was an epiphany as I was binge-watching Chilling Adventures of Sabrina with Jaiden and Diego by my side. 

A thought entered my head "Man, Kiernan Shipka is hot". 

But I heard those words echoing at that very moment in more than one voice. What? 

Shit, I had said it aloud but so had someone else. I turned to look at very dumbfounded Jaiden and Diego staring back at me. They both said it. 

"We're lesbians" Me and Jaiden said, together with equal quantities of surprise and happiness on our faces. 

"I'm straight!" Diego said, trying to join in on the moment of self-revelation. 

"We know!" We both said and Diego finally picked up on the hint that we were having a moment. 

"This explains so much" Jaiden said and the butterflies in my stomach nodded in conformation. Their existence was finally justified. 

****************************************************

It seemed we both were right because by the middle of our sophomore year, Jaiden was dating Katy Morgan. 

It was then that Jaiden started going on dates and we didn't do our weekend trips to the park anymore. We didn't spend our Saturday night stargazing on my terrace anymore. 

I found myself waking every Saturday morning excited to see her, until I realised that I wouldn't and my stomach dropped with disappointment.  

One Friday night, I didn't want that feeling. So, I lay awake in my bed, listening to the rhythmic beating of the rain-drops against my bedroom window. 

I couldn't stop thinking about her. I didn't know what the cause was. Her presence made my stomach float in the empty space and my inner comets shoot up like a firework. Her touch made electricity surge through the core of my galaxy, igniting everything in a bright blue flame just like her eyes. Her eyes were a bright blue flame which burned my skin if they lingered on it for too long. Her lips, the Ruby Isles separated with a cosmic breath sucked all the oxygen from the atmosphere. Her smile blinded many Suns like mine. 

Deep down, I had always known that there were many stars in her universe, but I'll always be the Sun she orbits. 

That was the thought that washed away a fraction of the jealousy which was burning me inside out like acid. The rain felt like a lullaby as it sang me to sleep. 

That Saturday when I opened my eyes I found myself looking at her. She had somehow managed to get into my bed, noiselessly.  Her body felt warm against mine as her arms hugged me tightly, close to her chest. 

I didn't want to wake her so I just looked at her. I took in the run-off mascara which was now dry beneath her eyelids. I took in the absence of her cherry lip gloss, I took in how tired she looked. Something bad had happened.  

Being the story-maker I was, I made up many stories ranging from her father not accepting her (he didn't know about her sexuality) to her missing me. That was a stupid thought, of course she must have missed me but it wouldn't make her cry. Not like this. 

It took her two hours to open her eyes and I just lay there next to her, trying to breathe slowly and quietly so as not to wake her. My back had started aching from being stuck in the same position but I didn't budge. I bit back the pain and looking her made the pain feel like a blackhole on the edge of my universe, I wouldn't have noticed it even if it did exist. 

She opened her eyes and caught herself staring into mine. She bit her lip in confusion, as if puzzled why she was here and then it came back to her and she pulled me in for a tighter hug.

Late-night hugs on sad occasions when she slept at my place had been a semi-monthly occurrence since we met. 

These occasions include: her mother leaving her and her father, me not making it as the editor of the school magazine, her being scolded by the art teacher, not being in any of the same classes etc. 

 Acceptance was the only thing Jaiden didn't get from her father. Instead, she had got it from me, my mother, my father and my brother. We were like a second family to her.

"Everything will be okay" I said, holding her tightly in my arms as she cried fresh tears. No questions were asked, she would tell me when she was ready. She always did. 

 Jaiden let out the pain and was shaking when her inner clouds were finally dry. She shook like she was soaked in a thunderstorm and I held her with the same comfort, a warm fire would give to her cold skin. 

After the sky was clear, I let her go and made her drink some water. She finally said something.  

"Kate broke up with me" She said, looking at the ground. Her natural response when she felt insecure or sad. 

"Oh, Jade. I…...I don't know what to say" I said and enveloped her in another hug. 

No matter how jealous I might have been of Kate, I didn't feel happy when they broke up. Jaiden had really loved Kate, I could tell. She was hurt badly and if Jaiden was hurt so was I. 

I could feel the pain suffocating my insides like it did to hers, I felt the pain I would have felt if Jaiden broke up with me and as I held her through the day, I cried along with her. 

****************************************************
It's our Senior year, there were many dates on Jaiden's end, none worked out. On the other hand, I hadn't dated anyone even though everyone in my family including Jaiden insisted that I do. 

"You don't want to be a nun, Aut. Trust me, I saw the movie, she wasn't very nice" Jaiden said, jokingly. I chuckled. 

I didn't want to date because I had already found the person I was in love with and it would be unfair to lead someone else on with false hopes. 

Being in love with Jaiden was the empress of all maladies, an empress who ruled with an iron-grip. 

Sometimes I think why I haven't asked her out yet but it's the classic reason: I don't want to ruin anything. The thought which clashes with this reasoning is that I don't want to be the one who is lead with false hopes as well.  

