Negan stared at the last letter in his hand, once he reads this, that's it. Then he'll wake up in the morning and go see River, just like she wanted. He always did what she wanted, when they were teenagers he would drop everything and go see her; if its what she wanted he would do it.

The last letter felt like it was burning in his hands, he could open it and get it over with, he could figure out the last thing she needed to tell him and get it over with. But, this wasn't as easy this time; it wasn't like when this all this started, and he needed to know who was killing his men. He knew now, and she was going to be back in his life, he didn't need these confessions, she could tell him herself.

Sighing, he ripped open the last letter, the final one ever.

'negan,

you may not think that this was bad, or maybe you will. as much as I'd like to pretend that I know you, I know that its no longer true. but, I know Lucille isn't with you anymore. i know a lot of things changed, you changed, even i changed.

so, here it is, on this page,

I write my last confession; read it well.

it was me to sentence my group to death, everyone started to get sick, and my doctor died, I couldn't help them. but my friend, he wouldn't let me get sick with them and he gave me medicine, it was save myself and a select few or save a group of people from my group.

and I picked myself. people say its just survival of the fittest but, I don't know if I want to survive anymore. I should have saved someone else from my group, you wouldn't be getting these letters now.

there's ten of us left, and I think some of them are getting sick again, but I cant bother anyone else with these problem, I need to save them myself this time.

but there you have it, im a selfish murder, just know, you shouldn't get too close, im not the same.

-          river montgomery'

Negan stared at the letter in his hand for a second, leaning back into his couch. "Jesus Christ, River, what am I saving you from this time?" he mumbled to himself watching as the small clock beside him struck 2am.

He threw himself into his bed and turned off the light before curling under the covers and falling asleep. He had a long day ahead of himself tomorrow and he knew it. He didn't know if he was ready to meet up with her again, he didn't know if he had it in himself to meet up with old friends; it was exhausting.

When the sun rose, Negan was already awake, he hardly slept. He couldn't bring himself to stay asleep for long, he was running through scenarios all night trying to figure out how this would all go over. But everything he came up with, they all ended up with her walking away like she did when they were teenagers and he would never hear from her again.

He didn't understand why he was worried about that, but he knew that having contact with her again made him feel something, he felt like he was back in highschool for a minute; he felt like he could start over.

Rolling out of bed, he gathered himself before getting dressed in clean clothes. Pulling his leather jacket on he started for the door to his room and grabbed Lucille on his way out. As he walked though the halls towards the exit people would kneel making Negan want to roll his eyes on occasion. When he got to the exit of the sanctuary he groaned when Simon called his name. "Where you going?" The brunette asked, Negan had allowed his eyes to roll this time, wanting to get out of the walls of the Sanctuary and into the walls of the farm house where he would see his old friend.

"Out," he stated leaning against the heavy door. "and don't bother following me," he added, slamming his hip against the door so it cracked open and stepped into the warm air.