Dearest Diary,

This is the big day- though, that's what I said last time, isn't it? God... and, last time, I lost someone. Someone I love and it's killing me that I'll never see him again, not for a long time, anyway.

But I can't think about that right now. I have to stay focused no matter how hard it may be.

Sure, they have yet to collect Bucky's things because I told them I wanted them- because I said that, when this is all over, I'm bringing his things home to Brooklyn, if it's the last thing I do. I owe him that much, seeing as I can't walk through that door with him at my side. And that's yet another reason why I refused to switch out of our shared room- I knew damn well that this was the last place we were together and at peace, this was the last place we shared a bed and our last kiss and, Hell, his pillow still holds his scent and I couldn't stand to give that up.

It's been months and I know I need to find solace somewhere, seeing as the alcohol clearly isn't working, but there just doesn't seem to be any feasible way out of this.

Running straight into death is a bad idea, they said. To Hell with you, then, I know damn well what I'm doing. I can handle this. And, by this, I mean either of the two outcomes that our operation may bear... finding the Red Skull, killing him and winning this war or death, upon my failed attempt at all that.

The way I see it, I'll either be a war hero or I'll be with Bucky again... I'm just trying to figure out why it is that I actually seem to prefer the latter.

—————

They had me flown out to the Alps early this morning, telling me that I needed to make my first appearance at the front gates at daybreak. Oh, one more thing. I had to drive a motorcycle.

I made my way down the road in all of my Captain America gear, ready to make the day mine, when I heard some of Red Skull's men trailing me. And, by some, I mean a whole pack of at least ten of them following me on their black motorcycles.

They started shooting at me with their weird blue glowing weapons and I realized how lucky I was to have made the decision to wear my shield on my back instead of placing it on the front of my bike like I'd originally planned.

They were gaining on me.

I clicked a button on the special operations panel Howard had equipped me with and explained to me earlier this morning. It shot out a cable that knocked a few of the guys behind me off of their bikes. After, I clicked another button so that I might give myself a boost and get ahead of them with the rocket powers that had, somehow, been applied to my bike.

I left a trail of fire behind me as a result of this, quite literally, even managing to take out a few guys in the process.

Two men, though, somehow got in front of me... so I sped up and threw a mini grenade at them.

That was the end of that.

I switched my shield to the front of my bike, as I was approaching a massive weapon that was already firing at me. They even had a tank (which, I exploded)... I then rode up the side of the weapon that had been imbedded in some cement and made my way into their facility, finally.

There were tons of men shooting at me, so I clicked the self destruct button on the panel and jumped off, fighting off a bunch of men as I watched my bike explode upon hitting the massive barrier that blocked us out from the main facility entrance.

I fought men left and right, throwing them all over and tossing my shield and- suddenly, I was surrounded by fire because of two men with four total flamethrowers. Then, hundreds of men surrounded me.

I'm screwed.

They captured me and brought me inside, though, that made my mission a Hell of a lot easier, didn't it?

"Arrogance may not be a uniquely American trait, but, I must say, you do it better than anyone," Schmidt said to me with his thick German accent as he appeared out of the shadows. "But... there are limits to what even you can do, Captain. Or, did Erskine tell you otherwise?"

"He told me you were insane," I told him with a straight face.

"Ah..... He resented my genius and tried to deny me what was rightfully mine- but he gave you everything." I looked him up and down, trying to. see if he had any weapons on him... or to see what he was getting at, but nothing. "So," he continued, "what made you so special?"

I chuckled. "Nothin'," I replied. "I'm just a kid from Brooklyn."

He took a deep breath in, scrunched his face up to make it even uglier than it already was, and punched me right in my face, then slapped me, again, but this time the other way- then punched me straight to my gut, making me keel over before him, coughing, and on my knees.

I looked down, feeling that familiar pang all throughout my body as it fought to keep me up as it did so many times before in the streets of New York. My lip, it was bleeding and I was breathing heavy. I knew what this was; it was all too familiar. I looked up at him from my place below him, on my knees, putting on that arrogant face he seemed to know so much about, and smirked. I took a breath in, "I can do this all day," I came back, watching the rage somehow accumulate in his already reddened skull.

