I wasn't looking for trouble, but trouble found me. The desire to blame fired up within me. I do not have any enthusiasm for life, and it seems like a waste. I feel like I am going through the motions, just waiting to die, something that's going to be a long wait. What makes my life ten times harder is the fact that I was born as a woman. They push me to do everything as if I could do what superhero does. Once, i didn't do it, they end up blamming me, saying something harsh, really harsh and it hurts me so much. My insomnia is getting worse these days. Most nights I would eventually sleep about two hours and wake with a jolt, disoriented and unsure if I'd drifted off at all. I keep having the same dream. I constantly get dreams of watching myself commit suicide by hanging in the bathroom. So i resist to fall into deep sleep. I couldn't say it clearly. I wish i could live my life as a human being.