Jonny's POV

My mind still couldn't process what had just happened. I started feeling kind of bad for just leaving Chris, but this had all been too much. I probably would have totally broken down if I had stayed another minute and I didn't want him to see me like this.

Apart from that I wasn't ready to form any kind of reply to what he told me.
I had just thought I had my life together and now this.

My mind flashed back to the early 2000s. Even though it was great that we were getting successful as a band it was a really tough time for me on a personal level. But I never told anyone and eventually I learned how to deal with it and get over the feelings I had. Until now however.

I didn't know what to think or feel. A little part of the younger me seemed to still remain inside of me, even though I had done my best to keep it hidden all along. This part of me wanted to go to Chris right now, tell him I loved him as well and had done so all along.
But the rational part of me knew it couldn't just work out like this. It's been over ten years since I had last allowed myself to feel this kind of affection towards Chris, then I had decided that it would only hurt myself more. I couldn't just pretend there's been no time between now and then or that it wouldn't make a difference.

All the pain I had felt at that time. I couldn't pretend that it had never been there. I still remember when Chris had first played Green Eyes to me. A little part of me had believed that it could be about me and Chris was attempting to show me his real feelings towards me.

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you

And how could anybody
Deny you?

But then all my dreams had been crushed when he told me he had written it for his girlfriend at that time.
It totally broke my heart and at that point I had decided that it was totally unrealistic to have any hope that my love will be requited one day and that I would have to do my best to get over it.

I still couldn't fully understand what had happened earlier. Since when did Chris feel like this? Was this the actual reason why he had left the band? And maybe even why he had been so depressed all along? That couldn't have been the only reason, not for such a bad state he had been in. Maybe he was just confused because Gwyneth had left him? I didn't fully believe this whole 'conscious uncoupling' thing they told everyone. There had to be more behind it. He couldn't possibly have left her because he was in love with me, could he?

I had no idea what I should do now. I couldn't leave Chris like this, totally broken down. It broke my heart. I knew I had to tell him the truth about the feelings I had for him and I also needed more answers. But I didn't know if I was ready to get into a real relationship with him either.

I hadn't allowed myself to feel this kind of affection for him in a long time and it really confused me now. Every hug or other form of contact with his body used to make me shiver and crave for more. But by now I had learned to accept the fact that it was just friendship between us. Could I all this I once felt just let sweep back into my body?

I had no idea if it would feel different now then I used to imagine it many years ago. I just didn't want to risk breaking Chris' heart in case it did.

But how could I possibly explain this to him? I might love you as well but I'm not sure, we'll see?

I couldn't break his heart like this but I also couldn't let him hang not knowing why I just ran away either. I had to somehow find a solution.

Chris' POV

After crying my eyes out for hours I had made my decision tonight. I had to move far away from here. I couldn't go back to drowning my feelings in alcohol like I did before this, I knew that wouldn't work forever. Part of me regretted ever having talked to anyone about this, but I couldn't change it anymore and at least now I knew there was no chance left Jonny might feel the same.

But soon I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. I hated the thought of never seeing my best friends again or not being able to continue my dream job of playing in a band, but I would never get better if I wouldn't have a completely new start. I had to get through this.

I still didn't know where to go, I needed some place where no one would know or recognize me and my bandmates would never find me. Then there was this tiny problem that I couldn't just leave my family. I missed Apple and Moses already now. It would be my job to look after them the next few weeks as Gwyneth would hardly have any time off from working.

But for a start my plan included taking my children on holiday with me far away in South America. This way I could get away from all this for a while and make plans for the future. I hadn't told my children yet but I knew they would be excited about it, they had always loved South America when we were on tour there.

--------------------------------------------------

Two Days later I had everything planned out and packed. After breakfast I was ready to leave for California to pick up my kids and then straight to South America.
It's not like the pain was gone - it still didn't allow me to get much sleep at night - but the stress of planning everything out and anticipation of spending time with my kids distracted me at least during daytime.

After having ignored Will's calls probably wanting to ask me about how the dinner with Jonny was going I decided that I at least owed him a little explanation. So I left him a message that I would go on a holiday with my children to get away from the trouble. He didn't have to know that I never planned on coming back.

I checked again that I had everything important with me, locked the door behind me and got my baggage into the car.

Jonny's POV

After spending hours of thinking I decided that I couldn't let this chance slip away. Even though my feelings for Chris weren't as intense anymore as they once were I was convinced that they were still there. All those years of denying made me forget about it but now I felt an utter excitement to free my true self and finally have this kind of new experience with Chris. I would just have to explain it carefully to him to avoid anyone of us getting hurt.

Now that I had made my decision to tell him all of it everything suddenly seemed so clear and like it was always meant to be.
I couldn't stop myself from getting a tingly feeling in my stomach and having a bright smile on my face all the time.
I just hoped he wouldn't be too angry with me for just leaving him but I was sure a proper explanation would make him forgive me.

I couldn't wait to finally see Chris again and explain everything so I left right after having breakfast and a shower. My flat luckily wasn't too far away from his so I just walked, trying to work out the right words in my mind on the way.

A few minutes later I had reached Chris' small street. But I had hardly arrived at Chris' house when I spotted his black car driving away. What was he doing? Where was he going to at that time of the day?

I had hardly any time to think but my body reflex was faster. I had to catch him somehow before he was gone. I had no idea where he was headed to but who knew when my next chance to talk to him would come?

I ran as fast as I could and screamed after him hoping he would notice me. I didn't care that the neighbours probably thought I was crazy, all that mattered was that I somehow had to keep Chris from driving away.