"I hate you..I love you..I hate that I want you. You want her, you need her, and I'll never be her."
----

  I knew Zayn wanted the best for me. But sometimes, I just didn't know what the best was for me.

  I had lost so much of my sanity, my ability to feel, that I just didn't care whether something wasn't good for me or not. All I knew, was that I had to live for my brothers and sister.

  Louis wrapped his arms around me and I closed my eyes. For once I felt safe. Like all that pain I should've endured was going to come back and kill me, but instead someone was there to be my shield. These boys were my bulletproof vest. And they were helping me live another day.

  When this foreign feeling swelled through my veins, I began to wonder whether I'd regret kidnapping these boys. If my actions would cause them to hate me, and if that hatred would kill me inside like nothing else ever had. I opened my eyes and looked up at Louis. He had a wide smile on his face...

  A smile that said "I'd forgive you for whatever you do to me. Because I'll love you no matter what."

  And it began to make my heart ache.

  I kissed his cheek softly, crying a little as I returned my face to bury in his chest. These boys were led to think I was safe. That I had no desire to harm them. That I wanted a friend just like they did.

  They rehabilitated me. They told me that what I was doing was wrong...they reminded me that it was wrong. Louis hugged me tighter when he felt my sobs in his chest.

  "It's okay."He assured me. And I knew it wasn't.

  I cleared my throat. I was supposed to be fine with doing this job originally. The job was basic. Capture One Direction. It sounded easier in my head.

  I had charisma, and my personality adjusted to those of the people surrounding me. Taking these boys hostage would be easy. They already loved me.

  To make this easy on myself, I just remembered who I was doing this for.

  Oh shit.

  "STOP THE CAR!"I screamed. Zayn screeched to an abrupt halt and looked back at me in anger."What the fuck?"He barked.

  I shook my head and massaged my temples."I was supposed to go to the orphanage. Take me now. Now Zayn or so help me I'll pour bleach into your fucking hair."I threatened in anger and frustration.

  His eyes widened as his pupils dilated within his deep brown irises."Nobody dares to do such a thing."He seethed incredulously.

  I cracked my knuckles and leaned in close to his face.

  "Yeah, well better the devil you know than the devil you don't."I sneered.

  He slammed his foot on the gas pedal and we took off down the road."What fucking orphanage, you crazy bitch?"Zayn demanded.

  "The orphanage 5 miles from Bayside."I ordered. (A/N|| *doubts there's a fucking orphanage literally 5 miles away from Bayside but I'm trying to improvise*)

  Zayn was way well over the speed limit, I figured he just didn't want me near his hair after that remark I made about the bleach. It was smart, I congratulate myself on such a witty comment.

  I hopped out of the car, Harry taking my place in the middle seat to see what was happening. I cleaned my hands on my pants. I didn't want the boys finding out about my family. But I had no choice. I put my little siblings before anything. Me. My jobs. My hunger. Everything. I didn't care at this point. I needed them to know I hadn't ditched them.

  "Heineken!"I called, I didn't bother to go inside the orphanage. It took a few minutes, but a 12 year old boy stepped outside.

  Behind him were two 6 year old twins. A boy and a girl. My brothers and sister. Heineken had black shaggy hair and convinced me to buy him green contact lenses because he loved his name so much. He was at my collar bone. While Brayden and Lisa, or Budweiser and Dos Equis, were at my waist. They were both blonde with the same blue eyes my entire family carried. I cried a little when Lisa hugged my leg.

  "I thought you finally gave up on us."Heineken muttered, his eyes dull. I stared at my brother. He had been devastated when our parents gave up on us, and thought that I would do the same.

  "I'm not Mami and Papi. Okay? I'd never leave you guys. I never will. And I promise that I will be here forever. I'm trying to make everything better. Believe me."I said lowly, kneeling on one knee as I took Brayden's small hand in mine. Lisa hugged me around my neck.

  "I doubt it."Heineken scoffed.

  "Hein..you don't know the things I do for you, hermano..they're unspeakable. But I do them because I love you three. And I'll even let someone kill me if it means you guys can live somewhere with clothes, food, and where you'll be happy. I don't have to worry about providing for you..."I whispered, looking into his eyes.

  Heineken sighed heavily and hugged me hesitantly.

  "You were supposed to take us to the park today."Brayden hiccuped, tears rushing down his face. I blinked and looked back at the car. I stood up and picked up Lisa, she didn't want to let go of me.

  Niall put down the window as I walked to his door. I looked in at Zayn, bending down to get a better view into the car.

  "I'm supposed to take them out of the orphanage for three hours today.. I forgot.."I said, my nose scrunched.

  Zayn looked at Lisa in confusion. She reached out her small hand and placed it on Niall's nose.

  "Who are these kids?..did you have children as a teen?"Zayn asked. Lisa waved at Zayn and his eyes softened considerably.

  "I'm Lisa."She squeaked. I shook my head."Boys, this is my family. This is Lisa, that's Brayden. But if you want to hear their real names..this is Dos Equis, that's Budweiser, and Heineken is the eldest."I blinked calmly and smiled.