"Oh, of course you can, of course- but, unfortunately, I am on a tight schedule," he told me, pulling out one of those blue light guns from his side and pointing it straight at my face.

I, then, beyond the noises the gun was making, heard my men just outside his window. He looked, as he had to have heard them too. "So am I," I replied, pulling one of his men before me and watching him disintegrate into blue nothingness as Schmidt shot at me and missed.

My men crashed through the window and started shooting and, thank God for that.

I saw that the Red Skull had began to run away, so I got up to chase after him.

"Rogers! You might need this!" Jack yelled at me, throwing me my shield.

I caught it, "Thanks!" I yelled back, running after him.

I made my way through the labyrinth of hallways and, somehow, felt as though I was getting lost. Damn, I've lost him!

There! I found him running the halls like a madman with one of those big guns, shooting at me, though, my shield seemed to be absorbing all of the blow.

I threw it, just in time for it to catch the door that the Red Skull escaped into. Just then, another man in flamethrower armor seemed to find me and started heating everything up. I thought I was a goner, well, until he exploded.

It was Peggy.

"You're late," I told her.

"Weren't you about to... uh," she replied, looking at me like there was something she wanted to say or-

"Right," I said, running off at the door where my shield was. I yanked it out and ran into the next hallway after him.

I was in a giant room full of hundreds of thousands of men firing at each other and me and- it was a mess. So I ran through, punching my way past everyone I could... even managing to swing my way above them all on a chain.

I ran past everyone and I was gaining on Schmidt in this massive plane I recognized as something called The Valkyrie from some of the diagrams I saw that one time I saved the troops... and Bucky. Though, it was speeding up and there was no way I could run as fast as a rocket powered air ship, so I stopped.

Just then, a Hydra car pulled up beside me with Peggy and Colonel Philips in it. "Get in!" he shouted, and I didn't hesitate. Though, we were losing him- or, at least we were, until the Colonel hit the magical supersede button that apparently all the new vehicles seemed to have these days.

I stood up from my seat and straddled the side of the vehicle. "Keep it steady!" I yelled to him over the roar of everything going on on the runway.

"Wait!" Peggy replied, looking up at me. I turned around and she grabbed me by my lapel, pulling me down so that my lips met hers for the briefest second there ever was in the of history of time. I kissed her back, not because I felt bad or confused or that I had to, but because, somehow, I wanted to. Colonel Philips as our witness means that it had to have meant something. It was... sweet, like nothing I can compare it to without giving it an injustice, but it didn't feel like an I love you and I can't live without you or like an I want you and I need you... it felt like a goodbye and, one goodbye this year is enough for me, thank you very much.

"Go get him," she told me as she pulled away from my face, a smile upon hers.

I looked at her like I wasn't ready for this, especially not after having been blindsided with that kiss. I looked over at Colonel Philips and he looked at me for half a second. "I'm not kissing you!" he shouted as I looked up at the spinning turbines that nearly chopped all of us up into little tiny little pieces.

We drove straight up to the aircraft just before it took off, and I jumped out of the car and onto one of the wheels. I pulled up into the air and looked back, despite what my instincts told me, only to see Peggy staring back at me with worry written all over her face.

I held onto the wheel until it got pulled back up into the plane and made my way through in attempts to find him. Though, before I did that, I looked around me to see what, exactly, I had gotten myself into.

Boston, Chicago, New York.

Bombs. God, no.

A few men started making their rounds through the bomb room, so I, naturally, made it my job to stop them, as they were trying to board the bombs and fly them to their designated cities.

I made my way on top of the one headed to New York just as it took off. This, then, prompted me to eject the man at the wheel and take his place. making my way back into the aircraft so that I might then find the Red Skull hiding somewhere within it.

I made my way into the control room as quietly as I could so that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to sneak up on him... though, he was mysteriously nowhere in sight.

