Dearest Diary,

All of a sudden these emotions are overtaking me. It's almost as if this feeling I get when I'm with him is something of a dream, that's how surreal it makes itself out to be.

His little touches that leave me shivering, whispers of sweet nothings, eye contact that says more than words ever could, simple moments that mean more than the world to me. All these things are almost that of an illusion.

All of it so new and pure. To be truly honest, all of it should be cherished as it is and prolonged for as long as possible under any circumstances provided.

I will endure whatever means necessary to maintain this feeling  Now that I have it, I never want to let it go. I promise him and myself that I will do everything in my power to in order to keep us together. To keep this feeling in tact. It doesn't matter to what end I must travel. I'll do what I must.

Whatever it takes.

Surely at this point in our lives and in our relationship that bit of banter above isn't all that relevant. I'm not, in any way, saying that an immediate course of action is required to keep us from drifting apart. All I meant by it is that this feeling alone is enough to hold us together in whatever the upcoming years may bring us.

I'm just saying that in whatever future we end up in, wherever our own paths lead us, I'm fully confident in the fact that these feelings are the kind that don't just go away.

There are some things you just can't erase and we know that.

This feeling is something people search their whole lives to find; I'm not going to simply let it go to waste after all we've been through.

I'm unsure of where we'll end up, of where our own paths will bring us. Is it possible that we stay together throughout the upcoming years? Well, sure. But maybe we'll end up splitting up for some time, and that's alright too. All that matters is that we'll end up right back where we started.

Together.

—————

I knew he could see it looming in my eyes. He could see my impatience.

My lust.

I felt my skin crawl at the little glimpses of sex that crossed my mind's eye. It was like an incredible and unshakable vision.

This feeling left me nearly insatiable.

Every thought that popped into my head was so urgent that it felt real in that moment. Every move he made, every breath he took, every brush of his skin on mine... they all felt intentional, they all felt as though they had a purpose in my own awakening.

Everything was heightened, and that's when I knew how capable he was of controlling me in the most sensual, passionate way possible.

If only he knew.

If only he could see what he was doing to me.

He wasn't even really paying much mind, or so it seemed. It was all so incredibly effortless for him.

I'd try to hold eye contact, but he would look away. Everything I did was to no avail because of how confident he was in his own efforts and the consequent results.

That is, until out of nothing he began to respond.

It was an awakening like no other. Grander then my own and more fluid than anything I had ever seen or experienced.

He caught my gaze and touched upon my skin in more and more unprecedented, but not unappreciated, ways every second. His intent was written clear as day across his face and I could read that it was identical to my own.

This was getting easier and easier every time we did it.

• • •

From an outside perspective, his gaze in that moment could have easily passed as cold and unwelcoming.

But to me, there was so much more to it.

I knew he had been thinking about me all day. I knew I was at the top of his mind and at the tip of his tongue since he left this morning.

I'm sitting alone in the hallway reading when I hear the front door gently swing open. I listen for the direction of his footsteps, still pretending to focus on my book.

I heard him getting closer, his steps seemingly getting quicker as he approached me. His shoes made their way into view just below my book and at my side as his steps came to a halt.

I didn't look up but, rather, flipped to the next page.

Page 147.

He dropped his jacket onto the floor beside me, along with whatever else he was holding.

Before I could even begin to look up, his hand had made its way to the cover of my book. The pages closed together. And it was out of my hands altogether.

Then, his fingers were in my hair, and I just sat there and looked down at my hands... listening closely to whatever I could grasp at.

"Steve..." he whispered down at me. I could hear his labored breathing. It wasn't like he'd been running or was out of breath, though... it was more like he wasn't getting something he needed. It was like a want for something he craved but wasn't getting.

His fingers curled up under my chin and lifted my face in order to point my eyes towards his. He had been bent over and basically crouching next to me. I looked at him so he knew he had my attention.

"Get up," he told me.

I stood.

He held my face in his hands for a moment and waited for a reaction, lingering above my lips with his own and teasing me with unattainable thoughts clouding my head.

He then kissed me gently before pulling away entirely, stripping me away from my only solace and shoving me harshly back into my own torturous reality.

I tried to pull at his neck but he wouldn't budge. I couldn't do this today... I couldn't deal with the games right now.

I just wanted him.

What I really need in this moment seems just barely unreachable. Oh, but he's so close.

"What's the matter?" He asked me calmly, like he didn't already know. "What d'you want from me?" He added cockily.

"You know damn well what I want."