I have been yearning since many years for a forever that isn't even a present. 

Loving Jaiden was like loving a mirage, the second you thought you had reached the destination, it went farther away. The second you thought, you could tell her; you couldn't anymore. 

We were sharing our five-thousandth cone of ice cream. Trust me, I counted. Jaiden had a little scoop of ice cream on her nose. 

"You have a little something on your nose" I said, pointing at her nose. She smiled and I tried to wipe it, I cheekily shoved the whole ice cream on her face. 

"Hey!" She said, sounding angry but laughing nonetheless. 

"This is payback for the time you did it" I said, with a giggle. She bought another cone of ice cream as ammunition. Holy Guacamole, I ran away from her before she opened fire. 

"Don't be a coward, Aut. You started this battle and now you have to finish it" Jaiden shouted as she chased after me. 

"I signed no such pact" I shouted back, turning towards the kid's section of the park. 

She hadn't made the turn yet, I could hide. I sneakily snuck into the back of an elephant shaped slide. This slide was giant, you climbed up into the elephant's butt and found yourself in a room which had a slide. The slide made you slide down the elephant's trunk.

Perfect, she would never guess I'm hidden in a butt. But, Lady Jaiden found me in less than a minute. 

"I knew you'd climb up the butt" She said, shoving the ice cream on my face. I laughed, this girl knew me all too well. 

"I wanted to show you something"  Jaiden said, pulling her sketchbook from her backpack. She turned it to a page with a sketch and it took me a few seconds to realise what I was seeing. I was seeing two faces blended into one. Half of it, was the face of the beautiful girl crouched next to me up an elephant's butt and the other half was, my own average self. It looked brilliant, I looked up at Jaiden to find her still smiling that blinding smile. 

"I wanted to make this, we might be two people but we know each other so well we might be one after all" She said. 

That was it all it took for me to kiss the empress of my malady in that poorly lit cave of a slide. She tasted like our favorite ice cream flavors, strawberry and blackcurrant.

****************************************************
I wish the story ended there but it didn't.  After we kissed, we didn't talk about it. But it felt like another Galaxy had appeared between ours. It felt like our universes were expanding but individually, they weren't together anymore. 

It took seven relentless hours of waiting for Jaiden to open up. We were on my bed, both sitting on the opposite sides with another Galaxy in between. 

"I don't like you in that way, Aut" Jaiden said, looking down. My stomach sunk so low that it went beneath the centre of gravity of the earth. It exploded with fresh magma as my lungs forgot that oxygen existed. 

"You're still my best friend but we can't be together. We can't date. I love you but more like a sister" She said, her every word was a new meteor crashing against my atmosphere and my ozone layer was threatening to disappear. 

"I'm sorry," she said and the layer disappeared. The tears came crashing down against the cold pavement of my hands. I was shaking like an earthquake. I was shaking like a ghost had taken my body hostage, turning me cold from the inside. 

Jaiden pulled me in a hug but that's all it was, a hug. Her words felt like waves against the grave of my buried dreams, when the water came, the dead body of my dreams was drowning.  

"It will be okay," she whispered. It won't be, I knew.

"You will find someone," but it won't be you. 

"Someone who will make you happy," it doesn't matter if it isn't you. 

"Everything will be okay,". It won't be because I still love you. 

I would break my legs one thousand times for you and even if I couldn't walk anymore, I would still do it just to have you.

 I would make stories for you till I run out of them and when I don't have any I would think of one till I go mad, just to have you.

I would get blinded by your smile and never see anything again, just to have you. 

I could physically feel her drifting away from me.  

I wasn't the Sun in her orbit anymore.

She was floating away. She was destroying my inner Galaxy, our Galaxy. 

We weren't one anymore.

"I love you" I whispered, the words felt foreign against my lips. It was the first time I had said those words and it felt like someone I used to be had uttered them. But I still was that someone, I was just busy shattering into a thousand at the moment.

"I know" was all she said, as she hugged me tightly.  

I didn't know whether she could feel my pain like I could feel hers, if she could I was sure she was falling apart like I was. Could she feel me freezing like I had been buried under Mount Everest? Could see feel the thunderstorm raging inside my mind? Could she feel the Big Bang happening in my brain?

Could she feel my love? 

 If she did ever fall apart and lost a piece of herself, I would give her pieces of myself and even if I didn't exist anymore; whatever ghost I left behind would be happy. 

Right now, I was the one falling apart and she was stepping on my pieces. I would let her do that too, just to see her smile. 

"Smile" I told her, "I like seeing you smile, don't cry for me" I said as tears started streaming down her cheeks. 

Through her tears, she smiled that smile which could blind the Sun. The smile did blind something after all, it blinded my heart from ever feeling love for anyone else. 

It blinded my heart in such a way that I was was orbiting her Sun. She had blinded her Sun and she became it. 

This has been sitting in my docs forever and I thought it was about time I published it....so there's a hug chance that u are rereading this and if you are reading this for the first time then wooop...welcome to this hellish place :)