  Harry stared in shock. As did Zayn and the others. They swallowed their previous comments from yesterday when they said my name was an alcoholic beverage. Brayden hobbled up to the car and stuck his hand in. The twins grabbed each of Niall's fingers in their small hands. His eyes were wide, and he started breaking down, fawning over the 6 year olds.

  "We can get to school late, right? Come on guys..they really need some air after being in that old orphanage building crowded with kids. Please.."I begged. Zayn cursed under his breath.

  "Fine..Louis, Liam, make fuckin' room. To the park we go.."He said unenthusiastically. Louis and Liam threw their hands up in an immature cheerful way. Harry was shoved into the trunk again while Liam and Louis got snuggled together in one seat.

  Corona piled the kids into the car. She sat in the middle, Lisa on her lap while Brayden and Heineken sat in one seat together.

  "Guaapo, guapo."Lisa squealed as she ran her hand over Zayn's stubble. He cocked a brow in confusion.

  I laughed nervously."Lisa, where did you hear that word?"I asked, giving Zayn an apologetic gaze.

  "Missy uses that word to describe Ken."Lisa mumbled, poking her older brother's face. I glared at Heineken.

  "You better not be fooling around with Missy, Heineken Pin Gold. Or I'll castrate you."I growled.

  Missy was a girl two years older than Heineken, and she loved to try and get into Heineken's pants. She is a slut, and I won't let her near my brother.

  "Who cares what you say? At least someone likes me. Unlike you. Dios mio, Corona, you want to scold me for being near a girl and you're never there at night anymore with us! I'm old enough to know you've been fooling around! Who? Are you gonna ditch us for that guy? Papi was right, you're just a disgusting skank who doesn't giv-"

  I slammed my hand on the window in anger. I handed Lisa over to Louis and Brayden to Liam.

  "Cabuendios, cohone..Te voy a dar un maldito..."I held my hand up, I wanted to hit him so bad.

  "Look, kid, what your sister does doesn't concern you. As long as you've got fucking food on the table and clothes on your body, then you shouldn't be so worried about what she's doing. Learn some respect. This girl right here has been more of a mother and a father to you and your brother and sister than your real parents. Why else are you sitting in an orphanage and not a cozy house with your god of a father, hm?

  If you can't answer that, I suggest you shut your damn mouth and let her do what she's doing. She's older than you, she knows what's best for you. Just go with the flow, compadre. If she's not dead, all's good."Zayn barked, being the alpha male of the conversation.

  I appreciated it, but I glared at him with every vulgar word that slipped his lips. He gave me a tiny 'sorry' and nodded to a shaken up Heineken. I patted my brother's shoulder with a sullen gaze. He had caught me in some form. Now he'd have to live with knowing what I do.

  We parked and piled out of the car. Heineken was hyperventilating every time he looked at Zayn.

  Lisa and Brayden were carried into the park with Louis, Liam, and Niall. While Harry tried to catch up with Heineken. I sighed and tucked my phone securely into my phone. I was about to walk to the gate when Zayn suddenly picked me up. I glared at him straight in his deep dark brown eyes.

  "I hate you."I hissed. Clearly pissed by his antics to keep me from being on the ground and in control of where I was going.

  He winked and chuckled deeply, walking through the gate. He set me down in front of a bench and I sat down, watching my siblings. Harry was talking with Heineken and Niall, Heineken seemed very happy and the three laughed together.

  Louis and Liam were pushing Brayden on the swings. Zayn sat next to me on the far end of the bench. He smoked a cigarette, exhaling a stream of smoke contently.

  I sighed tiredly and leaned my head back, staring at the sky.

  I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Then I heard a skid with a thump. I looked up quickly. Lisa had been going down the slide but landed the wrong way. She cried loudly. Heineken went to stand up and get her, as did Harry, Louis, and me. But we stopped we we saw Zayn flick away his cigarette. He stood up and strode to Lisa. He picked her up and wiped her back clean of dirt and mulch. He sat down on the slide, bouncing her on his knee with a smile.

  "Hey there baby girl...it's gonna be okay.."He whispered. Zayn had that secret father trait..He really did.

  I smiled genuinely at it. I admired a man who could take care of my siblings. Lisa massaged Zayn's stubble again. "It was just a little ouchie. Don't worry. Zayn's here for you. I won't let you get hurt again. I'll catch you if you fall, 'kay?"He smiled sweetly and pressed his forehead to her small one, chuckling as he looked playfully into her blue eyes with his own big brown ones. She nodded and hugged Zayn tightly.

  "Want me to sing you a song?"He cooed. Zayn laid back on the side with Lisa in his arms securely. He looked down at her small form curled up on his chest. Lisa gasped happily."Please!"She begged adorably.

  Zayn rested his head back down and looked up at the sky as he cleared his throat.

"There's two things I know for sure;
She was sent here from heaven,
And she's daddy's little girl.

As I dropped to my knees by her bed at night,
She talks to Jesus,
And I close my eyes,
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life!

Oh but most of all.."

  The boys had their phones out, recording Zayn. So was I, but just for memory of how sweet Zayn was. Lisa had the happiest smile on her face.

