Log entry 56:

The new team showed up a few hours ago. I handed over my notes to the head archeologist (I think his name was Jacobee) he thanked me then politely told me to get lost. Well he didn't exactly say that but the meaning was clear.

Scotty wanted me to kick him for his rudeness but Spock strongly advised that was a bad idea. I wished I would have though. That's a bad thing to feel, the man's just trying to do his job, though his people skills clearly could be improved. Maybe Spock's right and I do need meditation. Or therapy; I wonder if they're similar in some ways. After all people back home have been meditating for centuries and it's had to help some of them as people still do it. I've tried to fight it but the feeling that I truly am useless in this time keeps creeping back.

I wish Miles was here. Somehow he always knew the right thing to say or do when I was feeling bad.

Miles. If I could go back home I would tell you everything. I guess since you got close to my family you probably did find out about us eventually. I wish I had told you myself.

My mind keeps going back to the time we accidentally locked ourselves in that temple and you tried to convince me it was haunted. Ghosts-

The door chimed signaling I had a visitor. I put my journal back in the desk and told whoever it was to come in.

"I have something to show you," Nyota smiled excitedly at me.

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise. Come on." She extended her hand and I took it. She pulled me out of the chair and lead me to a room that I had never been in before. It was circular and plain. Grey walls and floor plus it was completely empty.

"Umm. I'm just gonna admit it. I'm a little confused. What's so special about this place?" My tone was a bit snippy and I felt bad about that. Before I could apologize Nyota spoke up.

"Computer, Lieutenant Uhura program one." The world shimmered around us and I took a step back in surprise as we were suddenly standing in the middle of a shuttle. Planets and stars twinkled at me from the view screen.

"What the hell was that! Was it that the transporter thing?" I'd never used the transporter because the idea of my atoms being taken apart and reassembled worried me. They even admitted that there had been malfunctions with it in the past. Those malfunctions were mostly back in the days when the technology was brand new, and we were decades past that here, but I wasn't risking it any time soon. If the state of my physical form was meant to change that way I would have been born with the ability to do it myself.

"No. This is a computer generated hologram."

"Hologram?" I pressed my hand against the side of the shuttle lightly at first and then harder. "It feels real."

"That's the idea."

"Whoa. This is so trippy."

"You should have seen your face," she laughed. I started laughing too. I probably did look ridiculous for a second. It felt good to laugh. Like some of the tension from the day drained out of me. "It's a new program for Starfleet. Only a handful of ships in the fleet are outfitted with these. Enterprise only has two and sometimes they can get glitchy. But aside from that the program has been going really well. It helps ease homesickness and gives us a little fun. Especially on missions that run long. I'd of brought you here sooner but they've been undergoing extensive refitting."

"Why?"

"To make the technology better. Before the last update the holograms were slightly transparent. But as you can see that's not a problem any more."

"What else can it do?"

"Computer, Lieutenant Uhura program four." The world shimmered again and this time we were standing on an African plane. A giraffe was eating from a tree right next to me and the sun was just beginning to set. I could hear the crunch of leaves as the animal ate and feel a slight breeze from the west. The heat from the setting sun settled all over my skin and the breeze carried the scents of a fertile desert region. The sky was a amazing blend of yellow, red, and gold.

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks, I come here when I miss home. You could actually walk for miles. Just head out for the horizon and keep going until you get bored. But that's not why we're here; I created a special program for you. Computer, program Jasmine Sharpe one."

Another shimmer and we were once again inside a shuttle. This time however it was parked in the cargo bay facing the exit leading to space.

"I'm going to teach you how to pilot."

"Really? Nyota, thank you!" A sudden fear filled me. "What if we crash? Or I blow us up?"

"Oh, don't worry. The holo-deck has built in safety protocols. Even if we did crash or explode we wouldn't get hurt."

"Are you sure?"

"Postive." She assured me with an amused smile. "You could drive right? Back in your time? One of those old automobiles?"

"Yeah, of course, I learned when I was fourteen."

"Just think of this as slightly more complicated driving." And from there we began my lessons. The first time I leaned us too far to one side and scraped the shuttle against the side of the cargo bay. Even though I knew it wasn't real the horrible sound of metal on metal made me cringe. Then I hit the wrong button and we accelerated quickly toward the stars without lifting off the floor and set the cargo bay on fire. By the end of two hours I could slowly guide us out of the bay and make an equally slow right turn without causing damage.

Nyota was a very patient teacher, explaining the basics of flight and simplifying the controls on the dashboard. I couldn't tell if she ever got frustrated with my lack of skill or knowledge. She assured me that I was doing fine for a complete novice. We were interrupted when someone entered the room behind us and stepped into our small shuttle. Spock eyed our surroundings with interest but made no comment.

