4 months later

Chris' POV

Darkness. Complete utter darkness. As hard as I tried, my eyes didn't seem to be able to make out anything around me. My throat felt tight, like there was not much air left to breathe. I closed my eyes for a second because they weren't helping me in any way. My ears started to notice a dim sound, almost like I was hearing it through earplugs or water.

I tried to listen closer and find out what it was that I was hearing. I started to notice some screams and there also seemed to be people laughing. I opened my eyes again though I still couldn't see anything and the noise got louder with every second.

Suddenly I felt the strong urge to run away. Though I didn't know why exactly I felt really scared, almost like my life depended on it. So I started to move my legs as fast as I could, not sure where I was running or if I was moving at all. The noise still seemed to get louder and louder so I tried to move forward even faster. But my legs felt week, not like I was used to it.

Suddenly I felt my legs giving in and my body dropping to the floor, or whatever the darkness underneath me was. The screaming of the crowd suddenly seemed to be gone but instead there was this high and loud tone in my head, causing it to ache terribly and making me incapable of thinking. All I could feel was that strange sensation of my throat not letting any air into my lungs anymore and the pain in my head. I had no idea what was going on. I was just scared. Awfully terrified though I didn't know what it was that was threatening me.

I let out an weak attempt of a scream, though it was obvious that no one was there who could save me.

***

"Chris?" ... "CHRIS!"

I could hear a voice shouting from far away. At first I couldn't really make out what it was saying until I could hear my name more clearly.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Chris, wake up! Are you okay?"

I slowly blinked with my eyes. They were finally leaving in a bit light again.

As soon as I managed to properly open them I could see Jonny's beautiful face leaning over me. He looked worried. Was he worried because of me? I wasn't exactly sure what had happened yet until I slowly started to realize it must all have been a dream.

"Chris baby, is everything alright?"

I was still breathing a bit hard, my body seemed to be drenched in sweat underneath my blanket.

"Shhh... It was just a dream. I'm here now, it's all okay."

Jonny gently rubbed my forehead. I started to relax a bit, Jay always managed to calm me down.

"Do you want to talk about it?", he asked.

So we both sat on my bed and I told him the whole story. Jonny was always incredibly interested in my dreams and somehow he always knew how to make sense of them. He was so intelligent. Not to mention handsome. 

After talking for some time we ended up cuddling a bit until we decided it was time to get ready.

After all today was a really important day. And I wasn't the only one who was equally scared and excited obviously. 

About an hour later we were ready to leave our hotel room and meet up with the rest of the band and the crew at the concert venue. 

Though this one wasn't as large as we were used to it from the MX tour it still was a strange feeling to walk through the empty hall, without all the masses of people that would bring it to life just a few hours later. But at the same time it were exactly those people that made me feel so scared. Luckily we had decided to play our few Ghost Stories shows only in front of smaller crowds of people but I still wasn't sure if I was ready to play these songs in front of a crowd. Sure technically  there was nothing that could go wrong, after all we had practiced them countless times. But these songs represented my deepest inside. The feelings I had been trying to hide so hard all along. Would anyone notice? Would I be able to play these songs without all the memories coming up again and breaking down?

And what the songs from Ghost Stories meant to me wasn't even the only thing that worried me. What if anyone would notice that the relationship between me and Jonny had changed? Of course we wouldn't openly show our affection towards each other on stage any more than usual but people were quick at starting rumors.

I knew I had to stop worrying. Worrying would just make me feel even more scared and stressed. I decided to try my best to enjoy this night. It wasn't like I didn't look forward to it at least a tiny bit as well. I had really missed that indescribable feeling that our fans gave us with every single show we played. The energy and joy coming from the crowd, showing me that this was exactly what I wanted to do. Somehow that seemed to be lost some corner of my mind, almost forgotten. All the things that had happened in between made it feel like it was a lifetime ago that I had last really enjoyed playing a show and I could hardly call back the memory of that feeling. 

We finished off our last rehearsals before playing tonight and all went back into the backstage area, leaving the stage for the technicians to make the last preparations. 

Our set indeed did look beautiful. Exactly the way I had pictured it in my mind. Somehow it just seemed to reflect the vibe of Ghost Stories incredibly well. And it really wasn't any surprise we had hardly managed to afford it. I better don't mention any numbers about what one of these shows costed.

Like always, the time backstage with the guys went by super fast. It was almost our turn to get out on stage.

It felt like only a few minutes had passed since the opening act got on stage when I heard the responsible crew member shout.

"Five minutes guys!"

I knew what that meant. Time to get to our instruments and wait at our spot right next to where we got up the stage.

I could feel how my legs were shaking and dizziness made it hard to walk properly.

I hadn't felt like that before a show in at least 12 years.

"It's all okay, it's all okay, you're just excited", I kept telling myself as my stomach started to feel more and more sick. I just wanted to run away but of course there was no way of doing that now.
I held on to the wall in order to protect myself from falling over as I still felt terribly light-headed. Then I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. Breathing always helped. The show would turn out to be great for sure, no need to worry. If I could only believe that.

Of course my bandmates started to notice my strange behavior as well.

"Chris, is everything alright?", Jonny asked in a soft voice.

"I guess so... I'm just a bit excited."

That probably was the understatement of the century. I felt like I was soon going to faint from fear.

Jonny looked into my eyes knowing I was much more than a little excited.

"It'll be great babe. I know you can do this. We rehearsed for so long, nothing will go wrong."

My boyfriend took my sweaty hand and squeezed it.

"Shh just breathe.", then he started to slowly take breaths with me, in and out and in and out.

Jay really knew how to calm one down. But it was no surprise really, I had never met a person as chill as him. In all the time I had known him we hadn't got in a fight more than one or two times, even though I was sure I had given him reason to be angry all to often.

I could feel how my heart rate gradually started to slow down and I didn't feel as sick anymore.

"Thank you Jay.", I whispered and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Then I suddenly heard someone shout behind us again. "30 seconds!!"

That was it. Soon I would be up on stage, playing for a huge crowd of fans. Now I couldn't turn around or demand a few more minutes anymore.

Before I knew it Jonny took my hand and I could feel myself walking up, outside the safe backstage area.

A/N: Just one more chapter to come!!! So stay tuned cause I'll post it soon:D