Chris' POV

With a big lump in my throat I slowly pressed down the doorknob. I instantly saw that all band members were there. I only took a few steps towards them, not wanting to move too far away from the door.

I took a deep breath in and started to stammer what I had to say.

"Guys I'm sorry but... I, I just can't do this anymore. This is so hard for me but I'm just pushing you all down and it's the best for all."

The others started back at me, shocked and baffled.

"What do you mean Chris?"

"I'm so sorry..."

With that I ran out of the door towards my car.

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Jonny's POV

We all looked at each other in shock and confusion. What the hell had just happened? Did Chris really just quit the band? Or was I getting something totally wrong? Didn't he know we were lost without him?

I just couldn't understand what could have possibly lead him to this decision. We were always there for each other, no matter what anyone was going through.

Then my jaw dropped in sudden realization. Oh my God. Was it all my fault? Chris had been acting so strange towards me recently, maybe I had somehow made a really bad mistake without even realizing? Could I be the reason why our band was fucked up now?

Those thoughts gave me a big lump in my throat and I felt how I was close to collapsing on the floor. Without a word I got up and walked into the small guitar room where I liked to hide when I wanted to be alone.

Soon I heard someone knocking on the door and Will's voice calling me.

"Jonny, come on, hiding out alone won't help anyone. We're all as shocked and disappointed as you. Come out and let us all talk."

I wiped away my tears and opened the door. Of course I knew hiding here wouldn't help anything.

Will saw that I was emotionally completly on the floor, so he pulled me in a hug right away.
It made me feel a little better instantly.
For some time I felt like I was completely alone with this, but now I realized that the others would be there for me, even if I maybe had dine something wrong.

"What are we gonna do now?", I sobbed.

"I have no idea Jonny. But probably he's just confused."

I saw that Guy had come to us as well.

"You know how Chris is, especially when he's having trouble. He just sometimes makes stupid and hasty decisions. Give him a week or so and I'm sure he'll realize the mistake he made and come back. Let's not worry too much."

"But Chris definitly needs help. Things can't go on like this for him. We should leave him a little space for a few days and then maybe try to talk to him."

Will and Guy were probably right and Chris had just made this decision without knowing what he was really doing and what it meant for all of us.
But I still couldn't shut my worries that it could all be my fault off. Or that he might not come back soon.

After some time of talking about everything and what choices we had for our next steps as a band we decided that there was no point in spending the rest of the day at The Bakery worrying about the future. We were all too confused and depressed and no one really had any idea what to say or do.

After arriving home I decided to try to text Chris. Not like I expected him to answer but it was worth a try. I just needed to know what was wrong and how I could possibly help him.

I couldn't handle the thought of what might possibly happen when he didn't see us regulary. He hardly talked about his problems to us recently either but he probably had absolutely no one he would dare to talk to at all except us.

As I know Chris he probably even told himself it was the best for the rest of us if he left the band, that he was just a burden for us.
He would never do something like this only for himself.

But of course that wasn't true. I couldn't live without him and so couldn't the others.

I just wanted to go and comfort him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I knew that Guy and Will were right and we needed to leave him a little space first.

I just couldn't stand one more hour being uncertain about his state. I needed to talk to him. I always kept telling myself that things would get better for Chris somehow, but they didn't seem to.

I remembered those lines he had written some time back.

Maybe I'm just a ghost
Emptier than anybody knows
Maybe I'm on the ropes
Or I'm not even here
...
What's the point in saying 'Rescue me!'
If no one ever hears?

Was that really how he felt? I couldn't understand why he kept all his feelings to himself. Was he so afraid of being a burden to us or to open up? We had been together for so long, he had to know by now that we would always be there for him, no matter what's happened.
I wanted to rescue him. I wanted to be there for him but I didn't know how if he didn't let me.

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Chris POV

I hardly could hold my tears back while I was driving in my car. What had I actually just done? Part of me still didn't realize the real dimension of the decision I had just made. What would I do with my life now? Move far away and never come back? It would be the best for everyone I knew to just forget I ever existed and move on with their lives. The band could easily find another singer like me or they could start their own projects. And the media would soon forget about me for sure.

It didn't matter what I would do, no one cared about me anyway. Maybe this way I could finally forget about my feelings for Jonny.

I knew that I should probably have driven home, but I couldn't just go back to normal at this moment. So I just kept driving and driving until I arrived in some lonely hilly green place.
I had no idea what I was actually doing but I didn't want to think right now, it would just cause the pain and confusion to kick back in.

So I just followed my heart or whatever told me what to do and walked up the grassy mountain. When I got closer to the top it got more rocky and harder to climb up. After I eventually got to the top I looked around. Not a single soul and nothing but nature for miles around.

I got a dizzy feeling somehow but at the same time I felt like this was where I was supposed to be at this moment, just acting like all my sorrows and troubles never existed. Free.

I randomly shouted and screamed out into the emptiness, knowing that no one would ever hear me.

I wouldn't say I was really happy, but at the same time I could say I never felt so good in a long time. Of course I was just escaping from reality, but sometimes that's just what you needed to do.

Luckily it was a pretty warm summer day. I stayed long past midnight, just looking at the sky as it seemed to become lighter with the stars shining with every moment it became more dark and I kept looking at it.

After what seemed like an eternity I felt how little raindrops started falling on my bare arms so I decided to make my long overdue way down.
The rain got stronger and stronger and I regretted not taking a jacket.

When I finally arrived down where my car was parked I quickly jumped in and made my way home, even though it was the last place I wanted to go.