He shot at me from behind. "You don't give up, do you?" he asked after I'd blocked his attempt to lose me.

"Nope!" I replied, running at him and beginning to fight him. We fought and grappled and I had him in a choke hold, until he took my shield and held it up to my neck like it was nothing if he were to kill me. Like I was nothing.

I threw him into the control panel, sending the ship spiraling down and causing us to lose gravity as we floated up into the air and continued our weaponless fight like that. He eventually made his way to the front yet again so that he might stabilize the plane.

I hit the ground below me with a thud.

"You could have the power of the gods!" he shouted, shooting at me. "Yet, you wear a flag on your chest and think you fight a battle of nations! I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!"

"Not my future!" I shouted back, running for my shield and throwing it at him, revealing some sort of blue cube as he hit the central panel in the room. It sent a weird aura all about the atmosphere of the room like nothing I've ever seen.

I looked into it for a moment. I saw- is that the future he was talking about... the one he said he'd seen? Is that me? Why do I look so... different? And, why is there fire? God, so much fire and war and loss- but not people I know right now...? These people I saw, though, weren't Peggy or Howard or anyone that I recognized. Though, there was one man, he looks like... he could maybe- wait... could it be-

"What have you done?" he asked, picking up the cube before I could get a good look into the so called future it was projecting. Though, how could that be the future if I saw- "No!" he exclaimed, looking deep within it as he held it in his hand.

We both, just then, looked up at the portal it had created. It felt like I was looking straight up into the galaxy... I've never seen so many stars I- it was incredible!

I was brought back into reality when I noticed his hand and clothes were beginning to disintegrate under the power of that which he was holding. his face- he was in awe.

He started to scream and he was, then, surrounded but this light and he shot up into the galaxy right before my very eyes... and then he was gone, though the cube remained, until it melted through the ship and fell to earth before I could even have a second thought about looking into the future it projected for me or at that man who looked so much like... nevermind.

I took off my helmet and placed it by my shield as I took the pilot's seat, only to realize that The Valkyrie was headed straight for New York. I reached for my communication outlet and spoke into it.

"Come in, this is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?"

"Captain Rogers," Morita began, "what is your-"

"Steve, is that you?" Peggy interrupted him. "Are you alright?"

"Peggy, Schmidt's dead," I told her.

"What about the plane?" She asked.

"That's a little bit tougher to explain."

"Give me your coordinates, I'll find you a safe landing site," she replied.

"There's not gonna be a safe landing," I explained, looking at the map of the plane that displayed the remaining six bombs on it. "But I can try and force it down."

"I'll get Howard on the line, he'll know what to do."

"There's not enough time," I said. "This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York." I paused, weighing all my options. "I gotta put her in the water."

"Please, don't do this," she tried to sway me. "W-we have time. We can work it out."

"Right now, I'm in the middle of nowhere, if I wait any longer, a lot of people are gonna die," I answered, thinking about what all of this meant for me- for Bucky. "Peggy... this is my choice."

I pulled my compass out of my pocket and opened it, looking at the picture of Peggy that she had put in after we spoke that one time in the park. I removed the image, revealing what she had concealed- the only picture I had left of Bucky. I looked at it for a moment before I started the plane for the ground, looking back at it periodically.

"Peggy?"

"I'm here."

"I'm gonna need a raincheck on that dance," I said, referring to the conversation that we had when Bucky had been there before she knew about me and who I really was.

"All right," she played along, though she sounded like she was crying. "A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club."

"You got it."

"8:00 on the dot. Don't you dare be late... Understood?"

"You know, I still don't know how to dance," I admitted, thinking of the countless times Bucky tried to teach me how and how that amounted to nothing, really.

"I'll show you how. Just be there."

"We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your f-"

—————

And that's all I remember before everything went black.

Now? Something seems... off. I think I'm in a hospital in New York City and, somehow, my diary magically survived ~ and ~ I didn't die in the crash.

Or maybe I really am dead and that's what this is. But, if that's true, where's Bucky?

~ Steve Rogers