"For butterfly kisses
After bedtime prayers.
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair!

'Walk beside the pony, Daddy.
It's my first ride.'
'I know the cake looks funny, Daddy,
But I sure tried!'

Oh for all that I've done wrong,
I must've done somethin' right...
To deserve every hug in the mornin'
And butterfly kisses at night.."

  The boys quickly stopped recording and returned to what they were doing. I put down my phone and smiled at Zayn when he looked over at me."I hate you."I mouthed.

  "I know."He said.

  Zayn picked up Lisa and walked back over to the bench. He put her down in my lap and I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close as he slid his own arms away. His hands touched mine and I felt an electric shock, making me jolt a little. He seemed to have felt the same, because he winced and yanked his hand away.

  "So what, are you her father now?"I joked, rocking Lisa in my arms. She had fallen asleep. Zayn stared at Lisa for a few seconds.

  "Yes."He said quite bluntly."I don't mind taking care of the kids. I really don't."He added.

  I almost choked on my own spit."Are you joking with me? Or are you serious, Zayn."I cleared my throat and sat up straight, cradling my little sister.

  He nodded."I'm serious. Why wouldn't I be? I've seen where they live, Corona. And what you've gone through to try to keep them on their toes. I don't like that. You guys can come live with us when we finish up senior year. You can attend public school and I'll watch the kids once you get a real job. I just wanted to be the first one to offer this. So you know I'm okay with it. Because after this, it was going to be either Harry or Niall inviting you and your family to live with us."Zayn replied in a low voice.

  "No. This is going to make everything harder."I growled. I knew it sounded odd. But it was true.

  That meant I didn't have to go through with the kidnapping. But surely Robert would have me killed because of it. I had a family to live for. I couldn't get this close. No. No. No.

  "Zayn, you know what I mean. We're breaking our golden rule...I know you understand the golden rule I speak of. Because you clearly have the same one. Never show emotion. It's dangerous."I rushed out, my hands shaking in frustration.

  The life left from his gorgeous dark brown eyes and he took out another cigarette. He lit it and snorted smoke into my face, making me heave and cover Lisa's face.

  "I wasn't showing emotion. I was just being nice and being honest. But if that's how you see it, fine. Fuck you. I'll be in the fucking car. Don't bother running for me if anyone's dying. Because apparently I'm supposed to be a fucking robot like you. And let people walk over me like I'm a rug but don't let anyone get too close. Jesus fucking Christ, Corona! What did you expect, hm?

  To just not feel anything and that I won't either? That's what people do. They fuck EVERYTHING up with their emotions! Okay? You can't just NOT feel anything forever. But have it your fucking way."He spat loudly, yelling at me. Lisa woke up and looked up at Zayn in confusion.

  His expression didn't grow any weaker, it just grew more pained."I'm gonna go to the car, okay baby girl? Don't worry, I'm not leaving you. I'll just be right here. Go play with Lou and Liam."He faked a smile and kissed Lisa's forehead. He stormed off to the car, and I was rendered speechless.

  "It's okay Lisa..He just needs some space."I murmured softly, putting her on the ground. She nodded and ran to the swings, sitting on the one next to her twin brother.

  I looked at Zayn in the car, him angrily staring off into oblivion down at the steering wheel. He made this job so complicated.

  "I hate you."I cried to myself a little.

  ---

  Zayn looked at Corona as she stared down at her hands in the distance on the bench he left her alone on.

  "I love you."He cursed.

  "I hate that I love you. Don't want to. But I can't put nobody else above you.."He leaned back on the car seat.

  "Everyone I do right does me wrong. Now every lonely night I sing this song.."He sung painfully to himself.

  "I hate you. I love you. I hate that I love you. Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you..."Zayn rested his head on the steering wheel, staring at the girl he despised from the start with an ache in his heart he couldn't understand.

  "I hate you. I love you. I hate that I want you. You want him. You need him. And I'll never be him.."

  He never felt more in pain from someone. Especially someone he wasn't supposed to like in the first place. Zayn didn't like how unholy this girl made his blood feel when it courses through his veins. He screamed bloody murder and mutiny at the top of his lungs as he realized once more that she wanted nothing to do with him. He couldn't have what he wanted. He couldn't have what he wasn't supposed to want.

  Zayn was starting to think that one of the other boys would take her away. But he couldn't change that..and he regretted being so bitter to her yesterday. The layers of walls around her heart made his own look so pitiful.

  He had to sit still and look pretty no matter how much this broke him down inside. Maybe he'd get over her. It would take loads of coke though..

  His many tears burned at his throat, and he threw away his cigarette out the window. Clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. He pushed away the temptation to burn through an entire pack, dropping his lighter.

  "When all else fails, retreat behind the mask of the demon you once were."Zayn grumbled under his breath, tears staining his cheeks.

A/N|| Totally makes up for no Liam last chapter, right?? I dunno, I like Zayn, he's mysteriously intimidating sexy. I'm trying to make him pissed again so that him liking her his more adorable than it seems to be. I love Daddy Zayn. So precious eue.