"Oh, darling. Of course I do," he murmured into my lips. "I just want to hear you say it... see you want it," he moved over and whispered into my ear before lightly kissing my neck.

I scoffed at him playfully and looked down at myself. If the tent in my pants was neither obvious nor indicative of my want for him, then I have no idea what is.

I took his hand and placed it on my pants. "I think that explains itself," I said.

"Already?" He chuckled quietly, biting his lip lightly. His eyes then lingered on my own lips and flickered up to my eyes. He had a certain look about them that gave it all away. He was teasing me and I couldn't take it anymore. "How'd you manage that?" He added.

I pulled him close and stroked his curly hair as my hot breath hit his neck. "You make me so fucking horny," I whispered all too quickly. "I mean... shit..." I caught myself. I can't go around just saying stuff like that.

Who am I kidding? Like I'll actually be able to stop.

"Oh yea?" He replied flirtatiously and with a smile. I felt his strong body collide with mine, my back seemed to hit the wall with shear force as his lips came crashing down onto mine.

I let him take over me. Woodiness  and mint-iness and him I can't even begin to explain that scent of him... it swarmed us. It was like nothing else was there but me and him.

His hands traversed my clothing covered body. Who knew a barrier so thin could feel so restraining?

His lips parted from mine as he grasped for my belt, a bit of air pushing its way out of his mouth. After my belt hit the floor, he kissed me again, only deeper, and began undoing my shirt buttons with haste.

I tried helping him but it was taking too long. He tried distracting himself by kissing me, but ended up ripping my shirt and breaking off the last few buttons. I quickly undid my suspenders and three them off of me.

He pushed his hands under the material hanging at my shoulders and pulled it down and off of me. It piled onto the floor as he pushed his body into mine even further, if that's even possible.

I moaned into his mouth as he gently thrusted and rubbed up onto my body. His hands moved across my chest and grabbed behind my neck and waist, pulling me close. I grasped at his shirt in attempts to get it off.

He bit my lip and grabbed my crotch all at the same time and I took in a short, cold breath of air in attempts to not be too loud. That didn't work. I was a groaning mess.

"Fuck..." I whispered as he pulled his teeth away from my lips. I couldn't even open my eyes at this point with the feeling that was pulsating throughout my body.

I was so hard against my pants it nearly hurt, so I started taking them off. He backed away as I did so, pulling off his shirt and starting on his belt and pants button.

When I was only in my underwear he came back over, and this time I grabbed him through his pants. His eyes immediately shut and he breathed out, God he was so beautiful like this.

He pulled his pants off and his underwear too, so I did the same. We stood there and looked at one another for a second, just taking in each other's bodies.

As he approached me, his hands met my waist and trailed back to my ass. I looked up at him, he towered over me... the lighting, I just realized, was dim. The shadows under his eyes and along his face were so... ominous and, damn. I can't explain it.

He massaged me so sensually with his hands before picking me up. I latched onto his muscular waist and he lined himself up with me.

Our eyes met.

I have him a look that told him to just push straight in, don't hold back.

I grunted and closed my eyes at the sharp stretching pain that followed directly thereafter. But after a moment, that bitter-sweet moment of torturous pleasure, the pain went away.

He held me up and pressed my back against the wall, thrusting into me relentlessly. His lips met my neck, which was now at his eye level. He kissed me... sucked and bit me and left not so little marks on my skin. I wanted them there forever, if only they were indelible.

He was more rough than usual with me; he only had one goal in mind.

So, I started stroking myself and that's when everything started to get heated.

We were both getting to be ridiculously loud, his hand even met my mouth. Not that it mattered much... he was almost louder than me. His eyebrows crinkled and mouth hung open as he sped up how pace.

My name fell from his lips again and again and again.... I loved the way it sounded.

"Fuck, Steve... God- oh God, I love you..." he whispered into my ear.

I, myself, was at a loss for words. I was just taking everything in too much to say anything on my own. I leaned my head up against the wall and listened to his words and his moaning and... that explicit skin on skin sound, fuck.

I came into my own hand and all over his chest... it even got a little on his face. I looked at him and he looked at me... he was still thrusting in uncontrollably and looked into my eyes as he licked the cum off his lips and chin.

He was so sweaty and- lost in his own world. I felt his body jolt as he came inside of me, quietly saying my name again.

For a few minutes after we just stood there, breathing heavily and resting our bodies before he pulled out and put me down.

He kissed me, slowly and sensually, as a way of finishing off on a good note.

—————

And that was... the best day I've had in a while.

'Nuff said.

~ Steve Rogers