I never really imagine this time will come. I thought, okay na. Panahon na. Masaya na.

Masyado akong nag-expect into things na simula palang ay hindi na talaga para sa akin. May be it's not really God's will for me. Siguro I'm just pushing it to be mine.

But the decision is not mine, it's God. Sabi nga nila, we can throw dice but still God decides.

After my birthday I never heard about Zion, his phone number is always out of coverage. In facebook, he didn't diactivated his account but I think he never opened it after that day. So my chats are only got stocked on his chat box.

I don't know what happened to Zion that day kung bakit hindi ko na siya makontak ngayon. I never heard any news about him kasi lahat ng kilala kong close niya ay wala ding alam. I even find Jason to ask about him pero wala din daw siyang alam.

I was so worried and confused. Pero ano bang magagawa ko, wala akong kaideya-ideya na this will happened.

And it was already two years ago.

"Anak, nandito sila Gabby at Glen. "

Wika ni mama pagkapasok niya sa kwarto ko.

"Sige po.. "

Wika ko at tumayo na mula sa desk ko.

"Nak ang haba na ng buhok mo, ayaw mo bang magpagupit? "

Malapit na kasi sa tuhod yong haba ng buhok ko. This is odd pero since that day I never cut my hair.

"Saka nalang po. "

Wika ko kay mama at nakisabay nang lumabas ng kwarto ko.

Naabutan namin si Gabby at Glen na nakikipagkwentuhan kay papa sa sala.

Pero noong makita nila ako ay napalitan ng lungkot at pag-aalala ang mukha nila. Pero agad din nila itong binawi noong mapansin nilang nahalata ko.

They are really my good friends. Hindi nila ako iniwan, though may kanya-kanya na silang girlfriend. Of course si Mandy at Glen parin at nagkatuluyan naman si Yassy at Gabby. And Yassy treat me nicely now. Hindi naman kailangan pero ewan ko ba sa kanya, may be because of Gabby. I haven't told anything to Gabby on how I met Yassy. Baka konsensya niya na siguro.

These two, alam na nila yong tungkol kay Zion, hindi naman daw nakakagulat sa kanila dahil they knew it will happened na mafall nga kami sa isa't-isa dahil halata naman daw kapag nasa church kami. I guest hindi nga talaga ako ganoon kagaling magtago ng feelings ko.

Si Micah, I don't plan to tell her what's happening to me between Zion since it doesn't became us. Hindi naging kami ni Zion, kahit kailan.

"Den, let's go out."

Glen ask, I about to open my mouth and say 'no'.

But Gabby hold my wrist and pulling me out of our house.

"Tita, Pastor! Punta na po kami! "

Gusto kong hablotin yong kamay ko at pigilan sila sa balak nilang gawin pero hindi ako ganon kalakas para gawin yon. Ganito na rin ako since non, walang kabuhay-buhay daw sabi nila. I prefer to stay at home and read books. Hindi naman bumaba yong grades ko but I easily got irritated, I do not mingle much.

Ganito ba ang epekto ng love.

What's happening to me, tama pa ba ito?. I guest Micah and I are the same when we fall in love. I never understand Micah before like how I understand her now. Ganito pala. Ganito kasakit, kalungkot, kaboring at kawalang kulay ang buhay when you're heartbroken. Pero tama pa ba ito? I am being fair to my self? I am being fair to others?.

I look at Glen and Gabby whose busy talking and making things easy for me. .maaaring pagod na sila at nahihirapan na sila sa akin
But they stayed and they were always there for me. I am being fair to them?

Tears fell from my eyes. Napatigil si Glen at Gabby noong marinig ang mga hikbi kong impit lang.

Agad akong dinaluhan ni Gabby. He hug me, at hinaplos-haplos naman ni Glen ang likod ko.

"Thank you.. "

Finally I said to them.

"Oh Denisse, stop making things too hard for yourself. Let go, move on. There are many beautiful things already that you had missed. Come back to us Denisse. .smile again, laugh again.. Zion is not the only man in the world that loves you, we are, even before Zion came, we are already here. May be it's the will of the Lord, Denisse, God has a purpose, don't just give up and stop here, step up, you are wonderfully and fearfully made, don't waste your life resenting things that can no longer possible. Please, come back to us..."

Para nang gripo ang mata ko dahil sa hindi matigil na buhos ng luha ko. Kailan ako naging ganito, kailan ko nakalimutan ang mga tao sa paligid ko, kailan ko nakalimutan ang pamilya ko at kailan ko nakalimutan ang Diyos at ang mga pangako niya.

Paano? Paano bumalik?

"H-help m-me p-please.. "

Iyon lang ang nasabi ko kay Gabby, umalis na siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at nagpunas ng luha sa pisngi niya. Is he crying.. ?

"Stop crying like little baby.. "

I teased though my tears are still falling from my eyes like falls. .He smile but still tears were falling on his eyes too.

"I'm not crying.. Ikaw ah.. "

Balik nito sa akin. I about to answer him when Glen pulled us into a group hug.

"You're both crying! How come these two become crying babies? "

Wika ni Glen at ginugulo yong buhok naming dalawa ni Gabby. I miss this, I miss them. ..

Hindi pala ganon kadali ang magmahal. Oo pinapasaya tayo ng pag-ibig pero hindi din pala tama kong ibibigay natin lahat at hindi tayo magtitira sa sarili natin.

Funny that I'm eating my own words that I used to tell Micah. I love Zion so much na hindi ko na namalayan that I already gave everything. That when he left, wala nang natira sa akin. And I cannot love myself anymore.

This is not me anymore. Not the same Denisse that I used to be. How extreme love change me. .

..... But, I still miss my nickname. On how Zion calls me 'Miss Hug'..

******