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"Will you cry for me, Dove, if I die?"

I was surprised and shocked at the same time. No words fell out of my mouth as my throat went dry. My mind went blank at his question.

"I knew it," he said as a dry chuckle left his mouth. He said those words and cut the call, leaving me startled. I stared at my cell phone's blank screen as it trembled slightly in my hand. What does he mean by I knew it? My legs went weak, and my back collided with the front of my house. I took a deep breath to control my emotions. He was drunk and just babbling trash. One part of my mind said that, but another was feeling restless. I had been without him for four years. What difference will it make if something changes? I couldn't even complete my sentence. I couldn't even imagine it. I closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths to calm myself.

"He is just drunk; nothing like that is going to happen," I whispered to myself, but my mind was eating it up. Why would he ask me something like that? Isn't it funny when people are drunk and do all the stupid things?

"Stop thinking." I tried to control my thoughts, but more questions popped up in my mind. Without thinking much more, I turned around and ran down the street. I halted the taxi and told him the address of the place I had been before. I'm just going to check on him and nothing else. I'm going because he is the father of my child and nothing else. I chanted in my mind.

It doesn't bother me if something happens.I again couldn't complete that sentence. I swallowed hard as all the bad scenarios came to mind. I bit on my lower lip and again swallowed the lump that formed in the base of my throat. I was holding myself back. My legs were tapping in restlessness.

"Please, can you drive fast?" I said to the driver that with each passing second, my anxiety rose. I paid him and almost ran out of the cab. I was just praying he wouldn't do anything stupid. I took the elevator to his floor and dashed out of it while pulling my bag closer to me.

I rang his doorbell and waited for him to open it. I hope he opens it. I waited and waited, but still, no one opened the door. My anxiety rose even more, and my heart and mind were clogged up with all the horrible thoughts. I again rang his doorbell, but this time a little furiously. I gave up and started banging on his door, and it swung open after a minute or two. He was standing there wearing only his sweatpants. His hair is dishevelled, as if he had moved his hands through it thousands of times. His jaw clenched, and his slightly bloodshot forest green eyes looked at me with intensity as they moved all over my length. 

My eyes hardened in anger when I looked at him. So many emotions flooded my chest, and one of them was relief. I bit my lower lip in anger. No words were exchanged between us. Both of us kept peering at each other. Nothing was going to happen to him! Why did I stupidly come here? Am I this weak to get all worried over his one drunken call? How crazy I am to walk on my own to his door. I felt anger more towards myself than towards him. Now that you've seen him with your own eyes, why are you still standing here? My inner voice mocked me as I made no effort to walk away. My jaw twitched with emotion as I glared at him. I turned around to walk away, feeling so stupid and angry.

He grabbed my wrist when I took my first step. I tried to get it out of his hold, but he wouldn't let me go. I wanted to yank it out of his hold, but before I could do it, he pulled me inside and slammed the door. He pinned me to the closed door before letting go of my hand. My bag slid down from my arm and fell to the floor. Next thing he knew, I slapped him hard and started to beat on his bare chest. The emotions I was holding in started to fall out of my eyes. He just let me beat him as his forest green eyes kept looking at me with the same wavering emotions swirling in them. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but I couldn't hold it anymore. I was tired of hiding them. I sobbed loudly. I was human too. He took hold of my hands and pinned them on either side of my head. I glared at him, trying to get it out of his hold, but the very next second, my eyes widened. He crashed his lip into mine. He very slowly and gently started to move them as if I were made of glass. My whole body jolted up, and my skin tingled with longing.

More tears fell from my eyes as I closed them. I found myself giving in. I was tired from the battle I had been fighting with myself for four years, and he was making it even more difficult. I just wanted to rest, even if it was only for a few seconds. I kissed him back on the lips, which were my first and maybe last too. More warm tears slipped from the corners of my eyes as I kissed him back. He bit on my lower lip, slipping his tongue inside. I could taste the alcohol. He was kissing me like there was no tomorrow. He let go of my hands out of his hold and let them slide down. He cupped my face, angling my face for better access to my mouth. He kissed all over my face, as if kissing away my tears. My tears won't stop falling out of my eyes. I felt guilt deep down in my heart, but I couldn't stop him. I wanted to push him away, but my hands felt too weak to do that. A helpless sob left my mouth. Suddenly he lifted me in his strong arms, making me wrap my legs around him. He started walking us somewhere. I was so busy, lost in my agony, that I didn't care anymore.

"I hate you." I wept those words in anger while burying my face in his neck. More warm tears managed to slip from my eyes. His hands went tight on me, and he pulled me even closer to him as if I would run away.

"I know." 

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A/N
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