A/N: Sorry for not updating in so long! But I'm posting a double chapter to make up for it:)
I was on vacation and kind of busy. I actually had this finished for a few days but it needed some editing which I just quickly finished, I hope you like it!

1 week later

Chris POV

I hated what I had become, I didn't know myself anymore. My plan was to somehow get on with my life. But I realized I had no idea what I should actually do. Move far away where no one knew me and get a job? Go out and try to find a girl to get over Jonny?

A glance in the mirror told me that that wouldn't be a good idea. I looked like a total mess. So I got out a bottle of wine to drink on my own. Usually I didn't drink much but I hoped it would help me escape reality a little.

I had quite a few missed calls and messages on my phone but I kept on ignoring them. Even if I didn't get my life together at least the rest of the band deserved to continue with their life without having to deal with my problems as well.

Apart from all that being apart from Jonny hadn't helped as much as I expected. I couldn't take being around him but I also couldn't take being apart from him. I just wanted to touch him. Kiss him, brush through his hair with my fingers... I knew it wasn't a good idea but I couldn't help getting out a picture of Jonny.
His green eyes stared out of it with such an intensity. His soft lips formed the most beautiful smile in the world that seemed like it could turn clouds into sunshine and war into peace.
Something inside me thought if I could only feel those lips on mine everything would somehow be okay.

I don't think I ever felt so lovesick in my life.
I knew sitting around here and thinking about him wouldn't change anything so I tried to at least do something productive.
But all I could come up with were songs about Jonny. He would never know how many of those lines I had written were secretly about him.

I think of you, I haven't slept
I think I do but I don't forget
My body moves, goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves, just won't be led
And so my mouth waters to be fed

And you're always in my head
You're always in my head

With a sigh I finished playing Always In My Head, the demo of which we had already recorded around three months ago. I still didn't feel any better then I did at that time.

Will's POV

We still hadn't gotten any answers from Chris. It was getting harder to convince the management that Chris would be back soon. How would we finish the album if he was gone? We would get in real trouble if Chris didn't come back. I wasn't too well-informed about all the legal matters but our label was putting real pressure on us to get Chris back and finish the album soon.
If we only knew how.

The public of course didn't know anything about what happened yet, but what if someone found out? If there were any rumors about Chris quitting it would make everything even more complicated.

But most importantly we were all really concerned about Chris being okay. He hadn't answered any of our calls so we had no idea what he was doing or where he was.

"What if has done something to himself?", asked Jonny sheepishly. Even though it wasn't easy for all of us I could tell Jonny had a really hard time not having Chris here.

"We need to try something else. But I'm totally clueless on what could possibly get him back. He can be so stubborn."

"I have no idea if he's even at home but I think we should try visiting him. Then he'll have to talk to us."

"You're probably right, Will. But who should go to him?"

After some discussion we decided that it was the right job for me. I would visit him the next evening. I wasn't too sure what I could say to convince him to come back, but it was at least worth a try.

1 day later

Chris' POV

I had hoped that this day would somehow be better than the last, but it wasn't in the slightest. Couldn't I just wake up and be in a good mood for a change?
I wanted to get better but I just couldn't.
I decided that it would be a good first step to clean up the messy house.
I turned up one of my favorite CDs and started to tidy things up.

However when I got to the bathroom my gaze hit that little bottle in my shelf. I had no idea why it was even still here, I had banned it from my life many years ago actually.

But I couldn't keep it from provoking those thoughts that should never have crossed my mind. Something inside of me made me get it out and turn in my hand. It would make everything so easy. It could be my only way out.

I walked out into the living room and unconciously let a few of the little pills fall into my open hand. My eyes fell on the glass of water on the table I had poured in earlier. It would be enough to make all that pain end...

But then I suddenly backed a few steps away. What was I even doing? I didn't recognize myself anymore. What had happened to the boy that used to believe in the words his daddy had always told him?
"Don't ever give up!"

I started to panic and hate myself even more for playing with these kind of thoughts. I dropped the little bottle onto the table and quickly went into the music room. Like I could lock those awful ideas out by leaving the room I closed the door behind me and sunk down on the floor.

After a few seconds I grabbed the half empty bottle of whiskey standing on the piano and took a few large sips.
I knew I had been drinking too much recently but it was my only way to deal with all of this at the moment. I promised myself to find a solution soon but until then I just had to shut my thoughts out for a while.

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Will's POV

I drove down the familiar road to Chris' house. I didn't even know if he was home at all but we had to somehow try to reach him. Things couldn't just stay like this, we had to talk, figure out what the problem was and solve it. This couldn't be the end of the band.

I still had Chris' keys so I could easily get into his house. I knocked on the door first before opening it but I didn't get an answer so I made my way in. I couldn't see or hear anyone, but obviously Chris was somewhere at home because the lights were on. As I approached the living room my stomach twisted in shock. I went closer to the table to confirm my dreadful presumption.

Right next to a glass with a bit of water left in it I saw a little glass bottle of medication that had fallen over. Some of the pills that once were inside it were now spread all over the table.
It was the bottle of Chris' sleeping pills, those he used to take often when we were touring and he was struggling with insomnia. I wasn't even aware that he still had any of them.

But Chris couldn't have possibly done what I thought, could he? What if he had taken an overdose and I was coming just a few moments to late? I couldn't deal with the thought of Chris possibly taking his own life. It caused me to sweat and be short of breath out of panic.
I had to find Chris before it was too late, if it wasn't already.