JHANVI

"You don't have to worry about how I'll react. I may not know everything, but I'm here to listen and support you however I can," I tell him and he smiles pulling the stool behind me with his feet. I take a step back and sit on it but he still holds my hand.

"I was in twelfth when Mom was pregnant with Rhea and back then, I hated the news. I was embarrassed. Then one day Bade Maa, who was also pregnant that time, had pain and was taken to hospital. Bade Maa had some minor complications and Dad accidentally told that to Mom. Her pressure rose and we had to take her to hospital and after a risky C-section Rhea was born. I was in the hospital with Dad and I saw the way Mom clutched his hand when she was lying in the stretcher. Her face white, covered in sweat and fear in her eyes. She couldn't speak and kept crying. Dad never sat down for the two hours we spend there. He was on the verge of losing himself. He kept patting my shoulder telling me to calm down but I was just sitting there looking at him going crazy,"

"Rhea spent the next month in the NICU, holding everyone's breath." Sanjay smiles. A genuine smile. "But Jhanvi the moment I held her in my arms, she was so small and I knew she held a place in my heart no one could reach," He laughs. "Maybe Rahul," He adds with a laugh.

I remember seeing Adi for the first time and holding him close to my heart. Nothing can top that. Nothing.

"Then my family returned back to normal and we continue to live our life with additional happiness but that instance made me to take the decision of never wanting a child. The mother of my child shouldn't have to almost fight her life to death so that our child call me father. I did not want the child or death situation. So I told Anvi that when we were a year into our relationship. I was in Chennai and she was in Mumbai. We had our struggles but we worked through the long distance. Then we got engaged to calm down her mother who was scared I would leave her one day," Sanjay chuckles as he stands up. He pulls out a bottle from the fridge and takes a few sips.

"Then Rehan and Aadhya got married. Rehan and I had a stupid bet when we were kids to see who will have their first child," Sanjay shakes his head with a bitter smile. "Then I realize I do want kids. But I never told that to Anvi and I will regret for not telling her, the rest of my life,"

"You thought she knew it?" I ask and Sanjay nods.

"If I go to her and tell her, 'I forgot to bring it', she will tell exactly what I forgot. She knew me better than anyone. And then the murder happened. Tara fell in front of me and I took her in my arms and run to my car," Sanjay looks down at his hands as he remembers the incident. "Jiya was following me and Rhea was just outside the car and she opened the door for me. I could not think anything that moment but something clicked and I remembered Aadhya."

"I run back inside and she was lying down with blood flowing between her legs. In those minutes when I drove to the hospital I wasn't thinking about what happened to them, I was praying for their life. That was the one time I promised myself to let go. I'll let go the person who did this if I get the four of them back to life,"

I remember getting the call from Nita Bhabhi. I was in Australia back then. I couldn't believe it because I had video called Diya that morning. Nikhil hurried to get tickets for the three of us but he couldn't come with us. It was months after that I lost Nikhil too.

"I saw the baby girl, they named her Tara," Sanjay smile as a tear skips down his eyes. He holds his hand out. "I held her. She was only very few centimeters long and weighed 600 or 700 grams. She was pinkish red. She had hair all over her.  Her eyes was shut and was not even fully developed. She was thin and fragile. She was still. She was not breathing. She was murdered,"

I want to run over and hug him but I need him to let all the pain out.

"I placed her in the casket you know. I was supposed to be there that night protecting her and Ryan, Aadhya and Tara. And I had to place her in the casket where no living being would hurt her." He wipes the tears away and looks at me before looking down at the floor.

"Baby Tara's death and the pain Aadhya and Rehan made me realize I would never put Anvi through that. I promised to never give her that pain. Because I had one fucking job that night and I fucked it up and I lost my sister. I lost my brother's daughter. And how the fuck am I capable of protecting my own child," Sanjay cries.

"It was in no way your fault," I tell him. "You cannot blame yourself for fate,"

"Fate!" He laughs and I'm suddenly scared about him. He is hurt more than I can imagine. "Fate likes to fuck with me, you know,"

I remember Sanjay from school and during Diya's marriage. He was happy. He was the life of the party. Now he's a wounded soldier.

"I wanted to make Anvi happy because she always desired to make me happy. So I genuinely proposed her. We fixed the date for our wedding. I always wanted my wedding to be big but that moment I just wanted to marry her so we decide to get married with my family and hers. I had noticed her being silent and zoning away but I thought it was because of the tragedy we endured and then one day she cried when I asked her what is bothering her," He stops and hesitates to continue.

"If you don't want to share it with me, you don't have to," I tell Sanjay.

"She was pregnant. She wanted the baby but... she thought I didn't and..." He sits down on the floor and breaks down. I kneel beside him and hold his hands. "She regretted the decision everyday. She regretted not telling me but she hid it. When she saw Aadhya crying for her children, the guilt was unstoppable. She blamed me... Jhanvi," He grabbed my hands and I cry with him. "She told me I killed our baby,"

My throat and chest feel tight as I watch him cry. "I didn't know Jhanvi. If I did, I swear..." His breathing gets fast each second. "I would not have pushed her for that. I could never..."

I pull him to my chest as he cries. "I know. I know," I whisper. "It is not your fault," 

"I'm a monster..."

I hold him tighter, my chest heavy with the weight of his pain, and as his sobs echo in the silence, I can't stop the tears streaming down my face.

Sanjay isn't just grieving the people he's lost; he's mourning the pieces of himself that went with them. I can feel it in the way he clings to me, like he's trying to keep himself from falling apart completely. And for the first time in years, I'm scared for him—not because of what he's been through, but because of how much he's let it consume him.

I don't know what to say to make this better. I don't think there are words strong enough to stitch his broken heart back together. But I know one thing: he doesn't deserve any of this. Not the guilt. Not the blame. Not the hollow ache he's been carrying like a shadow.

He is not a monster. He is just a man who takes everyone's pain and carries it like his own, like it is his job. And maybe that's why he's still here—because he doesn't know how to stop. I want to grab his face, make him look at me, make him see what I see. But I don't. Not now. He wouldn't hear me anyway.

So I just stay. Right there on the cold floor with him, holding him as tightly as I can, like letting go would mean losing him for good. I don't have the right words, and even if I did, they wouldn't fix this. 

All I can do is stay, so he knows he's not alone. Not anymore.