Dearest Diary,

I asked Colonel Philips if me and The Howling Commandos could train today at the outdoor base at London, England. I don't know how or why, but he really did just tell me yes without even a second thought.

Oh well, I'm not complaining, am I?

—————

I've been leading us all day, telling everyone what exercises to do in order to better prepare us for the battles in the near future. And, let me tell you, if I'm out of breath, they definitely are too. Oops.

Bucky looked at me from the back of everyone with sweat dripping down his face as I talked to them, directing everyone to grab a sack of sand and start running the track. Bucky was the last to approach me, seeing as he was in the back from the beginning... though, that was all on purpose, anyway, wasn't it?

He bent over to grab a sack just as I'd told him to, but I stopped him by placing a soft hand on his shoulder. He stood and looked at me with tired eyes as if to ask me what the Hell I wanted from him. Yet, as we made eye contact, I assume my intent was made perfectly clear.

He glanced around us and saw the other men making their way towards us, looking back at me as if there wasn't any more time for us to do anything. He looked terribly disappointed. God, I hate that look. 

"Men! Make three more laps! Then you can take a rest over at the lot just over that way!" I yelled out at them, pointing over at the field house-type, makeshift building just far enough from us that they wouldn't be able to hear anything we may decide to do.

They (finally) passed us by and continued on their way up the track with the sacks on their shoulders. Bucky saw this as an opportunity and, damn. A blind man could've seen the intent written all over this man.

He started pushing me into the woods, never saying a word... Hell, I didn't dare say anything either. 

My back hit a tree and I looked around. We were surrounded by nothing, though I suppose that makes this all better, then. It felt like yesterday, when we were in the woods at the edge of that Hydra camp, only better, as we weren't in imminent danger, huh?

I smiled down at him as he inched upon to my face to kiss me. That familiar earth washed over me as I held him there in my arms. It all felt just perfect. Well, actually, there was one thing...

I grab his waist and spin him around seemingly effortlessly. It all felt so much more natural; this way. Even if I preferred it the other way, though, I knew there wasn't any going back now. his eyes seemed to bulge out if their sockets as he looked top at my eager eyes, seeming like he was trying to decipher what was going on inside my puzzle of a brain. Good thing he was never any good at that.

I kiss him like I know I'd been longing to all day. I ran my hands up his sweaty white under-uniform shirt and yanked it off of him, luckily without tearing it straight in half as I normally would have been inclined to do. 

It was broad daylight, though. God, this is so unlike me! So unlike either of us! Ugh, the Hell do I care, though? Ot's not like I'd let anyone do anything to either of us now, right? Damn, I just want this too bad right now to call on my will power and stop.

I bit down on his lip and pulled away, allowing my eyes to open for half a second, only to see he was already looking at me. I smiled and leaned into his neck, beginning to suck and bite on the soft skin. I heard his breath get heavy and felt his hands grasping at my shirt and chest and pants and everything, God, this was perfect. He was perfect.

"Damn, Buck," I whispered in his ear, feeling him shudder beneath my hot breath. "You know, I've wanted to do this again ever since we kissed in the woods during that mission."

"Oh, yea?" he asked as I looked him in the eyes once more.

I smirked at him, feeling my blush come perfectly into view right on time, as usual. He's got so much power over me, Goddamnit.

I pulled my shirt off over my head and threw it to the now pile that held both of our clothes. I, then, just sort of looked at him... like I didn't exactly know what to say or do next. 

"I- Buck. I wanna try something... do you trust me?"

"I do."

I smiled. "Good. Now, then, maybe you should get out of those pants."

He raised an eyebrow at me, though, didn't hesitate in doing just as I'd told him. I, too, took off the rest of my clothes. It was illegal to be naked in public in America but, Hell, I don't know the laws here. Oh well, it's already too late anyway.

"Damn- you know you're perfect, don't you?" I asked him, almost rhetorically.

"That's my line, you punk," he replied with a chuckle as I went in to kiss him all over again.

I let my hands wander all across his body like it was something I'd never see again with my own eyes and had to feel my way across it- as if it were night, though, the sun shone through the unusually cloudless atmosphere with no trouble whatsoever today. 

I did the things to him that he usually did to me. My hands were suddenly on his ass and I was pushing up against him and he was pulling me in. I was being rougher than usual and he wasn't stopping me, just as I'd asked him to do. He moaned as I touched him just as I tended to do when he'd do the same to me. When I'd pull away, even just temporarily, he'd look at me as if he was begging for more with those bright blue eyes of his... those eyes that, somehow, seemed to have melted from their ice-y white to a new sunshine-y, child-like glow.

I looked at him just for a moment, trying to take this all in, as this particular dynamic was something I was sure would never again see the light of day.

I opened my mouth as if I were about to say something, and I was... I was just too damn afraid of what he might say if I spoke my mind right now with no hesitation. Perhaps he's shut me down, or worse? He might even leave... no, he wouldn't. I have to say something, don't I? Ugh, it's inevitable.

I grabbed his ass in my hands and spread it, bringing my fingers closer to... well.

I felt his mouth momentarily pull away from mine as his breath hitched.

"Buck is-"

"I love you, Steve, so I trust you," he cut me off, placing his head in the crook of my neck, as if to tell me go. Go now, for I might never again say yes.

I slid my one, smallest finger in and heard him wince as a result. I was going as slow as I could. As soon as I felt him let up on holding my arm, I went in again with another... and again and again until he looked up at me with no words, and I looked down at him hoping this wouldn't be a mistake.

He nodded at me and I pulled out, suddenly grabbing his ass and hoisting him up into the air with ease and hovering him at my hips as he wrapped his legs around me, knowing exactly where this was going.

He bit his lip as he looked down at me just as he did so many times before. I then saw him close his eyes and lean into me as he wrapped his arms around my neck and kiss me. I kissed him back, and kept on throughout as I knew what he was about to feel wasn't going to be all sunshine and daisies at first.

His lips pulled away for an instant as I started to lower him. "Slower," he whispered, sounding like it was a feeling he never thought he'd experience in his life. 

I heard him make noises like I had that one night in the tent, which, was also in the woods... oddly enough.

Eventually, after it seemed as though his pain was fading and I had started to speed up, I realized what all the hype was about. Holy Hell, it all just felt amazing. 

God, and those noises he started to make as I started to go faster and harder were incomparable to anything I've ever experienced. He was so warm and it was just so intense... I wasn't sure how long I would last like this.

I saw him take hold of himself between us (which was something I would have done if I hadn't been holding him up this who while) and Strat pumping and, ugh, that's when I lost it. I held him in place against that tree and started thrusting as hard and fast as I could, losing all bounds and wishing I never had to stop.

I'd never seen him so undone, either, as he was louder than I think I ever was.

Just then, I felt myself release forcefully into him like nothing I'd ever felt before, even post-serum. When I looked over at him, as I was pulling out, I saw that he'd also finished all over his own chest. I never realized how fucking hot that was until now.

I cleaned myself off, as did he, and as we dressed, I saw a blush tear across his face.

"Buck... are you-"

"Shut- Steve, yes."

I smiled at the fact that I'd finally made him blush without ever even having said a word.

—————

Okay, I know he's literally never ~ ever ~ gonna let me top again but... Hell, I've never felt so fucking good.

I hope he does... ugh, he won't. Whatever, it is what it is.

~ Steve Rogers