5 Days later

Chris' POV

I hugged one after another of all the people who were gathered at Gwyneth's place. I couldn't believe the week was over already.
It was so great that for a week there was nothing I had to do except having fun with my children and friends over here.

Don't get me wrong, my bandmates are my best friends in the world, but it just felt good to... have a break from all that for some time.

A few days without having to stare at Jonny's flawless face with his entrancing green eyes knowing that he will never be mine.
Just picturing the shape of his body in front of my eyes and imagining that manly, sweet and Jonny-ish smell in my nose made me tingly and sick in my stomach. It brought me back to one of my daydreams. Oh, how often I've already had those pictures in my mind when I was all alone... putting my hands around his neck and his hips, slowly unbuttoning his green trousers...

Anyway I realised it was not the time for going through those inappropriate pictures in my mind while I was saying goodbye to my family. They clearly shouldn't catch me staring into empty space probably breathing harder or they'd think I'd completely gone insane.

I kissed Moses' forehead and he hugged me extra tight.

"Come back soon, Daddy. And show us some new music next time!"

"Don't worry, I will visit you again soon and show you some of the stuff we worked on. I love you honey."

After finishing our goodbyes I got into the cab waiting for me in front of the house.
Once again getting to the airport, this time away from sunny California.
During the flight I plugged in my headphones and started reading a book, making sure no one would attempt to talk to me. I was anything but in the mood for nice little chats right now.

2 Days later

Today I finally got back to working a bit on music with the guys. The last week had been really exhausting and had somehow felt awkward and good at the same time. I hadn't really been musically active for almost two weeks, which felt kind of strange, but my creativeness was at a low for some reason.

I walked into The Bakery expecting to find the whole band but the only ones who seemed to be there were Guy and a few techs.
When he heard me come in he looked up, seemingly happy to see me again.

"Hi Chris! How was it in California? Is Apple fine again?"

"It was nice... Apple was back to normal after one or two days. Her allergic reaction luckily wasn't as bad, as I already told you. How's work going?"

"Uhmm, we worked a little on some songs. It was only me and Will, Jonny took a few days off, I think he'll be back this afternoon."

Guy went back to continue with whatever he was working on.
I talked to a few sound techs and producers who had some suggestions for me, then I was informed about some interview I was supposed to do next week. Ugh, not again. There was nothing new I had to tell them. But whatever, that was part of my job.

Actually I should be happy to be able to do that, but right now I just couldn't be. I was permanently feeling so low and I just didn't know what to do to change. Every time I thought things were getting a little better a few days later I was back in that hole again.
Those thoughts suddenly reminded me of that song we had written back in the X&Y era. Without thinking about it I sat down on the piano and started to play.

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh, and that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah, that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part

Then I randomly let it fade into the ending of Low.

Oh
'Cause I feel low
'Cause I feel low
Yeah I feel low
Oh no

For some reason those old X&Y songs seemed to express my feelings right now really well. Actually I should have learned something over all that time, but it was like I was just running in circles.

After playing around a little more on the piano I got up to see what Guy was working on.
I realised that Will obviously had arrived as well.

"Oh, Chris, by the way... A few days ago I came up with that little thing... Will helped me a bit on it, I think it might be something, I'm not sure."

"That's great! Show me guys!"

Guy got his bass and started to play this really simple, repeating melody. I loved it right away, and Will's drumming on it just made it perfect.

"Wow, that is really amazing Guy! That's why I always tell you to show us the ideas you come up with! Our albums probably would be a lot better if you did."

Guy blushed a little, I grinned. It was such a relief to have someone else start a song but me. Sometimes I felt like I was the reason why we didn't manage to figure out what to make out if this album, because all those songs I came up with were not really so good. I knew my bandmates weren't lying to me when they said they liked a song, but sometimes I just wasn't satisfied with myself.

Anyway, I was really happy Guy and Will had come up with that awesome song. I was kind of proud of Guy that after all that time he finally wasn't too shy to show me his idea anymore.

Guy and Will made a few more takes on their song and I tried to come up with lyrics for it. My creativity still seemed to be gone though. All the lines I could think of were scratched again instantly because they didn't feel right.

In the late afternoon when Guy and Will had already left because they had something else to do Jonny entered the room. Obviously he had come back from his little holiday.

I was just sitting at the piano when he arrived, kind of lost in thoughts. Seeing him again in person gave me this strange feeling in my stomach. When our eyes hit each other's it was a really awkward feeling somehow. Or maybe it was just me. We exchanged our glances for a few more really long seconds.

I couldn't help thinking of all the things I wanted to do with him...

Jonny seemed to be really happy to see me again. He approached me and and gave me a playful hug like we would always do it after we hadn't seen each other in a while.

Feeling his warm, perfect body on mine made me feel all dizzy and I began to sweat a little. I was internally dying, all I wanted was for him to be forever mine. It tore me apart to be around him.

Jonny must have recognized that something was wrong as well.

"Is everything OK Chris?"

He was so considerate and caring and knew me so well. Jonny was the most beautiful person inside and outside I ever got to know.

"Sure, I'm fine. I was just thinking about that song I worked on earlier.", I lied.

I smiled at Jonny and he smiled back with that absolutely adorable smile of his. I died internally once again. I couldn't take this anymore.

To distract the both of us before something really awkward happened I decided to play the recording of the song Guy and Will had come up with to him. Maybe he would have some ideas for the lyrics.