You've got to be kidding me.

"Um, attention everyone. I am robbing this place. Please keep your hands visible at all times," the man in an all-black outfit said as he approached the cash register where Lana was in line. His right hand was buried in his sweatshirt pocket with the outline of a pointed object protruding outward... A gun?

Lana's chest tightened as she narrowed her eyes at the man who chose the least opportune time to get an extra buck. Who robs a freaking Goodwill?

The cashier let out a small shriek and immediately threw her hands up. As the man got closer, she began fidgeting and then slowly started shifting her hands back down toward the register.

"Woah, woah, woah! Do you mind not making any sudden movements and please could you keep your hands where I can see them?" the robber... requested nicely?

Despite her better judgment, Lana stood up straighter and faced the masked intruder. "Relax, it's not like there's a button underneath like at a bank. This is a Goodwill for goodness sake." The words came out of her without consent, accompanied by an undisciplined eye roll, like an uncontrollable reflex.

She immediately wished she had not said anything, but continued anyway. "Even if the cops did get called, you really think they'd put down their coffee and donuts to respond to an active robbery at a thrift shop? This isn't exactly a Gucci store." Lana crossed her arms and waited for the man to respond.

The man smirked, at least from what Lana could tell through his ski mask, and then there was a genuine laugh.

Lana blushed. He thinks I'm funny... I wonder if he's good-looking under that mask... God, what is wrong with me? I'm in a dangerous situation. I need to focus and actually be scared like a normal person.

The man relaxed the arm that was presumably holding a small weapon and looked at Lana. "First of all, that is a very narrow view of the police; they don't just drink coffee and eat donuts all day. They have jobs to do like real people, so I think they would come like the responsible heroes they are. Second, I'm in training, so Gucci is a ways away. I haven't even gotten to JCPenney status. Have to work my way up to the big leagues, you know?"

He's funny... Ugh, snap out of it, Lana!

"Third of all, I don't want to be here any more than you all want me here. So please, let's just get this over with." This man seemed very non-threatening despite his appearance. The woman in front of Lana steadied slightly.

"Okay, please just give me fifty dollars from your register," he said finally getting to the point.

The cashier looked at him with eyes still wide and opened the drawer in front of her slowly. All could see that there was barely any money in the register, just a small handful of singles. She feebly said, "Um, I already deposited most of the money in the safe. Also, no one pays with cash these days, so we don't really keep too much in here if we don't have to. I'm so, so sorry." The cashier's eyes began to water.

"No, no, no, no, no. Please don't cry!" said the man as he placed his free hand on top of his head. "Please, please, please! It'll be okay, I promise! I won't be here very long and will be out of your hair very soon." The cashier wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and gulped a couple of times. The robber shifted slightly and continued. "Um, do you have any items you'd like to get rid of?"

What the hell is going on?  

The cashier wiped her nose and raised her brows. "Um... I... uh... what? Aren't you going to ask me about the safe?"

"No, that's okay, I think I'll just take some things and be on my way out of here."

Lana's nostrils flared, and she began shaking her head. "Are you actually joking? Like, are we on some social experiment reality TV show or something?"

The man took his hand out of his pocket in front of them, revealing he didn't have anything in there, and the mood in the room changed substantially. The woman in front of Lana let out a sigh of relief.

Lana pressed on, the heat rising in her body. "Or are you just so bad at your job that you need three people to tell you what to do? First, you ask this sweet woman over here for cash, then after she says it's all in the safe, you're supposed to ask 'Okay, can you get the money from the safe?'

"She would then say something like, 'I don't have the combination.' And that's when you would tell her to call her manager for the combo. She gets it, you get your money, and we're all out of here in no time."

The cashier looked at Lana, horrified that she was giving a robber advice.

"Of course," Lana went on, "we would have to spend our night talking to the police about every detail of the evening. But at least that time would come quicker, and we would be on our way, happily moved on from the strangest night in history."

The man's smile appeared again in the lower hole of his mask. "You are a fiery one, aren't you? I must say you're also not very good at your job—being someone in a store that's being robbed and saying things like that.

"Also, your grand plan doesn't make sense. When she 'calls her manager,'" he added in air quotes with his thick gloves, "she will really be calling the police."

"It's true," the cashier said sincerely. "I would have."

"See?" the thief responded, as if oddly grateful that the cashier proved his point. "And we all know they'll for sure show up annoyed as hell, having been taken away from their coffee and donuts."

Lana smirked at his quip. Oh God, am I going to start flirting? With a robber? I really do need to get out more.

"Alright let's just wrap this up," the thief said after winking at Lana. "Okay, let me see, I'll just take whatever you ladies have and be on my way." He nodded toward Lana and the woman in front of her.

Hell no.

The woman in front of her quickly shoved her bag of items toward the man. He grabbed the handle and held it out for Lana to drop her item in.

"I really would like to keep my stuff, so how about I go grab something else for you?"

The man raised his eyebrows, and Lana shifted under his piercing gaze. She contemplated just running out the door but decided to stay put and let the man finish turning his wheels.

He took a deep breath in and said with all the cockiness and arrogance in the world, "Tell you what, you put whatever is in your hands in this bag and I will return it to you at some point. The only caveat is you have to give me your phone number."

Lana's jaw dropped. I must be dreaming. No way in hell this man who is literally in the midst of robbing a store, just asked for my number. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me right. If you just give me your number, I'll be on my way and return your treasured, what is it?" He looked toward the cashier who grabbed Lana's red box and handed it to the man. "Your treasured box." He placed it in his bag.

Lana glared at the cashier like a lifelong friend had just backstabbed her. She'd had enough and was in no mood to play games. Her clenched fists met the counter with force, and she raised her voice. "Could you not be such a pain in the ass? That's mine! I will get you another one just like it from the home goods section, just let me keep it!"

The woman in front of her turned around with a look of bewilderment. "Okay please stay calm. It's just a box. Just give him your number so we can all just get on with our lives. There are plenty of other boxes in the sea that you can get for yourself."

Lana took in a deep breath and lowered her chin to her chest. She didn't want to go into the details about why that box was so important to her, and she didn't want to give this man her number. "There is no way I am giving you my number. Just leave!"

The man bowed his head slightly and turned on his heel to head out.

Lana's stomach sank. Her box which she more than likely had the key for slipped like butter through her fingertips. She hunched over and rubbed her sweaty palms together. As the man's footsteps grew more distant, she quickly straightened and called back out to him. "Wait!"

He froze. The woman in front of Lana and the cashier both sighed heavily in unison. Lana disregarded the cashier's eye darts and continued. "Okay, okay, I'll give you my number, but you better hold up your end of the deal and give me my box back."

The man turned around and smiled as Lana asked the cashier for a pen and paper. "Wow, this box is really that important to you? So important, that you would give your number to a stranger who basically..."

"Do you tell your friends, 'You know what's the best way to meet girls? At a Goodwill. By robbing the place. Guaranteed to get a girl's number,'" Lana interrupted while writing her number down, shaking her head as she etched in each digit.

The man laughed as if they were friends, and this was just some inside joke that was going to be revealed any second. "I will get you your stuff back, I promise. And I won't make it weird. I'm actually a good guy even though all signs point to the reverse right now."

Lana handed him the slip and he continued, "I appreciate all of you ladies' time, and hope I didn't ruin things too much. Maybe we can all grab coffee sometime and joke about this."

With that, the strange robber-in-training turned around again and was out the door, leaving the three ladies stunned into silence.

***

So what did we think? Tell me all your thoughts. The robber is officially in the house. Vote if you think he and Lana had some chemistry lol!