"Hi, Spock," I said excitedly. "I'm learning how to drive space shuttles." I knew I sounded like an over enthusiastic child but that was pretty much my mood. I hoped that didn't lower my estimation in his eyes but I got the feeling that it didn't.

"I see that. I came to escort you to our meditation session." He nodded to Nyota who smiled at him.

I glanced at my wristwatch, another relic of my time instead of the options I had from modern tech. I was ten minutes late. "Spock, I'm sorry. I should have kept better track of time."

"It is of no matter. Shall we go?"

"Yes." I hugged Nyota and thanked her again. Spock watched our farewell with a neutral expression. He was silent on the walk to his quarters. When we reached his living area I saw that he'd set out candles this time. The temperature was also at a comfortable 75; for a human anyway. I knew that this would be on the cooler side for him. The first time I'd visited him unannounced he had it at 110, and I nearly fainted just stepping over the threshold. I had spent a lot of time in the desert but being away from it for so long had dropped my heat tolerance.

"Would you like some dinner? By the rumbling of your stomach I surmise you have not yet eaten." I hadn't realized I was hungry until he said something. My stomach loudly protested its ill treatment and I felt weak.

"Yes, please." I walked over to the small food synthesizer and programed it for two grilled cheese sandwiches and a small milkshake. "You can turn it up by ten degrees if you want. I'd rather you be warm."

"As I have told you before, after a time it would be most uncomfortable for you. And I am well adjusted to this level of coolness. We will begin after you have consumed your meal." Spock sat on a chair near his bed and went to work on his datapad.

I'd been in Spock's quarters before during past sessions but I'd never taken the time to study his room. The decoration was light but it still showed more personalization than mine. He had a vase, though no flowers, the color was a dull orange with some black lines. The meditation lamp counted as decoration so I added that to the list. And on the wall beside his bed was a cloth of some kind but I couldn't assign it a purpose. Sparse though the decorations were it still had more personality than my room did. I made a mental note to change that. Maybe it would help me feel more at home.

I wondered suddenly what Vulcans did for art. That vase over there was pretty but also functional. Well maybe not since I couldn't see a Vulcan bringing their beloved flowers. Was it logical to do that? To cut a flower from life and bring it somewhere just so it could brighten someplace before dying? Earth had a long history of painting, sculpture, and all forms of art. But what about Vulcans? Could they find something beautiful enough to draw even though they seemed to have perfect memory recall?

"Do you find it pleasing?" Spock had noticed my fascination with his vase.

"Yes. It made me wonder if Vulcans create other types of art. Like painting. Is art logical?"

"Depends on the art." He said it in his usual dry way but the look in his eye told me he was making a joke. "Most Vulcans do not spend their time on such frivolity; but even among us their are those more inclined to art rather than more profitable pursuits. That piece, however, was created by my mother. The color is the sunrise and those black lines are meant to be a tree she witnessed in the distance. As a human she likes to turn her experiences into something tangible."

"It's very nice. Your mother is an artist?"

"Not formerly. She is a teacher and pottery has always been a hobby for her. She gave this to me when I was given my first assignment on a starship many years ago."

"I'd like to meet her someday."

"I believe you would find each others company pleasing. May I ask you a question?"

"Always."

"How was it you found out my mother is Human?"

I shouldn't have been surprised he figured I had that knowledge. No doubt my lack of reaction to his words had given me away. I swallowed another bite of my sandwich before answering.

"The night R'ulan cornered me in the cafeteria, he let it slip while we were talking. I wasn't violating your privacy or anything."

"I did not believe you were. Few people inside Starfleet are aware of my mixed heritage. I was merely curious as to who told you. Since it was R'ulan I must surmise it was said in a derogatory manner."

"Yes...I'm sorry Spock."

"There is no need for you to apologize."

"Spock..."

"Yes, Jasmine." I played with the edge of my plate and bit my lip. Spock left his chair and came to sit in front of me. "You may continue with your line of inquiry."

I met his eyes. "If I overstep my bounds tell me. Is there a reason you hide your human side?"

"Humans find it hard to trust me because I choose to be ruled by logic. My outward lack of emotions often makes them uncomfortable. Over time that behavior has given rise to the belief that Vulcans are incapable of feeling; a line of thought that almost always goes uncorrected. Vulcans find Humans particularly vulgar for their lack of restraint and often see them as inferior for that reason."

"As a child of two worlds it has been hard for me to find balance within myself. I chose to follow the customs of my Vulcan ancestors but even then there are many Vulcans who consider me lesser. As I have chosen to follow the Vulcan customs many Humans find me unpleasant. Even more so when they find we have more in common biologically than they first assume."

"They all treat you like an outsider," I whispered.

"Affirmative. Meditation helps me center myself and I feel it will do the same for you."